A son is a son till he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life?

India
February 23, 2009 10:33am CST
Is it true that a son gets more attached to his in-laws and starts neglecting his parents? I do not know as I have two daughters. Many of my friends do complain that their sons have changed a lot after marriage. My elder daughter is married. She is very caring and not a day passes without her calling. What is your experience?
9 people like this
30 responses
@stacyv81 (5904)
• United States
23 Feb 09
I believe this lies in the nature of the gender's....Most of the time, men like to be taken care of and women like to do the taking care of. So when a son gets a wife, they are being taken care of, not that they do not love or think about their family anymore or as much, they just arent as good as reaching out maybe? Where as when a woman gets a husband she is usually trying to take care of everyone, so she will make more time to call and talk with her family. This is just my opinion, as Women are more emotional, and men are more about doing things that need to be done.. Now just to say this isnt for EVERYONE, just a generalization. As there are some women who do not contact their family and some men who do =)
3 people like this
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
23 Feb 09
There's a lot of truth to that old saying. I don't think though that it means a man neglects his parents. I think it more has to do with the fact that women tend to be the caregivers as her parents age. So it would be natural that she would probably spend more time taking care of her parents. I've known lots of men who had no sisters to help out, and they were just as caring and capable of being attentive to their parents...even though they were married with families of their own. They didn't have feminine qualities, they just cared about their parents and their welfare. While that may hold true for a lot of sons, I don't believe it is true for all of them.
2 people like this
• Chennai, India
23 Feb 09
It's almost true. But I think, it is not the fault of the son or the daughter-in-law. Mostly the parents and the elderly members of those two families are the main cause for this situation. If they just let them live their own life, there won't be any kind of frictions. In my observation and personal experience, men are not brought up the way women are. There is a mutual communication between the daughter and mother, whereas the male children don't have it with either of the parents. This too may be the cause. But, in India parents live together mostly with sons. Not with daughters.
1 person likes this
@muru1950 (964)
• India
23 Feb 09
Hi mercuryman I am also blessed with two daughters only.The daughters love for their parents do change,when they have a family.Whatever you have done to them,does not matter. I gave my daughters the best education.Elder daughter studied M.S.in computer engineering from,Arizona State University,U.S.My younger daughter studied M.Tech from REC,Tiruchi,India. I got them married to post graduate engineers.My elder son in law, is M.S from arizona university,U.S.My younger son in law,is M.S from BITS,India. I live in India.They all are working and living in U.S.They talk over phone every week. Now I have money.I have Property.I don't need any financial support from anybody.But I have no one to look after me in my old age,after my wife's life time. (or my wife will have no one after me.)Is it not bad? I feel very bad for not having a son.Because in old age we need to be with someone to take care of us.My daughters can not keep me with them,because their In-laws are having that privilege.(This is our culture,only sons can keep their parents with them)I regret now,for not even adopted a male baby. Whether your son is more attached to in laws or not,you will have a rightful shelter if you have a son. Happy mylotting.
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
23 Feb 09
My eldest son is 20. He's not married yet,but he is in a long term relationship and has a child. I don't think that old rhyme is true at all. I now live in a different state, but I talk to my son daily and when I lived closer I saw him several times a week. My ex saw his mother several times a week as an adult and did quite a bit to help her out around her house & yard. If a mother doesn't get along with her daughter in law I suppose the statement could be quite true, as wives certainly have a lot of influence on their husbands.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36748)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Well, a lot of times I think it depends on how close the kids are before they leave home. It also depends on the amount of Free time one has and where their priorities lie as well. I know that when it comes to my Brothers and Sisters back when my Mom was alive, I had one brother who chose to keep in contact quite often (even though he lives in Scotland) more than my 2 sisters did, and one of them even lived in the same town. Now I used to call my Mom usually about once a week but it was long distance so until Cell Phones came around, it was really not affordable for me to do. So in all reality if a child is allowed to keep close to their parents while growing up and can count on them for everything you will have more of a chance wanting them to keep in touch than if they don't.
@tudors (1556)
• China
24 Feb 09
hi, what a good discussion you arise ! i never thought that situations are so similar to those in China ! In China, sons, majority of sons "forget or betray" their parents for their new family or wife. But daughters seldom do. maybe it's human nature that women are more emotional than men ! Yhat's my explanation.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
I don't know yet as my son is still single. I hope not as my son is so loving, caring and responsible, Hoqwvwe I have my daughter who's not in good term with his inlaws, I just hope the best between them. She's still my daugher hope all her life,(lol).
@neha2k94u (408)
• India
24 Feb 09
A very true thing to say... because this is the only way is goes... Many parents complain that their son now after getting married doesn't cares for them, what if the same question is asked to them, how much longer they cared about hteir parents, boys have all the responsibility, and so they just become busy with their lives that slowly they leave their parents... And as far as daughters are concerned they used to keep in touch with them more than boys...
