My Dilemma (Torn between 2 lovers...)

Philippines
March 5, 2009 12:28am CST
I hope you guys can help me. Here's my Dilemma.. I currently have a boyfriend and I am in love with him, I've been in love with him for 13 years as he is my first love. We recently got back together, and I can see that he truly loves me. I am happy when I'm with him, he's sweet, and I mean super sweet, thoughtful, caring and I enjoy his company. But, before I got back with him, I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years. And he has been asking me back, although I've been turning him down, he'd just tell me that he'll love me forever and that he'll wait for me. I've been ok these past months, until I learned that my ex is already dating someone. I don't know why I'm so affected, but it really hurts to know that he's with someone else now. I talked to my ex about it, he asked to me break up with my boyfriend and get back with him, but I can't do that. I told him I love my boyfriend.. but then.. why am I affected?Deep down, I know I love my boyfriend and I am happy with him.. but I see myself growing old with my ex by my side.. What do i do? Do I break up with my bf? or forget my ex?
2 people like this
13 responses
• Bahrain
11 Mar 09
you probably just felt insulted, after having him say that he'll wait and whatever he goes off dating someone else in the first chance he gets. I don't advice you to break up with a good guy for a liar, you'll regret it. You probably just got used to having him around, since you've been with him for five whole years, so it's only natural that you'd imagine him there when you get old, your mind will need some time before getting used to the fact that he's gone now and there is someone else in his place. True love can't be shared, you should remember that
@binety (3)
• China
6 Mar 09
What you had thought was so much .No matter whatever you preaded for ,anyway,you must make a choice .Above all,you can not both fish and bear's paw.Best wishes for you and your boyfried ,this is my side .
@koalatbs (2229)
• United States
5 Mar 09
Wow kwerky - That is a very difficult situation. I think some others here gave you some very good advice. I guess the advice that I agree with the most is the person who told you to make a list, like she did when she was in a similar situation. Make a list of what you want in a husband & a family. Then, look at your list (make it thorough... really think it through). Compare your list to the two different men they you feel you're in love with. Which one fits more with the picture you have in your head. You said that the one who you are not with right now is the one who you see yourself growing old with. That is very very important, to me anyway. Whichever one you chose, the most important thing I've learned in my relationships is to ALWAYS keep the communication lines open. Talk about everything... your dreams, how many children you want or don't want, how you want to raise those children, where you want to live, etc. Those are just a few suggetions. I hope everything works out kwerky. But, don't delay too long because if you finally decide you want your ex back, it might be too late. Take care, Jill
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
5 Mar 09
I was once in love with two people at the same time. It was before i married one of them so I had to decide (because both had proposed) which one to spend the rest of my life with. I made a list of things I wanted in a husband and took into account their families, what I loved about each of them and do alot of soul searching. I ended up going with the man I was with at the time. It has been about 8 years since I made that decision and for a few years I wondered often if I had chosen wrong. I think I was correct. While I loved them both dearly, the future and family I could have with one just wouldn't have been the same with the other. One was a general love and one was a deep down, through thick and thin love. Now for you, of course it is going to be painful to see your ex, whom you do love, with someone else. But imagine being with you ex and seeing someone with your current bf. Would it be devastating, or just painful? Would it crush you or just make you jealous and hurting? Above all, I think our path is already laid out for us. Maybe you should pray for the answer to this dilemma.....I wish you luck. Know that nomatter what, it will hurt. It will not be easy choosing between loves. It is always going to be a "what if" thing. In time it will get less painful. God gave us the ability to love and sometimes our hearts and minds cannot seperate and destinguish. Sometimes there is more than one person that makes us happy. Just weigh your options....choose carefully.....
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
5 Mar 09
Hi, Ur Boat will DROWN in Life's waves, if U want to keep 2 feet in 2 boats. It is the Time of 'taking decision'which will make u happy for Long. Analyse...where Ur Longterm happiness is assured & why? Keep Ur 2 feet in that Boat,FIRM.. =lahiri,Kolkata,India.
• Indonesia
6 Mar 09
wow.. so complicated.. i think, if you love them both, try to see for the other side, see how they treat you, so later when you spend the rest of your time being with them, you will be happy ^^
@Naisan (215)
• Philippines
5 Mar 09
let me share this with you..a couple of weeks ago i was in the same situation...i was in love with one guy and happy with another one..you know what i did..i chose the guy that i am happy with. I mean i keep telling myself that i am on love with some one else..but my heart knows its true home. Give yourself a chance to be happy and this guy to that ur with now. you say that you love him...but you are torn apart coz you can see yourself with someone else..BINGO!
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
5 Mar 09
Whew! Too complicated relationship to a complicated girl. My question is, why did you break up with your current? and your ex? Am actually confused and the informations are vague to me. Allow me to figure out and illustrate your story, your current bf now was actually a former bf for 13 years, right? What was the reason of the break up? On the other hand, here came the ex bf for 5 years, what was the cause of your break up? Please let me know so that we could thoroughly find an answer or solution to your dilemma. Those reasons are essential factors for you to have a good discretion on who would you choose.
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
5 Mar 09
Think deep and try to evaluate your real feelings for your current BF. It seems you are just staying there because of the time you've invested in there but the feelings is still with the other guy. I am just concerned about the other guy as I thought he said that he will wait for you for as long as he can wait but then all of a sudden he would just jump into a relationship just like that and then all of a sudden asking you to leave your currentl BF and he would do the same. Don';t you think there is something wrong with it? Do you just jump into a relationship and then dump her when you get into what you really wanted. What if that is also what he would do to you in the end. Just dump you like that when he finds someone else better than you are. I think you just got excited in your situation that you are being courted by two men of you life. This kind of situation puts excitement in your life jumping into a new relationship and dumping the other one. The fact that it sounds pretty exciting doing that some kind of forbidden love story that is. But for now just test how you feel about the situation. Remember that in every choice you make there is benefits to reap and a price to pay for that one choice so better weigh yourself before you make a choice for you.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
5 Mar 09
Some parts of the story are missing.How comes a boyfriend for 5 years when you have already a boyfriend for 13 years?Is the former one your schoolmate in your place and you met the second one,a new friend in your higher education in other place? I like to get differentiate with your feelings.Whether you are jealous or you feel envy with the second friend?The problem is because he has a new girl friend?If he didn't have a new one,then it will not disturb you?Please,sit in a calm place and analyze your self and weigh your mind.Put aside all emotional things and take a wise decision.Cheers!
• India
5 Mar 09
hey, i wanna say u only one thing .whatever ur heart say to u ,kindly go with him and enjoy ur life .dont wase ur time in such puzzeled situation,and never go with ur mind bcoz ur heart is alwayas right
@buggles64 (2709)
• United States
5 Mar 09
Follow your heart! What were the reasons that led for the break up with your previous boyfriend? And if your ex really loves you, and is presently asking for you to come back, then why is he with someone else? Have you turned him away so many times that he got lonely and had to find company in the arms of someone else? I don't feelings should be taken for granted and neither should friendship. If you truly care about your ex, and want to get back with him then you shouldn't be leading your current boyfriend on especially when you still have feelings for your ex. And what kind of relationship will you have with your ex? Does he want to marry you? Or is he simply leading you on? Maybe step away from both of them and take a long hard look at what you really want. Maybe you shouldn't be with either one of them. But whatever you do....just follow your heart, and hopefully the one you choose is willing to reciprocate those feelings.
• China
5 Mar 09
This is the problem every single person will meet when he or she is young mentally.Love issue is kind of complicated and tearing.Under this situation, you are supposed to choose one at any rate and then you can settle yourself down.Love is not perfect but a option. Think about it.