would you rather be a friend or mother to your kids?

Philippines
March 19, 2009 11:26pm CST
rasing kids now a days seems to be a tough job. I remember when I was just a little girl if my parents or anybody older than I am ask me to do this or that, i'll earnestly obey them right away. I'm so happy that people praising how sweet a child i was then. but now that i have my own kids, its kinda difficult for me to guide & teach them the way they should go. It seems at an early age they have their own way of doing things. If I insisted mine they'll get mad & have tantrums. if i'll just go with them how can i practice being a mother? what do you think?
6 people like this
25 responses
• United States
20 Mar 09
This is normal for them to get mad. I loved what my sister told me once. She is a short person but her husband is tall and so are her children. She said when the kids were little that she better take control of the situation before they get bigger than her. One son is 12" taller than her and the other is 4" taller. They deeply respect her and obey her. She is their friend also. There are times for friendship and loving time but also time to obey and follow rules. There are usually inventive ways to discipline like taking away a toy or privilege for a time. If you do not take care of their anger and tantrums now, the world will not be so kind to them.
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
ok. thanks for sharing. thats what my auntie told me. better to discipline them while they were young as what the bible tell us so.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 09
Remember that discipline can mean also teach and instruct. If something is written in the Bible it must always be done in love (that is what God is) not anger. A tantrum must be corrected because a child can not hear you or God when that is happening. So many times I did not know how to approach a problem with the kids. I would pray something like this: "Heavenly Father, you know this child's mind that you have given me. I do not know how to help them to be your children and how to do this, please give me wise understanding and love to direct this child to where they should go. Open my heart to hear You, God, and my children also. In Jesus' Name, Amen. It does not have to be long and fancy just "God, help me." Unfortunately, I did not ask God how to discipline at first. I am so glad God put this on my heart. Thank God for forgiveness from my children and God. I have such a good friendship with my children now that they are grown. They tell me when I am overstepping and I tell them when they are (in love). It is the best of both worlds, respect for one another.
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
thanks for such a wonderful insight. i'm thankful that i got a lot of ideas on how should i take good care of my kids. more power & good day.
@gracie04 (4554)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
I'm not married yet and i don't have kids either but if i'm going to be a mom someday, i'd try to be her mom and friend as well.. you know, i'd like my baby to open up to me, i'd like him/her to share his/her secrets with me, his/her problems, etc.. in short, open communication... of course, i'd still exercise my power as a mom if i needed to..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
wow, i'm so happy for you that at this early you are exchanging some ideas already about your future plans for parenting. keep it up so you'll get a lot of ideas. thanks for sharing them.
@maissj (111)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
We are in the same shoe, i find hard to tell my 4 year old son to pick up his toys and clean after his mess, i know he is just a boy and only four years old, but he's smart enough to reason with me like a young adult, so why can't he be a young adult and do as he's asked? but we have this rule at home where i will be the strict one and my hubby will be the lenient one, it sometimes works well for us, but this child have his way of finding loopholes in our house rules. it seems that learning that his dad is the forgiving and lenient one, he makes his dad his shield when i am mad. there was even an instance when i locked myself inside his room, because i feel so stressed out, but apparently i left the room key in the living room, and he found those keys, i overheard them talking, his dad said, arvee go to your room and say sorry to mommy, and he said, "daddy kaw na kumausap dun, natatakot ako, galit eh" (Daddy, talk to her, i'm afraid, she's angry), see what i mean? but having that going for several days, i noticed he stop saying ILOVEYOU to me, that's when i said, i shouldn't be so strict, i should not let him sleep with me angry at him, so from then on, i would show him that i am not pleased with what he's done, but at the end of the day, i will talk to him and tell him that i love so much that it makes me angry and it hurts me to see him being naughty, and believe me he understands every word i said,... i hope this works for you too!, ingat friend, SMILE, MAI
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
actually when i only have my 1st son, i find it exciting to be both with him. but now that they were already 3, theres a lot of stuff to be concidered. maybe it's just too tiring to be a mother of 3 kids. i'm thankful to mylotters that i've received so many ideas to develop my mothering technique. goodluck to your style.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
20 Mar 09
I would like to be both. As friend that could listen and give some advice to their problem and a mother who could solve them for them.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
it's really a good thing to be both. just a lot of patience & sacrifice. thanks.
@daliaj (5684)
• India
20 Mar 09
I am newly married and thinking about having kids. I would like to be a friend to my kids. But, I don't know who to be a friend to a kid because my mom is very serious and a strict mother all the time. I don't have an experience or have never seen anyone being a friend to a kid instead of being a mother. Can anybody here suggest some tips to be a good friend to my kids rather than a strict or serious mom? Please...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
yes it's nice to be friend with your kids. thats my first choice also, but sometimes when i get mad with them i wanted to try the way my parents raised us up. they were strict also. but i guess it wont work now a days. as what i've heard from child psychologist. the more you are strict the more they go up against us. just be patient enough & try to understand them more.
1 person likes this
@eselmaro (208)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
Can I choose both? Being a mother, is being a friend too. After all mother knows best.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
ok, thats your preference. thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@smartmom (827)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I believe that my children need me to be their mother more than their friend. They can get friends in school, but a mother's unconditional love cannot be substituted by friendship. I also think that children needs to have limits, and this is one of the jobs of a mother as well. Of course, I still have fun with my kids, but when we go to the park, playground, beach etc. I need to make sure they have fun while being safe.
