Im Quite Free...

@deemple (191)
Philippines
March 2, 2009 11:38pm CST
The last time i had my entry was when i found out my husband having someone else for 4 years...i cant bear the pain and the hurts he has given me that i decided to split-up with him.he wouldn't want the idea because he doesn't want broken family.is it not crazy that family is intact yet we seem to be cat & dog having a mess almost everytime we talked?i almost always wanted to die.and kids suffers the most,find ourselves tortured of the situation.i dont know if i have the right decision so to speak...but the reason i told him is,it's better to be separated and be friends for kids' sake than to be pretending to be whole when it seems like hell...how will you react to this situation?
5 people like this
12 responses
@phyrethyme (1267)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
Hi. Well.. I've been there. Gone through the situation but the role I played: one of the "children." What my parents did was live separately. My mom stays with us and dad just visits us kids although we don't really mind if we don't see him anymore. We were better off without his presence. He comes for financial stuff. We're better now. It's peaceful at home.. There's no more quarreling. No more crying, pain, etc. The only person who didn't understand why my parents separated is my 10 year old brother. He's quite dreaming that our parents will be together again. So I guess you should explain to the kids? Talk to them? My sisters and I didn't need an explanation because witnessing everything was enough. My brother doesn't really know much, he thought everything was going to be okay but it has been like this for twenty years. I witnessed how screwed up my parents's relationship was as a kid so.. I'm happy. My dad is currently living with someone and has a one year old son with her. We knew there was another woman. We weren't really surprised.
1 person likes this
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
Hi Phyrethyme,all of my 4 kids felt same way as you.and im glad they're supportive to me too.they'd been witness of the mess from the start,till the last time we fought.they even were the ones who suggested of the separation and told me of the benefits that we will acquire...mostly,,,PEACE.thank you
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
I hope you find happiness and get through this. :) *Hugs*
• India
4 Mar 09
I understand its really tough time for you..... But think about your KIDS.... You have to give them great future..... so that in turn they take your care.... Just have patience.... i really wish you all the goodluck
1 person likes this
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
thanks for the comments hemantpatil.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6298)
• India
3 Mar 09
I think it was the right step, its better to part as friendsyou did your kids a huge favor and showed them that anyone can mistakes in life and relationships but right thing is to accept your mistakes and then try and rebuild your life from fress perspective. The tense atmosphere is never good for kids. You are righht and with time your hubby will see your point too.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
Hi Mansha,kids even prefer the situation now.no more fighting,arguements and yells and cries and harassments happened which cause them fears.
1 person likes this
@coolchai (753)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
hi there deemple, i cant relate on what your going through, but comparing it to my husband's situation with his family, i believe it is better that you dont sacrifice your feelings for the kids. since if you dont talk to your husband, the kids would probably notice both of your husband's sadness and insincerity. in the long run, your kids will also be affected if not terribly versus if your separated i really dont know. if i will be in your situation, definitely i cannot bear having someone in my house who is completely not with the family, meaning he is with another family or having someone regularly. i will just talk to my kids regarding the situation and eventually pray for my kids understanding.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
hi coolchai,kids understands the situation.they have been living witness to the situation from start to end.i seek their advise too.even the youngest has her share of an advise to me.and i take it even if im their Mom.becoz ones in awhile i know we need to be in each others' shoe too.take turn.let them feel sometimes as if im the daughter and they my Mom or Dad.we are bestfriends chai.that's the good thing in our relationship.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Mar 09
First of all....BEAR HUGS! I know that what you are going thru is very painful. At least for now...you are doing the right thing. When things get to this point, it is nearly impossible for the two of you to even consider re-connecting. It can be done but not likely and possibly not ever. I don't believe in staying together for the sake of the kids for they will surely see thru your fake happiness and it will affect them. I found even friendship to be impossible under the same roof. Once I got out and on my own and a little distance and time....we now are on friendly terms but not "friends". I would not have believed it when I left but the hurt and anger do die down over time. All said and done...do I want to be his friend?...no!!! My friends are much more considerate of me. lets just say....we treat each other respectfully. That seems easier to do than pretend we are friends. I am sorry that you are going thru this but I know you will be much more strong in the end. at least now, you know what is going on and where you stand.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
Hi Sid,you said it right.thanks for the beautiful mind.
