friends for life???

United States
March 19, 2009 7:52am CST
Do you hold your friendships to dear or near? I have a heart that doesn't know hate and doesn't know goodbye. If you have been my friend and you suddenly hurt me, I may try to stay my distance to avoid you hurting me more or again, but never would I erase your name from my friend book in my heart. If you hurt me and then came to me hurting inside yourself, totally not related to you and my relationship, I would sit with you and listen to you and give you whatever comfort you needed to feel better. My heart has been hurt by the same friends sometimes 5 times and yet still i would open my door to them if they came sad to me. IF you hurt my family, well then that is dofferent. I would not ever see you again, but still I would care for you and wish only good things for you. It is simply my heart. Is there a such thing as really letting go of a friend?
5 people like this
23 responses
@buggles64 (2713)
• United States
19 Mar 09
A true friend will stick with you through the good times and the bad. If a "true" friend was hurt by your actions, they would discuss their displeasure with you and the fact that you did something made them unhappy, they would never leave you guessing as to what you did. If you do not know what you did, how can you fix it? As I have said before, true friends are hard to find. They say to error is human and to forgive is divine. The only person that I know that can forgive everyone is God, we try to follow in his footsteps and follow his example. My door would always be open to you if you hurt me, because I am a friend, but don't ever expect me to be a door mat. IF you hurt me and my family enough, I would just walk away from the friendship. I would wish you well, and pray that someday you would realize that you lost a true friend in me.
• United States
19 Mar 09
you know what, you said it right. Stop and say the saying as I truly do many times. I ask what would Jesus do and I know he would turn away from no one that was in need. Thank you for reading and writing. Darrel
@busyB4 (875)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Darrell, you sound like a great friend who really treasures the things that count most. It is really hard sometimes when you are hurt so badly and the "friend" does not want to stick through through thick and thin. I SO agree with buggles. Both friends have to VALUE the friendship as precious for it to be the best. You see things a little different if you have an illness in your family and you see how people who you thought were friends dont come around or even call. Not that you wish any thing or harm to them, but it makes you really find the ones who are true friends!
• United States
20 Mar 09
you are right. the illness will bring out some real sides of "friends" that we may even be shocked by. people shy from things they sometimes do not understand. I have a few that stepped back but i am still there to help them if they should ever call on me. Again, it is just my heart. Thank you writing more you seem to be a kind soul. Hugsssssssssss Darrel
• United States
20 Mar 09
im the type of person that would die for my friends but i will not let some one to continue to hurt me over and over again.. i will let one incident (huge incident) slide but not a second time.. that sounds horrible but i have had some really horrifying backstabbing experiences and since im so sensitive and get hurt and dont get over things easy i dont want to leave myself open for people that dont give a crap and love to just hurt some one over and over again.. it will really mess with my head and etc.. i have learned though that if you start out a friendship with the promise that if i upset you that you know to tell me right away that that helps keep from getting big problems in the future.. most issues start as small and the person doesnt tell the other one and it just builds up into this huge thing and ends up ending a friendship with the other person not knowing what they did or the person that got hurt misunderstood what happen etc..
• United States
20 Mar 09
Hello sweet lady... Hugssssssssssssss, so nice to see you here. smilessssssss You are right in so many ways. You know that you and I share the same mind. Most of what we do, the other has done or will do... lol. To be stabbed over and over is going to eventually destroy what could have been or once was a great friendship. Even for me, there would be a cut off point but yes, starting out with the understanding that hurts would be talked about right away will help to hold off the "festering" issues that start tiny and one on one on one becomes so huge it explodes. By that point it isnt normally the little thing at the end that truly was the issue, it was something long before that, maybe even half forgotten. As the saying goes, it isn't the last missed day that got you fired, it was the 3 before that... Hugssssssssss to you and my goodness, it really is great to see you here... let me know how you have been............. Always, D ;) and Great Pics.....
