I need some help!

@Alex18 (169)
United States
February 16, 2009 4:43pm CST
Hi everyone hope you are having a good day :) I dont know what to do, I had a long distance gf but she revealed to me that she has a bf and is engaged. I was shocked, I dont know what to do. I love her so much and she would be making the biggest mistake of her life. I dont care about mistakes she has made in her life, everyone makes mistakes. I dont care about previous guys she has dated, I dont care that she was dating someone while we were together. Im not begging for her to come to me, im trying to stop her from making a HUGE HUGE decision that she will regret for the rest of her life. I know she loves me too, she told her parents and her friends that she does. I dont want to offend anyone on here especially the filippinos on here. She lives in the philippines and is marrying one. From what I know and from what she has told me and what my other friend has told me, it would not be a suitable husband for her. To me she is choosing to be a servant the rest of her life instead of a free woman and i need to stop her from making the worst decision of her life. I need some help and advice please!
1 person likes this
14 responses
@kissie34 (2295)
• Philippines
17 Feb 09
If you don't mind, how can you say that she is having a HUGE MISTAKE FOR HER ENTIRE LIFE in marrying that guy?? Is she not in love with that guy? Is she force to marry that guy? How can you say that she will be a servant and not a free woman in the hands of that guy?? If you can't answer that question then you shouldn't think twice of the words you're saying about her happiness and her decisions.. From what place are you anyway?? If you love her so much then you can fight your love with her if she also feel the same way as you.. You can go in the Philippines and get her out from the life that she's suppose to take.. Try to ask her if she's happy with her decision. If she say yes then maybe you should let her go but if she told that she's not then that's the time you need to do something for her.. Actually, same as you I'm in my long distance relationship for more than 9 months already.. My boyfriend name is same as you Alex (Alexander his real name).. Well, even though were not seeing each other for 9 months at least we always have a communication everyday.. He always call me and chat me everyday and I also do the same thing.. I'm not meeting other guys and going for dates 'cause I'm sincere and in love with my boyfriend.. As far as I know my boyfriend also do the same thing he don't go for date and meet other girls.. He will be here in my place soon already and I am really excited to see him again..
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
17 Feb 09
I'll be honest, at the time I posted this I was still a little upset. I may have overstated some of the things that I said and im sorry for that. The only reason I say that about the servant thing is because of what she has told me about life there and how the woman is supposed to serve the man. The woman is supposed to do all the chores while the man does nothing. Shes supposed to serve his every whim. I realize she is an adult and she makes her own choices. She chose to be with that guy. The thing i dont get is why she needed me if she had him. The man is supposed to be the one that puts food on the table and brings the money home. Every time I saw her after she went home, she was getting thinner and thinner. I know she wasnt eating that much which meant that her bf wasnt providing anything for her family. Then a day after I talk to her and everything seems ok, she says "I love you soo much baby, talk to you soon." and then a day and a half later she comes back and says she has a bf and is now engaged, and shows no emotion when saying it. To me personally, it seems like something is wrong, like she didnt want to accept the marriage, but I have no proof to back it up other than the lack of emotion she showed towards him when she told me. I still love her and always will, but for now i need to move on. I would love to go and see her and talk to her in real and see why she did this, and i need to do it in person so she cant hide behind the keyboard. I dont know, but something seems wrong about it all. I would love the chance to go and talk to her in person, but Im not gonna waste my energy trying desperately to make that happen. God has a plan and if going to see her is in the plan then I will go. My real name is Alexander too, lol :)
• Singapore
17 Feb 09
ok, i know you love her.. Pardon me, but how old are you? i believe that you should be quite young? early twenties maybe? Love is great, but she cheats on you.. ok, i know, you dont care.. Love is blind, i believe that now.. But.. who are you to decide, and to stop her from making a decision for her own life? Who are you to decide that the decision she made is wrong? Who are you to decide or to judge that she will be a servant for the rest of her life? No, you cant judge.. give her your best blessing.. ok? No offense, Cheers..
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
17 Feb 09
lol, im actually only 18. Yeah I now realize i was so blinded by love that i didnt know which way was up. I believe love is blind now as well. Yeah, she is an adult and she can make her own choices, I dont have any say in her life otherwise she wouldnt be marrying that guy. The only reason I said that about being a servant is because of what people there have told me about the culture, I dont personally know first hand what goes on there just from what people who live there tell me. I know, I was wrong to judge, I still just didnt want to believe that she could be happy there, but I guess if she chose to be with him then she thinks she can be happy there. I will give her my blessing, she was very influential on me and I will tell her thanks for what she gave me too, I will always love her, but good luck with your marriage, God Bless.
@deebomb (15315)
• United States
16 Feb 09
If I understand you right your in the United states and the girl is in the Philippines. It appears to me that the girls has been playing you along. You really don't know what she told her family or friends do you/ You only have her word for what she has told them. The main thing is that there isn't any thing you can do. She is going to do what she wants. The best thing for you to do is to move on. It is going to be hard because you have put a lot in to the relationship. Some time people on the internet don't really write or talk they way they really are and some times they do. I'm sorry that you have to go through this heart break but try to move on.
• United States
17 Feb 09
I have to agree some of these women are so confused by the culture they are brought up in.
