What 's wrong with taking care of each other?
By paula27661
@paula27661 (15811)
Australia
March 9, 2009 11:53pm CST
There is something I am struggling to understand and that is why smart women put themselves in a situation of subservience in regards to the man in their life.
My friend said to me this morning," I wish I could cook quick things" I replied there a lot of quick meals out there, and she said, "He will only eat things made from scratch" What the...??? 
My answer is tell him to cook for himself!
The same friend was on her way out the door last week and he came in from work for lunch, so she put her bag down, put her plans on hold and made him a sandwich. No, he's not disabled he could have made his own darn sandwich!
I know, live and let live, if she's happy that way... my friend is not happy, she'll complain about wanting to get a job but she is worried about how she can work and still do everything for him. She shouldn't have to! Why can't he pitch in so she can pursue something for herself?
I feel very angry when I have conversations like this with women. When we were born did we have an imprint on our forehead that said "cook, cleaner, bottle washer” ?My mother is very subservient to my father and I used to put it down to a much older generation but it appears to me that things are not that different these days.
Am I over the top with this? What do you guys think? Are men still looking for the perfect wife who can clean and cook and take care of her man? What is wrong with taking care of each other?
My answer is tell him to cook for himself!
The same friend was on her way out the door last week and he came in from work for lunch, so she put her bag down, put her plans on hold and made him a sandwich. No, he's not disabled he could have made his own darn sandwich!
I know, live and let live, if she's happy that way... my friend is not happy, she'll complain about wanting to get a job but she is worried about how she can work and still do everything for him. She shouldn't have to! Why can't he pitch in so she can pursue something for herself?
I feel very angry when I have conversations like this with women. When we were born did we have an imprint on our forehead that said "cook, cleaner, bottle washer” ?My mother is very subservient to my father and I used to put it down to a much older generation but it appears to me that things are not that different these days.
Am I over the top with this? What do you guys think? Are men still looking for the perfect wife who can clean and cook and take care of her man? What is wrong with taking care of each other?4 people like this
13 responses
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
10 Mar 09
While I agree with you, I also believe that to each their own.
Your friend might complaint to you but the truth of the matter is that she does not do anything to change her situation, and sometimes actions speak louder than words.
I know that some women are like that, serving their men day and night because they feel they have too, others even tho they work they also run home and try to be perfect at everything, of course there is also the opposite and some ladies that are at home who couldn't do less if they try.
I do not believe you are over the top, but you can only be the captain of your soul and let your friend do whatever she is doing, for whatever reasons it seems to work for her.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
You are quite right. We are all responsible for our own lives and it is up to my friend to deal with her own situation. It is just one of those things about some men that really annoy me! Thanks for responding! 
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
14 Mar 09
Maybe the mothers need to teach their sons how to take care of themselves, and then they won't expect their wives to do everything. I use to have meals on the table at certain times, until they wouldn't come in when it was hot, then when they came in and asked what was for supper, I said whatever you make. We have a big old farm house, and if I don't get help around here, it doesn't get done. It is too much for one person to do. You just get done with a few rooms, and should start over with them, but you have to get the other ones done too. It was so much easier when the 2 kids were still at home, they at least helped.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
15 Mar 09
That is an excellent point. So many guys expect the wife to do everything for them like their mothers did. Taking care of any home is hard enough work let alone a huge one! I wish I could afford to pay someone to do my cleaning and cooking for me!
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
15 Mar 09
I wish I could also be able to afford to have someone do the cleaning. That is one thing I hate to do. Once you are behind, you just never catch up, lol
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I wasn't aware that this was common O_O I've not really encountered that around here...and my rural area is VERY very old time christian. Even the Amish ladies have alot of backbone around here.
I myself, could not imagine me babying a man...or "serving" him in this manner.
I believe all people are equals, so I suppose it is unlikely for me to find myself in a situation like this.
I have found myself serving a family...but more out of a bitter familial thing, and my instincts to take care of my family than a subservient impractical mentality. In the instance I speak of, my family would never have made it through that time in one peace without me. I'm ALWAYS playing hero.
But to baby a man fully capable of taking care of himself? I may be too nice to him for my own good, but if he demands I stop my busy life to feed him...I'll let him starve. Screw 'em.
I like to think that...even if I'd been born in the 1930's I wouldn't have been like that. I woulda been one of those girls they whispered about and hated because I didn't do what "girls did". (And I probably would've loved it. Being odd, strange, different really appeals to me)
Meh, some guys are truly old fashioned. Some mix old traditions with new. And most of them are really modern guys. At least, from my observations.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I'll stop my life if you stop yours for me, in other words.
I may be a rather chivalrous girl, but respect is earned, love is blind...and we're all people.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
That is my point. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take care of someone you care for, it's this thing; you are woman and you will cook and clean etc... As you say we are all people here and we all deserve respect. We have to pick the right guys, I got lucky eventually! Thanks for a great response!
@carpenter5 (6782)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I love to cook for my husband. But I do it because I love it, not because he expects me to wait on him hand and foot. I love taking care of him, making sure he has clean clothes, and that the sheets on the bed are changed at least once a week. But not because he makes me!