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 09
ive been good.. been busy trying to get stuff done in real life so i havent been on mylot much but hopefully i will get caught up eventually lol.. i need to really hit editing on my book since its way too long but i just cant seem to get my mind on it right now.. i hope you have been doing well
• United States
19 Mar 09
I hold my friends very dear to my heart, but I am not naive enough to believe they are forever. Nothing is forever. If you cage a song bird it no longer sings. I also do not keep liars close to me. When I have a friend who goes with gossip, starts gossip about me or anyone else, I tend to pull back and avoid them. I consider that type of friend toxic and it's not something I want in my life. Now, that said, I have many people I consider acquaintances, those I speak to but am not close with in terms of intimacy. Namaste-Anora
• United States
19 Mar 09
Throughoutthis reading of peoples comments, I thought about that. There IS a huge difference in friends and an aquaintance and you are very right. It is unsafe and perhaps a bit unwise to keep thise that hurt or deceive you in a "circle" of friends. But... I do believe the adgae of "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer."
2 people like this
• United States
19 Mar 09
Oh, I definately support that saying. If not close, at least a close watchful eye on them. It is sad though that we even have such problems as humans. I suppose it is one of our failings as a species. Namaste-Anora
• United States
19 Mar 09
wow can you really do all these things? I just recently dumped a friend for 20 years for spreading rumors about me..I even deleted her from my Friendster Friendslist.
• United States
19 Mar 09
I guess I could not ever do that. Friendships are precious and yes, the spreading rumors would be hard and some might say that friends wouldnt do those things but they do and it happens and you deal with it. If they have been your friend for 20 years and were "dumped" so quickly, I question how much of a friend they were. I wish you always the best. Darrel
• United States
19 Mar 09
well as what the joke says " we only need two friends, one that is fat so that somebody would make us thinner and one that is poor so that somebody would makes us richer"..and of course it is just a joke.. Seriously, I don't need a lot friends that can't be trusted..man's got to know his limitations, I'd rather have few but can stick through thick and thin.
• China
21 Mar 09
Yes,I agree with you.Actualy,I always hold my friendships to dear or near,just like you,sometimes one of my friend hurt me,I will say to him,get out of here,I don't want to talk with you any more.But I won't do that in fact,because I can't erase him from my heart,he is one of my good friend.so after several days,we begin to make joke each other. But if he or she hurt my family,I won't forgive him.
• United States
2 Apr 09
There is somehow a difference in being hurt personally and someone hurting our family. I agree with you that in that case I would need to distance myself.Thank you for reading and for your great comment. Darrel
• United States
20 Mar 09
Wow you must really believe in your friends. I tried to be that way but after years of trying to forgive the friends that hurt me, i gave up. I got sick of the same friend hurting me over an over again. It wasnt healthy for me to hang on to somethig that was hurting me so much. Sometimes the friendship just isn't worth being hurt so many times. There is such a thing because sometimes really letting them is the only way to let go of the hurt.
• United States
20 Mar 09
and i am so sorry for your hurt this way. I have not seen that point and hope i dont need to. Thank you for your rsponce here. every opinion or thought helps me see different sides.
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
your so nice! i think were not different....
• United States
20 Mar 09
Thank you for reading this hugssssssss... Have a great day and enjoy your time here at MyLot... Always, Darrel
@sukumar794 (5047)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
20 Mar 09
Friends for life - it is hard to maintain,for prolonging the relationship against all odds is tough.
• United States
20 Mar 09
Against all odds yes, but... if you take the chance and go all in with your bet, think of the reward if you win... and the experience if you dont.. Life lessons are there for a reason... Always, Darrel
• India
20 Mar 09
nice topic for discussion, we need friends for many reason, a friend in need is friend indeed
• United States
20 Mar 09
Nicely written and yes the saying is true. No greater friend than the one that needs you... smilessssssssssss...
