Do you ever feel like your body hates you?
By TessWhite
@TessWhite (3146)
United States
February 25, 2009 9:54am CST
Some of you here already know that I'm disabled, and have multiple illnesses. Life is already a huge struggle for me, even more so now that my drug coverage isn't paying any more. I've already taken myself off of two medications that I can't afford. It seemed like for awhile that they added a new diagnosis to my chart every year. I get plenty of sleep, I drink lots of water, I eat pretty healthy. But does it help? No. Over the last few weeks I've noticed some new things going on, new pain as well that I couldn't understand. Finally I had to see my doctor. Guess what? Another new illness, another diagnosis in the chart. This one is incurable of course. Sure, kick me when I'm down. I'm told my medications will cost me $22.00 per DAY, and won't cure me, it will just control symptoms. Great, just great. Haven't even been able to pay rent or the electric bill this month.
I haven't been posting as much. Just too overwhelmed and in pain. When your body hates you how do you deal? I wonder when its time to just give in, give up and let the body win.
2 people like this
11 responses
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Oh Tess.... I wish I had some healing words or something that would make the pain go away but I don't. I do know how you feel though even if I'm not in as much pain as you are, I still know the frustration. Consider yourself hugged and please know that I'm praying for you and your recovery!
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately there is no recovery with this illness. So its something I'll have til I die. I should be used to that since I have other conditions that way too. But this one is a hard one.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Your anger and frustrations are well founded so don't knock yourself down for feeling this way. I have lupus and am in pain all the time. Like right now my hip is killing me so I have to put a pillow under me on that one side to help relieve some of the pain so yeah, I do understand. It's only one of my problems. You know, with your fixed income, walmart or other pharmacies have help that's available to everybody who needs it. Don't go without your meds because you need them. Now if one place can't help you, go somewhere else until you find the help you need to get your meds. I wish you all the best!!
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
1 Mar 09
It's horrible to feel your body is letting you down, Tess - and it's especially hard on you because you work so hard at keeping healthy and doing the right thing. It just doesn't seem fair. As I get older, I do notice my body is failing in many small ways - first the eyesight started going, then the knee joints aren't as flexible as they used to be, and there are always aches and pains in some part or other. Teeth also increasingly cause problems - all a sign of things getting old and wearing out. I'm so sorry your conditions have gotten to the stage you're feeling they are on top of you - and I don't have any useful or cheery suggestion, except that you never know when some wonderful person might come up with treatments for some of the conditions which might alleviate a lot of the pain and suffering.
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
1 Mar 09
Thank you. At least my very expensive medication is helping with my symptoms and pain. Its funny, when you are young you never imagine your life turning out like this. Sometimes I wish I could go back and make all sorts of changes, so that I could maybe avoid some of these things.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
25 Feb 09
I go through the situation of pain and helplessness. What makes it worse is the the strong possibilty that what i am suffering from will drag me down maybe in the near future or maybe a little later. The only thing is that in my country the relative cost of medication and general health treatment is much lesser than the U.S. But at the same time the newer advancements take much longer to reach here. But these too only control the symptoms. In the past how often i have thought about giving up not wanting to reach a stage where i become totally dependant. But i decided to fight it out. What helps is when things in life change and you try to make them your goal in life. People around you when keep you encouraged and know hoe to make you smile and and happy make a huge difference. So much so in my case i never let this thought creep up in mind for some time now.
I really cannot say too much or give you advice. All i can say is that God give you strength and courage to face all that you are going through.
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Thank you for your reply. This is one of the toughest times I've ever gone thru. I keep trying to remember I have family that loves me, so I need to stay strong for them. But days like today its hard to remember that when I'm in so much pain.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
25 Feb 09
So sorry to hear you have another thing added to your chart. Isn't it amazing how we do get kicked when we are down and think that things can't get any worse? That is also horrible about the cost of the new meds. I myself don't understand how people can be robbed at the pharmacy like that. I think all meds should be charged to us according to our income when the meds cost so much. So many of them also aren't generic too and we have no choice there either. It is pitiful too that the price of meds seem to be going higher and higher.
I really hope that there is some way you can get help with your meds. Remember that we are here for you if and or when you need it. I can only speculate what your newest challenge is and I will pray that it is nothing that will cause you more pain than you can handle now.
1 person likes this
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
26 Feb 09
Good day... I feel for you. Like they say health is wealth. Personally, I prefer being poor but healthy rather than rich but sickly. I mean one else can one do when your own body hates you? I mean pray and hope that the pain will go away. Pray for strength and endurance. I hope that in some other way the government can support you and help a little in your struggle. God Bless.
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Dearest {{Tess}}, I am so sorry to hear this; if you'd like to PM me to talk more I'd love to know what if anything I can do to help you out;
I am sorry to hear you have yet another health issue to burden you , I've got all sorts of things running through my head, please know you can email me anytime ok?
Hopefully after last night's Presidential speech, things will improve for all of us
healthcare wise and so on; I'm praying that we get our medicaid back here in Missouri as I need all sorts of dental work done;
take care dear lady;
love & hugs to you;
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Thank you Jan. I hope you get the medicaid too - because once my home is ready up there I'll be moving back to Missouri, my home state. Hopefully I can get Medicaid when I get up there.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Yes, I have allergies, Asthma, and all kinds of physical problems and I really do feel that my body is against me at times. I just do what I have to do.
@ElicBxn (63235)
• United States
25 Feb 09
I'm sorry you are having all these problems - I do kind of relate, tho my insurance is pretty good, they want $102 for a catscan so it hasn't been done
now they've found arthritus in my right hand (yes, I'm right handed) and all this on top of my fibro pain
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Yea it seems even if we do have insurance medical costs are outrageous.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Hey tess~ Giving up is not a good answer. Why are you meds
not covered anymore? If you are on disability then why are
they not being paid for? Someone has to be able to help you.
If you are in need of the meds then isn't there something that
your doctor can do? What kind of coverage do you have? Do you
have Medicaid? You have to be able to get the proper care
that you need. You shouldn't be forced to live in pain! That
just isn't right! I know that the laws differ from state to
state, but there has to be something that can be done.
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Hi Opal. I have Medicare Part D coverage. I've reached the "donut hole" as they call it where they stop paying until I pay out a certain set amount out of pocket. If memory serves me correctly its $2600.00. Living on a fixed income is hard enough. I don't have the funds to pay that much out of pocket. I'm not eligible in this state for Medicaid. Maybe in my new state I will be, but for now no. My doctor gives me samples when he has them, but other than that he isn't alot of help. I need to check into some other options. I don't want to give up. I know my family loves me. But its all just getting a bit much. I'm the oldest female left in my family - and it seems like everyone needs me for various reasons. Stepdad, Dad, Son, even my own guy. Why they think males are the leaders on this planet I'll never know! Sometimes I'd like to just turn my life and finances over to one of them (instead of being expected to have answers for their problems) and say hey - you do it awhile. Ok, done venting. Thanks for the reply.
@onedaysoon (651)
• United States
26 Feb 09
I am sorry you have to deal with all of this! I have been dealing with an illness myself and I cannot afford to go to the drs. So, I do understand. Have you checked the Partnership for Prescription Assistance www.pparx.org? It is suppose to have resources to get free or discounted prescriptions. Though, I know that even discounted is not even affordable most of the time, especially for non-generic.
My body seems to win everyday. It has me living like a hermit. I try not to give in, but it seems to be a loosing game.
I wish you all the best and hope that you will soon have the strength to kick back!
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Thank you. I'll check that link and see if they can help. I appreciate your response and hope you get to feeling better soon yourself.
