Are kids effected by parents divorce ,if yes how and how much???????????????????

India
March 29, 2009 5:33am CST
Hi all ,i know every body here will say YES,as it is the fact that kids arethe one who suffers the most if the parents get divorced,but my question here is that"if a couple dont love each other and cant live together under any circumstances,still should they live together for the sake of kids,dont they have any right to live their lives happily just because they became parents,".Society today always says :you have to live together for the kids,how correct is this?I know that kids are the responsibilities of parents,and they have to fulfill it,and even i think so that parents should live together for the kids even if they dont love each other but yesterday i came across a couple with the same situation ,and the wife asked me the question and i didnt had the answer,please solve this issue.
2 people like this
28 responses
• United States
30 Mar 09
Actually, society says no such thing about staying together for the kids. It's extremely easy to get a divorce in the United States today. It's kind of crazy actually. People aren't even encouraged to get counseling. Before getting a divorce, make sure you have tried to work through the problems. Divorce is hard on everyone. I speak from experience that people often regret when they get a diovrce simply because they don't think they love each other anymore. Where the kids are concerned, remember that you will still have to be involved with your spouse through the rest of your lives. Maybe not on a daily basis, but that stuff can get pretty rough. The kids are affected more when the parents put them in the middle. For instance, when one parent doesn't allow the children to go with the other parent because he/she is angry at the other one. Another case is when you are trying to parent your child in one way and the other parent goes against your wishes. It gets very ugly at times and it is often easier to try to work out your problems than to divorce. Kids do pay the price. It is usually due more to the fact that parents put them in the middle though. Pick which parent you like best is often used. Think about it, if you were in your child's place and you wanted just to love both of your parents but they want you to choose between them. A tough spot, isn't it?
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
30 Mar 09
When I was growing up my dad drank alot and he turned into a jerk. He would come home and fight with my mom and harm her, I remember alot of it. I do feel like I have anger problems now b/c of it. With my brother being older he seen more then I did. He was the one who would call my grandparents over to help. When my parents did get a divorce it was b/c my dad cheated on my mom with the babysitter lol no wonder I don't trust just anyone to watch my kids. I was 8 at the time when they did finally divorce. That year my brother and I failed our grade b/c of all the changes we went through. My brother had a lot of problems while growing up b/c of both parents not always being around. Some may say it was b/c he wanted attention. I don't know. My relationship with my father isn't that great. When it was his weekend he just wanted us to sit around watching HBO movies then he started leaving us with his brother which is my uncle so it was like we were not spending time with him. We grew further apart. Now I only see him on holidays.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 09
The core reason why they should, is that the kids need BOTH parents in the home. If they can manage living under the same roof, even though they are divorced, then they need to think about why they are doing it when things get difficult. The LOVE for the children is the only reason they are still under the same roof. It is not fair for the children than they are passed from one parent to the other, like a THING instead of a person. The question of who loves them more may pop up in the children's minds, and they may even play the parents against each other to see what happens. This is not something the children would enjoy, but it is something that happens all too often. There are many families who had done this before the people we meet today, and they did the same thing. The love had gone out of the marriage, and the parents only lived together for the sake of the children. Once the children got old enough to live on their own, and thus, be able to cope with the separation of the parents, only then did they get a divorce. Before this, perceptive children would notice the tension and lack of love between them, but there is always at least one child who could not cope with the separation of the parents. This is the reason such things happen, and, sometimes, the parents have enough time to realize they still love each other, and the divorce was for selfish reasons. Even if they don't get back together quickly, they may see each other in a different light as they discuss the daily duties of caring for the children. The love for the children will become evident, and they may find renewed respect for each other as time goes on.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18449)
• India
30 Mar 09
I think most children suffer when the parents re divorced. But it is also true that when parents are fighting, they also suffer a lot.They need a good relationship between parents.
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@sandal13 (143)
• India
30 Mar 09
i can only say that yes, kids look up to their parents in so many ways. they are infact our first teachers and we learn to behave or react just by seeing them! Its quite normal for people to find it impossible to live together ,it happens people change ,they fall in n out of love n yes their relationship does have an effect on kids. Its good or bad it does leave an impression on the young mind both in a positive or negative way .like a child grow up being totally aginst the concept of marriage becos of his parents bad experience OR he can go ahead to prove himself a better spose just because his parents failed to do so. Its again very important to sit n talk with kids n explain them that things r not going well between their mom n dad and they should not forget that the spouses can be separated but parents of that child should not ,they should always be available to support thoer child even if they have walked out of that marriage .
@sunny0806 (248)
• China
30 Mar 09
I think it is different result for every family and their children who may be a new baby or a child or an adult child. Besides age, the character is more important for the results. Maybe it is bad effect on an introversion child even though his parents do not divorce for him. While there is lillte effect on an extroversion child who have a bright and cheerful disposition. Divorce is not good for children,but it is bad for children also if their parent do not divorce for them while live an unhappy life.
1 person likes this
@getnbuy (1314)
• United States
30 Mar 09
Either way, its a difficult call. If you can live with the spouse in a friendly manner, I think it would be best to wait for a divorce until the kids are old enough to be on their own. Children are heavily traumatized when they lose a parent through divorce. They always think it was their fault. On the other hand, if the parents are going to be constantly bickering and fighting then I think it would be better for the kids to have the parents separated. a good arrangement should be made so that the child sees both parents. also, the child should have some counseling to learn to deal with it.
• China
30 Mar 09
I think that depends. Children who are old enough can understand why parents get divoced while little kids just feel abandened if any parent leave them. I think parents should be more responsible, even if they get divorced, they should pretend to be nice around children.
