should a woman have to pay child support?

United States
March 18, 2009 9:03pm CST
had an interesting comment on one of my discussions earlier so i have to ask.. should a mother have to pay child support? what are your thoughts on this? i feel like this. if a woman has custody the first thing most yell is "i want some money..child support" i feel like if a man has to apy child support.. a woman should too.. why should it be different based on gender.... anything else based on gender and we claim it is a violation.. they are discriminating... but yet when we are on the end and have to pay we think it is wrong because we are women.. isnt that contradicting? you cant have your cake and eat it too so i feel that if a man has custody of his children...yes the woman should have to apy child support. she is just as much responsible for the kids as he is and needs to help support them. women always use the excuse " single mother" well look at all the single fathers in the world.
7 people like this
36 responses
@Shawchert (1040)
• United States
19 Mar 09
I thought women did have to pay if the man got custody... and I think it should work both ways around, a child should get what they deserve, and blah blah. I'm a single mother, and I mean single... I get no help from the father, and I'm not about to look for it or him. If I lose my son then there is something terribly wrong with me, and I should take those types of consequences and pay. I'd pay more than just support though, I love my son enough to do whatever I could to make sure his life is good.
2 people like this
@kissieme (777)
• Philippines
19 Mar 09
Hi chantal... I think it is still a woman's responsibility to help with the child support no matter whose custody their child gets to. Not only because she is equally responsible for having a child but also for the reason she loves the child.I still don't have a baby cuz I'm still innocent when it comes to intimacy and stuff like those but I'd still want to support my child if ever I get to have one. Giving love and financial support to a child can never be based on gender.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Mar 09
Of course the woman should pay child support in all reality the parents went into a legal bind when you have kids. Since you both decided to have them and when one wants out or divorce well i think the kids should decide lol but that wouldnt be right would it.
@ljbinkop (744)
• United States
19 Mar 09
HECK YES! I speak from experience here. We recieve child support payments from my husbands ex-wife every two weeks, and I need every dime that we get. This woman abandoned her children to go off and live in a moldy basement with a man 11 years younger than her, and left her two teenage kids behind for other people to raise and take care of. Why in the world should she NOT be made to pay? If ahe was a man, there would have been no question about it, but fortunatly there was no problem with our case and the courts told her exactly what and how she should pay us. She doesn't even really have a problem with it now. She knows that it is her responsiblity.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Mar 09
I think if the father has custody then the woman should have to pay child support and vise versa. If the woman has custody then the father should have to pay child support. It they have joint then neither one have to pay. I think it important that these guidlines be placed for the child. This way the child can have the support a child needs from each parent. Too kids need to know their parents care. This way they know both are providing for them the best that they can. Gender should not matter.
• United States
19 Mar 09
I kind of take offense to you saying that "women always use the excuse single mother". I am a single mom of three, and I have never used that as an excuse for anything. I have many "single mom" friends, and they don't use it as an excuse either. If anything, we are proud of the fact that we can be both mother AND father to our children. I, for one, have been divorced for seven years, and have gotten a total of $300 from my ex. I think that I do pretty well for myself and my children. True, we have had a rocky couple of months, but we're back on our feet now, and I just made an offer on a house to buy. I think that whomever has custody of the child/children should be getting help from the other parent. I don't know of a court system out there that would disagree with me. I've never heard of a woman not having to pay child support just because she's a woman.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 09
i didnt mean to offend you at all... i was stating in general. a lot of women say that... and i dont believe it is right
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 09
I apologize for taking what you said the wrong way...I'm a little touchy on the subject. I've heard people accuse us of that a lot in the past.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 09
Thanks for starting a discussion on something I said in my response to your earlier post, but you took slightly out of context. My ex husband never paid me child support when I had all four our children, yet because I'm a teacher he suddenly gets child support from me when he gets custody. That to me seems a bit one sided and absurd. So, now that I put that back in context, let me explain my reasons for others so that perhaps they can understand why I wrote what I did on your other thread. In a traditional household if one has children that are not old enough to take care of themselves (needing bottles, etc still) most of the time (and I use this very loosely) the woman stays at home to raise the children. I see very few men in Western society (America in particular) giving up their jobs to stay at home and wipe bottoms. So, if a woman leaves her husband for whatever the reason or vice versa (I have a long story that I'm not going to clutter the board with), I don't feel she should have to pay child support regardless. I feel this way because what occurs when the woman remarries and has her own children? She has to continue to work to pay child support and cannot take care of her own children. I understand that I am on the opposite end of the spectrum as I am a mother who pays childsupport but is also a stay at home mother (so my child support is actually paid out of my husband's salary). I don't buy the old cliche "You made your bed now you have to lay in it". My first husband was abusive to me. Our children made their choice to go back and