• United States
6 Mar 09
I have to say i agree with the people, if she really loved you she wouldnt be making this decision. Your better off. It will hurt but eventually time heals all wounds even the broken heart. I'm sorry and feel you, I've been in almost similar situations.
@tea512 (687)
• United States
17 Feb 09
We all know you do not want to hear it, but it is for the best. I was in a situation much like yourself and everyone was telling me to give up. I did not listen and carried the torch for her for years. It is all you can do for her to tell her how you feel and why you think it is wrong. The culture is against you and it sounds like she has to choose you or everything she has ever known. Good Luck and hopefully another door will open and the sun will shine upon you again.
• United States
17 Feb 09
This is my advice to you. Talk to her and voice your concerns. If she still wants to marry the other man, move on. You can't stop people from making mistakes if they are insistent upon making them. All you can do is point out the possibility that they may not be making a wise decision. You can't live her life for her. We learn from our mistakes. We learn from others' experiences. She will have to make her bed and lay in it. If it's comfortable enough for her then you have to accept it. If she feels she can't get a good night's sleep in the bed she's made then she'll hopefully make changes to her situation. If you are supportive and remain friends with her, when she realizes she's made a mistake, you'll be there. I wouldn't wait for her though. Move on with your life and get yourself another companion whether it be a pet or another girlfriend. Occupy your time with other things and if in the future she needs your friendship to help her through, just be there for her. You can still have a meaningful relationship with someone else and still be able to help her through a rough situation is she needs it. But hey, who's to say she's making a mistake anyway? You've got a vested interest in her and your friend is trying to be a good loyal friend. You two really don't know what's going on in her life. It's her life and you're on the outside looking in. There are areas of her life that you can't see. She may be very happy in her relationship and you just have to accept it.
@jiapht (8)
• China
17 Feb 09
in my mind, the true love is something between two person, not only one person. if she insist on choosing another one , please let she do . this is a good opportunity for you to know her deeply. there are so many good girls around you .
• Philippines
17 Feb 09
Alex there are lot of factors you need to consider and the number one is HER family. Do you think her family loves you for who you are? Do they understand the nature of your work? Do you have the same religion because sometimes this issue can be frustrating. For example, if she belongs to the Chinese family, then her family would rather suggest to marry the same one. How often do you communicate with her? Are you sure you're giving her full confidence to make her happy? You better let her feel that she's the ONLY one. Then, I guess you'll get her heart back :)
@cathya (704)
• Philippines
17 Feb 09
hi Alex, if you think there's really a need for you to stop her from making decision, then what are you waiting for? go to her place and talk to her in person who knows you might convince her not to marry the guy whom you think will make her life miserable. if you want to prove to her that you love her, then cross the bridge LOL
@Imsocool (19)
• United States
17 Feb 09
Alex, Long distance is hard enough when your in a relationship. It's alot of work and alot of builded up emotions you can't let out. The important thing is you have been down that one lane road and it's time to swich lanes. I don't mean to upset you but she moved on with someone else and that means she wasnt keeping her word and she wasnt working hard as you to keep this relationship going. I learned a lesson one time that one person should not do more then the other a relationship is equal. Alex if she loved you like she proclaimed she was then why is she getting married to the other guy then you. Life isnt over and you'll look at this as a journey.
• China
17 Feb 09
i'm so sorry to hear that ,alex, days ago we just had disscussed about the long distance problems.but... well, it's time to rethink about the relationship between u two. she loves u and she is marrying another one!!! unbelievable. i just gain from that,first, she dont know what is love, how can she fulfill her words, cant she know to some extent ,love is selfish? . second , she lied to u in a long time. i think at the moment, u talk openly to her. to her: for what the merits she love u? and can she bear ur faults? does she like the life of being a servant with that man? does she think the man she is marrying is suitablt to her? does anyone put some pressure on her? to u: dont just get into the love affair itself, think it rationally whether she loves u and u love her? from the long run, u two will have a good life? hope u will walk out of the shadow.
@tamron123 (276)
• United States
17 Feb 09
I'm sorry because I know what you feel I had a relationship years ago. and I loved him and he loved me he went to school met someone left me. She turned out to be the wicked witch of the west. I ran into him years later he was not the person I still to this day love or remember. He hurt me when he was gone then when I ran into him I thought things would happen but he wasn't the same he is not the guy I fell in love with.
• United States
16 Feb 09
I am sorry to say this to you. But know matter how much you love this woman, her actions speak differently. If she loved you as much as you thought, she would never had another boyfriend, and most certainly would not be getting married to him. I realize that it must hurt. But if you can ansewer one question, honestly. Did she make you a better person? If the ansewer is yes, then you she has touched your life for the better, carry that lesson to find a new love, maybe one that isn't so far away. And well if you answered no to the question, then go out there and meet someone that changes your world and helps make you a better person. Best of luck
• United States
16 Feb 09
Hmm, I have a long distance online relationship, though I don't considerate online much anymore because we have met quite a few times (his name is actually Alex, like you ). It does not seem like a very good situation for you, I am sorry to hear about the bad news. If that happened to me though I would move on. When someone cheats on you and is even engaged with another person, then they probably don't love you as much as you love them. You can't really convince someone to come back to you, just see what happens in time though. If it ever does get worked out there will probably always be some kind of trust problem, etc. But anyways, good luck though. Happy mylotting.