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Mar 09
You really have a heart of gold, you can accept friends that have hurt you many times and still come out smiling without a trace of anger or sadness. Having a friend like you is so precious and how could anyone hurt you again knowing your true nature. Real and lasting friendships are among the most neglected of human resources today and am fortunate to know you and be a friend to you. However, it is within your power and mine "to feel kindly toward others," especially when their actions deserves to be criticized. You refuse to give hate a chance to get even its foot in the door of your innermost emotions. You are a man who learns to love life and people openly, wholeheartedly and honestly cannot help but stand out like a new dime in a fish bowl of dull pennies. Letting go of a friend is heartbreaking and is easy said then done. So would you accept me to be one of your friends in life?
• United States
20 Mar 09
First hugssssssssssssss to you for the kindest of words here. They mean so much to me and I have tucked them in my heart for safe keeping. Your words are true in that my heart wont allow hatred to seep in. If it ever does, it is coupled with Anger that someone had taken me to the point of hate. then begins the domino effect of the anger bringing on sadness and sadness bringing on questioning once ownself etc...I Love with a Passion so strong and there fore would hate with the same passion and so I steer clear of it. Sadly, with this heart comes those that would take advantage of it, knowing I can not hate and would not walk away. The waters are tried and tested and retried, sometimes as a child would touch a vase they wewre told not too... to see if they will get away with it again. Many hard hurts have come my way this way but still, I love them and would hold them or comfort them all over again, even at the risk of being hurt again. I have many many friends and in reality could NOT do things this way and have some truest of friends but then who helps those I walked away from in their hour of need?I simply can NOT walk away, ever. If I loved you yesterday before a hurt then I will still love you tomorrow after the hurt. There is enough hatred in the world... I don't want to add to it. The song from wayyyyy back inmy "hippie" days {lol} comes to mind. "What the world needs now, is Love sweet love, thats the only thing that there is just too little of..." If you show a Tiger Love, he may still eat you but you may have been the Only love he ever knew. And that will be your legacy. believe me, being bipolar opens up a whole world of people that can be cruel and hurtful. I take it with stride and try my best to love and give love where it is asked for. As for you, and accepting you as a lifelong friend??? That is already done beautiful lady. No matter what happened in our lifes, you have cemented a place in my heart forever. Always, Darrel
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
i guess there's no such thing as letting go when it comes to friendship. and i really admire you because you are really such a good friend. i know its normal that friends may hurt each other at times. but friends can forgive each other always though its a case to case basis.
• United States
20 Mar 09
you are so very right. We can forgive and even I know that there may come a happening that I can not look away from. But I know in my heart of hearts that I will Still want to know how they are and pray for them and that my door will still be open should they need a place to be. It's just my heart...
@karbuks (270)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
I will always hold on to my true and loyal friends. If a friends action hurt me, then, i may get disappointed or angry but if they are willing to ask for apology sincerely, then i will forgive them and give them another chance. If they commit the same mistake again, then I think letting go of a friend is important, it will make them realize the things they had been doing and it will make them realize the lost they have for not having you as their friend. A true and loyal friend will not hurt you or will not do things that can break your friendship.
• United States
20 Mar 09
sadly, i think this is where people get hurt the worst. Some hurts are only made to feel worse because they Are committed by those we call friend. We set our friends almost at an inhuman status and then if they do hurt us we are devistated. As was mentioned by someone earlier here, they are human and make human mistakes too. Life happens to even the loyalist of friends and cause them to sometimeshurt us. The strength of our love says it all and will sustain us through the rough waters if we want it too.
@sumiirajj (1983)
• India
20 Mar 09
Hi friend,Even one friend is enough for me who is loyal and faithful but it is difficult to find true friends now a days.Even when we get friends one day it is sure that we would be hurt by them so only scared of the pain I keep a distance with every one.There are people who have a good and great heart like you but it is hard to find one.thanks for sharing.happy mylotting.
• United States
20 Mar 09
I too have hurt some friends and even some loves in my life.I am thankful they found it in them to forgive me and remain my friend. Sometimes we go though places in our lives that open doors that we should have shut right away. It seeems our friends are the ones that feel it. But if the friendship is built on solid ground, it will withstand the storms.