live with him, and I made the toughest decision of my life to let them go back to where they were raised and where they had friends while I finished out a teaching post in another state. I am not saying a mother is not responsible. You are in a situation in which you have custody of two children whose mother wants custody. I would assume that there is some bitterness on that end. It's to be expected when someone whom you don't feel is qualified to raise her children comes along and says "I want them back". And yet, how many father's complain about the amount of child support they pay? A great many. There is no easy answer where child support is concerned. Children need to be provided for. In my own humble opinion I believe mothers need to be at home raising their children and fathers need to be providing for them. I think honestly that a woman's place when she has children is in the home until those children are able to go to school. As I said, I'm a traditionalist in this area. Again, I hope that your child custody issue works out for what is in the best interest of the children. Do not allow bitterness to seep in and distort the truth. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 09
i dont have bitterness towards her at all. i feel she should be their mom and that is her place not mine. i have my daughter and i thank god for her daily.. their mom doesnt ever call, see them..nothing like i said maybe 4 or 5 times in the 2 years i have been with my hubby. but now she wants to fight for custody when she knows she has no means to support them at all...no car..no job..her man is a convicted felon.. she has one other child who she doesnt know who the father is .. but yet all of a sudden she wants the boys? yes i am a stay at home..well work at home mom and i take care of our daughter while he is gone at work..but i work too... if we were to ever split and he got custody i would pa child support to raise my daughter just as i would expect him to. i dont believe there is a difference. i do believe in the saying "you made your bed now lay in it."
1 person likes this
@emilie2300 (1889)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Yes I most definetly agree a women should have to pay child support. It's just as much responsobility as the men. I know some women who are actually paying child support. It's only fair It should be justified by your gender.
1 person likes this
@anetteh (3591)
• Sweden
19 Mar 09
Yes, in my opinion it is natural that the one who have the custody of the children that person should have childsupport from the other parent. No matter if it is a man or a woman. I am a single mother, divorced and have full costudy of a son. His father pay me childsupport every month. If my son would have been living with his father and he had full custody I would have to pay childsupport. We are both the parents and no matter who has the custody we both are responsble for the childs support in every way.
1 person likes this
@manunulat (605)
• Philippines
19 Mar 09
I don't have any idea about the legal systems in your area's family courts but basing from your statements, that too makes a lot of sense. For example, if the husband obtains child custody; should the estranged wife contribute to child support... If my understanding is right from your statement. Yet, you have to understand that basically, the judgment is based on who is the most capable parent that can support the child as he or she grows up. The financial capability is one strong factor to determine this. Yet, it is usually the husband in most societies that is established and identified in law, as the "provider", so he is the one "technically", who can financially support the family. Depending on what the legal arrangement is, the woman can still contribute for child support. It is just the fact that most laws of the land is patriarchal. Like, when a woman gets married, she assumes the surname of her husband. A manifestation of how the law is designed. On the other hand, when a wife losses "child custody", it is often perceived that she is not the more capable parent who could provide the needs of the child basing from the evidences presented in courts. Yet, if "child support" is provided by the wife to a single father, then issues about family structure and marriage is re-defined in legal systems in which case, it may be possible in the future but in my area, written laws really takes some time to have its revisions.
• Philippines
19 Mar 09
nice topic
1 person likes this
@luvmysons (497)
• United States
19 Mar 09
I completely agree with you.. Why should it be ok for a man to pay child support but its not ok for a woman to pay. Most definitely women should have to pay as well. They need to help support there child too. Most of the time Woman have custody which is why men pay child support but in the cases where the man has custody he needs help too. Whether you are a single mother or a single father the job requirements are still the same
• United States
19 Mar 09
well, I feel the child should get support from both parents. So I guess that's a yes mother's should pay support. On the other hand when I left my son's father I did NOT cry out for child support. I haven't gotten any support from him. He doesn't even see his son anymore..I told him to get a court order for visitation..that I would not fight it, fed up with his bullcrap...guess his son didn't mean that much to him. He was just trying to cause trouble b/c he NEVER tried to get visitation rights. sorry..the answer to your question was yes...lol
1 person likes this
@krissy32 (205)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Yes and yes!! Finally somebody gets what I have been thinking for a long time. Both parents are responsible for any children that they bring into the world, whether their relationship works or not. It makes no difference to me if they are married or not, both people are responsible for bringing up responsible children and courts have no business letting off women who owe support,period. End of discussion. If a man gets his license taken away, pay garnished, and jail for nonpayment; then so should the women who have to pay support to pay those same consequences. Might look at www.glennsacks.com for activist ideas and join in the protests against all forms of gender discrimination of either gender. Hurray, somebody gets it!! Especially judges need to be held accountable for their own biases. Too bad I am not a family court judge yet. LOL, there would be a mighty change even if it is in my part of the world.
