can you be friends with your boss???????/

@parthu28 (498)
India
March 22, 2009 9:03am CST
i have a friend of mine who has joined an office 5 days back.she says her boss is friendly and also of the humorous type.she says sometimes she feels that is it actually possible that your boss can become your friend?????? she said that being an employee she isn't able to deny all the ways he is trying to be friends with her....she feels it is not done to be friends with a boss.. i said there isn't a problem until and unless he starts behaving in a bad way or with any other intentions.... what do you say?????????/ what should i suggest her???????
15 people like this
56 responses
• United States
22 Mar 09
I would think it would not be a good idea in most cases. Sometimes when they are your friend before they are your boss then it's not too bad. As I worked with a lady who was an accountant for a few years and then they promoted her to boss. She was a good boss and still had the switch turned on in her mind about what it's like to be the peon as well as the boss. Where as I had a different boss whom it seemed like to get into the mans good graces you did work on his house! Seriously, there was a gal who's hubby did odd jobs aside from his normal job.... the boss & next one under all hung out togeather with this gal. I know the bosses gave some favortisim to this other gal because of the work her hubby had done in their homes and they were "friends" but it's funny when she messed up she never got in trouble. And she was put into a job position she wasn't confident in because they were buddies.... either way keep a decent repore with them but never consider a boss a best friend and don't hang out with them outside of work unless you did prior to your employment.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
22 Mar 09
LOL! Yeah, it's a little dicey if you hang out with people from work too much outside of work, especially bosses or leads - people above you. Sometimes you discover all sorts of things you didn't really want to know about them, like outside of work they're a drunk.... or don't treat their kids well, or are on the outs with a spouse that you only ever heard GOOD things about at work. Trying to reconcile that version of them with the face they show at work can be a complicated process. What I found out about one former coworker/lead was that she didn't even like her position, much less her job, and somehow or other she mentioned her salary (and she made less than me!). THAT was bizarre, she'd been at the company for at least 5 years longer than me, and she was ABOVE me too. I'm a good listener, I never did once expose anything about mine to her... lol.
• United States
22 Mar 09
When your lead makes less than you and they are clearly not happy.... would be a symbol that they perhaps want her to move on. I bet the person confided in you because you knew how things were being ran there. I had a similar problem as a lead or person who had been there for years longer they were hiring teenagers for maybe .25 less if not more than I was making an hour. That really makes a person feel worthless in their job.
@j4ck_86 (102)
• Indonesia
22 Mar 09
No, you can never be friend with your boss. However, you should built a good relationship with your supervisor but is should not be too far. It is not the same with the relationship your friends. Friends in office are functional, so try to figure out some limitation in building the emotional relationship. Plus, be friend with your boss will give you confusion in playing your role, as subordinate or friend
1 person likes this
@parthu28 (498)
• India
25 Mar 09
the problem here is that she has already tried to make it clear from her side that she doesnt want any kind of any friendship or anything with the boss.but somehow he doesnt seem to understand............... what is she supposed to do???????
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
22 Mar 09
Um, has she ever heard the term 'never mix business with pleasure'? There is a reason so many people frown on being too friendly with someone at work, definitely not limited to or including your boss. Man that would be weird. I considered myself friendly with my boss but she was a woman, so there wasn't THAT aspect to it. Plus she was still my boss. It wasn't friendly like 'my best friends' type of friendly. By the way, I would never have dated anybody at work, even if they wanted to lol. If your relationship is GOOD, you can't help but talk about it, ie it is tough to hide it from people - but if your relationship sours, then it is IMPOSSIBLE to hide it. Having your career hurt your relationship or your relationship hurt your career is bad enough, but with times like they are now, nobody can really afford either one, in terms of economics or emotional baggage!
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
Hmm, I am a Boss and I had some very intimate moments with one of my staff. Doesn't seem to be a problem with our work. In fact she can tell me anyy suggestions that could work in solving the company's problem quite openly because of what we have. It's just a matter of looking at it in a different perspective. If your at work, you're there to work, I'm the boss and you're my staff. Outside the office, it's a different story.
@benny128 (3621)
22 Mar 09
no your boss should never be a friend, work and pleasure should be seperate. Its ok to have a good working relationship but thats as far as it should go.
@parthu28 (498)
• India
25 Mar 09
i also feel the same and i even suggested the friend of mine to maintain the working spacebut she says her boss is not leaving any scope for her.he's the one who is coming forward inspite of all the retreats she is making...... what would you advice her in that case.....and one big problem is that she cant leave the office as she is under a bond for an year and a half.......
