If you are in a relationship do you seperate your familys?

United States
March 16, 2009 9:42am CST
I seperate my husbands family from my own. I see it as his family, my family and then the kids as ours. He sees everything as a whole. This has caused us a few problems over the years since I am not comfortable mixing things together. It's obvious his family is the same way. Since his sister has married, her in-laws have been a part of most of the family holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Other than the kids birthdays which is mutual, I am not comfortable with this. I often fake being sick just to leave. I have never been a part of mixing things together since my parents families lived in different states.
6 responses
@benny128 (3621)
16 Mar 09
I think once you marry its not just the people marrying its the families too. I think that the my partners families become my family etc etc Really dont see how people can keep them seperate.
• United States
16 Mar 09
I guess I'm the oddball. I don't feel that way. I married him, not them. Plus, they are VERY different.
@benny128 (3621)
16 Mar 09
nah not an odd ball just different views. Tho before I got married I met her family if I didnt like her family I wouldnt of got married lol. happy mylotting,
• United States
16 Mar 09
We both knew the families. Grew up in the same neighborhood as both of our mothers and everybody went to school together. It may be because not many liked each other to begin with. Married him anyway.
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
i don't like mixing it also. so its divided by 3 groups ...our family ( me , hubby and kids), my side of family and his side of family! i invite them in different batches whenever i have a party at home... lunch his family, dinner my family. i want everybody to be comfortable that's why im doing it that way..beside i want to give my full attention to each family! my hubby don't have problem with the arrangement! he likes it! and he calls me genius in planning parties!
• United States
17 Mar 09
Thank you. I was starting to feel a little nuts. I have the same three groups. I find it very uncomfortable mixing. Thankfully we haven't reached the point where we have to have parties at our house, but I will keep your plan in mind.
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
i understand how you feel! anyway.. if its not comfortable to you , you'll never have fun with all these parties ryt? so i guess doing what makes us feel great is the best thing! take care!
@jesssp (2739)
• Canada
17 Mar 09
I feel the same way, in fact one of the reasons we aren't having an actual wedding is because I don't want our families together. It just makes me uncomfortable. My fiance's family likes to bad mouth and gossip about everyone and I really don't like the idea of my family being subjected to that. On the other side of the coin certain members of my family can be quite strange and unpredictable so I'm a little worried about them doing something in front of my fiance's family that would cause more gossip and bad mouthing. I just like it separate, there's nothing wrong with that.
• United States
17 Mar 09
I did manage a small wedding with both and I'm not against both families being together for my kids birthdays even though it stresses me out. I think serperate is best. Gossiping is a problem for me too.
@buggles64 (2713)
• United States
16 Mar 09
When I was married, I considered my husband's family "My Family!" and even though we are divorced, I still consider them "My Family" I divorced my husband, not my family. I like to think of my sister in laws as the sisters I never had. And to me, family is family, you can't just stop loving a family member. You divorce your husband because you have differences, and can't get along...not because you don't love them anymore.
• United States
16 Mar 09
I can understand that. I still consider my brother's ex-wife as my sister-in-law after 15 years of divorce even though he hates it. She is still the mother of my nephew, therefore family. I don't think this would work in my case anyway. My father-in-law is great and treats me well, but my mother-in-law has tried to get us to divorce many times.
• India
16 Mar 09
in relationships unknowingly sometimes we separate ur family.but one should realize and try to makeup.i try keeping a balance between my family and my husband.
• United States
16 Mar 09
I don't seem to have a balance.
@moneymommy (3419)
• United States
16 Mar 09
I feel that my husbands family is my family and I like to mix it all up.
• United States
16 Mar 09
I think that's great if everyone is comfortable with it. Maybe I'm just don't see because my parents families were so far apart it wasn't possible.