Do you ever feel like you don't belong? In a situation, in your life, in this

@writersedge (22577)
United States
March 30, 2009 6:40am CST
life? With the exception of with my husband and a few friends at Mylot, I've never really felt like I belong. I'm just glad I feel like I belong somewhere. I was the only girl in a family with a mother who had been the only girl (so at least we had that in common), but I didn't share her beliefs and values, nor did I share my Father's. Most of the people I knew were alcholics or victims of them and I vowed to be neither. A constant fight (the second one) given where I live. The first one, People just look at me strangely. I became a teacher and none of my friends did. Actually, I don't have very many teaching friends, just a few from when I was working in a prison and now it's been so long, they're like acquaintances. I spent time in the woods and none of my friends did until they were older and they had work or recreational reasons to be there. I was more into other things. I was called to be a religion that no one I knew seemed to be part of. I was interested in exercising by dancing and martial arts. My friends were never interested in either of those. So I made friends in my religion, but they tend not to have the other things in common. I make friends in exercise classes, but after the classes, I don't have much in common with anyone. I have maybe one thing or two or three things with each person I meet. But after I talk about that with them, I have nothing to say and I really don't care either. Actually, my husband and I have lots of day to day stuff in common (like food, clothing, shelter), but he was in the Military and I've only been in Paramilitary. I went to collage while he was overseas. He lived in the mountains, I live in the valley. But because his values and beliefs are closer to mine and he even understands when there are differences, I feel closer to him than anyone. So how different do you feel? Or how similar? Does it bother you? Do you value you? Usually it doesn't bother me. Usually I'm glad I'm different. But if you have to call one person to talk about one thing and another person to talk about another thing, etc. Then in some situations no one understands a thing I say and I just shut up. Or they think I'm lying or just can't relate. I like when a person has at least one thing in common with me that I can talk about.
7 people like this
16 responses
@KrauseHome (36748)
• United States
30 Mar 09
Many times I have been where you are, so I can relate for sure. Sometimes that is why I come here in myLot to post so that at least I can find a few people besides my husband I can relate with as well. I do have people that I can go to and talk about certain issues from time to time, but none of them are really close enough that I can just go hang out with them somewhere as well. So I feel without my Trust and relationship with God, and my relationship with my husband, and all of the wonderful people here in myLot it would be a lonely world for sure.
3 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Thank goodness for our husbands, our faith in what we believe, and people on Mylot. It truly would be rough without all of them. Thanks and take care.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Mar 09
Yeah, I had some times when I left like I was the only one left behind. Even though I not that much of a lone wolf, I do find times when I'm the only person who doesn't know what to do. It kinda bothers me to know that I'm the only one different but that doesn't stop me from doing what I can do. I do what I can as I know that I can be different. Being different isn't always that bad.
3 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Thank you for joining Mylot, I see a 78 by your name. I have no eye-to-hand coordination, so sometimes I feel like you. Luckily, my husband has tons of e-t-h coord. and he knows how I feel so he helps me. Different isn't always bad, true, I just wish I could talk to someone about more than one thing on the phone without having to hang up and call someone else for every topic. Thanks and take care
1 person likes this
• Canada
30 Mar 09
I used to feel like I did not belong.now I know that i do belong sometimes we just have to find the right mix of friends. Get invovled in a community of peoplewho have the same interests as you. I would be more than willing to be your friend if you like take care
3 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I'm on Mylot, so I have found people here that are cool. I can't be on Mylot all the time, esp. when I need to go to work. That is sweet that you're offering to be my friend. I think I would like that. It seems away from Mylot, I have to join many communities with a few interests each. Thanks and take care.