• China
4 Mar 09
Well I can't accept the idea that one day my hubby would be in love with some other woman but practically living with me. I think you have done the right thing, just leave him and the hurt will relieve as the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. You have the right to do so. Marriage is the union of two loved persons and when love is gone, it's so sick to be together. It also tortures your kids if they see you guys fighting and will have bad effects on them. Maybe they will never believe in marriage coz they see so much of your quarreling. Stay strong!
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT Denise...my eldest daughter's name is Denise too.and she's so intelligent like you to...and she felt coward to get married...but i told her not too,cause my situation wil be different from her...and instead of being discourage,she might as well take it as a learning process...since she knows the whole story on why me & her dad has gotten married (out of hell).
@rsa101 (37969)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
Well that's very true if the marriage is not working anymore better split up and be on your own. I think in this manner there is no more problem. As much as I like that marriage should be preserved I can see that it is not advisable to all marriages that encounter problems like this. There are times that I too would agree on having separate lives than living together and suffering in pain daily.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
you got it right rsa...i agree to that. thanks
@n30wing (4767)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
Well it's better to be friends then feeling that way. I do understand your feelings, it's not only you that is affected but your children too. I think he should respect your feelings and give you time to forget, after hurting you, then pretending to be happy together and just messing both your life. Nothing in this world stays permanent just your self, even your children will have their own life in the future. Life has to go on even your in separate worlds. You still deserve to be happy not a miserable life. It's very hard when you don't respect each other anymore, and can't even trust him anymore. It's what for! But for now I think you should also ask your children and be open with what you feel so they will understand you and won't blame you with what your decision is. I respect what decision you make. It's all apt to you. May God be with you and guide you with your decisions. Have a nice day!
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
they understand all fully well,we're open to each other and most of all bestfriends.they are with me in times of my griefs.and i appreciate the efforts they've handed to me.they feel bitter to what happened esp to their father.but they didn't say anything out of respect to him too.nothing good to say,better shut mouth then as what their motto is.
@xboxboy (5576)
3 Mar 09
I am with you. I would split even though it would break my heart to leave my 7 year old daughter. I hope you find yourself well and feeling happier now.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
im still on my adjustment period...i know i can cope it up soon,esp when you think there is someone special out there to support me.
@rakittera (802)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
In a relationship, there are two very important things, love and respect. Relationships cannot survive without both. So, it is possible that you still love your partner but if he did something that destroyed your respect for him, then it is time to let go. Though some may be able to forgive and get over infedility, some people cannot. And if you are the type who cannot forgive and forget infidelity, then, you made the right decision. Because if you stayed in a relationship that's filled with distrust and disrespect, it will take a toll in your personality and how you are as a person and a parent. Better to break it up than be untrue to yourself. While it is favorable for children to have parents together as they grow, it is not the same if the parents staying together are always fighting. If you choose to stay in that relationship, your children will ultimately see the dishonesty and anger between you and your partner. I wish that you'll be able to get through this situation and I honestly hope that you become friends with your ex, for the sake of your kids.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
that is what im looking forward too friend...id been thru a lot of pain & hurts but i just take it as part of marriage life.but it camt to the point that im feeling abused that i was so much exhausted of the patience i have.then i exploded and made the final say...to separate ways.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
3 Mar 09
It is very sad you had to take the decision to get separated.I am worried about your financial background to cope up.Has your husband agreed to give you some money to run your life or are you at any job?Can't you live under the same roof as friends,not intruding in other's privacy for the sake of the kids?I think couples can be separated but parents have to think more before getting separated.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
he is supporting us srganesh...i only have 2 kids schooling.my 2 elder ones are already having a good job.i don't know till when the support will be,but i have to work too as support to my 2 young ones.thank you
• India
3 Mar 09
It seems that what you did was correct,but think about the kids can they handle a broken famoily ,why they have to choose between mom and a dad ,why cant they have both like other kids.you should think over it again and give your life a second chance,everyone in this world do mistakes that doesnt mean that we should leave them ,just think that,your husband is sick and you have to treat him after you are his wife a better half.
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
i have been a betterhalf but he never sees my efforts not even ones that he complimented me...but i understand him naturally.only to find out he is in a serious relationship of a young woman.should i have missed on something,why will he not call my attention then?im just human.im not perfect.