Will you save your marriage for the sake of your children?

Marriage - Marriage photo
Philippines
March 10, 2009 8:41am CST
Hello mylotters, if you are married and have children and then you don't love your husband anymore, will you still stay with your husband/wife and save your marriage for the sake of your children even there's no more love?
2 people like this
6 responses
@aidnul (111)
• United States
10 Mar 09
It will depend on how I lost my love for my husband. Is he abusing me, cheating, has he lost interest in our marrriage? Or is it just me who has forgotten just how in love I was with that man, why we started this family in the first place. Or did I see someone else and have lost my mind, trying to throw away what I have for the unknown? If it is the former, I would not stay, because that would teach my children to use and accept abuse, cheating and neglect. However if it is the latter and my husband is still the same and I am the one messing it up, it's time for me to wake up, work at it and save my marriage.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
What if you lost your love because he committed any one of those reasons you have mentioned like he abused u, cheated u or lost the interest in your marriage? So what will you do? Still save the marriage?
@aidnul (111)
• United States
10 Mar 09
If it is the former (meaning that if he abused me, cheated on me or neglected me), I would not stay, because that would teach my children to use and accept abuse, cheating and neglect.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
10 Mar 09
Yes, I would, to be honest with you. But soon I will feel that I am living a lie and then I will eventually leave him. There is no need for me to stay with him if I don't love him anymore. I will also be lying to my kids too. And I hate to do that.. But sometimes, we women may do this, not knowing how it is hurting out families..
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
Thanks for the honest answer. Living in a marriage without love will really makes our life miserable. There are people who are willing to sacrifice like you but we know that there's an ending in all our sacrifices.
@buggles64 (2715)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I would not stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children. Children should be surrounded by love and they should be able to witness it between the parents. This is where they learn how to take on roles in their lives, what kind of message would you be sending your child if you are in a loveless marriage? When I first brought up the subject of marriage with my first husband, he said "I was going to say something but I was staying with you for the sake of the children." Okay....so it's okay to cheat, but stay with your wife because of your kids. This only sends mixed messages to the kids, and they definitely deserve better than that. I believe everyone is worthy of love and being loved, and to stay in a relationship because you have kids together is not setting a very good example. You are teaching your kids that it is okay not to be loved and you are not worthy of love....when in fact you are.
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
10 Mar 09
Children should be surrounded by love and they should be able to witness it between the parents. This is where they learn how to take on roles in their lives, what kind of message would you be sending your child if you are in a loveless marriage? Thats my feeling exactly! the message it would give the kids would be such a bad one and potentially dangerous if you really think about it
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
10 Mar 09
Nope because it doesn't do anyone any good. The kids will sense the tension in the marriage and they are more perseptive than most give credit. If you want your kids to grow up in a loving and healthy environment one should never stay married just because of a child I have seen it do far more bad things than good. I know my mom and step dad stay married and together for a while because of my brother and it wan't a good thing to see and watch. It was a horrid situation and I would think that a parent would want better for their child by teaching them and showing them what a good healthy loving relationship is. Think about it if you don't love a person sure you can be civil but there are still bond to be fights that will be caused on just this fact alone not to mention there might end up side relationships which sends the signal it's ok to cheat and not only that there are many other reasons. I think that if you have kids and the relationship is not working becuase there is no longer love you need to move on and let the other person move on too.
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
Yes I agree with you, children should be surrounded with love. It's not really healthy for them to witness the tension in the family.
@kaplima24 (111)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
This is a really hard decision to make. However, given this situation, I think it would be better to be separated from my husband and grieve for sometime than to cry for a lifetime. I would just consider the feelings of my children and explain to them the reason why we have to separate.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Yes it is true that it is a hard decision to make. I highly respect your opinion which you prefer to be separated than to cry for a lifetime. As time passes by I know children can understand the situation, at first it is hard for them to accept but later they will for sure. Thanks for your time.
• United States
10 Mar 09
I have been through a tough time with my husband. He was unfaithful and some other things that I can not write down. But the one thing that we said when we got married was what GOD has put together let NO MAN take apart. It was not about weather I still loved him because at the time I really didnt think I did. I was hurt and angry.We went to counseling and talked to our pastor. Plus I gave him and ultamatim. It was God and me or what he was doing. We have found that putting GOD in our lives at first helped then putting GOD first in our lives helped even more. God will help replenish the love. But an answer to your question no we didnt do it for the kids(we have 6).The kids know that something is wrong so it doesn't do any good to do it for them. We did it for God and the sacred oath we took when we got married. For better AND WORSE in health AND SICKNESS for rich AND POOR. I hope this helps and I will keep your question in my prayers. God bless you.