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
Hello Mercuryman3a, I hope when my kids, a girl and a boy, would get marry when the time comes, they would not neglect me, coz as of the moment, it is one of my fears that my kids would not even call me. So for the meantime, I often tell them that I do love them and when they grow up and will have their own schedules, I tell them that they should still have time for us, me and their dad.
@zhuhuifen46 (3485)
• China
24 Feb 09
It might be correct in some cases, but as long as the parents have an accomodating heart and understanding mind, things can be changed for the better. My observation is parents need to give good example in treating the older generation. You need to instill the notion from early childhood, and give concretes as anticipated. Most important, you need to have patience for them to get used to and smooth up a balance in the new family. And lastly you should feel good if they are on good terms in their own family. And from time to time, you can initiate something to their like and within your resources. Since from their childhood, we have been giving positive message to accompany his growth, why not continue encourage a better maturity at their new period of life.
• China
24 Feb 09
Yes,I agrree to you frends’opinion. I have an older brother who has married.My mother ofen tells me that"on the earth,the daughter is always standing with us."
@aj2006 (1536)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
Hmmmmmm, nice topic! Based on my own experience with my brother, partly YES is my answer, He is more into his wife's family now.. I don't know why? Think he just changed when he get married. My mom lives with me and I have no problem to complain. :)
@salonga (27830)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
I don't think that is true. It could be a case to case basis perhaps. My husband gets so attached with my parents but he never neglected his own parents at all. It however true that in some cases, the son becomes more attached to the in-laws probably either because they are more lovable than his own or the son is not really that caring to his own. Or it could be that some parents are just demanding and jealous of the attachment of their son. Well, I have just one child....a boy! I hope his closeness to us will not diminish when gets his own family. I would love to see him also getting attached to his would be in-laws though as he really needs to get good relationship with in laws as well.
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
Well, I think it depends on how one is brought up. I'm not yet married and I'm pretty much single but I've seen the deal with my parents and my relatives. Almost all of them are still in touch and in very good terms with their folks even if they are married. The guys, my uncles and in-laws are attached to our side of the family but they are equally attached to their family still. I can attest to that since during occasions, both families are cordially invited and mingles socially.
@Mitraa (3187)
• India
24 Feb 09
Yes Mercury, unless there will be some truth, there can never be such statements! The newly care, love and regard for the newly wed bridegrooms attract them more towards their in-law's families. This is not bad, because the entire marriage system exists only on these three parameters; care, love and regard. But at the same time, a bridegroom, who is simply a son of his own family, must handle some responsibilities for all his family members on priority basis! In today's society, many newly wed grooms do not understand this and make strain with their own family relations. They should have a changed form of attitude to their own families! On the other hand, the newly wed brides feel some reluctancy in accepting their in-law as their own family members! They feel more as daughters of their parents than the daughters-in-law of their parents-in-law. This is also an imbalance attitude case and needs to be changed only by the newly wed brides with the help of their own parents. In your case, you have written that your elder daughter cares for you more and calls you daily. I may say that this is not expected, because she has to just care for you instead of very caring and calling daily. She must be very caring and well absorbed with her in-law family members for your better pleasure. Reciprocally, as you have only two daughters and the elder is married, your son-in-law (or sons-in-law in future) must share the responsibilities of your family regularly on like the sons of your family on humanitarian point of view! This is because sons-in-law can carry out many responsibilities like a son and this is not complainable at all! Thanks for this nice posting and have a good day!
@kometer (151)
• China
24 Feb 09
I don't think so.I think whether you have a daughter or a son,it ought to be the seem,parents love their children,it's a emotional investment,it will gain the payback.My brother used to be the son attached to his in-laws,but now at his forties he care about our parents more,and I am so glad to find that the saying "A son is a son till he gets a wife" is not true for him.
@JenInTN (27547)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Hi mercuryman! I don't have any personal experiances where this is involved but I do have an opinion. I think that as boys become men they tend to seperate themselves as they become the head of their own households. They become more independant from their parents because it gives them more of a sense of self worth and independence to be without guidance. Women tend to value more their ties and be more sensitive to their parents needs.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Ha! That hasn't been my experience. nuf said.
@dismalgrin (2606)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I've never heard of that. But, I can say that I think daughters tend to detach more from daddy when they get married because they have a new man... or I don't really know. Because most men I run across are such momma's boys (even married) that their wives claim it's like pulling teeth to keep them away from their mama's. I think we have also, seen enough dr. phil to know that inlaw wars come from both sides. So, it's probably something that has more to do with how strong your relationship to your parents is.