Marriage: Are you a believer?

@mamalev (264)
Philippines
March 15, 2009 10:59pm CST
I have been with my boyfriend for more than 7 years now and we've been living together for 5 years and we have a 2-year old son. We're not yet married because my mom petitioned me for the US but we've promised each other that we'll marry as soon as we can. But now, I'm having second thoughts. Not because I don't love him anymore but because my eyes have been opened to the fact that marriage is overrated. I have friends who have problems because of marriage. One friend couldn't give up the marriage because she wants to save her family. The other friend couldn't move on with her life because her boyfriend is married to another girl. The problem here in the Philippines is that we don't have divorce and to get legally separated or anulled is so expensive and too much hassle. Is marriage really that important?
1 person likes this
23 responses
• Indonesia
16 Mar 09
i think marriage is important.the marriage make a women have power in law.for finacial..you must get it for your children.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 09
I do believe in marriage, but I also believe in not being married. Marriage has become to much of a legality. I think it is ok to just live together and raise a family. Why should you have to be married if you love him and he loves you. Mutual commitment is what it is all about. Isn't that what marriage basically is anyway. Why complicate it with all that legal stuff?
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 09
It is important if you really want to spend the rest of your life with that person. You should make sure that you plan to stay with that person although sometimes it doesn't work that way but if you have doubts before you even get married I wouldnt do it. Marriage shows the commitment you make to that person and you become one, your promising to help that person through everything and vice versa making sure you have a partner in life.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
I do want to spend my life with him but can we just stay the way we are? can't we be committed to each other minus that piece of paper? Although I don't know how he'll react when he finds out that I'm having second thoughts. I have to make sure he understands that I'm having doubts about marriage and not on him. Thanks for your response.
• United States
18 Mar 09
You could stay that way minus that peice of paper but then you'll never fully be committed and you'll know theres always an easy way out. Marriage isn't meant to be easy it's meant to be hard work and hard to get out of since you are promising for the rest of your life. If you really know this person is the one for you then you shouldn't have any need to want to get out of the marriage easily.
@pricelis (86)
• United States
16 Mar 09
If its right marriage can be a beautiful thing. It can take work and time to get a point where the 2 of you just mesh together, but its so worth it. Don't go into a marriage thinking that just because you got married its all gonna be a cake walk. You have to remember that now there are 2 of you in almost everything in life, at first it might be hard to handle, but I promise you, if the 2 of you really love eachother and always think of the other, its more then great.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Thanks for your response. When I was younger I thought of marriage like it was the ending of every fairy tale. And they lived happily ever after. But now that I see how much work and effort you have to put into, whew I get a headache just by thinking of it.
• United States
16 Mar 09
Its not supposed to be just work, if thats the case theres a problem. A good marriage is far easier then living the single life and dealing with all the crazy stuff people deal with these days.
@dismalgrin (2606)
• United States
17 Mar 09
I used to believe in marriage and wanted it with the man I love with all my heart. But, a lot has happened and I don't see marriage really as just another way for the government to scam people and legalize everything. I believe that to be married to someone is a commitment that you make to eachother. Why go through all the hassle of papers and standing before a judge or a preacher. My life has been screwed up 3 times over stupid marriages. My parents were married my entire childhood, the only reason they stayed together is because they believed marraige is forever. Finally my mom took a step back and realized how tramatic my dad's parenting style was to us children and his husbandly style was tramatic to her as well. I mean, how would you like to be told that god wouldn't love you if you didn't have as many children as you possibly could? On top of that he was gone all the time, so she was basically a single stay at home mom! Then, when I met the man of my dreams I found out he had been legally seperated from his wife that had cheated on him less than a month into the marriage (she brags about this fact too!)But, every time he would try to get a divorce, she wouldn't show up in court! And they did this dance for 6 years before he finally got a divorce from her. So, all was fine, we waited 90 days before getting our marriage license when some lil hooch he knew when he was a teenager came to him and said that if he didn't marry her she would go to the authorities about something he did when he was a teenager. I mean, come on! He isn't the same guy he was then. But, then he married to to silence her. And, I'm the one that's screwed. How is that fair? It's just a bunch of legal jargon because people can't stay faithful to one person on their own, they need rules and guidelines... and even then, some people need the rules and guidelines because they think it's more fun to break them that way. I don't know. It's really a bunch of stupid in my book. I totally respect anyone that does want to go the marriage route. But, I figure, as long as I'm 'married' in my heart what really does it matter if I do have that piece of paper?
