Should a mother have her own free time?

@lingzi (568)
China
March 8, 2009 1:24am CST
i am a new mother with a 10 months kid . every day ,i look after the baby ,play game with him ,and then i must do all housework,such as cooking,washing,even shopping. when my baby go to sleep, i feel so relax,but i can not have a break, their are so many things waiting for me .oh ,my god, when can i have my own free time ??do you have the same problem ?if not ,tell me what's the methord? please!!
8 people like this
39 responses
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
Good day... Yes I think every mother should have their own free time. Aside from being a mother your also a person and growth never ceases even in parenthood. I think you should ask someone you trust like your mother or siblings to look out for your kid and have a break. I know you need it.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Mar 09
hi!!!!!! my children r grown but every woman that has children have had to make free time for themselves. my neice's church has a mother's day out & she put her children in it for 2 days a week from 8:00am to 2:00pm. she told me it was very cheap & helped her out a lot. i always worked outside the home, but when i felt like i needed some time to myself either my husband would let me go & do something or else his mom would keep them for me. i was very blessed in that way. also, when ur husband comes home from work, u could take a long bubble bath & relax while he watches the baby. we all need special time for ourselves & shouldn't feel a bit guilty for it. as a mother & wife, if u wait until u have free time, that will never happen. u have to make it happen. beleive me, once u make time for yourself, u will be surprised how much better u will feel.
3 people like this
@MissAmie (718)
• United States
8 Mar 09
Any mother can understand what you're talking about. I am a mother to a 6 year old girl and an 18 month old son. I work part time and take care of the house as well. It keeps you busy! And I certainly don't have a second of free time unless I actually force myself to take some time to myself. The answer to your question is YES! Moms need personal time. If you're not happy and if you feel like a slave you're not going to be the best mom you can be. It's very important to take a few minutes for yourself. I've found a lot of things that either take up a short amount of time or I can pause and come back to. I have a few computer games that I use to release stress. Also, I can do small things like color my hair or something like that just for myself. Even a quick trip to the store ALONE is wonderful. You didn't mention having any help with your son. If there is any way you can get someone (friend, neighbor, family member?) to babysit for a few minutes it can make a world of difference. If there is no one to keep him at all, there is no shame in putting him in a safe place like his crib or a playpen and doing something for yourself while he plays. My son is a little developmentally delayed and he makes this noise that drives me nuts. Some days it's worse than others, but I've even left him in his crib and walked out to the car and sat in the car for a few minutes to get away from the noise. Of course, I wouldn't leave him alone for more than maybe 10 minutes but if you're in the house with him and can check on him periodically, you can go about your business while he plays alone. Don't feel like a bad mother for letting him have alone time, or for needing some alone time for yourself. It's perfectly natural.
@lingzi (568)
• China
9 Mar 09
Thank you ,I am sure that you are a good , successful mother. in fact ,my mother wanted to keep my baby ,but i was worried that she would spoil him. my hubby often asks me to have a break during my baby"s sleeping, i can not , there are so many dirty clothes,dirty dishes,many many things waiting for me ,i can not stop . NOW, i konw ,you are right ,if i am not happy and feel like a slave ,i am not going to be athe best mom.
@suzzy3 (8349)
9 Mar 09
Of course she must I did ,either going out with friends in the evening or having a long bubble bath in the evening while daddy took over for a while.Looking after a baby is the hardest job in the world,it is exhausting is full time,and draining.Don't get me wrong it is a wonderful thing to experience and so satisfying.You need a baby sitter find someone local or a relative go out with your husband for a couple of hours it will do you both good.Another bit of advise the dusting will wait for another day,sounds like you do to much anyway,give yourself a break if people don't like it tell them not to bother coming to your home.
2 people like this
• Canada
8 Mar 09
One thing that no one tells you before you have children is that you rarely get freetime after becoming a mother. If you have a hubby that is willing to do it all every now and then it makes it easier but until your children are old enough to be out at friends houses your not gonna get much "me time". For the first 3 years of being a mother I did NOT get even one break from my son.
2 people like this
@emilie2300 (1889)
• United States
8 Mar 09
Most definetly Mothers need there free time to. They need a break and its not so much a break or vacation I dont want to use those words. Its a time to unwind relive stress. Be you do something for your self. You need papered to. If you don't get these needs met you may fall into a miserble state feel bad sorry for your self depressed. and its not good for your health.
2 people like this
• Canada
8 Mar 09
I too can relate to this. The only thing I can say is that you have to make free time for yourself even if you have to schedule it in. You need to do this for your own sanity. Even if it's just a short time out, it will help. The cooking and washing and shopping will still be there if you make a little time for yourself you will be more relaxed and will be able to tackle those jobs after and will also be in a better mood when you do. Good luck. Make some time today for yourself.