• Taiwan
20 Mar 09
What a nice person you are!You must have many friends arond you:)But for me, i can't stand for my friend who cheats me or hurts me.If they do so,i will end up the friendship with him/her at once without any hesitation!In my opinion,friends should support with each other,but not hurt,I don't know how you can make that,because i'm afraid will still be hurt if i continue to keep touch with him/her!
• United States
20 Mar 09
you are right. the hurt is there and you will be more cautious of the possibility of hurt but the friendship can still be true.To forgive is not always to forget. Darrel
• Indonesia
20 Mar 09
to be honest, no.. no matter how strong we are, saying that "u're not my friend anymore", "i hate u, just go away", etc..it's just a word and anger at that moment only, when the time goes by we will still missing those friends again and would really wish to fix the friendship again. i am like that..i dont have a heart to hate my friends, though they're hurting few times or was a big problems in between, i will still love them care bout them, and missing them in my heart..i really do..
• United States
20 Mar 09
nothing wrong with that heart at all. hugssss but yes, it seems that once a friend hurts us and finds that we are still with them, they woill hurt us again at times. It really comes down to our choice and if we are still there, then we chose to be there. thank you for your responce. Darrel
• United States
19 Mar 09
I have had my best friend nearly all my life...I am lucky to have such a great friend and that she has never hurt me. On the flip side of this, I have had friends that have betrayed me and I could not forget that. Do wrong by me once, shame on you, wrong by me twice, shame on me. Hurt hurts and sometimes it doesn't go away. So in response to your question, yes, there is such a thing as letting go of a friend--everything happens for a reason and maybe that reason is to not have them in your life anymore and for someone else to enter into it. Hope this helps.
• United States
20 Mar 09
I fully agree that everything has a season and a reason. Thank you for writing here. Darrel
@luvmysons (497)
• United States
19 Mar 09
Friendships are very dear to me but if you hurt me I may forgive you once but hurt me again I am done with you. Most of my friends are friends of mine for many years. My longest friendship is of 28 years. To me a true friend would never hurt you or talk about you.. And if they do then they are not true friends
• United States
19 Mar 09
I think this screams out perfectly "I'll forgive but I will never forget." Perhaps that is a safety net we put up inside of us to protect us against the same person hurting us time and time again. Thank you for writing.
19 Mar 09
Is there such a thing as really letting go of a friend? To that, I'd say that it depends entirely on what the friend wants too. After all, it takes two to tango. In a way, it is similar to a love relationship. If your partner wants to distance himself or herself, you would let them go because you love them so much that you value their wish too. And when they choose to return, you'd take them back simply because your heart knows no hate or vengeance.
• United States
19 Mar 09
I agree and I think that there very possibly, again other than physical hurting, is no permanent saying goodbye. As my Beloved taught me before she went to heaven, "There is never goodbye, Only see you later."
@Anne19 (300)
• Philippines
19 Mar 09
I think there is. Especially if the friendship and trust was starting to fade. Sometimes letting go isn't really the end. It's just a way to start anew.
• United States
19 Mar 09
well put.there are times when we need to simply erase and start over. Thank you or this.
@TLChimes (4838)
• United States
19 Mar 09
I am a forever Kind of girl. Even my ex-husband knows that I'm there for him if he needs it. I use cation with people who hurt me but I don't usually slam the door. I've had friends walk away from me, or time and distance came between us. Shoot, if they wanted to come back I'd be here. The only time I really lock a door is when someone publicly tries to harm me or mine. When they go so far over the line to hurt me or the family. Somethings can't be excused.
• United States
19 Mar 09
You and I would get along perfectly. I am this very way and no matter what circumstances come that cause our issues, I would forgo them if they were ever in need. But if everrrrrr they tried to harm me physically or my family, I would be done. Even pacifists have their moments smilessssssssssssss... Thank you for writing... Always
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