1 person likes this
@xParanoiax (6997)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I'm of a minority religion, I'm mixed race (a decent chunk of it being native american), I dislike most mainstream things...I read alot, I'm homeschooled, a farm girl...and I don't enjoy watching or participating in most mainstream/popular sports (with the exception of actually playing baseball. I don't find watching it enjoyable). My favorite exercises are an eclectic mix of things; running, biking, rollerskating, some tai chi, stetching exercising, non-pro sword and knife combat practice exercises xD, and I hope to get into parkour. I'm highly politically vocal, but I don't adhere to any one political affiliation. I'm a newsjunkie. A writer. All the jobs I've had in my lifetime have been eclectic, I volunteer, even my set of skills are pretty out of the ordinary for someone my age and eclectic. My dream career choices are even weird; private eye and car racer! I'm different from most of my family. I can't relate too much to most kids my age, partially because I'm sortof...hyper responsible and uh, a slight workaholic...and have been since I was 14. xD Most adults have believed that I didn't have much worth listening to because I was young for the longest time...so I usually don't relate to them either. Also; I have common sense. Do you realize how not common common sense is? I've never felt the need to "fit in". What's the reasoning behind this whole, "belonging" feeling thing, anyway? Why is it so great? We've friendships, relationships, we can connect to others...so why do we need this belonging thing? I never did understand that. I'm happy being different...I'd actually be upset if too much of me ever became unoriginal. It'd be bad if too many people agreed with me, in a personal sense then...and if the day ever comes, I'm gonna have to figure out how to deal, lol. Once upon a time, I was best friends with a girl who could've been my long lost twin. The friendship connection was amazing. The understanding that came with it, was what I needed at the time. So I can see that sometimes it's not so bad to have most things in common with another person, but it's different to have it happen "as a rule". My ex, our relationship being probably the most epic love I'll have had in my life...we're pretty different. He has a dreamer's soul, he doesn't trust himself, he can laugh about almost anything...and life has treated him way worse than it treated me. Differences, uniqueness, I value very highly. But I can appreciate similarities as well. It's uniformaty and monotany that I can't stand!
2 people like this
• United States
31 Mar 09
I'd love to meet some cool older folks, =) ...like I said, similarities can be cool! Understanding I can definitely relate to. When I was a little younger, I really craved understanding as I grapled with what it meant to be different and "alone" in some senses of the word. Nowadays it's somewhat less important, 'cause I focus on things bigger than myself and have learned my own needs since then. I'm not invincible...I do need things, people can just sometimes help remind me since I so easily forget this fact and move past my own mortality for causes. People...enrich my life. I don't need them, but it's good for me to be around them, to have someone who has my back through hell or high water. So yeah, I get you. It is harder, sometimes, dealing with major issues -- especially considering health! When you're by yourself. But I don't necessarily view this as a major con to life as, as you say, a "lone wolf". I suppose I'm just really stubborn and love independence a bit much, haha. Your stances is alot softer (in a wonderful way!) than mine, and I think your approach may actually be a bit wiser. A little less rigid, than me.
1 person likes this
@carolbee (16231)
• United States
30 Mar 09
I think each person has to be their own individual. Whatever is comfortable. What works for me is to listen intensely to what another person has to say and then chime in when I can to contribute to their interest. Once the conversation is rolling, it can be changed to another topic rather easily without being rude. I fit in extremely well with others. My nature is to be very friendly and outgoing and I do love people. It shows. On the other hand, I can't just run up to someone and give them a hug if I've met them maybe once or twice. Sometimes that scares people. I've been in situations over the years where I was in a room with highly educated, successful men and women. It can be uncomfortable at first but everyone has a topic that can be shared with others and I wait for that person to start a conversation about their favorite hobby, animal or whatever they like and I jump in when I can. In other words, I make the second move.
2 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Yes, I do similar with acquaintances. But I'm talking about making friends that I can share more than one topic with. Not that easy. Esp. where I live, most people are one topic or two topic wonders without my being different. Sometimes I don't bother to say anything. I have 2 college degrees and I've been with some really stuck up people whose noses are on the ceiling. Some people need to get off their high horses. They don't scare me, the real ones are real people. I talk to them. The stuck on themselves ones are exactly that and they would be that way without 1, 2, or 3 college degrees. Trust me. Take care.
