Just a Little Rant

@Aurone (4757)
United States
February 12, 2009 8:11pm CST
I just came from my Lawyer's office. My husband has filed for divorce after 3 years of marriage. He just left one day and didn't come home and then he filed for divorce. We don't have any property to split--only debt and the law is pretty clear and fair on that. What I think is unfair is that I paid for everything while we were together (I am the typical starter wife) and he was getting his degree. And now he leaves me with no money, no job and my car is worn out from us using it while we were married. And I can't get any of that money back--and I can get almost nothing in spousal support. It really sucks--I think there should be some compensation for a situation like this where one person invests in another and if the other decides to leave before the investment is repaid then the investor should be able to get some of their money back. I know it sounds kind of cold and harsh, but really he had me move us to a new area spending thousands of dollars to do it and then he left me 5 weeks later. So I have no friends here, no family and didn't have a job until a few weeks ago. He left me in a bad spot and really has to do nothing about it. Its just not fair. What do you think?
3 people like this
8 responses
@TheCatLady (4695)
• Israel
13 Feb 09
Men can be real jerks. I hope at least you get custody of the cat. If you get a good lawyer you might be entiteld to some of his future earnings because you supported him while he studied. I've heard of it happening. Fight for every penny you can get.
2 people like this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
15 Feb 09
I will fight to get whatever I can. There is no way he is getting the kitties. He left them when he left and he hasn't even asked about them. He is living with his parents anyhow and I don't think his mother would even let him have them. It seems that because I didn't pay for his tuition only his living expenses that my support of him through school doesn't mean anything.
1 person likes this
• Israel
15 Feb 09
Maybe you can get him to support you while you get a degree. It's worth a try. I can't believe he's not fighting for the kitty. The cat is the most important thing.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Shame on him, Aurone! You have my sympathy because, as so often happens, you got the short end of the stick. There really should be changes in the laws regarding some form of compensation when the partner who received support and benefits from their spouse decides to walk away from the marriage. My advice: Make sure you get a good lawyer.
2 people like this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I do have a good lawyer but the laws here in California are pretty cut and dried. I guess that is just how its going to be. I will get back on my feet though. I am applying for full time faculty positions at some Community Colleges so that I can get my life and finances back in order.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Good for you!
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
15 Feb 09
I would definitely find a different lawyer. It seems like yours does not really have your best interests at heart. At best your husband, who is now gainfully employed (hopefully) should pay back something for all he has received. What a low life he must be.
2 people like this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
15 Feb 09
He's no catch, I'll agree. He changed on me during the marriage. He should pay something back to me, but the law won't compel him and I don't think he is a good enough person to do it out of the goodness of his heart.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 09
if you have reciepts-get a better lawyer and bring it to court. there should be some provision for hardship investment. if he has no proof of him kicking in at that time,it should be obvious to even the most blockheaded judge who paid the bills.even in a verbal agreement,that may go under defrauding somehow.
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
15 Feb 09
We are looking into it, but it seems California law is pretty straight forward about stuff. It just doesn't seem fair, thats all.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44031)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I think that really sucks that you can't get some kind of compensation for the money YOU invested in your husband. Take heart though. A lot of women get the short end of the stick with divorce issues, my own mother did. My mother and father got married Dec 4, 1954. I was born November 19, 1955, they got divorced on December 7, 1957..my mother was the one who filed for divorce by the way. At the lawyer's recommendation..HER lawyer, he told her not to pursue alimony nor child support..which when you think of it was strange that her own lawyer would recommend that..so yeah, granted, my life with my mother wasn't so great (to put it mildly), but thinking back it must have been tough on her. Single moms are more common now, and there's a lot more support groups for them now...in my mother's day? There weren't any It really does sound like he left you high and dry though...with moving and all to begin with, without friends, family. Do you get to stay in your house though? Could you sell it to make some money that way and move some place cheaper? Or maybe move back to the area you originally came from? Just kicking some ideas there
2 people like this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
15 Feb 09
Unfortunately we rent an apartment and the rent is very high, I am actually having a hard time paying it. I really want to move back to Southern California where my friends and business contacts are, but I will have to see where the jobs open up at, its hard to be a community college prof. I have applied for a job opening in the area where my friends are and we are all hoping that I get it. That would solve almost all of my problems. But the job wouldn't start until August, so right now I am filling out more job applications and just trying to make ends meet until August.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 09
I am sorry to hear this news. Marriage can be a big gamble, it makes me wonder why people just don't live together and settle their debts and material possessions together. I mean, marriage can be a beautiful thing, but a piece of paper kind of makes it more ugly...If you believe in religious marriage, under a priest alone, then I think that would be enough. The legal system just sucks most of the time when divorces happen, they don't know much about how your personal life was, so it makes it hard for them to call what happens in divorce. You got the unfair end of the stick, if only there was some way to get compensation for your hardship.
2 people like this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
13 Feb 09
It is unfair, and it would be hard to write legislation for this I guess. Marriage as a legal thing gets you a few rights, tax credit and the ability to make medical decisions, but it does make a divorce messy. I guess its the price I have to pay for believing in him. I took a risk and now I am paying for it. But as they say, this too shall pass.
1 person likes this
@seabeauty (1480)
• United States
20 Feb 09
Aurone, I so understand what you are going through. The only difference is , I did not support my Ex husband at anytime during our marriage. He supported meand paid for everything. I was the one that stayed home with the kids. He filed for a separation last April because he met and fell in love with someone else and now I am left with no money, have no job and he wanted to move to an area where you need a car to get around and no public transportation. I am stuck because I don't drive. I agree there should be some compensation for all the money you invested into supporting him while he went to school. Don't you just love it when people improve themselves out of your life?
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
20 Feb 09
Yep. Some of these men are so frustrating. Why do they do this to us? Really. I could have had a degree or a career and he took both away from me and moved me away from my friends as well. Its almost like he wanted to set me up for failure.
• Canada
15 Feb 09
Yeah, NOT FAIR. You certainly should get something in the form of spousal support or repayment in the divorce. Ask and you shall receive. Get a good lawyer to do it for you. What a jerk! Blessings
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
15 Feb 09
Thanks, I am gonna ask. Kind of hoping he feels guilty enough about all this to at least help me out. Thanks.
1 person likes this