Dating with someone many years older than you
March 15, 2009 10:02pm CST
Hi, my close friend is dating with a man who is as old as her father. She encounters many oppositions from her family. Have you ever seen or been in this situation? Then can you give me some opinion sothat I can advice my friend.
• United States
16 Mar 09
I think when you're young and date an older man, it seems cool. You don't care if people stare or think you're crazy. For me, 20 years later, I realize that it would have never worked, especially with raising kids. I had opposition and I decided to stop saying where I was going. That just made things harder. I realize now that it wasn't a good relationship - he was controlling me because I was young and all he wanted was the physical relationship. He got angry with me when I spoke to other people and didn't jump for him. It got old and I moved on. I'm not saying that it's impossible to work, but when you're young, you continue to change as a person. Older men are more set in their ways and have certain expectations, it seems. Based on my own personal experience, I'd say it's a bad idea. My husband is 7 years older than me and that's enough of an age gap for me. I wish your friend luck.
• United States
16 Mar 09
I am assuming your close friend is of legal age to come and go and make decisions as she pleases. I was 25 when I met a man 20 years my senior. We just hit it off, and became instant friends. Later on, that friendship grew into something much deeper. We decided to make it official and we started dating. My parents disapproved; however, I was 25 years old, and quite capable of making my own decisions, and had been living on my own since I was 21. They somehow still thought of me as a helpless teenager, unable to make a wise decision. This angered me. This man treated me like gold. They had no reason to hate him. The only reason they disliked him was because of the age difference between he and I - they never gave him a chance. Unless your close friend's new love is beinga jerk to her, I do not see where everyone else has to voice their opinion on the fact that he is old enough to be her father. So what? If they get married, are these people (who are so freely offering their comments) going to have to live with the guy, or is she? Only she is. I am sure they get a lot of stares and behind-the-back comments from strangers, as well, and the couple will notice this. This will either make them grow stronger in their love for each other, or they will find that they can not handle the stares and comments from strangers and it will break them apart. Only time will tell. As for the parents: Every parent feels as though no one will ever be "good enough" for their son or daughter. This is also a form of controling behavior. (I have also mentioned this in another discussion). If every adult broke off their relationships because their parents did not approve, everyone in this world would be unhappy, and weddings would probably not exist. Parents need to lighten up and stopplacing their son or daughter in the crossfire, and having to choose sides - it is unfair to them!