A dangerous trend--teen girls proud of bruises from their boyfriends

@dragon54u (31636)
United States
March 12, 2009 9:16am CST
I just heard on the radio that teen girls are proudly showing off their bruises and injuries from their boyfriends beating them. Apparently they think that if their boyfriends beat them, they care enough to be jealous and that means they love them. Some girls are even provoking these attacks just so they'll have something to show their friends. They don't even try to cover them up as people did years ago because they were ashamed of them. No, these girls will wear sleeveless shirts and skirts so that everyone can see how much their boyfriends "love" them. It's hard for me to believe that anyone would see this as a status symbol or an expression of love. Have you heard about this? I know teens do nutty things but this is downright dangerous and sick. Watch out for this trend in your own teens, and I hope it's a very isolated thing and doesn't spread.
7 people like this
34 responses
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
12 Mar 09
In what country would that be? I don't think the girl's parents would be too impress. But it does prove the point that women bring the worse out of men. They are expert at it. It is almost a natural thing for them.
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
12 Mar 09
wow! Did you seriously just state that?
2 people like this
• Australia
12 Mar 09
No... I did not mean it. We all know that women are little angels... And men terrible beasts. If the law says so... it must be true.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Oh wow! Aussie2007, yes, I, too, can't believe that you just stated that!
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Hi, dragon54u!!! The first thing that came to my mind when I saw this title and read this story was.... The issue of Chris and Rihanna.. Since she took him back after he beat her up, society is now saying that Rihanna is sending the wrong message to females. If a women gets abused, she will think that it is okay to get beaten by a man. She will then go back to him and carry on with the relationship as if nothing ever happened. Well society has been right, because the teenagers are experiencing this after effect.. I have not heard this story yet, but from you. What I can say is that it is stupid and immature to display their bodily bruises after being beat. This is not normal nor is it okay! It is sad, how celebrites can trigger any negative outcomes for others. I guess they feel that just because they are celebrities, and admire them, then if Rihanna can take a beating and still stay with her man, then they can do the same thing.. Pitiful is all that I can say! These men and women beaters need to keep their hands off of each other!
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
12 Mar 09
I agree with you about the message being sent from the actions of celebrities. I started a discussion on whether celebrities have the obligation to be a good role model, and I think this proves that they do. Even though it is THEIR personal life it effects a lot of young people's decisions...
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
12 Mar 09
I read today that Chris Brown dropped out of an awards show for kids so at least he has a tiny bit of common sense. It's awful the way kids idolize celebrities and pick up on their lifestyles and attitudes. We need to watch our kids more closely than ever. Haven't seen anything from you for awhile, Cream--how are you doing? I hope things are going very well for you!!
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Yes, I agree!! Abuse has been going on for many years, but since this situation with Rihanna and Chris took place, that is when this just started with the teenagers. I know that many people will start to think about what or could has caused this. And I am sure that Chris and Rihanna's names will be brought us as the initiators..
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Hello Dragon, I'm deeply concerned to learn of this contemporary trend indicating an acceptance if not an embrace, of physical brutality within interpersonal relationships. I had heard nothing of this prior to your discussion. Did the radio news suggest it as a local, regional, or national trend? Regardless, it is a very dangerous trend indeed! When I was a teen, instead of the 'birds & bees' talk, my mother and I had the 'cast iron skillet' talk. Basically, the jist was that it was ALMOST NEVER acceptable for a man to hit a woman, the one exception being if a woman lowered her own conduct to the level of a street brawler. She followed: To make certain that it never happened to me I should, at some appropriate point, initiate the 'cast iron skillet' discussion with all potential suitors. It goes something like this: Should you ever consider it appropriate to beat me, know without question, that when you least expect it, probably in the middle of the night, when you're fast asleep, your skull will meet up with the largest, heaviest cast iron skillet in my kitchen. You might survive the blunt force trauma to the head -- you might not. Either way, rest assured -- you will never again consider inappropriately using me as a punching bag! And, if this transgression were to happen someday in the future to a child that you & I might have together, you can be 100% certain that you will never be capable of beating our child a second time! Neither interpersonal relationships nor parental discipline should ever involve physical injury. Funny how no one ever questioned my sincerity during the 'skillet' talk. I followed my mother's advice in this regard. I believe that it served as a tool to weed out the bad apples and leave only honorable men, such as my terrific husband, in the position of suitor for me. Suffice it to say, no man has ever laid a hand on me. The flip side is that I've always made it a point to be reasonable, and commit to rational discussion over emotional tyrades with the men in my life. In other words, I've never given a man a reason to think it 'appropriate' to lay a hand on me. I've never been described as passive, and it is most certainly in my nature to speak my truth, which of course means that I've engaged some discussions and debates with first-rate fireworks displays. The point is that I set the parameters early on, and made a commitment to responsible communication and conduct for my part in a relationship. I've insisted on respect, though offered reciprocity as an absolute. This is what I've taught our daughter, and my nieces. My oldest niece's husband did make the mistake of getting overly physical with her once, before they were married. After my brothers and I had a little talk with him, he made a point to rein in his temper & has managed to conduct himself honorably since. Afterward, my niece confided that it was I who frightened him the deepest. I will admit that I wasn't terribly surprised. While my brothers had considerable 'size' behind their threat, women have that sense of matronly cunning, that when applied can be most effective. Perhaps the key to getting through to these young women is to return a sense of assertiveness training to our educational priorities. 