is it wrong to keep an elderly man from knowing his son commited suicide?
@ethansmommy06 (401)
United States
March 2, 2009 10:31pm CST
Im just heart broken for (ill call him mr d). He is a resident at our nursing home and is really sharp. he smokes alot and says what he thinks. harmless old man. friendly loves life. loves his family. They say he has alzhimers but i have never seen him act like it. i dunno. anyhow back to my point. i learned today that one of sons commited suicide two weeks ago. he had been missing for that long. so of course a closed casket service will be held tomorrow. the problem is the wife dont want him to know so she is not telling him that his child is dead. we cannot tell him either if we do then we loose our job. they say its because of his heart and he has a pace maker. I feel like he has the right to know. I believe his wife has his best intrest at heart but i just think its mean and wrong not to tell him. Im sure he will find out sooner or later. this man is not a dummy. I saw him this afternoon and he was waiting for his wife to come cause she is there every single day with out fail. well not today cause she is at the funeral home with her deceased son. I just cant handle it it is too sad. I cant imagine. I think he would be more hurt to know it was kept from him. Do you think this is right?
6 people like this
15 responses
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
I am a parent. And as one, i know i have the right to know everything that is happening with my children. In the case of the old man, he deserves to know that he lost his son. He is the father. He must know it.
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
4 Mar 09
i agree. but they buried the son today and still didnt tell mr d.
@megdp07 (70)
• United States
3 Mar 09
I think they should tell him. Thats his child after all. My grandmother has stints and we treat her like she is normal. When God is ready to call some one up they will go. Im sure he will be depressed for a little while, but hey who wouldnt? I just hope the wife can live what the choice she has made.
2 people like this
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
4 Mar 09
me too. i dont care how old or crazy or sick i get i wanna know when something happens to one of my family members especially if its my child.
@melissapalardy (213)
• United States
3 Mar 09
if the man is really sick and could not handle hearing something like that, then no i don't think it is wrong. it could cause more harm then good to tell him something like that. you wouldn't want to see him have a heart attach over hearing something like that. some things are just better left unsaid.
2 people like this
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
3 Mar 09
i agree to a point. but he is healthy enough to smoke a pack of ciggarettes a day. he is bound to ask why the son dont visit anymore or how he is he is not a dumb old man. it just hurts my feelings that everyone knows but him .this is his child too.
1 person likes this
@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
I think its his right to know about his son, but the right person to tell him would definitely be his wife. She will have to figure out how to tell him soon because it might hurt him even more if he is not even able to say goodbye to his child. She will just have to figure out how to tell him without giving him a heart attack though...
1 person likes this
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
4 Mar 09
well she took too long because they burried the son today.
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
4 Mar 09
i like that. it is true what you said and that is what i think. thank you
@HelloMickey (1655)
• Hong Kong
3 Mar 09
You have no right to reveal this fact to the old man if his wife doesn't want to.
If I was you, I were sorry to lie to him. You don't know what will happen to this old man when he heard the news. Moreover, I think you are not the right person to tell me this bad news.
@ethansmommy06 (401)
• United States
4 Mar 09
well first i never said i was or wanted to . plus it is against our policy to tell him anyhow. i just said it broke my heart to know and he was not able to know cause it was kept from him. thank you.
1 person likes this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
4 Mar 09
I just wanted to also write a thank you for sharing about the love of the older man's wife, it is too bad she is misguided in her thinking, and that guidance probably comes from a Doctor somewhere... The root of the problem still could remain as my guess, money... The Doctor and the Nursing home are collecting a lot of money for their services.
Now what of the consequences if the man's mind was stimulated through say computer interaction to develop strong memory pathways?
How much do you remember when you're not exhausted?
Can we learn to increase our brain power?
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
3 Mar 09
thats horrible because he seems that he has most of faculties and could handle the truth. i wonder what his wife is thinking. anyways, he is bound to find out some way or another either via another family member or even the news paper. she should be honest.
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
4 Mar 09
That's a tough call. I can understand not wanting to upset the man, but then again it is his son. I am sure he will eventually ask about his son, and his lack of visiting him. The wife is putting a heavy burden on her shoulders by keeping this information from her husband.
I am just wondering what I would do, my father is in a nursing home, some days he can remember things and some days he can not. I think even he would ask about one of his children, if he did not see them for a while.
I hope everything works out okay in your case.
@mrsl2008 (634)
•
3 Mar 09
If the news would have a negative impact upon his health, Then yes it would be better to sheild it from him.
I don't totally agree with it but why should his wife risk losing another member of close family?? I would not tell him in those circumstances if I was her.
I can imagine it is very difficult for you, I also work in a profession where I will know alot but cannot say anything. Just hang in there!! He may not be stupid and may well figure it out but until all you can do is respect the families wishes.
Good luck
MrsL x x
1 person likes this
@semispoiledgurl (176)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
That's really tough. It's his child and he has the right to know about what happened to him. The sooner the better because it would be very difficult if this is going to be kept for years.
@candy811123 (334)
• China
3 Mar 09
I think if he couldn't bear misfortune,it was right not to tell him the bad news.But just like you said he will find out sooner or later that may a stronger shock for him. What a pity.Whether to tell or not to tell is really a question.Maybe when his wife can calm down herself, she would find a good way to tell her husband the truth.
1 person likes this
@TRWilliams02 (349)
• United States
4 Mar 09
As much as I would want to know if something like this happened I am sure his wife has her reasons on why she hasn't told him. I think that if and when the time is right then the family should be the one to let him know what had happened. With him having a heart condition & a pace maker its probably best not to upset him with the tragic news. Then again, I don't know if you know their family business. The son and him may have had an outing or some issues prior to, or it may be a favored child to where he may not handle it well. I think the wife & family would know best. If they felt like he could handle hearing it I'm sure they would. If the man isn't dumb then he may ask one day and they will have to explain that to him and why they kept it from him.
@Sagehill15 (49)
• United States
3 Mar 09
I believe he has the right and needs to know. No parent should be kept in the dark about their own child dying.
@mansha (6298)
• India
3 Mar 09
NO I don't think its wrong. If he is that sick then why cause him pain. Our religious scripture Geeta says if lie is told to make someone happy and its is not harming in anyway then its okay to lie. I think thaty rule applies here too, what if his wife feels she will tell him when she is able to deal with it on her own terms. At presentshe is dealing with her son's deathand probably she is scared of loosing him too. May e she will tell him in her own way in her own time. To hear a news like this from strangers when she is not there to hold his hand would be worst. I amsureshe loves him too much to hurt him in anyway. She is just buying some time for herself before she is free to deal with his anguish as she also lot a son.Give her a break and do not interfere or judge her too soon.