• Philippines
25 Dec 09
Hello parthu28! I don't think being friends with our boss is bad. Based on experience, my Dean (my immediate superior) is a good friend of mine. The president of the university where I am teaching is a good friend of mine as well. I believe that for as long as personal interests do not get into the way, there is nothing wrong with being friends with our boss.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I don't think you can be a friend with your boss. I worked in a place where the boss was friends with most of the people that worked there and it caused more problems than you can imagine. When she would try to speak to one for doing something wrong at work they would take it on a more personal level. About everything seemed to be a more personal level and no one really took her serious because they were all friends with her. In a work environment you need to be more professional than you would have to be elsewhere, but since everyone was all friends and went out together all the time, the work place was not very professional at all! And then when she got fired, Lots more went wrong as well! Lots more walked out the door along with her and she convinced more to quite as well. Leaving not many to work at the place anymore, making the business almost inopperable (sp). I would have to say she was the best boss I had every had, but I think that was due to the friendships and I didn't feel uncomfortable around her like I do some of my other bosses because they think they are much better than you just because they are higher up.
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
26 Mar 09
I think this is more of a personal preference if she can be friends and still remain at professional at the office then why not be friends with the boss. You just have to know how to seperate work from personal life when you walk out that door.
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
Hey there! Tell her to do her job well and stay as what she is, friendly and approachable. Of course don't initiate and once her boss starts to do bad things like sexually related stuffs don't let him. She should set the line. It's harasment already. Have a nice day. Happy posting!!
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
24 Mar 09
A tough question. Yes you can be but what if the friendship turns sour? Are not you at risk that you will end up fired for no reason at all but that your fiendship has ended?
@CMTS_87 (1340)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
Of course! That is not impossible.
@dpk262006 (56769)
• Delhi, India
24 Mar 09
It is very much possible that your friend could be 'friendly' with her boss and they can be 'good friends'. It is a matter of perception, if friendship between a subordinate and the boss is healthy and they strictly followe certain limits, while interacting with each other, I think there is no harm in it. Problem only arises, when one starts crossing the limits. Your friend always need to keep this point in her mind that a boss could be her friend, but on the other hand she needs to give due regards and respect to her boss, because of his 'Chair' and status. If her boss is an honest fellow and is a gentle man, she will come to know during the course of friendship, it is difficult to fake for too long, I believe.
• United States
24 Mar 09
Bosses and friends don't mix in some Business, the job paid the bills and maybe she can handle him when the time comes for her to do so, just let her know how you feel as a friend,Then you feel better ..who knows maybe she like him?
@CJscott (4182)
• Canada
23 Mar 09
You can make friends with anyone. But you would do well to remember your station compared to theirs. This is different for every person, but for me, I try to be everyones friend, no matter what position they have. But I know my place, and when I am lacking, I regard it as work related. It is a hard thing, I like to think I am friends with everyone at my work, bosses included, but at the same time, I would not hang out with my bosses after work, or anything like that so, who knows. Guide her to use her best judgment, and be mindful of the way guys think more with their groins, then there heads.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
23 Mar 09
Hi, patrthu28! Yes, it is possible just as long as the both of them respect each others boundaries. And if he is a nice and cool boss then yes, they may be able to be cool with one another. I agree, if he starts behaving any other way that he is not supposed to, then he would be not so cool. But, she wants to make sure that that is all that her boss wants is to be friends with her too. It is nothing wrong with having a relationship with her boss, but she just needs to be mindful that is all.
@savypat (20245)
• United States
23 Mar 09
I would certainly be uncomfortable with a boss that starts out being that friendly that soon. office relationship should properly have some guide lines. Does this office have a book of personnel guidelines? I usually had to sign that I had received this when I went to work for a company. Maybe she should just tell him he's making her feel uncomfortable before it really gets out of hand.
@csrobins (1124)
• United States
23 Mar 09
No, it really shouldn't be more than just friendly at work. There are boundaries the employer has to keep in mind...take Michael from The Office Seriously, it can affect their credibility and the employees' perspective of their job. The boss shouldn't be a mean cold person either. It's kind of the same as the presidency and balance
@saundyl (9686)
• Canada
23 Mar 09
My boss is my friend - BUT its only a 3 person office so its hard not to be friends with the boss and your co-worker.
@frygirl (382)
• United States
23 Mar 09
i dont know that depends on the boss and the employee not only that but what type of work will these people be involved in and the considerstion of the other coworkers how will they see this?
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
23 Mar 09
I'm friends with my boss, but we don't hang out with each other after work or anything. We're just both friendly people, and we're both from the same province (across the country where we currently are), and we keep finding connections with other people we know from back home as well, like just this morning, I added him over facebook, and noticed that we knew a mutual friend, well that mutual friend turned out to be his dads' first cousin, and I worked with him on 2 separate occasions. Friends, yeah, we probably COULD hang out after work as well, we're just both busy people outside of work as well lol.
@Annmac (949)
23 Mar 09
In most situations I'd say no! You can't really be friends, though you can and hopefully do have a good working relationship. In my situation I work as a carer and it's a one on one situation so friendship is an important part of the relationship. Even then though I can't forget that he's the one who pays my wages so it's a bit different from the normal 'friendships' I have.