'Course, the flip side is that assertiveness must be tempered with a solid sense of responsibility. I imagine that the kind of young women who would display their 'bruises' are one in the same with those who would have an aversion to responsible communication and conduct. This comes right back to an educational issue. Our young women are not being taught the difference between being 'female' and being a 'lady', which is a lifelong lesson that should be beginning during the early formative years. No question, this failure of our society falls squarely under the category of 'parenting'. All Mom's & Dad's should make a point of teaching their children the rules of mutual respect -- and the self-respect necessary to walk away when the mutual part is missing. Just my two cents!
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Thank you, Dragon. Both of my parents are long gone. Despite the many challenges, obstacles, and adversities, no question my parents both took their job as 'parent' very seriously. I owe them both so very much, and deeply appreciate their commitment to rearing up myself and my sibblings. I only wish that other parents would be willing to put self-concerns on the back burner and focus on being the best parents possible. Our tomorrow's would look infinitely brighter if only they would focus on their children as much as our parents and grandparents did. Thanks so much for the kind words!
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
21 Apr 09
What a wonderful family you have! Your mother loves you very much to devote that time to make sure you have control of your life. There are so many parents here in the United States that basically let their children raise themselves. They are so busy making a living that there is no time left for the children, who need love and attention. When they don't get it at home, they look elsewhere. That's why we have gangs and this current trend of bragging about bruises--the bruises supposedly shows that someone loves them. We need to get back to family here, find a way to let mothers stay home with their children. It would certainly solve the unemployment problems, every man who wanted a job would have one!
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Mar 09
Yep, this is actually quite common today. I've seen it. I've seen girls talk about how much their boyfriends love them because he gets jealous and threatens them or the guys that are hitting on them or whatever and sometimes he hits them and they don't care because that means he really, really loves them. Girls are blinded by love. They think it's funny. Girls anymore are desparate for attention from guys. Girls tend to think anymore that you have to have a boyfriend to be something and even if that boyfriend beats you, it's OK because at least you've got a boy friend that 'loves you'.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Mar 09
I feel like many teens will try and play it off. They'll say they bumped into something and make it not seem like a big deal. They'll hide it from the parents but when it comes to the friends, they want to show them off because it makes them cool for some reason.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
12 Mar 09
That's really, really sad. I remember as a teen thinking if a boy was jealous that meant he really loved someone. Now I know that's a twisted way of thinking but at the time it seemed to be true. These girls and boys aren't mature enough to know that bruising and provoking jealousy is wrong but where are the parents? I know they can't hover over their children 24/7 but you'd think they would notice bruising.
• United States
12 Mar 09
jealousy is alright, I get jealous alot because of guys making moves on my girlfriend, it bugs me soooo bad because I'm not there to say "back off bub" but hitting a girl for being jealous seems to be counter productive when showing affection. but if thats how it works then the U.S. must have really loved iraq, and hitler must have had an extreme love for the Jews, and the settlers must have loved the "witches" as well lol teens are ridiculous these days
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
14 Mar 09
Both those boys and girls need mental help. That is not love. I have seen talk shows on this subject too. I myself ran away from home twice as a battered wife. From 2 different dudes. The first time i ran they didnt have shelters. If you ever watched the "Burning Bed"w/Farra Facet. It was a true story. I was thinking about doing that to my ex when that poped up in the news. I oppted out and instead took the rent/grocery money bought a bus ticket back home an took off outta there. It was after that womans trial that they started opening the shelters.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I remember that story and movie although I didn't watch the movie, I can't bear to see people getting beaten. So that woman's pain benefited so many but it is a shame that it ever happens at all. You are very brave to have gotten away from those horrible monsters. Many women won't leave because they're afraid to be on their own or they are in fear of their lives--or they love those jerks. I'm glad you got out and hope your life is happy now.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I was afraid to leave and thought of setting the bed on fire with him in it. Drunk he would never know what got him. Because he kept telling me he would hunt me down and kill me. While im descifering if i would be excuted or spend the rest of my life in prison that whole story came on the news (the burning bed woman). With out waiting to see what happen to that woman i took my chances and ran away. He never came looking for me. Didnt even come to see our son till long after our divorce was final. Not even to see our son but to go talk to social services. To see if they could cancel child support. Lol! WTF? I knew they wouldnt let him do that but i went with him to talk to them. Just so i could see his face when they told him "NO WAY MAN!"