1 person likes this
@carolbee (16231)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Oh, I agree. I've been burned a couple of times real good from people I thought were friends. I tend to keep my distance in that respect. I have many more acquaintances than actual friends.
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
30 Mar 09
Well believe me you and I will always have something to talk about because other than I am not a teacher we share many other things you talk about. I have walked on some very troubled water and I'm trying to built the bridge I hope to walk across soon.
2 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
30 Mar 09
I hope the bridge is built soon and that the walk is smooth. I also hope the other side is everything you want it to be.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Mar 09
Thank You hon, I am going to do all I can to find happiness for the time I have left. Thank You for your kind words.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (61063)
• United States
30 Mar 09
as an SF fan, I've pretty much cut out 90% of people right there so, while I don't have a lot of friends, the ones that I do have I can talk about various things also, the roomie and I are also cat crazy - and lots of fen (that's the plural of fan) like cats too - but maybe not as much as I do so, I am in some online groups with cat friends and also SF friends and while there aren't any that are both, there is a recognition in the SF groups that there are cat fanciers there
2 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
30 Mar 09
I'm sure I should know what SF is (sci-fi?), but not sure. Yeah, I noticed you love the cat topics. You do answer a few others, though. I forgot the cat people on my list. Most aren't Martial Artists or into Shamanism either. Thanks and take care.
3 people like this
@ElicBxn (61063)
• United States
30 Mar 09
yep, SF is science fiction - you know a "true fan" from a anyone else by calling it SF instead of sci-fi.
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4536)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I used to feel like I didn't really belong. I can't really say that I do anymore, though I still have my moments. It all changed for me when I met and married my husband. We both felt from the start that we are just meant for each other; like we both finally found the place where we belong with each other. That said, I still had times, at work, mainly that I felt I really didn't belong there and with those people. Don't get me wrong, I worked with a lot of really great people, I just felt a bit out of place. Now, I can say that I feel I am where I am supposed to be, almost. I feel that to really feel like I am where I belong I have a few more steps to make. I am not one that likes to go out and be around a lot of people. I always feel a bit out of place, but with each time I meet new people and each time I am placed in a social situation, I feel a little better. My husband and I are very close. We can tell each other anything, we can sit in complete silence together, we can do anything together and be happy. I am also very close to my kids. My family life seems to fit us all. We have our problems as every family does, but we all know that we belong. My husband doesn't always understand me, and that is fine, I don't always understand him either.
2 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I'm almost to where you are, so this gives me encouragement. Thanks and take care.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 09
I am the only daughter in my family as well. I have not had that many friends for my entire lifetime. I have only had maybe 10 friends my entire lifetime. But at this very moment in my life I only have 2 close friends outside my family. And in my jobs that I really have loved I felt like I did not belong to the group but only to the job. The best job I have ever had I was layed off in December 2004. I really loved that job, but my whole department was sent overseas. I cried when I had to leave my job. And I have not felt like I belong since then for it was the job I thought I would retire from.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
30 Mar 09
Hi, writersedge! I do feel like this. In school, the kids made sure that I did not belong. They wanted me to feel like I did not belong around! They did not want me to be in their teams and class groups. Everyone wanted me gone. It was like I was a fly or something. So, now I am 30 and older, and since then, many people have included me in many things. I still get others whom tried to leave me out of activities. But, I don't let it bother me. I just keep on looking forward to new opportunities. Peopls can be chidish and mean to others. But, with God and my immediate family, I always feel that I belong!
2 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I'm glad for you. I went through a period of time in my 30s when I was finally with many people who appreciated and valued me. But by the end of the 30s and beginning of the 40s, that all changed. I hope that the way you feel now only gets better with time. Take care and I'm glad that things are better for you. Take care and peace.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 09
I sometimes feel left out when I am with my husbands friends girlfriends. We all used to be so close, but i now have kids & my husband works all the time so we dont get to hang out with them as much. Now when i am with them i feel like i am the one left out. They make plans to do stuff together all the time & i am never invited. I dont really let it bother me, but i sometimes i cant help it. Especially when i used to be so close with them.
