Exhausted. Mommys help me!

United States
March 1, 2009 5:53pm CST
I love my kids, and I love my husband. Wouldn't trade them for the world. I would just like to send them all away for a weekend, hehe. It has been so long since I have any time to myself, I haven't slept past 7 in like 4 years. Today, my four year old was jumping on the bed with her step brother right along side of her. I asked them to stop. They do, for about two minutes. Then they start again. I tell them once again to stop, they do. Then, my four year old says "Watch this mom" and jumps as high as she can and bounces off her butt. This situation made me realize how my kids don't see me as a threat. Including my step sons, there are 4 of them. Ages 6months,4, 6, 7. Besides the baby, they all kind of laugh at me when I ask them to do something.None of them pick up after themselves. I could go on and on. Does anyone have any tips to help me get my kids to start listening to me?
3 people like this
16 responses
@lynnemg (4536)
• United States
2 Mar 09
I have had that same problem with my kids, and sometimes, I still do. I have found that some things do help. First of all, I have to set limitations and not waver from them at all, and have appropriate consequences for their actions, and stick to them as well. For instance, it is a rule in ,my house that 8:00 p.m. is bed time for the younger kids an 8:30 p.m. is bed time for the oldest. If they are not in bed on time, they have to go to bed a minute earlier the next night for each minute they are late for bed. The only exception is the nights when they have practice. Those nights, bedtime is increased by 30 minutes and the same rule applies. They know this, and after having to go to bed earlier a few times, they decided that they would rather go to bed on time. This also gives me some quiet time that I desperately need myself. I have also found that if I raise my voice, they tune me out. So, instead of raising my voice, I force myself to lower my voice, which in turn forces them to listen more closely when I speak. I also use a reward system. They each have their chores. It isn't much that I expect, but I do expect them to help out. They may not have the same chore each day, but each day they have a little something to do. If they do their chores withot arguing with me or each other, they get a treat of some sort, it may be popcorn after supper or 30 minutes of video game time, but they get something for good behavior. If they do not do thei chore withot arguing with e or each other, they do not get the treat and they still have to do the chore. This has helped too. Another big rule in my house is that if they leav their toys out all over the floor and I have to pick them up, they lose them for a week. If they continue to leave the toys out, I have thrown them away. This is not effective with my daughter though because she looks at is as less she has to worry about and hasd been known to bring me toys and tell me to throw them away! My boys, on the other hand hate to let anythng go, so it is quite effective. Consistancy and routine have been the things that have really helped me with my kids. It is really hard to change my own ways to get them to behave better, but it is working. One other rule we have to help in public is that if we are all together in a public place and one or more of them begins misbehaving, we all leave. It doesn't matter if we have a cart full of groceries, we will leave where they sit and leave the store. If I only take one of the kids with me and that one acts up, they lose their turn the next time, and we leave the store. Today, we went to the local YMCA and my daughte r threw a fit because she felt that it was unfair that one of her brothers was playing racketball with her and I, she felt that she shouldn't have to share my attention at that time even though my hubby had the other two boys in the other court with him. SHe cried and yelled for a little while, I warned her that if she didn't top acting up, we would all leave. She continued, and we all left. The entire way out, she kept telling us that she would stop now, please don't leave, but, we had to stick to what we said. I bet that the next time we go, she won't do it again. I hope that this helps you a bit, I know how hard it is and how frustrated you must feel!!
3 people like this
@CRIVAS (1818)
• Canada
2 Mar 09
The only way that your children, are going to listen to you is if you get tough. I don't mean that you have to beat them, you don't even have to lay a hand on them. There are a few simple rules with children that have to be followed, if you don't they will walk all over you. Never say that you are going to do something, and not follow through with it. If you do this, your children will never take you seriously. The next thing that you have to try is time outs. I use the age rule, one minute for every year of age. If the child leaves time out for any reason before you give them permission, start again. Do not give in if they cry or scream, in fact this should have the oposite effect on you. The more they complain, the longer you should keep them on time out. This way they will realise that the next time you tell them to do something, they should listen or they will be faced with another time out. It is also very important that you tell your child calmly, and at their level, why they are being put on a time out. If this still isn't getting through to them, it might be time to use drastic measures, take things away. TV privilages are always the first thing to go in my house. If that doesn't work, I start eliminating all their favorite toys. Don't actually throw them away but put them in a big black garbage bag and put them someplace they can be brought out again. Tell the child that if they would like thier things back they will have to earn them, cleaning up toys and helping with chores will be good examples of ways to get the toys back. I also try to get my children to do a list of small chores according to age everyday, so that they know that they too have chores to do around the house just like mommy. You can't be expected to do everything on your own while your husband is at work, especially when you have children that are perfectly capable of lending a helping hand. My childre are three and four now and they know that they have to help out. If they don't they know that there are consequences that I will give them. You have to remember above all to stay strong. Your children are not going to like the changes that you are making and if you let them, they will try to sabatoge you. You should also discuss these changes with your husband, you are a team and the only way to survive parenthood is to work together. I sincerly hope that my advice helps you out and that things go a little easier for you from now on. Good luck and happy mylotting.
