How many single moms are there out there?

United States
March 13, 2009 11:07am CST
I have four children and I am single. I take good care of my kids. We are not rich, but I work two jobs and go to college. I do get government help (medicaid and foodstamps) but it is still hard. My jobs don't pay well, but I manage to keep the kids clothed and give them extra money from time to time. I will finish college soon and hope to get a good job so I do not have to work so much. I love my kids but I do wish it wasnt so hard. I guess my main question is, "Why do single mothers have to work so hard to take care of the kids and men think they can just walk away anytime without the responsibility?" I know not all me do that, but I know so many women that are in a similar situation. Why are there men like that and why do they act like women have to take care of the kids and they don't?
1 person likes this
9 responses
• United States
16 Mar 09
I've wondered the same thing. Its so easy for men to just pick up and leave but we can't. I'll be a single mom in about a month (35 weeks pregnant) and from basically day one of finding out I was pregnant I've been on my own. The cost of just preparing for a child is crazy!!! You and everyone else are an inspiration for me though. For so long I was depressed thinking I needed a man to raise my little girl but now I know that it'll be ok. I may have to work harder but she desearves that and I can't for my life understand why he doesn't understand that.
• United States
15 Mar 09
I am a 1/2 single mother. The father of my son is there when he wants to be and helps out when he wants. I go to college and also work to provide for mine. Luckily I only have one so we get by. I don't know how men can so easily walk out. If they only knew the hardships of raising a child and then having to provide. It is so overwhelming. Sometimes I don't even want my son to see his father because I feel like he shouldn't be able to come into his life when he wants. He shouldn't be allowed the benefits of playing with him and hearing him laugh because he barely provides. I know this is selfish thinking. So I still let him come around because what makes my boy happy makes me happy.
• United States
21 Mar 09
Yes, i know the deal with that. My oldest son's dad was only their partly...if i could even say partly. He came around only when he wanted. I never denied him visiting his kid. Now that I moved to another state, which actually i am only an hour away, he says he realizes that he messed up because he could have seen his kid whenever he wanted and he took it for granted. My son is 14 years old now and his dad finally grew up a little, but its too late. He can still see his son, but he dont drive so unless my son grandfather drives the hour to pick him up or I happen to go to his city for some reason, he dont really get to see him. They keep in touch by the phone, email and texting, but it just isnt the same. Sometimes i guess guys realize, but it is usually too late by then.
@buggles64 (2713)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I am a single Mom. I wish I could find a job, you are lucky to have a job. I can remember the days when my schedule was very full like yours...I miss those days. I was a Mom, working full time on the weekends, going to school on the weekdays, and my life was very full. I didn't get a lot of help from my husband, but my neighbor was a big help to me. Now, I sub once in awhile for the local school district, and my calendar is empty. Even married women end up caring for the kids more than the men do...and when they watch their own kids they refer to it as "babysitting!"
• United States
14 Mar 09
You said, why do men think watching their own children is "babysitting"? Like it is some "job" that they can't wait to clock out from?! Anyway, I love my kids, they are the world and I am thankful for them because I know that even if I grow old without a man by my side, I have plenty of kids to provide me with grandkids and a family. That way I will never be alone. I will always have someone to visit with. Thank you everyone for the encouragement. And to all the single mom, keep up the good work!
@Pleiades (846)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Honestly, Dange ^ said it best. I too am a single mother raising four children. They are from two different husbands but neither of them pay child support, so I too am dealing with government help and stuff. I'm very lucky to have family to support me so I can stay at home with them, but I hate that feeling. However, I've been an at home mother for so long, I don't have any skills to help me if I do go out for a job. Women are caring and nurturers by nature. Trouble is, we get into trouble because we're trying to be with a man who will do the same for us but for some reason or another, the ones that I've found are not it for us. My first husband left us and rarely pays child support, but he's got a new wife and two boys of their own. My second already had two boys from his previous marriage and lost his job so getting anything from him is next to nothing. However, it's not fair. When I left my last husband, I kept the children from him for nearly nine months. I figured he wasn't paying for any support, why should he be able to get that privilage to seeing his sons? The judge wasn't happy with that from me but she wasn't happy either with the fact he wasn't supporting us at all. So, he's ordered to pay six months of back child support...he's still getting off easily because it's ONLY $200 a month for two children. Another thought is...men aren't as tough as they were 50 years ago. There's something to be said about men who go and get their nails done and spend more time on the way they look rather than pulling weeds. *Pleiades
@Pleiades (846)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Sorry..it's "Daneg" *Pleiades
@daneg33 (1131)
• Canada
13 Mar 09
This is because women are nurturers by nature. You are doing a great job!!! Are there any support groups in your community, maybe where you can go and hang out with other single moms and trade services - like babysitting, etc.? You do need to get out and have some time to yourself once in a while. Hang in there, things will get better. Have you gone to court at all to try and get support from the father of your children? There are usually free legal services available for low income single moms - especially if they will be getting some support out of the deal. If you live in a state that will jail him for non payment of support, that might be your "satisfaction" out of the deal. Don't let him be a deadbeat dad.
@kryzell (921)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
being in the same situation, I can relate with you. Asking that question to men, seems to make the burden lighter... but in my case, it didn't. The father of my son is having the time of his life right now, he just got promoted, a new girlfriend, etc...he seems just so happy. While me on the other hand, my work contract was not renewed, and I am not even thinking of having a new relationship with all the stress I am into. At first, I got so bitter. But I realized, some men just don't get it. They can go on with their lives, and be happier. So if I am going to go on with my life crying... I won't go anywhere. Now, I decided, that instead of being to bitter...I'll concentrate and put all my efforts to having my life and my son's life way better, than being with his father. His father may have everything right now...but he just missed being a father with one of the world's best son :-) so cheer up my friend. Be positive.
@dclant (4)
• United States
18 Mar 09
I know exactly what you mean I have 3 kids and one one the way my two oldest are from a guy that doesnt have anything to do with them at all, they do not even know who he is! He hasnt seen my son since he was 1 and a half and has never laid eyes on my little girl, thankfully the guy I am with now is great and my two youngest are his. He treats all of the same and my two oldest call him daddy!
@xiaouie15 (289)
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
There are really some men who never seem to care about their child or children. So irresponsible. Oh well I know how you feel. Taking care of four kids isn't that easy. You really need a lot of hard work just to raise your kids well. Too good you are a strong person. Just strive hard. Sooner or later you wouldn't gonna think about worse fathers and why they are like that cause lots of 'em exist in this world.
@lynnemg (4536)
• United States
14 Mar 09
Be proud of yourself, VERY proud! You are doing a wonderful job to take care of your kids. I am not single now, but I was, and I raised my three kids by myself for many years. I always wondered mself why their fathers thought it was okay to walk away and not help take care of their kids, but, in the end, Irealized that the situation was only making me stronger, my kids stringer, and our family unit stronger. Those men were he ones losing out, not us. I am married now, but I am here to tell you, if my husband happened to leave us tomorrow, yes, we would be hurt, but, we would be okay because my kids know that I will always be here for them and to take care of them. Rest assured, you will get through college, you will get a better job, you will be able to spend more time with your kids, and your lives will all be fine. The hardest thing for me to realize was that as long as I made my kids feel normal, and not like we should be felt sorry for because of our situation, thet will not dwell on it either. Take i fro smeone who has been there, it does get easier! In the meantime, you should really feel good about all that you do.