Forgive, Forget, and Let Go
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
United States
February 12, 2009 10:41pm CST
Most of the major faiths teach that we should forgive, forget, and let go. Why is it that some people cannot forgive, cannot forget, and cannot seem to let go? Is it the ego's defense mechanism as pointed out in Tolle's book A New Earth? Is it that transgressions real or imagined become a part of the person's world that without the holding on to the transgression the person would feel lost or empty? Is it that our own brain composite as humans prevents us from truly forgetting things, such as the body remembering that when it touched the stove when it was two it was hot so it best not do so again? Or is it that free choice has allowed us to choose between the lower road of grudges and the higher road of turning the cheek and letting those transgressions leave our concious and subconcious mind making way for better things?
4 people like this
7 responses
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Feb 09
Some people ARE just less forgiving due to many reasons such as childhood hurts and other betrayals. But I find that it is much easier to forgive somebody who:
1) understands that they've done wrong
2) is sincerely sorry
3) makes it clear it won't happen again
4) follows through
If you're dealing with somebody who won't even admit fault or who may say they're sorry (but their actions don't), you don't feel validated or understood and then it is much harder to let go. For me anyway...
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
14 Feb 09
yea I feel the same way dawnald...nice reply..
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
14 Feb 09
I can respect that. I think that would make it difficult to let it go. Thank you for sharing.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
14 Feb 09
Hi Anora, Thank you for a good discussion and I agree with you. It is sad that people don't practice what the founders of their religions taught. I have been told that all major religions contain the teachings of what many call the "Golden Rule", yet so few pay much attention to it. I believe that Tolle is very close to the truth in his writings and there are quite a few others who are saying much the same. The New Spirituality that appears to be coming more accepted is far more honest than what we have seen in the old religions and hopefully will help to usher in a new era not only of peace but of justice as well.If we could all forgive, forget and let go we would be well under way to a new earth. Blessings.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
15 Feb 09
I love Tolle's work, and I agree we'd go a long way of ushering in peace if we could embody this. It's not that we shouldn't fight for equality, such as Gandhigi, it's that we should always look to peace and forgiveness first. Thank you so much for responding. Anora
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
13 Feb 09
I think insecurity plays a big part in determining religious doctrines. The more threatened and insecure a religion is or if it was born amid violent circumstances, you might not find peace and forgiveness in it.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I had never thought about that if someone was insecure in religion or born into violence, such as a country that may be in war-time, that the person may find forgiveness a difficult thing to do at the time.
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
14 Feb 09
I dont think that anyone can TRULY "forget" somethingn thats been done to them because like it or not that 'something' affects us on numerous levels..I also firmly believe that one does NOT need to "forgive" ppl who've done them wrong...Why should a person forgive soemone who doesnt care if they get it or not, has no remorse for what they've done and so on...BUT just because a person doenst forgive or forget doesnt mean they can't "let it go"...there are ppl in my past who've severely done me wrong and I can't forget becuase those things had such a HUGE impact on my life and won't forget because they dont deserve it..BUT those things no longer have a hold on me the way they use to....I've let it go long ago...
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
15 Feb 09
I think you are right. Thank you for your response.
@brady2moss (700)
• Singapore
13 Feb 09
Because it is a VERY hard thing to do. I'm speaking for myself here, but if it's just the little things, then yes I can forgive, forget and just let go, it won't bother me no more. But if it's magnified, say someone betrayed me, it will take a looooong time for me to forgive, forget and let go, and I'm not even sure if I can do it. Think of it this way, it would take a VERY special person to do those things without remorse, besides if everyone just forgives, forgets, and let go, we no longer will have wars, crimes, and yes even poverty. Simply put, if everyone learns to do those things, we will be at the threshold of perfection...I don't see it happening anytime soon though, but I do pray and wish for it every single day. Cheers.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Thank you for the thought provoking response. I too would like to see peace, but I also realise that it is more difficult then not.
@AXLAERO (426)
• Philippines
14 Feb 09
sometimes,its easy to say but its hard to do.espeially when it comes to love.it's hard to let go of someone that you love.for me,it's better to forgive,forget and let go.but i only can say that.i dont know if i can do it.it's hard to let go.it will always stay in your memories and it also bacame part of your life.i'ts quite easy to forgive..but to forget and let go...i dont know.maybe,it will take time.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
15 Feb 09
Memories are definately difficult to deal with at times. Thank you for your response.
@srganesh (6339)
• India
13 Feb 09
Nobody can forget the bad things happened to them.Yes!It is the ego that really gets hurt and it never forgets or forgives.And if the person who hurt is in the nearest vicinity,then you are not supposed to forget it soon.But people are known to forget the good things done to them as they take it for granted.And they don't accept bad things as they think they don't deserve them.After all,life is with goods and bads.Time will heal all.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Thank you for taking the time to respond Sr Ganesh. I think you're right, that we do tend to seem to hang on to things as humans for a long time. For me, I start each day with my gratitude journal and write down at least five things I'm grateful for that day. I have worked though for years on this habit, as well as you said learning to focus on the good in life, to be content with where we are.
You said we are not supposed to forget if the person is in the near vicinity. What did you mean by that or how did you mean it rather?