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
8 Mar 09
Welcome to the club! My kids are teenagers now, but I remember every moment I felt like you. Always on the go, always taking care of one or another thing, not once some time off.No relaxing, no help from no one.I was very organized, and I could do lots of things while they slept.But I was tired, so tired. I think that by organizing youre time and your husband's time, you should be able to get some "me " time. If you have friends you would like to get out, you could have all the kids at a babbysitter and share her pay. If you want to get out for a dinner or a movie with your husband, you should talk to your friends. If you have friends with babies too, you can all take turns to babysitt, each others' kids. The more , the better.For example, if you are four good friend, that know each other and trust each other, it will come that once in four weeks you'll have to babysitt, but enjoy going out all the other three weeks.
2 people like this
@myfb2009 (8296)
• Malaysia
8 Mar 09
Of course a mother should have her own free time to relax her body and mind. But, it is not easy to allocate the free time. You must be able to know how to adjust your time accordingly. Then, in the between, you can have your free time. lt is extremely difficult if you don't know how to organize your time, especially for new mother..I ever been in this kind of problem but luckily, my husband is very supportive whenever he is at home.
@Anne19 (300)
• Philippines
8 Mar 09
Every mother should have their own free time to do whatever they wanna do. It is essential so as not to burn out from your daily routine. It might even be beneficial to improve your relationship with your husband and children. Going out with friends once in a while will help you a lot in carrying the stressful but happy life of being married and being a mom as well. :)
2 people like this
@bing28 (3797)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
Our free time maybe as mothers, once we go out with our kids for a stroll or for dining out with them. On weekends if we happened to go out for swimming, that's a break for us mothers. It's quite hard really to find a free time when our kids are still young, when they're grown ups however, we got all our free time. We even most of the time see our friends to avoid getting bored at home when the children are all out for their jobs. So, for mothers all hardworks today, breaks free time and rest tomorrow.
• United States
9 Mar 09
We will get alot of free time when they get older so as much as it can drive us nuts that we dont get alot, if any, once they are older and dont want us around as much we will wish we had all that hectic stuff going on again.
1 person likes this
@lkbooi (16093)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 09
Hi lingzi, no matter how we love our kid and need to take good care of him, we still need our own free time to do our favorite activity to get ourselves relaxed. When my boy was still young my husband would accompany my son for two hours or so playing games or doing other favorite things during weekend so that I could enjoy my free time visiting my good friends or surfing net and etc. Sometimes I would send my boy to stay with my mom who lived in the same area. My parents loved my boy very much and were enjoy having fun with him, like watching cartoon and doing other favorite things as well for the whole day. I was free the whole day and could enjoy my free time doing my favorite hobbies then. The little bit of changing of lifestyle would make the days not so monotonous anyway. Happy posting and take care.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Mar 09
I think most moms would agree in saying free time is needed, at least every once in a while. I get mine very seldom but I am fine with that for the most part. My day/week goes as follows :: I wake up @ 5:30am with my hubby as he gets ready for work I usually empty the dishwasher from the previous night, and then he leaves @ 6ish & I get to watch a little tv for about 30/45 minutes by myself (thats usually the extent of my free time for the most part. )and thats when the older kids wake up. They get up, get dressed , eat, hair, teeth, backpacks, etc & sometime during all that the baby wakes up. After I drop them off @ school its time for me to entertain the baby till about noon when he naps. And while I wish sometimes I could just throw some toys on the floor and he would bee entertained that is not the case at all, he has to be able to see and know I am about an arms lenght away at all times or he is screaming and crawling around the house looking for me...thats always fun...try going pee...lol. I try to do any calling or making appointments, scheduling, etc while the kids are at shool or shopping if any needs to be done. Finally when he is napping you would think I could sneak away and do a little cleaning or whatever else needs to be done...NOPE! cause if I am not near him he wakes up immediately (EVERYTIME!). Then we go pick the kids up and they play with him while I do laundry (on Wednesdays or Thursdays) and then they go outside to play. I cook, clean, dust, refill whatever is empty, etc and try to attempt to entertain the baby once the older kids are home because they pay attention to him and he doesnt need me right next to him as much. Come 5pm they are doing their homework (which can some nights be a battle in itself) then its dinner, bath, jamas, cleaning any mess they have made, dessert, teeth and bedtime around 8ish. And still I have the baby following me around. I find myself scrubbing the floors at night after everyone is asleep. The kids usually start the dishwasher 3 nights a week as there are 3 of them so that kinda helps a bit and they get their own clothes out of the dryer and put them away which again is alot of help. And I would love if when my husband came home I could let him play around with the baby but unfortunately the little one is going through this "I want my mom ALL the time!" stage. Its nice to know I am loved but MY GOD! lol. And then to add more craziness to my life, my oldest starts football tomorrow so we will have practice 3 nights a week and games on the weekends and my other son starts Boy Scouts tomorrow afternoon. Some would say I am crazy but I am sure there are other parents with more children that do alot more. I do get some free time every now and again if I can manage to get the baby to take a 2nd nap after hubby gets home, then I can run to the store if need be or whatever for a few minutes. Not much but Ill take what I can get. :) Well enough babble for now. Good luck with your quest for time!!!