@thaMARKER (2505)
• Philippines
30 Mar 09
somehow they are. i know a family that's affected by the separation of their parents. they don't know where to listen or what to follow. it's hard when both parties are not in good terms being divorced. they antagonize each other and their children would surely see that and feel like they don't care about them. there are divorced parents that settles everything in a smooth way and see to it that everybody in the family knows what will happen and will be explained that there will be transition. but somehow -- still -- kids will feel something towards the new status.
1 person likes this
@j4ck_86 (102)
• Indonesia
30 Mar 09
Hi, I do believe that divorce really affect the kids. Parents' arguing or fighting will give bad effect for the kids in almost all aspect of their life. They will feel less secure at home. It will also affect the kids in their social life. They will feel inferior among their friends whose parents are living together. The inferiority will affect the kids' actions and behaviors.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (30588)
• United Kingdom
29 Mar 09
I have read that children are effected strongly for the two years after their parents get divorced. This refers to children aged over three years old a baby of six months wouldn't suffer at all or would experience a little upset. A child might think it was him that made his parents split up and he might do poorly with his school work as a result of those feelings. A mother might move into poverty after her husband has left her. If the couple sell their house and each of them gets half the money both will be able to buy a much smaller home that is not quite as nice. If a couple stay together then the children might hear arguing and shouting that would be really scary. My friend split from her husband because he had a problem with drinking and he was lazy around the house. She has a seven year old girl and a two year old girl. My friend has had notice that her job will be ending in June. She is applying for jobs but there aren't many around and there are lots of applicants. She has a mortgage to pay every month. She is separated and hopes to get divorced. Her husband smokes a pipe these days and dates another lady. Her children miss their daddy but still see him a few times a week.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 09
i was 12 when my parents got divorced, and I really wouldnt of cared about the divorce, but there was so much drama and fighting involved thats what really affected me my grades started dropping from straight A's to barely passing, my opinion is if the parents dont want the kids to be affected by the divorce to stay civil with eachother, their kid doesnt need to see them fighting every time they're around for visitation or whatever because as a young kid they think its their fault why the arguing is taking place, but as long as the parents are still kind to eachother for the kids sake and as long as one parent isnt always badmouthing the other to the kid, the kid should be able to come out of the divorce situation just fine
1 person likes this
@blion23 (404)
• United States
29 Mar 09
Yes, children are effected by their parents divorce. My parents were divorced and it was a hassle moving from my mom's house to my dad's house. However, over time, children get use to it. It is ultimately the responsibility of adults to keep your children happy and to tel them that they are loved but sometimes due to a poor relationship it can't happen. I think that the first couple years after a divorce are the toughest but as time goes on, the pain ameliorates. Good luck.
@jd107nette (1456)
• Philippines
29 Mar 09
Divorce, separation, annulment, are a trend nowadays... Sometimes when I think about it, marriage doens't seem to have any purpose anymore these days, when you should have married because you LOVE each other... So why end up separating? Well, on to the topic... I'm one of those who would say yes... Kids are affected the most in a divorce... They are the ones who suffer a lot... Kids needs their parents for a better upbringing. They are the ones, the first teachers to do the teaching and to give the first lessons in life... They say that The condition in your family reflects your attitude in the society... So when you meet a deliquent person, most of them, came from a broken family... That's how much they are affected... In my opinion, regarding the right of the couple, BEFORE they get married, they should ascertain their love for one another... even SOme of the artists here in RP, go through seminars and counseling to strenthen their feelings and to make sure of it. There are a lot of professionals who can help... Especially the church.. There are some exemptions I think.. most of the cases like the ones we have here in the RP, where, a man should and I mean SHOULD, marry a woman because he got her pregnant... unmindful of their readiness, they have to get tied because of the responsibility not because of the love... and we could expect that in the long run, they'd really get tired and resort to divorce... But now, marriage isn't forced to a couple merely because the woman got pregnant... If for example, the case you are asking is this (if the man/woman has the right to separate) well I think they shouldn't have married in the first place... They could help one another raise the child and when he is much wiser/matured, he will then understand... Especially when kids are already in their age... Life doesn't end when mom and dad separates... Instead of acting up, they should be strong and help carry the burden... (its different now... sometimes, kids should learn how to understand their parents...)
1 person likes this
• China
29 Mar 09
divorce is really bad for child as one parent could afford the dual roes for mom and dad.Mom and dad will give different roles and impress in the life.
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@la_chique (1498)
29 Mar 09
It depends on the age of the child I suppose, but I'd say that every child is affected by the divorce of their parents. Even parents who split up when the child is still a baby, the child will resent the parent that left.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Mar 09
affected? ummm yes.. based on my own experience... but it still depends on the child. I'm 19 now. my parents are separated since 12 years old. It isn't easy, but we still manage to survive
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• India
29 Mar 09
Yes it affects very of childrens as when they are schooling except child who parents are divorced he feel infirior complex to face other children.This feeling may damage his carreer or he may get bad habits
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@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
29 Mar 09
Hi shiwangipeswani, I don't always agree with staying together for the children . I think sometimes it's better to seperate for the childrens sake . No child should have to listen to their parents arguing , and fighting till wee hours of the morning, constant belittling each other. All the stress from living in a household where the parents are at each other's throats changes who a child is . It keeps them from doing their best in school and keeps them from being just happy , carefree kids . In cases like that there is no doubt in my mind that the child is better off with parents that seperate . Yes kids are effected by divorce , but living with both parents where you feel like you are in the middle of a war zone can be alot worse .
1 person likes this
• India
29 Mar 09
Hi shiwangi, Divorce really effects the kids. If they are living without divorce for their kids also effects. Quarrel, arguing, fighting of parents disturbs the little minds. If there is no love at all between the couple better to take the divorce. If they want live together without divorce they must love the kids somuch and they have to understand their mistakes gives troubles to their children.