Trust

@Rachelg (221)
United States
March 2, 2009 11:33am CST
I have been married to my husband who was my high school sweetheart, for 14 years. Over those years, we have had plenty of ups and downs. We have gotten through them all, but one of the problems that i find i am still struggling with is trust. At times he has damaged that trust, and though we have both worked really hard to mend our relationship, and have been making it stronger, When times are good, that trust issue is always in the back of my mind. I guess it may be a survival instinct, with me being afraid to trust In case i get hurt again, but i want to move on from the what if's and be able to enjoy this new , better relationship we have made. Any Advice?
3 people like this
24 responses
@daneg33 (1131)
• Canada
2 Mar 09
Does he routinely do things that test your faith in him and cause you to not trust him, or is this something that happened in the past? If he made a mistake in the past and has been working hard with you to repair the relationship, then I think he deserves to regain your trust. If you absolutely cannot trust him ever again, I would suggest that you can never really be happy in this relationship, no matter what you do, and you should move on. Sounds harsh, but think about your future together. How happy will you be if you always think "what if" in the back of your mind?
3 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Before the past year, He has done things to test the trust issue. Little things, but to me lies are lies no matter how little. We have both been to counsling seperatly, and together, and have been honest about our feelings, and the relationship is getting stronger, and we both love each other tremendously. I guess I'm just trying to get rid of that nagging little monster in the back of my head. Some days are great,and it is not an issue at all, it's just every once in a while I will start thinking about it, and then feel horrible for thinking about it, because everything is so much better now.
2 people like this
• India
3 Mar 09
sometimes people lie to survive themselves and sometimes to make others happy, if it's the second point, then there is no point for not trusting him. If it's 1st one, maybe you both lost the chemistry between both.
3 Mar 09
Hi there, We usually get what we focus on in life, and in fact it tends to expand. In addition, reality is usually the event of what we observe and focus. If you truly want to eliminate the lack of trust then you need to change your limiting beliefs. This is easy to do, especially when you know how. People think it takes a long time to change, it doesn't. The second thing you need to do once you have changed your perceived limiting beliefs is to focus on what you would really like to feel with your husband, and get yourself into alignment with that. I would suggest you flood your body with the images and experiences you have had with your partner where you trust him. One has to open our hearts to love, otherwise all that is present is FEAR, fear is an acronym for FALSe Expectation Appearing Real. Your survival instinct is your breaker switch. ie, it kicks in to prevent you from experiencing a deeper love with your partner. Good luck, check out my profile and my website.
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Thank you so much for your response, You were able to get me to look at it a different way. I like your acronym for fear, it makes sense. One of my biggest problems is fear, I'm one of those worry people, and have been working on letting go, and living in the day. Thanks again for your response.
3 Mar 09
It's a pleasure, I will be posting a video on Utube with an exercise to eliminate fear, its very powerful. I will let you know when the video is up. Remember to focus on what you want. Have a fabulous day Maxine
• United States
2 Mar 09
Your so thinking, worried and expectation so much to your husband. If you trust a person you loved, no if's no but's or doubt in back of your mind just trust a person heartily so you have a peace of mind and not hurt again. I know its hard to trust again to someone when he/she broke it but give him/her a chance again but not much co'z i know he/she will be aware already not to broke the trust you give.
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
2 Mar 09
You are right. And that is just what I am going to try to do, thank you so much for posting, I really appreciate it.
2 people like this
• India
3 Mar 09
yes iam totaly agree with ur advice.
2 people like this
@j1106e (53)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
I know the feeling. Im struggling so hard also at the moment to trust someone i love, he aint the one who damaged my trust, but cant help it. Im in doubts most of the time and its not easy.
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
I understand what you are saying. Having people hurt your trust in the past, can effect relationships on the future. That is kinda what I am dealing with as well. Thank you so much for your response.
@neha2k94u (408)
• India
3 Mar 09
Well I feel when there is love in a relation nothing creeps in between... Forget about that it would definitely help your relation...Dont think about such silly things...
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Thank you so much for your reply, that is exactly what I am trying to do.
1 person likes this
• India
3 Mar 09
If you know each other for so long it means you know each other quite well so you must be knowing that whether he is that kind of a guy who can break your trust or not and most importantly you both are in a relationship for so long so it means you love each other and will be with each other right. So if you have love each other and you are happy with each other than there is no question of breaking of trust it`s just people seek love from someone else when they aren`t happy with each other but in your case that`s not the questions. So get rid of your insecurities and just make the most of your relationship.....
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
I am at the point where I am trying to live each day enjoying our relationship for what it is now, instead of thinking about the past. Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
to have a good relationship of course you must learn to trust..i do believe that love can always be there but trust when once break is hard to gain again..i think in your situation you should give yourself a chance to give back your trust to your husband...try to overcome those issues that bother you by talking or having an open conversation with your husband..try to settle things with him that seems bothering to you so you both could resolve things and have a better foundation of that so called love..^^
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Thanks so much for your response, we are working on getting that trust back, i guess it will just take time.
1 person likes this
@kaven08 (84)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Give him the trust you think he deserves, but if/when he does something to break it, don't hold back by ripping into him, and don't give him your trust back. Ever. Trust is something that needs to be respected.