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
18 Mar 09
Thanks for responding and this goes to everybody else who responded to my discussion. I think this is really an eye opener. That not every marriage is a bed of roses, well it may be except that the roses have thorns and not everybody can handle the thorns because some have bigger thorns than the others. Happy mylotting friend.
@jammyt (2822)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
I'm a Filipino and I grew up believing in marriage. I grew up knowing that when you enter marriage, it is a vow between you, your partner and God. What the Church has put together, no one can separate. I also grew up with teaching of what is morally right and sticking to your marriage and making it work is one of them. I can say my marriage is far from perfect but with the petty quarrels we have, we make it work because we try to remember WHY we got married in the first place.. Also, in our country, without marriage, your child remains illegitimate EVEN if the father acknowledged him/her during birth. That sacrament makes him legal.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
18 Mar 09
hi jammyt. well i can't argue when it comes to God and the Church. I know I haven't been a good Christian for having a child out of wedlock and living with my boyfriend but if I didn't do that I wouldn't have a wonderful baby and a loving partner now. Waiting for the right time to marry would cost me precious time because I'm not that young anymore when we decided to live together and having my baby had been a miracle (really). As for the legal thingy with the child... I happen to know that a child whether legitimate or not has equal rights when it comes to their father's support or whatever. Thanks for responding. happy mylotting.
@yenwie84 (1345)
• Malaysia
16 Mar 09
I think marriage is only important when you want to get rid of criticism from others especially family members. If you don't bother how others think,I think you don't need to worry about this problem actually.But if you ask my opinion,I still think marriage is very important. I cannot afford to have a child and stay with boyfriend without getting married. I don't have this kind of courage.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
It's not that I don't care what others think it's just that I think it's more important to focus on ourselves and our happiness than to care about others. Thanks.
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Good day.. Yes.. I am a believer and I got married with my GF of nine years just recently in singapore. I love her more than ever after the marriage and I'm going to keep my word and my vow to her. Marriage is constant, it's a promise to your loved one. Your are bound to her morally and legally and for me it's a good feeling.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
Hi. So you love her more now that you're married than before, that's nice. Thanks for your response.
@mymytri (2031)
• India
16 Mar 09
Well.For me marraige is very important.If am in your place,i dont hesitate to marry.I believe in marriage.My marriage was arranged by our parents.I didn't know anything about that person till my engagement.Even then now we are very happy and love each of us very much.Problems will come and go.If i really like that person and trust him, i would like to have a life long commitment with him.At the same time he should also reliable and expect same commitment from his side
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
Wow! An arranged marriage! And here I am contemplating on marrying or not the person I love for more than seven years while there are people like you who has to marry someone you don't know.
• India
16 Mar 09
In my view you dont have to think like that because every person have his or her ways of leading a relationship .You have to trust your partner and your relationship why you think that marriage always bring problems,why don't you look at the brighter side of this .you can go to the people who are leading a happy married life.If suppose I agree with you that marriage is not important then also just think of the period when you would be becoming old ,at that time only your patner can save you from loneliness.Leave all these things far behind Just create a positive aspects towards world.There are two ways of seeing the world positive and negative,a positive aspect can bring joy to your life and a negative bring sadness and sorrow.so just throw out these negative aspects and lived a happy married life. SO KEEP ............................... SMILING............................
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
Thanks for the response. As I've responded to an earlier post my mom and dad have a beautiful marriage. I've known lots of people who have good stories of married life. Can't just ignore the negative facts because that's the real world there are negative and positive and we learn from those negatives as well as positives. But I like your attitude keeping in mind the good things.
