My very close friend is very angry at me

@agrim94 (3809)
India
April 1, 2009 10:04am CST
few days back the lady who cleans my house told me she is pregnant and would like an abortion and if i can help her getting it done in govt hospital as she is poor and cant afford to go to pvt hospitals. i asked her first talk to her husband about it and she told me she has talked to him too as they already have two children and dont want another one nor they can afford another. so i agreed to her and got her operated not only for abortion but also got her tubectomy ( so she cant have more children). 1 day before the operation i told my very close friend about it and she got very angry and disappointed in me. even though i tried to reason that if i dont help her she would go to some quack( no shortage of quacks here) and get it done and her life might be in danger but she would have none of it.
4 people like this
16 responses
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
2 Apr 09
Your friend is obviously very against abortion and your decision to help someone get one caused her to be very upset and disappointed in you. I understand your reasoning and I would have done the same thing. I strongly believe that it is a personal choice and a difficult choice and not up to me to decide someone else's fate. As for your friend, I would just let it go for a few days and see if she comes around. If she doesn't then I would go to her and tell her that you value her friendship and understand that she disagrees with your decision but it would be a shame to end an otherwise good friendship on one difference of opinion. Then you guys should agree not to discuss it any further because obviously she is very firm in her views and it would only lead to further argument.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Well, that's good to know. Friendships are too important to lose!
@chimrani (1430)
• India
2 Apr 09
She is angry with you and she is not read to talk with then my friend write a letter and tell explain her briefly.Tell her that the maid and her husband too don't want to have more children .So ,you helped her in operation. Ask the to reply and she would write you back what you did wrong. This tip is given by my wife.......
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
Thanks Chimrani for the response. No we are talking but she was angry and i got so many moral talks from her and how bad i was for doing it. But it is not this , the thing is i can talk if someone is ready to listen and not put herself in my maids place that if it was her child what she would have done.
@chimrani (1430)
• India
2 Apr 09
You should tell her that maid and her husband don't want to have child. Tell her that we should not compare each other with other
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
2 Apr 09
You made a decision that was either make sure the person got it done safely or got it done by some quack. Wither way your friend has to realize that this woman had made her decision and wasn't going to change it and that no matter what you did it was going to happen one way or the other. I hope that your friend comes to her senses and realizes that .. Take care and don't worry to much..
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
Thanks Bellaofchaos for the response, exactly this is what i have been trying to tell her and everyone here. everyone is talking about abortion right or wrong but the thing i wanted to stress is what i did was to get her better treatment and not make a decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 09
Thanks for the BR. Some people have to realize that you can't change a persons mind only make sure that once it's made up they are safe..
• Singapore
2 Apr 09
hi no offense , some thing you can help , and something you can't , even we know you just trying to be helpful. come to abortion you are are trying to kill a unborn life,if I'm your friend i might get angry with you too.. come to this you should not help her to pay , you should ask them to find better item than asking you to help her to kill her unborn child.no offense again this is what in my mine if I'm your friend
• Singapore
2 Apr 09
sorry wording's. come to this issue you should not help her to pay ,you should ask them to get better ideal than asking you to help her to kill her unborn child.
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
No she didnt have to pay anything and infact i got her some money from the govt for getting her tubes tied so she can never be pregnant again. and let me assure you it is no more a moral dilemma in India about abortion as it is so common. Govt, society and everyone is encouraging it as we are so over populated and we dont want anyone have more than 2 children so that we can maintain our present population if not reduce it.
• Philippines
2 Apr 09
don't blame your friend for getting angry at you, in the first place she has the right to get angry because of what you did. you connived for that murder, you may think it's not murder but the baby has life already and that abortion is a sin, we don't have the right to judge and say that they can't afford to support him. who knows that baby aborted might be the next and best president of your country but you didn't give him a chance to ever see the world. no need to explain why you helped in the abortion, go to your friend and say you're sorry. don't expect her to smile at you immediately, it takes time. God bless
• Bangladesh
2 Apr 09
Which one is better?I dont have enough money to bear two children but I take another children to make two children and could not afford to feed them OR I dont take another baby and going for abortion to keep away the baby from proverty.
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
thx for the reply Joy and i dont know why are you angry too. First listen to my side of story.. did u really read what i wrote, if i didnt help her she would have gone and got it done by a quack under aseptic conditions and might have herself got killed , so did i save life of a lady or not . Abortion in my religion ( Hindu) is i dont know if allowed or not but i have never heard any holy man speak in favour or against it. Abortions are so common here that it is not a moral issue anymore. And Christians all over world who are most vocal against abortion, well sorry to say they are the ones getting most abortions here percentage wise, so all i can say is abortion in india is not a moral issue .
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
2 Apr 09
I am not generally a pro-abortion and it is not something that would sit right with me as I see it as the killing of a potential life but your discussion is not a debate and what you did I feel was kind. You helped someone who has less with what was an unsurmountable problem for her and the result was the solution that worked best for her. I may not agree with how she went about it but her problem is resolved thanks to you and that cannot be bad.