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
The ripping into him part I have down pat...lol Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@xhaimacoy (115)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
Yea, i admit its hard to trust again after you've been fooled. Once you've been fooled, you wanted to change everything between you, but still your heart is just for him. I had encountered that thing so many times, but still at the end, its him and me who'll fix it up and bring back together. In a relationship, expect the unexpected. It's an unconditional love you must learn how to handle. Both of you must be responsible, because if only one is just responsible for both of you, your relationship may collide. Be strong, learn to consider such things and learn to understand. We're not perfect, if he cheated you at once talk to him sincerely, try to control your anger, it's the anger that made everything complicated. But its not the same with the person who always cheated at you, try to look at yourself, if you love him, he must love you too. Women are made by God, to be loved by men.
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Thank you so much for your response. I definetly enjoyed reading it.
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1456)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
Trust is inevitably the most important recipe of a relationship... Maybe better communication would do the trick...
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
3 Mar 09
We have been seeing a counsler,and have been working on better communication, and it is working a lot better now. Thank you for responding.
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3484)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
One of the most important ingredients in a happy relationship is trust. When you trust your partner, love comes with it. When you don't trust him that much, love is less. Trust can be damaged, broken and repaired numerous times. But it's hard to retrieve the original trust. We all knew that that there is no such thing as perfect relationship. No such thing as perfect partner. Loving someone, means you are bound to be hurt sooner or later. It's just a matter of time. But by through this difficult situation, the relationship would be tested,of how far it would go. Of how both partners would survive the test. Many times in our entire life we will be able to face trust issues. It may include our family, friends and partners. As long that we are willing to trust one another, we will all survive.
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Thank you so much for your response. It is good to hear , and gives hope.
@mermaidivy (15401)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Have ou ever pointed this out and discussed with him? Trust is one of the important things in the relationships. IF you don't trust each other, the relationships will go bad very easily...
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
3 Mar 09
I have, and we have been working through it, It just bugs me that it lingers in my mind even though I'm trying to let it go. Thanks for replying.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Mar 09
You should always trust the person your married to. If not, see a therapist or something.
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Yes, very simply put , thank you for posting.
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
This is tough. I want to say I've been in your shoes . My husband and I have been married for 4 years and this year will be the 5th. However prior to our marriage, being engaged, my husband did cheat. Its painful and by far very hard to get over, and trust the person for a long time. However, it is possible. I know I was reading some of the other comments below and I don't think some people can get through this...but if you both truly love one another and you can talk through it there is hope. Try taking some marriage counseling and you'll need to let him know he will have to earn your trust back. He needs to apologize and you need to forgive...the impossible? No, just going to be hard, but life isn't easy. You have to work hard to get what you want and it has to be a team thing...if you really want your marriage to work, you'll both pull through this Hoping for the best!!!
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Thank you. It is nice to know someone else knows how it feels. I guess it will just take some time, but we are working it.
2 people like this
@kquiming (2998)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
i think i can sense what you're trying to say, well, what can i advice you is - remember the nike slogan - just do it. You'll never know if you never try the things you have in your mind... after all life is all about trial and error. try to LET GO... either let go of the doubt, or let go of the trust. It's up to you but the way you put it in your story, your relationship is worth saving, so you really have to work on regaining the trust. And I hope this guy is worth your sacrifices. But remember there is no guarantee that "right thing to do" will yield the "right results"... Hard to explain. I hope you understand. You just never can tell what will happen next. JUst trying to share my point. *smile*
2 people like this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Thanks so much for posting. It did me alot of good reading your post. Thank you so much for sharing your point of view, I really appreciate it.
2 people like this
• India
3 Mar 09
hai rachelg, i wanna tell u onething that u believe every one and be faithfull but always has 1%doubt on everyone sothat when something happen wrong u will not hurt that much and always ready to worst so whatever will happen in ur life will be good. best of luck for ur relation be happy and grow strongly from ur bad times.
2 people like this
• India
3 Mar 09
patience is the best medicene for every relationship.... if a rubber is pulled from one side it is to be loosened from other side... so that it wont break.... and finally... we ourselves have to decide wether we wont a partner for life time or wont to be alone
2 people like this
@chabawel (330)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
TRUST is really important in having a healthy relationship. You said you have moved on, then be firmed about it. Don't let the past ruin with what you have right now. As long as you see your husband is concentrating in loving you more and more everyday, then you can't let that ONE thing that happened in your marriage be a burden to TRUST your husband fully again. It may sound so easy but hard to do. I am in the same boat as you but I don't let that one STORM be a TROPHY of not trusting my husband any more. It takes two to develop trust in the relationship and if only one is doing the work then you can not expect that things will get better for you. Take care.
1 person likes this
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Thank you so much for your response.
@vheilugto (149)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
for my opinion, trust is the most impotant thing in a relationship, if you take away the trust even for 1%, it's all end up for nothing. feelings will not grow, mind will be scattered, and you will never feel the love of your partner, if your having a hard time to trust peolple, just go away for the relationship because wihout it, it will ruin the good relationship!you dont have to try to build it, DO IT!
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Thank you so much for your response.
@fino1982 (55)
• China
3 Mar 09
Trust is foundation of marriage.In your daily life, you should underatand and trust each other. You have overcome so many difficulties, so you must cherish your marriage. You should have faith in yourself. Don't guess widly. It will bother your life, if you do so. Besides, learn to communicate with your huaband, and remove misunderstanding.
@Rachelg (221)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Thanks to the help of a counsler, that is what i have been working on. Thank you so much for your response. I really took it to heart.
1 person likes this