2 people like this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I had the other way around. I didn't have children and people who did, we went our separate ways. It's sad, but true. Thanks and take care.
1 person likes this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
30 Mar 09
Hi. I also have always have felt that I do not belong in this world. My dad hit me over the head when I was five years old. I lived with epilepsy for ten years. The other kids often bet me up and even a lot of the teachers mistreated me. I lived in fear and loneliness. At least I hot to talk to the Apostles once and GOD talked to me, so I did know for certain that GOD exists and that Jesus is the Son of GOD. Only several of my relatives were good to me, most of them just ignored me. When i went to church, I was ignored too. When I got married, both of us were ignored during church services. My wife was just dumped by her email friend, for what reason we do not know. We do not trust many people other there in the world. Nearly all of them have mistreated us. I also love to walk in the woods. Perhaps being American Indian makes me have a real affinity for forests, birds, and animals. The peace and quiet of the forest is soothing.
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I'm sorry your dad did that to you. I'm glad that you know God and Jesus. I'm sorry even the teachers mistreated you. I'm glad you found someone to share your life and love with. I'm very glad that you're able to go to the woods and find peace. I hope things get better for you and you can find people who can relate and understand you, both. Take care.
1 person likes this
@MZKUMA (705)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I am a people person and have no problems meeting and conversing with anyone. It doesn't take too long to learn how much or little you have in common. I use to feel I didn't belong when I was younger and I was correct. I did not belong because my values differed from theirs. Nothing wrong with that. It doesn't disturb me. Even in here sometimes I feel that I may need to try another site. I post a topic and I get no feedback. I guess it wasn't interesting to anyone. But, what can I say. I just mainly read a respond to the ones I find interesting. Otherwise, I just keep browsing.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Here a topic works best if different from what people have responded to-often new people write the same stuff- and if the topic is broad enough for many people to respond.Also it takes a long time to build up a friends base. Without a friend base, your topics could get buried by topics that come after yours. Take care and keep on trying.
@tammytwo (4302)
• United States
30 Mar 09
For many years I wasn't quite sure where I fit in. That was due in large part o my weight. I was embarrassed about being overweight and just couldn't get over it. I tried to distance myself from other people and really didn't want to find people to interact with. I was just happy hiding in my own little corner of the world. Nearly three years ago I had gastric bypass and lost enough weight to make up for an entire person. Soon after the surgery I found a job that made me feel as though I knew what my purpose in life was. Until now I had been a mother and a wife but I had never really been given the opportunity to find myself. If I hadn't had the surgery I'm sure I never would have even given that job a try. Unfortunately after working there for nearly two years we were hit with a new boss. From day one this new boss didn't like me and she made it apparent. My days were numbered and she fired me on June 19 of last year. With the help of those who had seen what I could do it didn't take long for me to find another job. I now work in a town where I don't feel I fit in in an office that I'm not real sure that I fit in. The boss and the people are really nice but it's just not where I want to be. I have a goal to begin my own newspaper by the end of this year and have been asked to do so by many people within our community. I know if I can achieve that goal I will feel as though I belong once again. Find something that makes you happy regardless of what others around you think. This is very important. Now is the time to begin living life to its fullest.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I wish I hadn't given best response already. Your's is beautiful, I can't add anything to it except that I hope you get to do what you want in the future, may your dreams come true.
1 person likes this
@peace001 (727)
• China
31 Mar 09
yes,when I am alone I always ask myself why you are here and where you belong. I don't know what the answer is.I have a few friends,sometimes we talk something but our opinions are contraty.we cann't understand each other.so I like reading.
1 person likes this
@Foxfire1875 (2011)
31 Mar 09
I feel like that all the time and sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn't. Luckily I have an aunt who thinks like me and when everything gets too much I know I can always call her and she will always understand. As long as stay true to your values and beliefs, that is what is important even if everybody else makes you think you're wrong.
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Yeah, sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn't, too. It was bothering me when I wrote it, but not now. Take care,
1 person likes this