@tjdas83 (178)
• Malaysia
19 Mar 09
I hear you my fellow mylotter! Yes they should. We claim to want equal rights but when the tables are turned around we seem to become hypocrites. It's only fair to ask the women to pay if the man gets custody of the child/children. Women want to be equals, so here is their chance. Pay your share of the responsibility.
• United States
19 Mar 09
I think they should. If they dont have custody of the child(ren). If the dad has to pay when the mom has then why not vice versa?! I have a neighbor that pays her ex boyfriend every 2 weeks for child support for their daughter that lives with him.
1 person likes this
@lingzi (568)
• China
19 Mar 09
er, i think a woman should pay child support no matter she has the custody of her child. she is a mother after all.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 09
* Clap* I totally agree with you. I think if the father have the child then the father should but the mother on child support if she's not supporting the child already. I feel the reasoning behind this system is more then like being used for mothers not using the money to take care of the child but to take care of themselves. I also feel if the other parent is already helping to provide the child with things then I don't see the point of child support. I think child support is suppose to be for parents who doesn't want to help provide care for the child at all. But if we woman want to be treated equally then if the father is taking care of the child then the mother should pay if she doesn't want to provide for the child, but this decision shouldn't be base on gender it should be base on what's fair.
1 person likes this
@chookie1971 (2275)
• Australia
19 Mar 09
Child support is a very touchy subject because there are alot of different issues to look at. Every which way some one is not going to to be happy. I feel that of course the non custodial parent should pay child support regardless of gender. There is a situation to think about where I don't believe a non custodial parent should pay. I will call them parent 1 (custodial parent) and parent 2 (non custodial) regardless if they are the father or mother. If a custody case goes to court and parent 1 get custodial rights to the child, while the court gives parent 2 visitational rights. If parent 1 decides to move away which prevents parent 2 from seeing the child, I feel that parent 2 should not have to pay because parent 2 does not control parent 1's actions. If the parent 2 is the one that moves away so parent 2 is unable to see the child, then it is parent 2's choice. I have known of a situation where parent 1 has moved away preventing parent 2 seeing the child according to the court orders. I also know of another situation where Parent 2 has moved away making it more difficult for them to see the children. It is from these situations is the reason why parent 2 should or should not pay for a child. Child support really does need to be tougher. Think about it. How easy would it be for a woman to fall pregnant, seperate, claims child support. Falls pregnant and it starts all over again and again and so on but each father doesn't see the child. The woman would be set up for a long time where a man/men would support her so she would not have to work. A woman like this should be denied child support if the father has not lived with woman for a least couple of years of the child's life after birth. I know of a young woman who would do something like this because she doesn't want to work. She wants to have kids so that she doesn't have to go to work. She told me this when she was 19 years of age. Her child/ren would only come into the world to benefit her financially which I feel is wrong. So really child support is very sensitive issue. To finish it all off, I am a woman. I have children. If I was to seperate from my husband at all, I would want to support my children on my own without having to rely on child support. If I was to receive child support, I would rather children benefit from the money later in life when they decide to move out. I don't want to use the child support for myself.
1 person likes this
@goldeneagle (6774)
• United States
19 Mar 09
If the man has custody of the kids, then YES, she should have to pay. Women have been b!tching about equal rights for centuries. So if they want to be seen as equal to a man, then they shouldn't piss and moan about child support any more than a man does... On a separate note however, it is RARE that a man gets custody of the kids in a divorce under normal circumstances. About the only time a man will get custody is if the woman is worthless enough for the judge to realize that she can't properly raise the kids. There are exceptions, however, but this is usually the case when the father is awarded custody, unless the woman doesn't want custody to begin with for some reason...
1 person likes this