I am in such a rut right now! How to pull out of it?

United States
March 26, 2009 1:36pm CST
I have been so down with life lately, it's been hard to put a smile on my face & really mean it. I know others have it tougher than I do & I should be happy but I'm not. I'm married with two daughters & we live in a town I really don't like. It's conservative, I'm liberal. It's dusty, brown, windy, dry & flat. I like greenery, trees, flowers, water & mountains (or at least hills). My husband is in a job he hates & I'm not working right now (but I am looking). We live in a house that needs some fixing up but we don't have the money. We have two older cars but can't really afford a new one. We seem to be surrounded by people with more money than they know what to do with. My husband has a Ph.D. & gets paid diddly squat by the state university he teaches at. I am so frustrated with circumstances right now I can't stand it. My husband is really down as well. On the bright side, my kids are happy, enjoy school & have friends. This seems to be my saving grace. If I see a smile on their faces, I do feel genuinely happy. They mean so much to me that their happiness gets me through the day. How do you pull out of tough times & get happy again?
4 people like this
18 responses
@mickey27 (67)
• United States
26 Mar 09
Hello Collie, sorry that your feeling down, I think we all get to this point at some time in life, I don't know if you believe in God or prayer, but (speaking for myself personally) this is what I do to get out of my rut I pray about my situation and I try to stay positive even when I don't feel like being positive I fight to remain positive by telling myself that better days or coming and I will be just fine. My motto is this "If God brought me to it, then he will bring me through it" I hope you feel better collie I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
• United States
27 Mar 09
Thank you so much, mickey. I do believe in God & prayer & I do pray often although not as much as I should. I am going to take it one day at a time & try not to get too stressed about things. Prayer is very helpful in these situations & I try to be thankful for all the things I do have.
• United States
26 Mar 09
Ive been through the same thing as you,My husband also has a phd and went from making well over 150,000 a year to not making anything at all because of a motercycle accidentthat has caused him to have short term memorie lose and several operations on his leg.We losed our home cars and eveything else we owned.We had to stay in a small appartment with three kids ages 15,16.17.Our kids had no christmas for the first time in their lives.What really keeps me going is god,if i did not have faith in him i do not know what i would do.We know live in a house that is also falling apart and not in the best part of town,but it is a house,my husband made it through his 7th leg surgary and my kids are happy,we are waiting to see if we are aproved for social sacurity
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
I am so sorry, corona. I hope & pray that things get better for you. These kind of stories make me want to scream. Is there anyone who can help you through this crisis? This is when I believe the government should step in & offer their assistance. Or maybe the CEO's who are accepting bonuses could give you their bonuses. Ugh! You hang in there & know that I am thinking of you & your family.
• United States
28 Mar 09
thank you for your support and prays they are greatly appreciate.we will do fine.we have each other and the lord to help us through what we are going through,everything is done to us for a reason.
• United States
28 Mar 09
i will also pray for you
@amanda333 (739)
• France
26 Mar 09
sorry your feeling down, I am also struggling with not having enough money to live on. I get down, but try and stay positive The important thing is family and is more important than money.Stand together with your husband and stay strong, you never no what's around the corner
• France
26 Mar 09
sunflower - sunflower for happiness
A gift for you to cheer you up
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
Thanks for the pretty pictures! Family is more important & we are a well functioning family unit that gets along well & we are happy being together. I guess I can't ask for much more than that. Thanks, amanda.
• United States
27 Mar 09
Well for now just think of all the blessings you have in your life. If your husband doesn't like his job and you don't like the area he could always look in a different place for a job if he finds one maybe it will be better paying and you could move. Good luck. Keep your chin up and remember each day is a blessing!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
I do need to focus on the good things in my life. There are so many when I think about it. My husband has looked for other jobs but they are few & far between. I will take each day as it comes!
