potty training question

@jessi0887 (2788)
United States
March 13, 2009 8:02am CST
I have shared before how well my son has been doing in potty training. He goes pee all day in day care. They even switched him to underwear now. Saving me alot of money. WEll he even went poop in the potty two weeks ago. The thing is he comes home and he refuses to use the potty at home. He will go pee here and there at home but not every time like he is at school. THen he will go all weekend depending on diapers and not pottying. I just dont understand why he pee's in the potty all day at school and not at home. Should I push harder. Maybe I am not trying hard enough. IS it because im mommy and he thinks im more easy on him or something. Whats the deal?
4 people like this
12 responses
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
13 Mar 09
Well try promising something if he makes in the potty at home to give him an incentive. Well maybe at home he feels that he can make any where he wants and at school he cannot because he will be punished by the teacher. I remember my child who used to pee and poo around the house and still she sometimes do it at home. She is three now and she tells me when she needs but sometimes she holds it until she makes in her panty.
3 people like this
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I use to offer him rewards but then he didn't care to much for the rewards after a while.
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@deebomb (15304)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Here's what I did with my grandson. He would do fair but we were getting ready to move on to a military instillation. It had a play ground and and we let him go check it out while we were looking at the quarter. He messed his pants. He was 2 at the time. I told him if he ever wet or messed his pants again it meant no more going to the play ground. He never messed in them again My suggest is to find something he likes to do and let him know that if he wants to do it he has to wear big boy pants and if he wets or messed in them then he can't do that. Get rid of those diapers and pull ups they are a hindrance to potty training.
• United States
13 Mar 09
I would ask his teachers how they do things. At school he probably sees the other kids going in the potty and he wants to fit in . On weekends I would try to stay home as much as I could so he is close to the potty. Get rid of all diapers, and show lots of praise and don't show your frustration. When mine was little I had a jar of jelly beans , We called it potty candy and she got a jelly bean each time she went in the potty. I know it's frustrating but he will get the hang of it soon .
2 people like this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
13 Mar 09
How old is your son? And does he wear the same underwear at school (the ones he won't wear at home)? Have you talked to them to see exactly what they are doing differently from you? Another thing to think about is he a home most of the time on weekends or are you guys gone a lot? From what I understand from other moms is when children are getting the hang of it, they need to be at home most if not all the time till they are comfortable. He goes at school because he is most comfortable there because he is near a potty not out and about. Plus, I am sure he sees other kids doing it and that is helpful to him. And yes, it might be partly you not be consistent with him. I know all these things because that is what everyone tells me why my 3 year old isn't potty trained! lol I use to beat myself up about it but someone also made a great point - you don't see a lot of 5 or 6 year olds school in diapers right? They'll do it, when they are ready. Myself, I think it's all my fault my so isn't potty trained. We are never home on weekends and even during the week we are gone a lot. I am a nanny so he goes with him and he only goes to preschool two days a week. And yet, I am still not consistent with him. I really wish I could hire someone to potty train him the right way!
2 people like this
@liquorice (3887)
13 Mar 09
My daughter spent a really long time just weeing/peeing in the potty, but not pooing/pooping. So when she told us she wanted to poo, we always had to quickly find a nappy/diaper, and get it on her before she did it in her knickers/pants. (Lol, we really do use a lot of different language when it comes to potty training!! I hope my bilingual writing doesn't detract from the story.. ) Anyway, this went on for months and months and we were getting fed up with it, but no amount of encouragement made a difference. Then finally, and for no apparent reason, we were round at my mum's and my little girl suddenly decided she wanted to poo on the potty. And then she would always do it at my mum's house, but not at our house or anywhere else. We saw this as a massive breakthrough and didn't push her any further. And then a few months after this she decided to do it at our house too. Now she's fully trained, and it was really her own decision. I don't know why your daughter's doing something similar, or if it's to do with us being their mums; but based on what happened with us, I'd just let her decide to do it in her own time. (Of course, with us I think it also helped that we were very enthusiastic whenever she used the potty, and we also gently bribed her with treats, and promised her a bigger treat for when she did a poo on the potty! We just didn't put any real pressure on her).
2 people like this
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Thanks for sharing.
