Would you consider sending your special needs child off to school?

@MissAmie (717)
United States
March 5, 2009 11:04pm CST
I have a son that is mentally retarded. We don't know the extent of his abilities at this point because he is very young. I know that this is not a decision I will face for a very long time, but it is something I've been worried about since I got my son's diagnosis. My mother is kind of pushing for a full time school. It's really far away, and I'm sorry...I'm just not willing to be that far away from my baby. Maybe if I lived in the same town as the school and could visit all the time, but as it is now, my answer is HE** NO! What about you? Could you send your child off to a glorified group home?
5 people like this
15 responses
@SangsTurks (1444)
• India
6 Mar 09
No, i would not send my child if that was the case. You never know how they will be treated there. I might look and sound shelfish but i would prefer to keep my son protected from everybody so that nobody could hurt him in any way. Although i know if he is allowed to face the world on his own, he would learn how to deal with things. I think i would not send my son if it was the same case.
@MissAmie (717)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I feel like you. Call it being overprotective or whatever, but I think my son is better off with me. Not strangers. That school might be a wonderful place, but I still know that no one knows my son better than I do.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 09
It depends upon what is really needed. In special education we look for the least restrictive environment. You'll hear it termed "LRE". This means, to place the child in the best environment for his/her learning. If this means an alternative learning environment, let's say a special school then that is what we'd recommend. It might mean all regular classes with just aid support. The term mentally retarded is actually very antiquated and even here in Minnesota we don't even use that term. We have several grade levels or classifications. Developmentally Delayed, etc. Do you know the exact diagnosis of your son? How old is? I could answer a bit more with a tad bit more information, or at least point you in the right direction of resources. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@MissAmie (717)
• United States
6 Mar 09
My son has Fragile X Syndrome. I have tons of resources, and I know that "mentally retarded" is a not a politically correct word, it's the one that I chose. I don't see how it's really that offensive. I can't stand the word "special." That one just makes me cringe. I didn't mean to offend by using the old school term form developmental delay, just wanted to be clear.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 09
Amie- It's that we have found other ways to classify children more accurately to get them the help that they need. It's not really a PC thing, but a way in which we can know exactly what is going on with a child. From what I know about Fragile X, there is only a chance he'll be autistic or have severe learning delays. How old is he again? At very young ages it's very difficult to tell. I know they start screeing for Autism at age 2, but even then you can't truly tell because some of the symptoms mimic those of a regular child. We can only do our best to get interventions if we suspect, but we're working on 'think' rather than 'know'. I wasn't trying to make you feel stupid about your son by offering resources. I just didn't know what he had so I didn't want to talk about Downs Syndrome children if your son wasn't a Down's Syndrome child. Make sense? I would say your best bet is to get involved with your school district. Every district has a department for pre-school involvement which covers children ages 0-5 years. They can get your son set up on an IEP early and work with you for early interventions to ready him for school. He may very well need a special school if he is severe, but it's very possible that if he is just DD (developmentally delayed) that he'll be able to attend a regular school. You may also wish to check with your State Department of Education for your state and read up on how they classify students with special needs. Each state does have slightly different classifications. If you're not already in a support group, you may wish to consider that. Sometimes having other parents to speak to in person can be of great help. I'm sure you already have the website for the National Fragile X Foundation. Something to think about when speaking with your mother is to consider the generation gap. During the 50's and 60's it was very common place to ship any child with a disability off to a group home. And back then they weren't even the types of group homes we have today. Today we use group homes as a way for adults to live together who may need a bit of extra help, yet give them their independancy. You may wish to do all your research first about what educational options are now open to your son before speaking to her again, and then present her with the facts in a loving fashion. I wish you the best of luck and your little guy as well. Namaste-Anora
• United States
6 Mar 09
Ami- I suppose I should clarify a small point. I am a special education teacher, and currently finishing my master thesis in special education. I am by no means trying to speak down to you (or anyone on this thread). I am merely trying to help you get answers and understand the system. Should you wish to add me as a friend feel free to, and anything I can help you find, understand, or so forth I will do my best to do so. Namaste-Anora
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I don't think that is right to do that, if you can take care of them do it. In our State, you have to put the Special Needs Students with the rest of the students.
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
6 Mar 09
Here in Sweden there is schools for these children in every small town. This meens they go to school same hours as all other children their age, but they get transported there (for free) where ever they live, daily. I wouldn't send my child away! Training and education is very importand esp. for your sonso I hope you'll find a sulotion.
• Philippines
6 Mar 09
No, you can send your son to other schools near your town. or a school for special children maybe he can hone his abilities there....
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 09
I could and would send my child to a special school if need be....but only if he/she didn't have to live there full-time. If the school was too far away, I would simply relocate. I know that is easier said than done, but if the school would benefit my child, then I would find a way. Around here, the special-needs children are put into the same schools and classes as the other children. My mom is a special-ed teacher. But as wonderful as she is, she (and the other teachers) aren't trained to specialize in all forms of education. For instance, she couldn't teach a child to read Braille. So I guess it would depend on what my child really needed.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
8 Mar 09
My answer is the same as yours...HELL NO! I don't care how wonderful the school is, I would not send my autistic child away like that. It just isn't right. A woman I know mentioned for me to do this with my son. It made me feel sick to my stomach, so I told her that it would kill me if he got mistreated or killed while he was there. It may not have been very sweet of me to say, but I sure as hell didn't feel sweet at that point and it got her to shut up about it. She hasn't mentioned anything about it since.