He does as much for me as I do for him. It sounds like your friend is married to an emotionally abusive man, and I don't believe this is what Marriage is all about.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
I agree. It sounds like you have a great partnership and you are right that is what it's all about. Thanks for responding, I appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@carpenter5 (6782)
• United States
10 Mar 09
Is she married to this guy or just living with him? Are kids involved? If not I would encourage her to leave him. She deserves so much better than that kind of treatment. My grandpa acted like that with my grandmother, and she just took it, I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now!
@ketybhagat (4123)
• India
10 Mar 09
Why does she allow this to happen ? If she so much wants to pamper him, then she should quit her job and just be home and let him take care of the finances. That should teach him a lesson. I really cant understand why she has to do all this, she can gently tell him, do your bit to help also. If you allow it to happen, then you should not complain. There is a limit to everything. I tell my husband to help out, he even makes meals when Im busy, etc. He hates folding clothes and putting them in the cupboard, so some things I let go. Otherwise, he is there to help me and thats what makes a marriage complete. Tell your friend to wisen up, or she will just be an unapid servant.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
Like others here have mentioned it is up to my friend to stand up to her husband. I think just talking to me has shown her there is another way! Thanks for the response!
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I'm not sure why, but I know in my first marriage I did. I was 18 when I got married and my first husband was abusive. I think it's that we somehow become conditioned by society to be this way, and by the way we were raised. For myself, I was raised if I didn't do the housework, etc I was punished. My own mother was very lazy.
My second marriage, well we have our things we do together but I do a great deal because I like to. I enjoy cooking for my husband but I also do eating out and quick dishes because of time or so forth. He doesn't mind but he does often comment that he enjoys my cooking more then eating out. I take it as a compliment, not that he wants me chained to the kitchen. And also, he doesn't cook lol. He never learned,but he's very agreeable to having our son and daughter learn so that they know the art of the kitchen. He does make a great spaghetti and meatballs though!
I agree though, we must take care of each other. However, let us not as women overlook what our husband's do for us. They may not always clean the bathroom, or the floors but perhaps they take out trash or clean the gutters.
Namaste-Anora
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
I agree that it is all about partnership and doing things for each other and there is a huge difference between cooking for a man because you love to and being expected to do it whether you like it or not. In my friend's case he is not allowing her to have her own life and getting a job and keeping her virtually chained to the house but it is up to her not to allow him to treat her that way and break free. Thanks for responding!
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
10 Mar 09
It took me 9 1/2 years to leave my first husband. I was very conditioned. Perhaps your friend just needs time. Namaste-Anora
@sophie_dfuss (2365)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Taking care of each other has to be two ways. It should be mutual to both partners so it can be rewarding for both of them. We are not born to be slaves.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
Absolutely right. There would be no resentment if the load was shared equally. Thanks for responding!
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
Hey Paula, this subject is right up my alley, having been married to an Australian, and now to a THai. My Thai wife really takes care of me (I know, I'm spoiled) but I can and do make my own sandwiches (and other stuff) when it's necessary.
What a difference! When I was first married, and returned home afetr a day's work to find my Australian wife sitting in an armchair reading her millionth Mills and Boon. If I dared to ask what was for dinner, I would often be told sh*%t with sugar, which meant I would have to go for take away. Now, due to my teaching hours, I get home at nine-thirty, and dinner is always ready. I love her and take care of her in my own way also.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
Your situation does not sound unfair. You get home at 9.30 and if she has been at home it is only right she would cook dinner and it sounds to me like she loves doing it and it's not because you expect it of her. It's interesting that you have had two completely opposite situations and I am glad that you are in a happy marriage now. Your first wife sounds like she took women’s' lib a tad too far! I bet it makes you appreciate what you have now! Anyway I appreciate the response!
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I have to agree with you every bit of the way. Oh my gosh, I'd have given him a kiss, and said see ya when I get home, there is lunch stuff in the fridge. And as for cooking things from scratch.......holy cow, what century is this guy living in? Of course, women like that will always be treated like that because they allow it to happen. And most will turn right around and complain about it.
"you want breakfast in bed? sleep in the kitchen" lol
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
I love that! I'll be sure to use it! I agree that no man can treat you like that if you don't let him. Thanks for the response!
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
11 Mar 09
ah. i dropped into your topic again~~have a nice day today firstly.
i remember i posted a response for this content yesterday but i do not remember the subject clearly.
@clorissa123 (4926)
• United States
11 Mar 09
There is nothing wrong to take care of each other. I definitely respect your discussion here. Women aren't slave to men for that matter. They are nonetheless human beings too. They have brain, their dream and goal in life. They can pursue their happiness as long as they want to. If men not respect women like that, they are not worth to live with. Rise up, all the women. Where is your pride, and where is your stand?
@Super_Mommy (119)
• United States
10 Mar 09
In todays world it takes 2 incomes to make ends meet. But I don't think that it's fair that guys expect women to do everything for them. It's like we're maids! My husband and I work together. He ask me to do something, and I ask him to do something. That's how we run things. I will raise my daughter to know that house hold duties shouldn't be a sexest thing. It's meant for both sexes.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
11 Mar 09
You have expressed my sentiments exactly! It's a about working together not being a slave to another.I'm glad you are teaching your daughter how it should be. Thanks for your response!