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
ok, thanks for your unconditional love. i think the friendship they can have outside our homes had a lot different from the friendship we can offer to them.
@ancy114 (102)
• India
20 Mar 09
u know wat ??? nowdays kids are very intelligent ..they know what to do do??? wen to do n wer to do..so if they do any thing good do appericiate them encourage them as a frend...give them full support ...if they are in distress go near them talk to them try to solve their problem by giving suggestio as a mother .... n if they do any thing wrong tell them wr they go wrong n show them an example like a teacher so tat they wont repeate tat mistake again ...t's all in ur hand to make ur child a good one..
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
thanks for the nice explanation. i'll remember this, be a mother, a friend & a teacher to our kids. good day.
@deebomb (15319)
• United States
20 Mar 09
It would be nice if we as parents could be friends with our children while they are growing up. Being a parent is the most rewarding, difficult and important job in the world. A child needs a parent to be a parent first and foremost. They need to know that they can trust the parent to let them know they are loved but also to teach them what they need to know. I believe that parents can be both parent and friend but have to know when to be each. It is a very fine line.
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
yes we need to know when to be a friend & a mother to them from the start so someday we can taste the fruits of our labor. thanks for being a concerned parent.
@zhx629 (44)
• China
20 Mar 09
i think the nauty baby is cute. child nurturing is an exhausting but happy process, i think.
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
yes they were cute. its really fulfilling to be a mother with sweet angels, just need more patience & alot of sacrifices.
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I had 3 daughters and they are all now adults. My oldest daughter and I are the best of friends - the other two have their moments but they know I am their friend too. My youngest daughter is going through a very difficult time right now - I am in the UK - 4,000 miles away from her but she calls me and cries on my shoulder. I am waiting for my new passport to come and when it does I will be looking for a flight to go to her. Yes I do think at any age you can be both a Mother and a friend to your kids. A long time ago a lady told me this was what she said to her kids - " I am your Mother and by that virtue I have to love you - but right now I really do not like you." She seemed to make that work for her.
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
i'm a long way to your stage. how sweet that you're all ladies, with common interest. my 1st son is 10 yrs old. he has concerned that i cannot explain well for i haven't experience them & sometimes i just really dont know the facts about guy's transition stage. being far from his father who works overseas, i have to ask other mothers with the same situation i have. above all I make sure that i can fulfill my duty being a mother to him & to his 2 siblings.
@Jae2619 (1484)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I am a mother first and formost. I teach them right from wrong and manners. I am there friend as well, but protecting them and guilding them with good choices comes first. I see many parents who are strictly friend with their kids and then they wonder why their kids have no manners, no respect for them. All children will push buttons to see how far they can get, and how much they can push people over but that's when you must take the step to be the parent your to be. Children don't understand that when your making the better choice for them, they think you are being mean, but that's what parenting is about, your gonna make them mad from time to time, your gonna upset them, but in the long run being a mother to my children first, is the best choice.
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
thanks for sharing your choice. it's really a great job being a mother. the way we motivate our kids will surely reflect on their attitude so we better made a right move today, before they will blame us. it's better that they'll get mad to us while theiy were young & someday they'll gonna thank us.
@mymytri (2032)
• India
21 Mar 09
I would like to be both friend and mother.For sharing feelings and emotions i would like to be a friend while guiding what is good and what is bad i would like to be a teacher.But i dont like to beat them.I want to grow up children freely with enough freedom.Happy mylotting
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
To be closer to your kids, be a friend and a mother to them. As their friend, they can easily open-up to you their problems and easy for them to share their secrets. As mother to them, you can easily impart to them your advices and easy for you to reach out them.
@mimico (3618)
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
It's nice to be both depending on the situation. Sometimes, kids don't really need a mom who'll smother him with affection but more of a friend who he or she can confide in. If I really had to choose, I'd like to be a mother because that's what I'm supposed to be anyway. it's my primary role.
@Cyrics (85)
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
Yes you can be both. But you need to balance it when to be mother and when to be a friend.
@Chay428 (65)
• United States
21 Mar 09
It's really hard to be a friend and at the same time a mother to our kids but one thing for sure, we can be both! If we want our kids to be that loving, honest and thoughtful to us, we shoud start by becoming their friends at first and then it will follows.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
21 Mar 09
If you punish them you need to follow through, they know that they can get away with things, so they keep it up. You have to follow through with what you say needs to be done. And keep it up. Right now they are showing no respect. You and your hubby need to work as a team. Watch the Super Nanny, she has some great techniques that work. She is on Fridays nights at 8 p.m. CST. We did what our parents asked or said to do, because you knew if you didn't you would be in trouble, and we also respected our parents. Good luck to you.
@lynnemg (4538)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I am a mother first, then their friend. I want them to understand and learn respect, but also to feel comfortable enough to come to me with anything.
• United States
20 Mar 09
I grow up in a home where my mom is both my friend and a good mother. Basically all you have to do is take all the things your parents taught you and teach them to your kids. Kids are always upset if they can't do what they want to do, it's up to you to teach them. If all you are is a friend to your kids they are not going to really respect your authority. I think you can do both being an awesome mom and a freind at the same time.