• China
16 Mar 09
I am not a marriage believer. What marriage is for? Do we really need that commitment? if the two loves each other and want to start a new family, go head and just do it, why bother to get married. If a marriage that is just maintained out of responsibility, it is so meaningless. Philippines is not allowed to get divorced? does it mean that one can only married once no matter what happens? in that case, do never ever get married. that's without a doubt. just live the way whatever makes you happy.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
Yes, no divorce just anullment (and very expensive). That's why it's so important to think over and over again if I really want to marry and would it make any difference if we're not.
• China
16 Mar 09
Some people has good life after marrige,and some not.I think this is the destiny,i belive god arrange all for us.If I loves a man,I will marry him. if one day our emotion goes to end,i thinks this is predeterminate and can not be avoided,but I will not regret to marry him.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
Thanks for your response. That's the problem, we don't know what lies ahead of us and would marriage be helpful or pose as a hindrance for us in the future?
@dodo19 (42415)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
16 Mar 09
Personally, I think that marriage is made for some people and not really for others. I don't think that we're all made for marriage, and we all have different views about this issue. Marriage is important to some people, and not so much to others, depending on these people's views.
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Thanks for your response. I just wish that I'll know if marriage is for me or not before the time comes and there'll be no turning back.
@lynnemg (4536)
• United States
16 Mar 09
Form me, marriage is important. It shows a lifelong commitment to one person. My husbad used to tell me that it was nothing more than a piece of paper, but, since we have been married, he has realized how much more it really is. If you are not ready for marriage, that is your own choice, but if you are really planning to commit yourself to this man, then why wouldn't you want to marry?
@mamalev (264)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Thanks for your response. We have been living together and I love Papi (that's how my son and I call him) as if we really are married minus that piece of paper. It's just that I have friends and relatives who have problems because of marriage. I don't know, I haven't talked to Papi about this because he might think that I'm having second thoughts about him or I don't love him anymore.
• India
17 Mar 09
i don think anybody can live out like a human all through his life without marrying .marriage gives u responsibility, and induces a little poisture in ur heart...i ve seen many rudes turnin out to be very kind and lovin father and mother....
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
I married my best friend about 9 years ago and before that, we have always been very close. We have a little boy too who is also very close to us. I believe that marriage is important and people should get married for the right reasons. A lot of people rush into marriage without really thinking things over so they end regretting their decisions later on. In cases like these, marriage is not not really the problem but rather the way the person handles the relationship. Life is what you make out of it. If you love somebody and you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, then by all means, marry him or her.
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
17 Mar 09
To me, marriage is important... and I feel sad that you think marriage is overrated... to me, I think that marriage is so underrated anymore. Everyone thinks they can get married and go sleep around. Or one little problem and the marriage is over. People anymore want everything fast, cheap and easy. If you love him, and want to be with him for the rest of your life... why are you so worried about divorce and annullment and how much these things cost? Trust your heart, trust your head and trust your gut. Talk to your boyfriend and get his opinion as well. I think marriage is something to be loved, honored and treasured. Not to be rude but your friends' problem's aren't most likely because of marriage - its because they haven't yet figured out a way to solve them. And your other friend's married boyfriend is not a marriage related problem, for her anyway. Her boyfriend is married! Her and him shouldn't be together. I'll admit, marriage isn't for anyone... but people just need to take it more seriously so it can have the greatness it used to have!
• United States
16 Mar 09
To me marriage is very important. In my religion, being married makes it possible for the two of you to be together in the after life and that is very significant to me. However, it is a very personal decision. I think you should talk it over with your boyfriend and see what the two of you feel is best for you.
@mermaidivy (15404)
• United States
16 Mar 09
Marriage is very important to me, I always think I will get married and build a good family with the husband and it never get influenced by anything, no matter how bad my female friends describe their relatinoship, how bad they say about guys and stuff, I still have strong believe about marriage. I think when you love somebody, it will just get to a point that want to marry each other, live together, have a real family together. I wish you good luck and stay strong of your believe if you think marriage is a good stuff, don't give up easy by listening to the people around.
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
yes I am a believer in marriage.no matter what marriage you've seen successful or not you never think that your marriage would be like them,just go with the flow and you know the best thing you must do someday when you got married.