Do you ever feel unappreciated!

@berbar (17)
United States
February 17, 2009 3:26pm CST
I have raised 5 children, and am now in my 40's. I had no career, and wanted to stay home with my children. I was a good and gentle mom. Now that they are grown (except for my 8 year old), I hardly ever see them, and I don't even get a call on my birthday. Anyone else experience the same thing? What make young adults forget so soon?
1 person likes this
9 responses
• United States
17 Feb 09
Yes, I have felt the same way. I try not to take it personally, I know my kids are busy with their own lives. I am not perfect either and don't call them either for weeks at a time (even tho I think of them always). It hurts me deeply to think that my sons don't care about me, but then I remember that the phone works both ways. Our kids can't read our minds. They aren't hurting us on purpose and don't even consider that they are hurting us.
@berbar (17)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Tahnk to all of you for your kind comments!
• United States
19 Feb 09
I'm not quite at that point in my life. Even though my oldest is 16, I'm fighting cronehood with a broom. The thing is, you are not at that point where you can be well, selfish. This is your time. You can go and do whatever you want. I think the tough part in transition is that before, you may have felt that it was your children that validated you. Does that make sense? So, now with this new freedom it can be quite overwhelming. I know that it was nice to have those home made cards on your birthday, but they don't really prove you are a good or bad mother. In my experience, my four oldest live with their father. I don't get anything from them other then their letters lol. The point? That it bothered me the first year but I soon realized that it wasn't the gifts and cards that made their mother or even appreciated. It was the open conversations, the knowledge that they are where there are at in life because of my influence, partially. I have two from my current marriage, and even though I love everything they do, I'm not as attached to them as I was with my older children. Meaning I enjoy the moment, but I'm not clinging to them. I realize that one day they will go off on their own journey and if I don't get regular cards that is ok. Namaste-Anora
@sandymay48 (2031)
• Canada
18 Feb 09
hello..I have raised 4 kids and am in my 40s too. I know exactly how you feel. They really should call and say happy birthday...Unfortunately until someone gets sick or something shocks them to reality, everyone and everything is often taken for granted as they are probably all busy with their own lives... All I can tell you is this...if they have no time to keep in touch, then you must have done a good job raising them to be independant and thats great!!!
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Hello! I'm sorry to hear this is taking place! I know nowadays everyone is very busy doing their own thing and probably don't mean to "neglect" their parents, but it is something that just happens. Do you ever express how you feel to your children? And another thing is that it is never too late to do something else in your life. I know that you were a stay at home mom while you were raising them, but is there anything that you really enjoy that you'd like to take up? School is always an option, or just start to pursue hobbies that you may not have had time for in the past! I hope everything works out!
• United States
18 Feb 09
They are living their own lives. They are thinking of themselves and no one else. They are going to learn soon of this horrible behavior.
• United States
18 Feb 09
When I started reading this, I actually thought I wrote it until I got to the part about an 8 year old. My youngest will be 13 next month. I am fortunate that I do see most of them often but I have noticed the last 3 months my contact with them has drastically dropped. All I can say is be happy that they "have a life" because that must be why you don't have as much communication as you'd like. My husband, who is not my childrens' father, says I was too good to them and that is why I don't get enough respect. Unfortunately, since I divorced their father, I had to learn how to support myself which was difficult being that I basically became a baby machine right out of high school and always put them first. I worked part time just to help the household costs and never took it seriously. I am currently unemployed and undereducated and scared about my future. I don't regret being home with them. I put my youngest in daycare at 2 1/2 years old and she is a different child then the others were. I can't say it was positive either. Life will be a struggle for me because I didn't focus on making money. I don't regret it. My kids will understand when they have children. Hang in there. In the meantime, if your parents are still around, thank them for their sacrifices.
• United States
18 Feb 09
I know how you feel, bebar. I am in my 50's, my kids are all grown and out of the house. My youngest son, the one I have always been the closest to , won't even return my calls anymore. The only one I hear from on a regular basis is the youngest, the baby. She usually calls twice a week. Sometimes my middle daughter and her daughter drop in for a short visit, but usually it's because my daughter wants a favor or something. I've just recently discovered that they are all keeping secrets from me. One child was put on anti-deppressants and accidentally had to tell me. My eldest was fired from her job, everyone else knew it, but they all kept it from me. In my case, it may be that I smothered my children - therefore, they are relieved to be away from me now. It didn't seem like "smothering" but maybe it was. But don't worry or feel bad - you loved them, took care of them, did what you were supposed to do. You've done your job with them. Always be available for them, but I guess we can't expect them to cling to us. I suppose there will be times when my kids will come to me, and I'll always have an open door for them, but now I'll just remember that I did the best I could at the time and now they are adults with their own lives, etc.
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
17 Feb 09
All moms probably feel unappreciated at times, you shouldn't take it to heart . I think it's more the ages of the kids, then the kind of mother you have been . Maybe your kids are going through a I,Me,My stage where everything revolves around them. My teenagers went through it . As they matured that all changed. My daughter put me through some tough times as a teen. She is now in her mid 20's and we are best friends . They grow up and start to look at thier parents differently.
@cher913 (25859)
• Canada
17 Feb 09
sometimes. i have a teenaged daughter and a 12 year old and my teen seems to be quite lazy. my 12 year old daughter does try to help some, but she is falling in with her sisters ways. hubby works all the time, so he cant do too much. i find that teens/young adults seems to be very self centered these days (even more than before). they only worry about themselves, it would seem.