How would you have reacted?
By Super_Mommy
@Super_Mommy (119)
United States
February 28, 2009 3:35pm CST
I went out with my sister in law last night and we had some drinks and were talking about everything. Well, we're trying to get our relationship by on track because we hated each other when I came into the picture. So we go out and she's kinda badmouthing my husband about the past to me. I know he was a manwhore to be nice about it but he's not like that we me. He treats me like I'm the world. He's not a cheater. And our life now is perfect. Then she tells me when we were dating that 2 months after I came in the picture he brought his ex to her house for her daughters b-day party. I don't get mad. The past is the past but I wanted to know if it was true. So I get home and ask him and he gets pissed off! He was like NO that's not true. When we started seeing each other I was already in love with you. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and you wouldn't give me the chance. I wouldn't mess this up. That was fine. But now he wants to tell his brother and get her introuble with him and I asked him not to so he won't. But he's pissed off and we got into an arguement. I keep telling him it's not a big deal. I don't care. Well she also said that he's family is still on edge about me because they feel I don't take care of him. We've been together 2 years married for a year and a half. Now that hurts my feelings. So I told him that too. And he's going to ask them. I'm sorry but I do take care of him and our new baby girl! I don't work but being a full time mom to a 6 week old and now his 15 year old daughter who is a hellian is a full time job! I don't like to cook. I can cook but I don't like to so he does, and he doesn't mind. But they are traditionalist. Well, I'm sorry. I'm not. We don't put everything on one person, we work together. I clean this house, take care of the girls, do laundry, dishes, ect... I barely have time for myself. Even when he's here because he worked all day and I want to give him a break.
Would you get mad if you were him too?
Is it right, if it is true, for his family to feel this way?
Any other advice or opinions?
I feel like I was in the wrong for asking him and now I wish I never did. But like I told him, I've always been able to talk and ask you anything and you not get upset...I can't believe you're acting this way. :(
1 person likes this
10 responses
@melkbremomof2 (116)
• United States
1 Mar 09
If I understand correctly, this is your husbands brothers wife? Sounds like she is a bit jealous of you, to me. Trying to come between you and your husband, and your husbands family. If she made up the part about the former girlfriend, she probably made up the part about his parents also. I understand you wanting to feel excepted by his family. Parents anyway. I would feel that way too. But if his parents don't feel as though you take care of him, that really isn't your problem. If your husband and you are comfortable with the your lives and how you handle cooking taking care of the children, and other household responsibilities, then that is all that matters. You 2 make your marriage work, not you 6 or 8. Be happy with each other and your children. Best wishes.
@melkbremomof2 (116)
• United States
1 Mar 09
Amen! Some people are miserable in their own lives, so they try to ruin other people's happiness also!!
Atleast now your aware of her evil ways!! (LOL) :)
@pmcepe (194)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
There are people who don't like other people to be happy. Some destroy other relationships by spreading lies. These are the works of the devil, who is also known as the father of lies. If you are affected and troubled by ideas that the devil (or his "agents") inject into your mind, then the devil has triumphed. Don't allow it to happen. Shield your family with prayers. Your marriage is still very young. All marriages undergo trials and difficulties. The difference is those lasting marriages were able to overcome the tests.
I honor my husband for not minding helping the house chores, even when others would tease him, because this is also his way of teaching our 2 sons not to be concerned about the macho image of leaving everything to the wife. I am proud of my sons, how they are taking care of their young marriages, both of them have pregnant wives who need help and care.
Your realtionship with your husband is foremost. Those who undermine that relationship should be avoided until you are confident that you can withstand any attack on your marriage.
@Super_Mommy (119)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Thank you. I know, I am convident in our marriage. We've had so many people try to break us up when we dated and break our marriage up. I don't believe anyone. I believe he is 100% honest with me. He always has been, so I have no reason to believe he would lie to me. Thanks for the help and you're right. Our marriage is young and he does help a lot.
@shewolf52002 (1214)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Do yourself a huge favor and dont talk to family about your spouse, whether it is his family or yours. I have seen many a relationship destroyed by rumors and opinions. He obviously does not mind the way your marriage works and he is the only one who matters.