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
10 May 09
I have to agree with everything that you've said here in ur post crivas but I do have a question? What do you do when children get to be teens and they think they have all of the answers, when you put ur foot down they try to literally fight you? You feel like only one parent that's being a disciplinarian b/c hubby isn't around most of the time he's at work so the children want to act grown and try 2 usurp their authority. Back in the old days a parent could knock the hell out of them and get away with it. They didn't have to worry about a child fighting back but nowadays things are different b/c the law doesn't go along with parents beating children. They call it abuse. So what's a good, strong loving parent to do?
@jazel_juan (15752)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
Oh my we are on the same boat! hahaha i am also tired and exhausted and i do wwant some time for myself..but i just cant see how, with work and kids at home,i can't seem to find that time for myself. Tthe only time i get to be with myself is when they are all asleep which is usually past ten in the evening...darn... I also have some problems having my kids listen to me, i guess it is their nature to NOT to listen lol it is hard to divert their attention to me, so at times what i do is look for something that would really get their interest and i could inculcate what i want to say through that interest,, like my 4 year old daughter, she is quite independent and often do things on her own! and she loves writing and drawing so if there something i would like to tell her i would try telling it through stories so she would easily understand it..like teaching her how to pick after herself because she has the tendency to leave all her crayons everywhere! even the bathroom which gets so crazy at times, so i would make up stories for her to be able to listen and see the morals in it...
1 person likes this
• South Africa
2 Mar 09
it is time to do things the old way.the belt
@makingpots (11916)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Yikes! I hope you are joking.
@tea512 (687)
• United States
2 Mar 09
none they never do you are not alone, it is the dirty little secret of parenting. My fav is other people telling your kids are so good, oh yea you live with them. I feel for you that is alot ot take on. I work full time and the wife is a stay at home mom. Whenever she gets sick or I stay at home for a vacation. I do not know how she does it, they run me ragged, I get nothing done and feel I am following them around all day like circus guy following the elephants if you know what i mean. You know one steaming pile to another. good luck there is no manual or return policy and that is by design
@marmis (70)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Do you have anyone that you can do a "swap" with? My sister and I just started doing a swap lately and I am loving it. (My oldest is 11 and I've never been away from the for the night). One night of the weekend she takes my kids for a sleepover and the next night I take her kids. We are doing this once a month. I was actually able to lay on the couch and watch "my" TV, uninterrupted and I slept in until 7:30am. When I woke up the house was quiet - wonderful!!!!
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
10 May 09
I am so sorry you are going through this, I think that all us moms could write this post at some point and time in our lives. I know I was where you are not too long ago. Then a friend gave me the book 1 2 3 Magic for Christian Parents, Now do not let the Christian thing through you off. The book really does help and has made a world of difference in my children. The basics are as follows: when a child does something he or she is not suppose to do you look at them and say thats one. You do not say that is one you know better than that you should nto be doing that. All you say is that is one If the behavior continues you say that is two, again all you say is that is two. Count to ten(to yourself) if the child has not corrected him or her self you say that is three. lets take a time out. Take them by the hand and lead them to their room, away from everyone else, I know there are toys in there etc. it does not matter. He should not be in the same part of the house as everyone else during his cool down period. one minute per year in age. in their room when you get them out all you do is ask if they want to come down and behave. No forced apologies nothing, and no long discussions about what the child did wrong When in public you tell them if you misbehave and I count to three when we get home you lose a privilege. Mine have to nap if they act up in public, or they lose their favorite toy. the book is really not that long and worth the read. It goes over stop and start behaviors and how to deal with different age groups. Before we started this I sat them down and had a talk with them about it and to everyone's amazement we have only had to put one of them in time out once. Good luck... and try going to take a long hot bath. You deserve it
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
10 May 09
I love mine too but a weekend off 4 me to pamper myself about once a month would be just great!
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
10 May 09
Exhausted mom! Welcome to the club, I've been feeling exhausted every since I've had my children and it's going on eighteen years now, lols. Only 6 more years to go hopefully with my youngest one. Anyhow there really isn't a whole lot that you can do if they won't listen to you. The main thing is to make sure that ur finding some time for yourself. If you can get them all to start going to church with you and then you could teach them how to act and behave as ur faith in God continue to grow, that might be some help for you. As well as some of the other believers in the church, it will offer some source of strength. I have to wonder where is ur hubby at b/c he is SUPPOSED2be the head of the household and usually if he says something the children should listen but if he's not around, all I can say is that you will have to probably start praying alot and asking God to control ur unruly crowd. I don't mean no harm but when children get hard-headed and don't listen they can be a shame and a disgrace to their parents and you really do need to try to get them in check now while they are still young b/c tomorrow may be too late. If they love to jump and ur afraid they might hurt their selves, make sure that you offer them a daily playtime outside, so they can get some of their pinned up feelings out. Wishing you all the best! Happy Mother's day and don't forget to take care of you!