@shaggin (71573)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I think that it is wrong for your mother to try to push you into something that you are not ready for. It is your son so it is your decision not your mothers. I would never send my child off for someone else to raise him even if my child had special needs. I would learn to teach him what he needed to know on my own at home. He would miss you if you sent him to a special needs home full time. I think that is just for people who do not want to be burdened with having to deal with and take care of their child that has special needs so they send them off to somewhere where someone else has to be the one to take care of them and their needs. I think you are making the right choice by saying no!
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I don't think I could do that. Your son might surprise you and be more capable than you think! Be sure to spend a lot of time with him and play with him a lot, and not just educational games but ones just for fun, too. Your mother has YOUR best interests at heart, as a mother should, but only you know what's best for your son.
• United States
6 Mar 09
at my school they have a separate room for the mentally retarded kids, and they aren't really picked on here, they are really friendly
• United States
6 Mar 09
I don't think that I could. If I were to find out my child were mentally retarded...then I would think about sending them to a special needs school, but not for them to live there. I mean in a way its both a blessing and a curse. I mean you will see your child learn something that everyone else might take for granted as something so simple...but you will see the joy and happieness of him learning this and...it will fill you will the same joy and happieness...at least that's what I think, that's what I've thought of when I thought of perhaps my baby being mentally retarded. I don't think I could send them away permentally but if there were a day school, then yes...b/c they would be with other children like themselves and would get better schooling, at least where I am at they would. The schools in the county I live in, I hate the school. My stepdaughter is suppose to be in a special ed. class and she's in a regular class..not only that instead of 'teaching' her how to do her work, they tell her and give her the answers..and don't work with her.
@dmrone (746)
• United States
6 Mar 09
My second oldest is a special needs. I could not have put him in a glorified group home. I sent him to the local public school. It was not ideal, but the school finally decided to work with him and i worked with him all the time at home. The school started getting someone who could go with him in a regular class and help him understand some of what the other children were learning, the school system called it integrating the children with special needs and the ones who didn't. I finally got tired of the school and brought him home and started homeschooling him. There are things he will never be able to comprehend, but he has learned alot, and it took alot of hard work. If one of my children had a special needs child i would not want them to put him/her in an institution or group home. The main thing a special needs child needs is someone to be there for them and to show them that they are loved and wanted.
@buggles64 (2709)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Depends on how severe the disability is. I know many child with disabilites need to be sent off to a school that can better accomadate them. The hearing imparied for example must go to a school that caters to those with that kind of disability. I know it would be hard to send my child off to a school, but you have to think of what is best for your child. Would he get the same or equal education where he is now? Would he be able to come home for the weekends? That sure is a tough decision. I'm always reminded of Helen Keller when I hear stories like this. The one thing that her family had was the money to get her a private tutor.
• United States
6 Mar 09
I would agree with you that in terms of the Deaf community, it is best that the child be with those with deafness so he can quickly learn the language and become a part of the community. You're right, Helen Keller's parents had money, but today we don't need as much as that. There are some great community programs through local school districts that do not cost anything. And when your child is in the public education system the school districtis required by law to pay for all services. That is why it is very important to understand the IEP process.
• United States
6 Mar 09
I would consider it if it was the best option for my child and my family and if it were in the same town. I would not like to be that far away from any of my kids while they were young especially. I would also like to have a school close as to stay active in it so I could assist with his/her learning and daily activites as well as have a good relationship with the school.....especially if my child were going to be staying there.
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
6 Mar 09
[i][/i]You said in another's response: "My son has Fragile X Syndrome. I have tons of resources, and I know that "mentally retarded" is a not a politically correct word, it's the one that I chose. I don't see how it's really that offensive. I can't stand the word "special." That one just makes me cringe. I didn't mean to offend by using the old school term form developmental delay, just wanted to be clear." [i][/i] Here's what I say. If it's your mother and not his care team that is pushing you to send him away then you should do what your heart tells you. I have my special needs kids at home with me. I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything. If you can devote time and energy to his care then you will be fine. Fragile X means he may be a bit behind in things, may have behaviors that are similar to Autism and he'll have a few health issues as he grows. He will most likely need someone watching out for him for all his life. But he can also go on to live an independent life if given the right care. Is that right care a full time school? Not always. You would have to really check it out and see how they transition children into adults. Research. Do as much for your son while he's young. The earlier in his life he is taught things the further he can go. For Example: Start learning signs and teaching them to him now while he's young. Speak while you do it. He will more likely communicate easier. Things like that. (If you want more ideas just ask me. I'm on my second child that has needed help) As for what you call his issues.... it's what ever you are comfortable with. Retarded just means: "Definition: Mental retardation is a developmental disability that first appears in children under the age of 18. It is defined as an intellectual functioning level (as measured by standard tests for intelligence quotient) that is well below average and significant limitations in daily living skills (adaptive functioning)." And here's the link ***NOT A REFERAL*** to more on it: http://www.answers.com/topic/mental-retardation Now I call mine special because they are. All of my kids are and I tell them so. But some of them have special or different needs so that fits too. I think you are his mother and should call him what you choose. OK I've rambled on a bit more then I meant to. If I can help please feel free to ask and I will. Please do what is best for your son.... which you'll know by following your heart and using your mind.