I have been married to my husband for 10 years and we both agreed from the outset that I would deal with my family and he would deal with his. If anything gets said that is out of place that is how we handle it. Dont worry about what his family thinks of you it is unimportant.
If you are still concerned about the ex and if he took her anywhere there is one possible solution, call her and ask! Or check with others who were at the party as long as they are not in-laws.
@Super_Mommy (119)
• United States
1 Mar 09
He didn't take her. He cut ties with her a while before I ever came into the picture. And I know about his past. I guess your right, but I do want his family to like me. I don't want to go over there or them come to my home and me know how they feel. Its uncomfortable.
@angela_allen (406)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Wow reading this reminds me of the relationship I used to have with my sister-in-law. She never told me anything specific that my husband did in that past but she would always make weird comments to make me think that he was not so innocent. The thing is my husbands brother used to cheat on her, but I just kept my mouth shut. I just didn't want to get in the middle plus she seemed to hate me anyway.
So if you want to know how I solved our problem...I'm sorry but the answer is my brother-in-law divorced her..so problem solved. I know that doesn't help you though.
I think it's a bad idea to talk about your marriage with people that you may have a rocky relationship with. It's best left to friends you can trust. I understand why your husband got mad, but it should be something very easy to forgive (since drinks were involved).
His family should not talk so negative about you, he should tell them to stop. If you guys love each other than they all need to butt out.
Hope some of this helps.
@bbpstudios (320)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Well, it would seem to me that you're a very caring and loving wife. I'm sure that he is upset for his own reasons. Truth be told I'm not sure if it is true("what he said"), but I can tell you this. The both of you got married, so he was ready to put up with the - "None traditionalism" from the start. Just as I'm sure you where. This is just one of those bumps in the road I'm sure you've heard about. The best thing to do would be, to just be patient, and when time cools down, let him know how you're feeling. If he gets up set again, then just squash it. I know that seems a bit unfair on your part, as it would if I where telling myself this. But even at a young age, a child can pick certain things up. Even still, if he's getting this mad over it, it's probably true. BUT YOU KNOW HIM BETTER THAN I. I only speak on the generality of the matter. But, as a women, I'm sure you know whether he's lying or being honest. If you say it doesn't bother you much, then let it go friend. Time is to precious to waste on somethings that where not even sure of, you know.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
Every time a man gets angry there is a purpose but intentionally hurting someone who hears that angry outburst is not part of that purpose. He may have blasted water at your face but that was because the whole house is under fire and it was an accident. It is from the man's instinct to do just anything when danger is imminent. But if you feel depressed just remember the better times. 
@entrepreneurgirl (273)
• United States
7 Mar 09
A lot of the time people just become jealous of others and they can't help but say or do cruel things. Don't worry about it, if you don't think there's a problem then there probably isn't. She's just trying to create a problem and make you feel insecure. My sister in law did this to me as well and it was terrible. She tried to belittle me and make me feel like less than I was. Don't let her get to you. Just be happy with the relationship you have and continue to love one another.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Some families don't take well to new people in the picture. They like to protect their son, uncle, cousin, or brother. I can't blame them for wanting him to be taken care of, but the way it sounds they don't even know anything about your home. You would think they wouldn't be like this because the ones who are married should know from experience, but then again it's different to them because he's their family. Well I don't know what to tell you, I think you did the right thing talking to him. Don't let what they say get to you, brush it off your shoulder and move on.
@patzel88 (3310)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
I guess it would be better if you will no longer keep in touch to the in laws for it will not be good for building a family with some intruders, i know that they are the family of your husband but you have to face the reality that your husband has a past that someone in the family wants to make a big deal.
Maybe in your part you have to be like a blind and deaf to the things you may have knew.
@sysdexlicwriter (1619)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Well this does not sound like your relationship is being built up but torn down. There is no place for negative speaking about a spouse especially with a sister-in-law, and she is doing the negative speaking. Concentrate on hour husband and family. If the rest of them don't like something, you can't change that. I got involved with my sister-in-law in all of this and it nearly ended my marriage. Run, don't walk, away from all of this. It's too close for comfort!