• United States
13 Mar 09
Wow, No I haven't heard about this before now. That is just sick! What is wrong with these girls today? Why would you want you boyfreind to hit you what does that prove. It certinly doesn't prove they love you it shows that they are abusive and not worth your time!
1 person likes this
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
19 Apr 09
Just confirms how STUPID this generation of teenagers really is. We're all doomed whenever they finally come into power. Some idiot will get into the white house & push the red button if it hasn't happened already.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
19 Apr 09
This is the most neglected generation of teens we've ever had and I think that's why this sick trend has taken hold. Mom's out working and so is Dad, the kids raise themselves. They are looking for love and approval and don't find it at home. And yes, it won't be good when one of them gets into the White House.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
19 Apr 09
Ugh. This just backs up what I thought. Girls in general, like everyone else in general, aren't smart. My generation and the one after it, apparently, especially. Augh. (Individuals, awesome, the world over, not) Sometimes I wish I wasn't apart of the human race, Dragon =(
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
19 Apr 09
I think these girls are hurting. They aren't getting what they need at home so they seek it at school and among their friends. Parents have been too busy for their kids, generally, for the past 20 or so years and we are seeing the results in today's teens.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I really think these girls need to get some therapy...somewhere they have gotten a very wrong message. Hitting is never a sign of love. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
29 Aug 09
It may be all the expression they know--parents both working, raised in daycare, every adult in their home too busy to really give them attention, never really bonded with anyone, etc. Plus, the movies and tv show all that stuff and call it love. Personally, I'd love to see moms at home full time even if I had to pay more taxes--and everything on TV except educational children's shows cost LOTS of money. Kids watch too much TV and see a lot of wrong things there. I'd like to see Hollywood give us some decent movies, too.
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
12 Mar 09
wow! um...I dont know what to say...This is by far the worst trend!! And I think it is time for parents to step in and deal with this one. I guess the birds and bees talk isnt the only one we need to be having with our children. I am so nervous, because I have 2 young girls (1 and 2) and a boy whos 5, and I am scared of what I might have to deal with when they're teens. Thanks for sharing this! And bringing it to light for those who have teens or know anyone with them!
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Hi, stacyv81! I agree! I have three kids and all of them are far from being a teenager yet.. But, I am not worrying about this now, but I will have to start preparing myself earlier for what is to come as they get older. I have two girls and one boy and this situation is something to really be concerned about..
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
12 Mar 09
It sure is, and I hope some parents intervene before something really terrible happens. And teach them about true love, and it doesnt involve loving someone so much you hit them..
@srganesh (6340)
• India
15 Mar 09
It is pure arrogance on the boy's side and slavery on the girl's side.I don't appreciate this.Why should one go wild and dominating in love.After all,love should be unconditional and sharing.Where comes this brutal way of hitting the other and making it a symbol of love.poor signs are showing up and this should not be allowed or encouraged.Does the girls have the guts to strike the boys?Even if it is so,hitting is not good practice to prove love.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
15 Mar 09
Remember, we are talking about children here! They have no idea what love really is, they only see movies and television versions of it. They need their parents to be involved with them and to advise them and guide them. Apparently, this is not happening and they are so hungry for love and attention that this has resulted. They have no idea what love is yet.
• United States
13 Mar 09
Wow ! I can't believe something like that; I know that their are some woman who likes to get hit,but these teenage girls are out of control if they think that is love. I think that they are seriously miss guided and am almost positive their being mentally abused by their boyfriends and the fact that these girls are in group showing this off to each other they are convince each other that this is good when it's not. In case like this you have to wonder where are these kids parents and what those the schools say about this?
