Do you ever feel

United States
March 8, 2009 12:55am CST
like you aren't doing all that you should for your husband? As a wife i feel that i should be able to please my husband more than once a month. Which right now that isn't even happening. That i should also be supportive and caring and loving. But since my son was born two months ago i feel that i haven't really been able to accomplish any of those items mentioned above. Physcially I'm not able to please him at the moment and my attention is so focused on our son that sometimes i find it hard to focus on my husband more so when the baby is asleep because I myself am either trying to get more sleep or trying to do other things that need to get taken care of while my son is asleep. I feel as though I'm failing as a wife and im not sure how to stop failing. What to do what to do. how do you get time for yourself and time to be a wife and mother? Hmm life and there isn't that much of it to really make EVERYONE happy.
2 people like this
9 responses
@earthsong (589)
• United States
8 Mar 09
Does he do anything to help care for the baby when he's home? Does he do anything for you, or ask you to find a sitter so you two can be alone? It is not only your responsibility to care for your child, nor is it only your responsibility to see that his needs are met. He needs to meet yours too, and show you that there is still a couple in a relationship, not just a mommy and daddy. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 09
thank you for this comment. It is true its not only my responsibility and he does do a lot for the baby. And it seems as though lately the things he "does" for me is to take care of the baby and let me have time alone but thats not all i want i would like to have some "us" time too
@jstmarfz (1498)
• United States
8 Mar 09
Hello star! We may not have our own child yet though I understand how you feel. Regarding your husband, he needs to be an open minded since that is your first child [ I suppose] he needs to understand your obligation as a mother with your angel. You don't have to be 100% physically with your husband, but emotionally will be very helpful. Take time to have a conversation with your husband it doesn't need to be long. Like asking how things going with him all day and letting him know that you missed him..lol. Anyways, having a dinner or a little massage or snuggle with him is good enough to let him know that you are trying your self to have time with him and your child also to yourself. It is also a matter of time management. You also have to think about yourself. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 09
thank you
• India
8 Mar 09
hai , hey not to worry,be cool.u know due to this dedication and lovingness ladies have highest respect in every religion ,i really appreciate ur emotion but it will take time from recovering this situation.it happenes when someone become a mother,and manage some time to ur hubby and show ur love and affection in every work u do for ur hubby.every thing will be ok GOD BLESS U AND UR LOVING FAMILY.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 09
thank you very much for your comment
@Ritchelle (3794)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
don't despair. there is a story of a former married couple who separated. after almost a quarter of a century their daughter came looking for the father she never knew nor heard from. the daughter, with all the resources she could muster, got hold of her father's no. and called him asking that they meet somewhere. the daughter arrived at the place not knowing that her father came a lot earlier than planned. the father was a little hesitant with the meeting since everybody knows he almost didn't contribute anything in the upbringing of his daughter and he aready has another family of his own. the father was a little ashamed of this but since she is his first-born he decided to come. they met and the daughter called her mother in the car on the way to her father's house. sometime during the call the daughter handed the phone to her father. the father was astounded not knowing what to say to his former wife. finally, he was only able to blurt out the words, "thank you". when asked about this he said that after all the pain and shame of what he had done seeing his daughter properly brought up and not harboring any ill feelings towards him is more than enough to make up for the past. so, don't worry with your husband. as long as your efforts is on your child a man knows where he stands.
@lynnemg (4533)
• United States
9 Mar 09
You are going through the same thing that every new mother goes through. It will get easier, and you will feel better. My advice to you is to get yourself and your son on a schedule, and give him more time alone. Supervised, but laying in a playpen or swinging in a swing. Do what you can during those times and while he is napping, but when your hubby gets home, force yourself to stop doing household chores and focus on your family. Include your hubby in the baby care and make it apoint to ask about his day. If you are like me, you like to make your hubby a nice dinner and have it ready when he gets home. If you make things that you can bake slowly, or put in a crock pot, you can accomplish this and have more time to do other things. Another trick is to make extra of a meal to freeze half of it for another time. Your house does not have to be spotless, it is okay to let somethings wait. It is okay and actually good to put your baby down and allow him to cry a little. You will get through this in time, it takes routine and patience. If you make little changes in your own expectations right now, it will get easier faster. You are far from a failing wife, and I doubt that your husband is thinking that at all. He may even have a few suggestions for you to make your day easier. Here's an idea, when he takes a shower, why don't you occassionally ask him to take your son in the shower too and bathe him. You can easily stand outside the shower and get your baby when he is finished, and it would not only give them bonding tim,e but it would give you a few minutes to re-group. Things like that can really help. In the meantime, give yourself some slack, you are trying to get used to all of it yourself!!
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Well, what you have described is absolutely 100% normal for new parents. Most often, the husband understands and is accepting of the new lack of time cause he is expierencing some of the same things. I would say around six months or so it should be getting a little more routine and easier to multitask. There is just so much to do with a new baby and so much to learn that coordinating care for the baby with sleep and household chores is overwhelming in and of itself. Then to add a husband to fulfill just breaks the camels back. I would try having one of the grandparents watch the baby for a couple hours one night and go on a date. Also, there are things that you can do for him that don't involve, ya know.... Also, just a couple of hours away from the responsibility can be surprisingly benificial. Something else you may find is that with the majorly fluctuating hormones, once you can do the deed again it may be even better than before. After my first baby things got really good. After my hormones regulated again it went back to ok and then during my second pregnancy things picked up majorly again. It's all part of being a mommy! Like I said, most husbands can understand what your going through. Just make sure that you are making every effort to explain it to him so he is kept in the loop with whats going on with you. Knowledge is power. Do not feel guilty for napping with the baby either cause the sleep is something that will help you get back to normal faster!!! Good luck and congradulations on the new baby!!!
@Wizzywig (7855)
8 Mar 09
How can you possibly be failing?? You have given birth to a beautiful son and taking care of a baby is no easy task, particularly in the first few months when you are still adjusting mentally, physically and emotionally to a life changing event. Appreciate yourself for all that you ARE doing rather than worry about what you feel you ought to be doing. Give yourself space to enjoy motherhood. Take care.
@laydee (12807)
• Philippines
8 Mar 09
I think that actually happens when a newborn is with a new couple. I guess you won't really have time anymore for you and your husband. But what you could do is do little things for him, like calling him at work, or having more time talking about you and him instead of 'all about the baby'. I guess he too understands the situation, but remember, a little hug goes a long long way. Let him know how much you love him still and how much you appreciate him. Good luck!
@gicolet (1703)
• United States
8 Mar 09
Hey, that's normal. Your husband should understand that. Your son is just 2 mos old. However if you're not able to give in to his physical needs because you're just too tired and exhausted at least try to make it up by showing him affection. You should also try to do everything you mentioned...all that TLC he needs and just make him feel that things might be a little different now but you still love him. You need patience from your husband and your husband needs some attention and love from you so it's a compromise. It could be tough but it's normal. Every couple goes through this phase in life. It's one thing to be a couple but it's another thing to be parents. You're a family now and you need to do everything you could to make things work especially between you and your husband. I know it's hard but you gotta try and be there as a wife as much as you want him to be there for you as your husband. Take care.