27 Mar 09
Hi there I was so moved by your story and wanted so much to give you some real encouragement that I was inspired to write an online article dedicated to you. I love motivating people and I felt a simple forum post would not suffice to tell you all the things I wanted to share with you. Here is the link to the article I wrote with you in mind...you will see the title is almost word-for-word the same as the last sentence in your discussion. http://www.socyberty.com/Advice/How-to-Pull-Yourself-Out-of-Tough-Times-and-Get-Happy-Again.617049 My article echos what a lot of the the other comments have said...a lot depends on your frame of mind and that you must try to think more positively. Negative thinking can be more dangerous than we realise...it can lead to depression and at best it creates a bad vibe around us that others can feel even though we think they are not affected by it. I pray you will soon be able to turn your thinking around and find the happy place in your mind that was there in the past. Please feel free to send me a private message if you need someone to talk to. Blessings and love
• United States
27 Mar 09
I am so touched by your article! Thank you for making my day! You are so right that I have let negative thinking cloud my judgement & rob me of happiness. This is something I have struggled with all my life. It is tough to find the positives in life when there are so many bad things happening around the world. Part of what gets me down as well is that others are suffering & I can't stand it. I can't swoop in & save the day. I sometimes think I should stop reading the paper & watching the news. Thank you so much for your gift of words.
@la_chique (1498)
27 Mar 09
If I was lucky enough to be able to have kids I would never feel low or depressed. I dont even feel that way much right now even though I know I cant.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
I do feel very fortunate to have two wonderful girls who bring me so much joy. They make me very happy & I need to concentrate on that more. They do have their days though!
• China
27 Mar 09
Well, the most important is to be positive when confronted by difficulties. Every person has his down time. But another saying is: every dog has his day. So what I suggest is just to make full use of the actual life. Find some good friends to talk with. Try to find a job to support your family. And show your support to your husband. Offer great love to the children. So when the economic enviroment is bad, we need to be much more vigorous.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
This dog had a bad day yesterday! Today is better. I just need to try to be more positive & appreciate all that I do have. I do love my children so very much. They are terrific kids & feel fortunate to have them in my life. My hubbie is wonderful & I try to let him know that every chance I get. I have applied for a job which I hope to get & I know that will help a lot. Thanks for your comment - your words are true.
• China
27 Mar 09
well, I think perhaps there is something in your life that you didn't realize,cz' from above,I get to know you are a full-time wife and mom. Maybe your frustration mainly come from staying at home. Is there some place you really want to go? if there is, go with your husband.Or, hunting a job, I mean start your career and do something you like. Believe me, that is just temporary! Everything will be better soon!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
I do want to get back to work. As a matter of fact, I have applied for a job with the school district & have a good chance of getting it. I'm hoping that this will help tremendously with not only bills, but my sanity. It's tough finding a job that is the same time as the kids being in school. I know that things will get better & I'll try to stay positive!
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
26 Mar 09
It's really hard to be some place that you hate. I remember living out west and it was dry, hot, and many other miserable things (LOL) moving east is the only thing that made me feel happy again. I can really understand why your husband hates his job, I have only been out of college for a few years (I went late in life) and I hated it because the "kids" there didn't take the class or instructor seriously. I also was/am not sure which in a rut because I really haven't been at a stay at home mom before and now I am and it's hard at times. My husband has a job where he can basically work 24-7 if I allow it and sometimes I just want to scream. But, since I am home with a 5 year old I can't just go shopping or to the bar or something like that so I spend about an hour a day playing an online game. So for about an hour a day I forget about everything and just play. I hope things get better but I know that in this economy it may not get better fast enough. Sometimes listening to how bad someone else's life is helps me feel better lol
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
It really has helped to hear others stories. Life is not easy for anyone! There is always going to be something that isn't going the way you want it to. You have to deal with it & move on, live life. It is tough being a stay-at-home mom! I stayed home with my two kids when they were younger & am home now for health reasons but have applied for a job with the school district that I think I can handle. My way of forgetting things is to read a good book. I can sort of get lost in the story & forget about my worries. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find the time to read as much as I'd like. Such is life!
• United States
26 Mar 09
i know it might be hard because of the economy, but try to do some things that you like to do or try something new. if you have never been hiking, try hiking! if you have never went on a bike ride, go for it. when i get depressed, its usually because im doing the same thing everyday and it gets boring. that puts you in a rut. just think positive and things will look up! in the mean time, if you have a comedy club, nearby go to that! they are a great way to loosen up
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
I didn't think about that - part of the reason I'm down is because of the routine. I need to shake it up a bit! Not sure how, but I'll think about it. I do try to find some funny bits on youtube or hulu that make me laugh. That always helps.
