Positive Reinforcement
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
United States
February 16, 2009 7:21pm CST
Something I learned a long time ago as a parent was that positive reinforcement is much more effective then negative. However, I've noticed that it seems to be a term sort of thrown around. To me, positive reinforcement is recognizing when my child is doing something good and praising them for it. So, instead of punishing my son for not sleeping in his room, I praise him for sleeping through the night on his sleeping bag. (Currently we're working on his transition to his big boy bed, as his sister just took over the crib a month ago. So he's taken to sleeping on his sleeping bag in the living room, which beats crawling in bed with us). I find that with positive reinforcement there is little chance of corporal punishment. Perhaps if more parents learned how to effectively use positive reinforcement there would be less incidents of child abuse in this country.
1 person likes this
4 responses
@dodo19 (48166)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
19 Feb 09
I completely agree with you. When they do something nice, we should praise them, and let them know that we recognize when they do something good and nice. I believe that this will certainly encourage them to do more nice things, as oppose to negative things. I think this will certainly help them to become better people. I believe that we're certainly helping them to become better people not simply when we punish them, when they do bad things, but also we encourage them and praise them for all the good things that they do.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Thank you for your response. I definately agree that if we spent more time in the area of encouragement, the good things, and less in how much they do wrong we might see a change in the overall pictures. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Feb 09
I was thinking along these lines today Anora_Eldorath. Some elderly lady on TV who is playing the role of a Super Nanny type was saying to give the 3 year old a choice to stop behaviour x or be subjected to discipline y...she thought that the 3 year old would make a wise choice.....Whaaaat? How does a 3 year old have the skill to make any choice let alone a "wise" one. How stupid!
Children need limits and discipline. How much simpler to set those limits in a positive way and in doing so teach them to make those wise choices.
It's been my observation however, that (some? most?) parents these days will give up and give in too easily. Teaching children, showing them how to behave is just too hard for (some? most?) parents. It's too much of a bother. They expect their little ones to do as they are told straight away and when they don't..there's a shrug and the kid is allowed to do as they want. Consistency used to be a key word when raising children....you never hear it any more. 
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
19 Feb 09
You bring up a wonderful point Ms. Tickle, that consistency just isn't in the vocabulary any longer. I'm not sure if I parent the way I do because I'm a special education teacher, or if it just something I picked up to be honest. I do know that with our son we give him choices. We enforce those choices, but try to spend more time on the praise end the situation. So, for me, instead of getting mad that he is crawling into bed with us at night we will say something like "We are proud that you stayed this long in your own bed" or such. . Or, if we are ending a behavior we tend to say things such as, "We are glad that you want to drink your milk, but it's nice to ask first by saying please". Then we generally get a "Peas milk".
I agree that it's all about the routine. It's how children learn to read, so it makes sense that it's how they do much of their learning. I'm not sure which Supernanny you were watching but I've never seen Jo use corporal punishment. Typically she takes away privalages or gives time-outs. I would agree though that I think many parents today just "give up" or "give in".
Thanks for responding. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
20 Feb 09
No, these are elderly women trying to guide young parents with children who are causing disruption in the home. They seem to be trying to copy THE supernanny, Jo. I thought Jo was great. She brought structure and guidelines to parents and families. I would see those children who met Jo reluctantly at the beginning of the show cling to her with love when she left. Jo would leave those families with love and that's what I believe families are predominantly about (or should be). This idea fits in with your idea of positive reinforcement...what a brilliant world it would be if these ideas caught on...what a mad place we live in. Blessed be...MsT
1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
20 Feb 09
Oh, I don't think I've seen that show lol. Yes, Jo definately left lots of love when she left. And I agree, she definately had the Positive reinforcement down to an art. Namaste-Anora
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
17 Feb 09
I agree with you. It is a much better method. It is also something that makes both the parent and child more pleasant.
You still have to have clear lines and clear directions on what you expect.
If you have to use a "punishment" it must fit the "crime" Like if we draw on the wall, then we have to scrub it off. A class I'm taking calls this natural consequence.
But I think that most abusers lack more they positive parenting skills because there is a line between abuse and punishment. Even without hitting, you can abuse a child. Sit them in their chair for one minute per year of their age and that gives you both a time out. Sit that same child in that chair, forcing him to sit there for an hour and to me, that's abuse.
A balance must be reached and abuser can't always reach that balance or anything close to it.
Great topic, Anora.
@Awen_Eldorath (107)
• United States
17 Feb 09
I also suspect that positive reinforcement would have similarly positive effects on our children and thus, society as a whole. According to the psychology class I'm in currently, it seems that the best and most effective parenting style is a democratic authoritative style that is neither too strict nor too lenient. This allows the child more liberty to learn and grow on their own with positive guidence and reinforcement along the way, and seems to rely primarily on natural consequences. I would never let my child run into the road mind you, but after stopping him I would explain why it isn't safe and that he could get hurt if he isn't safe (i.e., not crossing the road without mommy or daddy).
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I definately have to agree with the democratic authoritative parent, also known as the authoritarian. I'd better name it a facilitor drawing upon my education background. It's not that we don't discipline, it's that life lessons have a way of teaching, but a parent can still discipline without ever hitting a child, verbally abusing them, or even humiliating them. I've witnessed friends who grew up on this type of environment and they did very well, and even thrived. Thank you for sharing.