2 people like this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
14 Mar 09
You need to do what the daycare is doing. They probably either put him in the underwear or they constantly take him to the potty. Potty training is hard. When there is a daycare involved you both have to do the same things. I know the daycare my son goes to they only take them before and after lunch and after nap time. The kids will ask if they want to go at other times. Find out what your day care does and try following their routine. Good luck. Boys are HARD! I think it's because they are more stubborn. (and then they are men) HEHEHE
2 people like this
• United States
14 Mar 09
I would definately completely eliminate the diapers except for nights only if he needs them. Put him in overalls or something where it's more difficult for him to take off the underwear since for some reason he doesn't like wearing them only at home. What I see is that he's got this to control over you. It's a battle of who's the boss! Show him that your in charge- something I'm sure they do at his day care. Plus changing underwear (even the more expensive ones) is still cheaper than buying pull-ups and diapers which can't be re-used.
@Shar19 (8231)
• United States
14 Mar 09
It may have something to do with him thinking he can get away with things more with you. I wouldn't worry about it though. As least he's going some of the time on the potty. Just keep reminding him that big boys go in the potty. He'll come around eventually.
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
14 Mar 09
My son just went thru this with my youngest granddaughter. He reached the point where it was just ridiculous how she would expect to wear diapers since she had just turned 3. So I told him about a reward system I saw on the show Jon & Kate. For each time she peed she got one skittle. For poohing she got two skittles. And my little granddaughter loves skittles. For those times when she was just plain lazy and messed her pants she got a time out in the corner for 5 minutes. It only took a week or so and she was trained. It might be something you might want to try with your son.
@Kat4676 (474)
• United States
14 Mar 09
Our son was the same way. It is still almost impossible to keep underwear on him. (He tends to go commando under his pants and we don't always know.) He is five now but, I used to take cheerios and put them in the potty like a game. If he sinks the cheerios he gets a treat of some sort. With our son, he did great at other places and not so great at home. You are not doing anything wrong, all kids are different and will sometimes not do as well at home as they do elsewhere. My son likes to try to impress other people and just not mom and dad lol. Kat
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I think that one big deffierence is, at day care, he has other kids his age also using the potty, and at home, he doesn't. At day care, he ants to be a "big boy" like the others, and at home, he still feels he has to be your little boy. I think that if you are always sure to use the phrase "big biy" when you talk to him, it may help a little. For instance, he sits at the table to eat, you can say, "what a big boy tou are to sit at the table so nicely. I am so proud of you when you do big boy things." Reiterating to him that you are proud of his big boy ways may help. Another thing I think would help is to not allow him to wear a diaper or pull-up unless he is going to bed. And if you can, take them away at that time too. Cover heis mattress with plasic in case of a night-time accident, but keep him away fromk diapers and pull-ups as much as you can. If he doesn't like to wear his underwear, you may consider allowing him to pick out one new package at the store. If he still won't wear them, try just letting him wear a pair of sweat pants or shorts. At least he's covered. I have a friend who would ask her daughter every few minutes if she needed to pee. If after 15 to 20 minutes, she was dry, she gave her an M&M, if she went to the bathroom, she gave her 2. It took her less than two weeks to completely potty train her daughter with this method. It may be worth a try.
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
Don't push him so hard. I read that potty training would greatly affect the child's personality. Those who are trained will be more keeper on things and money. They will keep their belongings in proper places. I am not a mother yet but the time comes I will train my children and my children will train their own children and the next generation.
@Jae2619 (1483)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I wouldn't say our doing anything wrong. Some kids feel more pressured at school, or day cares being in front of other kids in wet underware, even at 2 is embarassing. So for that he knows he has to keep going and going so the kids don't see him make or have an accident. Ask the teachers if they ask him every hour if he's gotta go, or if there's a group that they are potty training together. That could make a world of a difference in your method at home. Being away from you during the day and coming home to momma may just be more important to him than using the potty, kids are odd sometimes. On the weekends, tell him only big boy pants, no more diapers, keep them off of him so he don't get mixed signals. If he has an accident, don't get upset with him, and just clean it up and move on, maybe he's scared he's gonna get in trouble if he's in big boy pants at home. Best of luck, and in time he'll get it.