@geetnx (51)
• Kuwait
26 Mar 09
know what? you are so blessed. you may not have the financial freedom that others have but your family is whole, your kids are happy and your husband has a stable job that supports your needs. if you like greenery, why not plant trees? sometimes what were looking for is just around us but we may not see it or appreciate it. your husband is down because maybe he feels that you're down and he feels that you're not happy with what he can provide you. i don't know if i have the right to wrte these things to you you can just delete it anytime you want. thanks
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
You are absolutely right - I am blessed. I try to remember that I have a family that loves me, my kids are happy & my husband has a job. In this economy I must be thankful for that. My expectations may be a little too high at this point in time. I know that my husband is down sometimes because he feels that he should be supporting the family better but I reassure him that things are good & we could be much, much worse off. As for trees, we have some in our yard but it's hard to grow things here. I have to accept that & find plants that do well for the area. I'll try to be more positive & appreciate what I do have.
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
26 Mar 09
Collieluv, I know how you feel, I am going through tough times too. My husband and I are both out of work. We have no money, and our bills are just piling up. I am collecting unemployment, but it is not enough to sustain us for the month. I get so frustrated with my husband, because I do not think he is trying hard enough to get us out of this rut. I have always been the main bread winner, and even though I am collecting unemployment, I am still the main bread winner. It is so discouraging. He just does not see the urgency. I would love to be happy again and hope that you will soon be happy too.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. This economy is so tough on so many people & that upsets me too. To see others struggling is enough to depress anyone who is as empathetic as I am. Hang in there & I do hope that you & your husband find a job soon.
@abanerji (1026)
• India
26 Mar 09
fine... your kids seem to be happy. that is a good sign. but hve you ever thought that the same vicinity makes you depressed and not your kids why..? just because your kids are not comparing their life with that of others. they are very innocent and are happy in their own world. they are happy with what they get. actually your temptations are ruling you. you keep comparing yourself with others. have you ever realised that the people who seem to happy from your end are also not happy at their end. this is the irony of every life. try to enjoy whatever you have, see dreams, try to even materialise them but don't be unhappy for not achieving something. life would look really beautiful if you are satisfied, if you do not comapre yourself with others and if you are not jealous of others.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 09
You are so right - I do compare myself with others & I shouldn't do that. It gets me nowhere real fast. I have no idea what other people are going through. Just because they have a nice house, car, whatever - they have struggles too. I really need to work on that. Ah, to be a kid again...
• United States
26 Mar 09
I just try to do the best I can each day. We all have things in our lives that bring us down. We just have to believe that some day it will get better. We are put into storms for a reason. Its is hard to think positive and think about the better outcome when we are going through tough times. I just try and thing about the last time I was felling down and out and remember how I was brought out of that situtation and believing that when the time is right it will happen. Its hard to put on a smile at work especially when you at a job you don't like. Im currently in that situation. It drains your engery like you wouldn't imagine. And its hard feeling happy and confident when your looking for a job and seeing nothing come from your efforts. Good Luck
• United States
27 Mar 09
Thanks, renemouche. I think it is best to take each day as it comes. Today is a better day for some reason. Hope your job either gets better or another one comes along that makes you happier.
@100385 (17)
• South Korea
27 Mar 09
Hi friend. Always smile and think positive,dont loose hope.Just say bibidi dabidi boo...
@la_chique (1498)
27 Mar 09
And here was I singing bippety boppety boo all these years ;)
• United States
27 Mar 09
And a zippidy doo da to you as well!
• United States
28 Mar 09
yea we all should think positive and have a better out look on life
@welbic (2)
• Sweden
27 Mar 09
I think you should break your everyday with somethings you like and sometimes with somethings that your husband likes and mix from time to time. If flowers and trees are problems try keeping it inside of the house
• United States
27 Mar 09
I do need more plants in the house. The problem is that I lack a green thumb! More of them die than live!
@liviurus (152)
• Romania
26 Mar 09
I know what you mean, me my wife and my kid are just in the same situation, every thing I do it's useless. I mean I work for various people (I'm an architect) but they say it's a financial crisis and they do not pay me... Those people that have more money than they can spend are just plain twists of luck and stupidity, I do not know how to explain this... Even joining this discussions was made just to have some little more money for food and toys and things like that...
• United States
27 Mar 09
I do hope your situation gets better. I guess we just have to take each day as it comes & hope for the best. As for people who have all that money, I think you are right - they are just plain lucky. Lots of people have talent but they don't make the money they should. Hang in there.
• Canada
27 Mar 09
Accept the love of God in your heart, and read the holy bible. Jesus Saves ! Read the revelations, the end is near (those people with those signs on the road that say the end is near, they r right!)