• China
9 Mar 09
yes ,,,a mother must have her own free time........when you want to free youself ,you can give dad a note ,or a explaintion,,,,,but I am very afraid of dad can not afford to look after baby, he must be careless,,,, or he must work for family's feeding and living,,,,,,,,,....... but,but have a small baby is a funny thing for our big person.........the process is very exciting for looking this sweety sleeping baby,,,,,,or his(her) crying............it is happy......................
1 person likes this
@csrobins (1124)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I hope so, because I want kids one day but I don't know if I am selfless enough to give up my time. I can barely give up enough time to spend with my boyfriend ha
@tav_8164 (151)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I think a mother's job is the hardest of them all, it's just more rewarding so it doesn't seem like it. You are not only in charge of feeding and protecting your child. But teaching them and shaping them for the future!! Don't get me wrong, I believe both parent's roles are important; it's just who spends the most time with the child has the most to do with how they turn out! My husband makes such a big deal about how he needs a break when he gets home from work, how he can't take out the trash or watch the kids while I make dinner. But god forbid I ask for a minute to do some extra cleaning around the house!! Believe me, it is a constant topic of convesation around my house. I believe everyone deserves a break....what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
I am a mother of two so I know just how you feel. You must have a free time for yourself. Motherhood can become stressful when you don't spend time for a little relaxation. As for me, I always find a time just to be with myself. Mothers have to relax sometimes so they could take care of their kids better. My husband is supportive anyway and usually asks me to go spend some time with him without the kids. You can ask someone to baby sit for your baby for a while so you can take a break.
@lingzi (568)
• China
11 Mar 09
you have two ,so great, and you do a better job ,i will do as you said . thank you.
@bieke81 (1067)
• Belgium
9 Mar 09
Hi Lingzi, My kids are a not much older (4 and 3 years old) so I still remember very well how I felt when they were still babies. You need to take time for yourself. I had a routine for my housework and time with the baby. Even when they were awake and playing I would alterate playing and doing my housework, so I could get some me-time when they took their nap. And I always took an hour (they slept at least two) so I could watch an episode of a program I liked. And after that I still would have an hour of that I could do things that needed to be done. But you really need to get some me-time scheduled in your routine. And a routine is important, not only for you but also for your child, that way they now what to expect what's coming to them. Around here they know that mommy does the housework until around 10 o'clock and them I will play with them for an hour. Than it's time to start prepping for lunch and after lunch I will play again with them for an hour and than it's mommy's time for an hour before I start dinner. And when it's mommy's time the youngest goes to bed (he still needs his sleep in the afternoon) and the oldest will take a book and look in it. Most of the time he will be on the couch next to me when I'm watching a show or something, so it's not that he can't be with me, he just doesn't expect me to play with him. And I got to this because I started a routine when they were still little. Now, it's just a short example of my routine, it's much more detailed, but I wanted to show how important me-time and routine are when you have little kids at home, not only for you, but also your kids. [b] Have a nice day[/b]
@lingzi (568)
• China
9 Mar 09
bieke81,thanks a lot. you made me konw how important me-time and routine are.
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
9 Mar 09
lingzi, First of all, congratulations on the birth of your son and becoming a mother. This is certainly a happy occasion and a new lease of life for your family and you. Now that you have a new addition member in your family, you will definitely undergo some changes and as all changes you will need to do some adjustments to your lifestyle. These adjustments will let you adapt to the new situation. It will help you when you can include your husband and son into your everyday plans to enable you to get into rhythm of things. Remember you are not alone, learn to get your husband, father of the child to be involved around the house and help around with the household chores. Learn to delegate and ask for his help. Always remember that all new parents need to work at knowing, understanding, and loving their babies. Your baby will work just as hard at learning to know, understand, and love you. This is the process of attachment-the work that parents and babies do together to form a deep and lasting love. It is what becoming a family is all about. So relax and enjoy your baby. This is a special time in your life, and while it's full of worries and adjustments, it is also full of wonder. You have much to look forward to. Being a mother can enrich every corner of your life. Get ready for a marvelous journey. Take care and once again congratulations.
@lingzi (568)
• China
9 Mar 09
skysuccess,thank you very much. i will take your great advice to do a happy mother.
1 person likes this
@nishdan01 (3051)
• Singapore
16 Mar 09
Women should find free time for themselves no matter what. I too do all the same as mentioned and the only difference is that I am ytaking care of two. OIne is 6 weeks old and the other 3 year old. But I do find time for myself. I make them sleep at noon time and try to get a 2 hour period. When my newborn sleeps, I would keep the three year old occupied with some coloring puzzles or a CD show. Then I would do some facial or something that refreshes me.