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
9 May 09
i hope i don't get the same reaction when my son grows up. hope i wouldn't. my child knows how to pick up after himself. he's a little orgganized man. sometimes he wouldn't let his father just put aside his bottle. he wants it properly returned to the ref if it still has a little something in it. he whispers when he talks to his father when he sees i'm sleeping. sometimes even my husband says my little boy covers his (father's) mouth when he talks when my son thinks i'm sleeping. he wasn't born this way. my shrill voice and agile hands made him.
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I have a 6 year old who does not listen to me very well. Here are some things we started doing in our house that have really helped. 1. we started a chore chart. each day he has a different chore to complete. once completed he gets a ticket. at the end of the week he can turn those tickets in to get a small treat. the catch? he has to complete his chore without arguing and he had to complete it correctly. 2. he can earn additional tickets by keeping his room clean. that means picking up his toys and putting them away when he is done. it also means making up his bed and putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. he gets a ticket for each day that he cleans his room up. 3. i explained the rules of the house to him and told him the consequences. if he jumps on the beds or furniture, he loses all his tickets that he has earned up to that point. if he has no more tickets he gets a 30 minute time out. on the third offense he gets a spanking. and we stick to the rules and consequences 4. there are some chores in our house that he does not get tickets for but still has to do. those are his "household responsibilities". i explained to him that when you live with people you owe them certain courtesies which include helping to keep the house clean. he takes the trash out, he does not get rewarded for this. it is part of living in the house. he helps dust and sweep. also part of living in the house. amazingly, once we got some ground rules explained to him and we were consistent with the rules and consequences a lot of our issues disappeared. kids need structure, guidelines and consequences. it takes time and lots of practice and patience. no mommy is perfect and we all get tired. i too wish sometimes for a weekend by myself. those are the times i am eternally grateful to my mother, because she will take my son for the weekend and my husband works weekend so i get some alone time once in a while. i think most interesting thing i have learned is that the louder i get when i am upset, the more my son tunes me out. however, if i start to whisper he will stop what he is doing and listen to me. kids are strange that way. every child is different so hopefully you will find something in all these posts that helps you. good luck.
• United States
20 Apr 09
Children learn by example, and yours should be learning from you. When you pick up after them say to them "Let's pick up your toys and put them away where they belong' and then do it. Don't worry if they don't follow you right away, eventually they'll catch on that this is the routine at the end of the day. I don't believe in reward charts, so I don't use them myself. However, just by being the example my two and half year old will pick up now by himself. Not all of the time, but when he does I tell him how he should be proud of himself for being so helpful. So, yes there is praise involved, but I don't give physical rewards. I also don't believe in my children doing housework. I did it before I had children, so why should it change. If they offer to help, so be it. I have four from my first marriage, and I didn't make any of them do housework, but they caught on and offered to do various things as they were old enough. And, in terms of listening, they will start listening to you when you begin listening to them. Show them what a good listener does, model it. They'll pick it up. Namaste-Anora
@mommaj (22878)
• United States
2 Mar 09
When you are worn down it is the worst. You do have to repeatedly get on them and be consistent. If time outs don't work start taking away toys. You don't need to touch them and they will have more respect for you. Reward them when they are good. Thank them for doing something the right way. These are really hard suggestions and it will take a lot of energy at first. Once they see you are serious they will be better behaved. If I shut my bedroom door my daughter will knock to see if she can come in. My youngest is 3 but he is autistic and will keep us up most of the night so I know exactly what you are going through. GOOD LUCK.
@Yori88 (1468)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
I understand that it is really hard for moms like us to discipline our kids. My son is only 5 months old and he is not yet naughty and hard-headed. But I have noticed that he is starting to get playful as early as his age. But for me I have already prepared myself for that day when he is already over active in playing. I will set rules and stick with them. I will make him follow me in such a way that he will listen to me. One tip I could give you is to show to your kids that you really are mad. I don't go for snapping kids but try other ways in disciplining them like explaining well to them that what they are doing is not good. Also inform them that if they will not listen to you then they won't get what they want like the toys they've been longing to have or foods they love to eat. Your husband can help you with this problem and he should be a disciplinarian father so that in case kids won't listen to you then you can always give as a reason their dad.
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
Kids will always be kids, they just like to have fun, I don't think they intentionally disobey you because they want to piss you off or something. Same with my boys, they love me alright, but they just can't help being all over the place and draining my energy. I don't think moms should be a threat to their kids, they should have that assurance that their moms will love and accept them no matter what, but of course, we shouldn't tolerate them if they do something really bad.
@makingpots (11916)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Welcome to myLot, swise81. I have to remind myself of this often...... my son is worse behaved for me, and tests me a little more because he is so comfortable with me. At the end of the day, you really do want that (I do anyway). Firmness and consistency is what I have to resort to when things start getting out of control. Have a system for dealing with undesireable behavior and stick to it.
@amrith (291)
• India
2 Mar 09
Mothers love can never repayed that much she pays yes . When children are small they need you your love try to enjoy the time with them only ifyou are a working mother you won't get time and their activities troubles you. I am a mother of grown up daughters now they don't need my help but they are at your help In life every thing acts according to Newtons third law of motion "every action there is an equal and oposite reaction". If you enjoy their company for for to five years more you will surely reap the fruit. Try to enjoy their company