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Unfortunately, I think the problem will need to get bigger before anything is done. The schools now are huge with 1500 students or more and the teachers and staff overworked. The parents are both working and have little time for their children. Single parents are even worse off, stretched too thinly to notice their girls are wearing long sleeves and pants at home all the time. If we could only find a way to let women who want to stay home do so, many of our problems with children and juvenile crime would dramatically decrease within a generation.
• United States
13 Mar 09
You know that I think our society is more concern with materialistic thing. Families don't even eat together anymore. It's all about the busy American families. I agree whit you that mothers should be able to stay home and raise their kids they want. I think their should be more legitimate stay at home jobs so parents can stay home and be their for their kids.
@Dorrdavy (275)
• Jamaica
5 Jun 09
you know what i think their problem is, they are not getting enough love at home, because if they were, they would know thats not love.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
5 Jun 09
You are right, I'm sure. This is just one of many symptoms of children not getting love at home--since moms started to work, kids have been really getting into trouble. I remember when the women's movement started and stay at home moms were really looked down on. As more women worked, more kids started getting into trouble. This newest cry for help on the part of teens is the newest in a long, long list of cries that have been going on for years.
@jen_barre (104)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I have not heard about this and this is quite disturbing indeed. I wouldn't even know how to handle this aside from killing the boy that did it to my little girl! I think its a very tough time for a girl to be alive these days...we are becoming a society much more prone to abusing and using women. It's terrible that the WOMEN are the ones wanting to be treated this way!!
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
5 Jun 09
The girls have no idea what love is. Mom and dad usually both work and there's no chance to see the interaction of a good marriage, everyone is too busy rushing everywhere and trying to hold things together. All they see is TV and movies, which twist things around. I feel so badly for our children these days. I'm so glad mine are already grown.
@rosedust82 (2066)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
What the???? I personally cannot believe why a girl would be proud of doing that. I have not heard of this and if I did, I would still have the same reaction. Being beaten up is definitely NOT a fun thing to go through. I've been through that and I had to think of ways to cover up those bruises not show them off. I can't believe some people can actually like that. Makes me think that these people need attention and are desperate to get the attention regardless of how they'll get it. Sigh. Sad.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I think you're right, they need attention. They're not getting it at home so they look for love wherever they can find it in any form.
@kezabelle (2974)
13 Mar 09
It made me really sad to read that to be honest. I have two young girls and you know i hope to instil in them enough self respect that they know what is a decent way to be treated by someone who loves you. Obviously teaching by example too in that they see their daddy show his love for me without thumping me for a child to think thats ok they must see it often for it to become the norm for them and i hope that seeing me and their dad in a loving relationship would have them running straight to me should any boyfriend hit them not make them happy to show of bruises!
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I think that these girls don't have the attention they need at home, their parents probably work and don't see them much, right at the time they need them the most. Maybe they come from abusive homes. Either way, someone needs to get involved before these girls and boys become so twisted they won't be able to be in a normal relationship. You're doing a fine job with your girls as far as I can tell, I don't think you have to worry about them.
@SangsTurks (1444)
• India
15 Mar 09
I guess, afterall "Love is blind"!! But this blind i didnt know. This kind of thinking in teenagers would cause them a lot of mental hurt which they would think about later in life. I wonder what goes on in their heads that even an assault looks like love?? Just imagine what some girls would have to go through, thinking oh, he beats me because he loves me! It is plain and simple torture and not love, if there is love there is trust too.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
15 Mar 09
Remember, these are children that don't know any better. They need love and attention from their parents and the ones who do this probably aren't getting what they need at home. A good and loving parent is priceless.
• United States
13 Mar 09
i dont understand where women think this is right. i mean we should be scared of the who do such, but yet they think it is ok and are proud of it? thats obserd! i think alot of people are thinking it is ok because maybe they seen their mom go through it or maybe they know about the rhiana case...either way it is not right or acceptable at all
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
13 Mar 09
No, it's not acceptable and someone should address the situation before someone goes too far.
• United States
13 Mar 09
My God! I've never heard of anything like this before and can only hope that it is an isolated incident. I can't imagine the parents of these young girls allowing things like that to go on! It is sick and it makes me wonder what is going through these girls minds for them to associate violence with love. What is the world coming to?
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Their parents definitely need to pay more attention to them.
• Australia
13 Mar 09
Whoa... that's crazy, i don't understand whats cause him/her do that. someone is responsible for this girl. Hey girl, DON'T get boyfriend that beat you. stop hurting yourself
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Right, these girls need some guidance very badly.