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
Thx for the response. Look we are from India with hugely over populated country and we dont want anyone have more than 2 kids so in few years we atleast keep to level what we are if not reduce. Abortions are very common and these poor ladies are illustrate and their husbands usually not earning enough and if earn usually drunkard so cant even blame her that she got it.. and abortion is real common here and not a moral issue anymore. Even it is so in Christians who are so vocal against in most countries. So it was never a moral thing for me , so i was little bit more confused why she got so angry
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
3 Apr 09
It is strange because the woman as you say probably would have had it done somewhere else where it wasn't safe, so I still think you did the best you could do to help her; you may have to talk to your close friend as to why it upset her so much...
@asweetie (1188)
• India
5 Apr 09
I think what you did is a very nice thing to help a lady that too a very poor one when she needed you desperately and you deserve all the praise for doing this. Since i know you personally i know what a kind hearted guy you are and you dont even expect thanks even for the biggest help you do to help your known ones. I know we all friends can count on you for anything which you can do and like a true friend we wont even appreciate you for doing the help.
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
5 Apr 09
Thanks for appreciating and thats whats friends are for, to help each other in time of need and if friends can not help anyone in getting out of trouble or getting ahead of others in anything if possible.
• Egypt
4 Apr 09
well, it's a touchy subject, everyone has his/her own ideas about abortion. and mother's right to it. personally I don't believe in it. if god blessed you with such gift you should be grateful and thankful. not trying to get raid of it and killing you are unborn child along the process. abortion is forbidden in my religion and personally i view it as murder.
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
5 Apr 09
Well this can be your view and i respect that but if someone wants to do it, why put yourself in her place and try to tell me if it was you in her place i would do this or that and then you make her do this too...
• India
2 Apr 09
hI LOTTER dont let your freind go ,go to him and say sorry.
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
Thanks fro response Shiwangi. You are from India and you know how common it is here to get abortion and we never have any morals attached to it especially home maids which we call bai. They are getting it done quite a lot and from the quacks and have so much problems. All i did was to get her to a good hospital, get her abortion and tubectomy done from a qualified gynecologist and make her happy.
@jessi0887 (2794)
• United States
2 Apr 09
Its not like your getting it done. Your just helping someone out. Its their choice and your friend shouldn't be mad at such a little thing. A few months ago my friends brother bought a car from a family who had a sixteen year old girl. The reason they were selling the car was to pay for the sixteen year old to have an abortion. My friend felt bad for them getting the money to do such a thing but its not our choice to make. Your friend will get over it. And if she doesn't she is not much of a friend.
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
Thanks Jessi for understanding and yes it was her and her husbands choice after they consulted their family.Well i do know she has very strong views against abortion but for me it is never a moral thing to get or not to get abortion. It is up to the family they want it or not.
@chmiwdy (72)
• China
2 Apr 09
Later life better!When she calmed down time will be fine!
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
I hope so too.
• Philippines
2 Apr 09
so sorry to hear that... i hope she will find in her heart to understand you..
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
Thanks donna for understanding i hope so too.
• United States
2 Apr 09
maybe she just felt like it was taking her choices from her.. even when people cant have kids or dont want any more kids i think they some what still like to think they could if they decide to later. i cant have kids but would love to think it was my descision instead of it being due to health probs even though i dont want kids.. i just hate that the choice has been taken from me.. now i think you had a great idea and your mind/heart was in the right spot but maybe she just doesnt want to think that its really the end for the child baring years even if she doesnt want any more.. some people are odd like that
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
It was simply she and her husband didnt want any more kid and now i got her tubes cut ( tubectomy) so there are no more chances of any pregnancy ( well still there are 1 in 1000 cases but nearly nil)
• United States
1 Apr 09
Maybe she wasn't angry but shocked. Maybe you two have talked about what you believe before but she never expected to be so close to something she strongly disagrees with. Maybe she reacted badly, but did you react kindly too?
@agrim94 (3809)
• India
2 Apr 09
I dont know if she was angry or shocked but she knew my views on abortion all the time. And as i said before Hindu religion i am not even sure has any views on abortion. Also abortion is so common in India that the morals are not associated with it anymore and suppose i said no to her and she went to a quack and not only got it done in not aseptic conditions and herself got real sick because if abortion not done in a proper manner can lead to many things like infections, a piece of fetus may be left inside or even perforation of uterus.
• Philippines
13 Apr 09
i'm not angry with you, maybe the tone of my reply was like that, but i was just explaining that anybody whom you would have told that would be very angry especially at the time you have told what you did. at least by this time, when a next incident same as like before will again come up to you, then you will think many times before acting on it. helping is different with conniving because you will be at stake my dear, you might endanger your own life.
@Archie0 (4667)
2 Apr 09
I think here its just matter of two different thoughts, your might have thought of not abborting and as its not right, but you did it just because you knew your maid wont be able to afford the baby because of her financial conditions.So i think she will be alright very soon, she will even understand what the maid was going through, and then might agree with you.dont worry