When similar problems resurface.
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
April 5, 2009 7:41pm CST
There may be times in our lives when it seems like we keep having the same kinds of experiences over and over again. The situation or the people involved may be different, yet one experience may feel exactly like the last one and the one before that one. Perhaps we left a job where we were unhappy and we find ourselves experiencing the same challenges in our new job. A relationship with a new romantic partner may start to seem a lot like our old relationship and the problems that we thought we had left behind begin to resurface. We may feel disappointed or frustrated and wonder why the same situations keep showing up in our lives. The truth is that the same kinds of experiences don’t keep happening to us. After all, the circumstances and the people involved are always different. It is just that we keep having the same kinds of experiences. Subconsciously, there is great value to be had in experiencing life in the same ways until we are ready to have different experiences. Perhaps we feel unworthy of happiness, or worry that we can’t get a break. Our experiences tend to reflect what we believe about life. After all, most of us don’t like to be proven wrong. We may even get satisfaction in being proven right or experience a sense of satisfaction every time we confirm to ourselves that know the way the world works. We may choose a relationship partner who is very different from our last and hope that this time love will turn out differently. Yet as long as we hold whatever beliefs we have that limit the good we can experience in our relationships, we will create the same dynamic of limited happiness with any partner. We bring ourselves and our beliefs to every situation. If we can figure out which of our beliefs are no longer serving us, we can consciously change those beliefs, make new choices, and start having new kinds of experiences that are in line with what we want in life. Isn't this like saying that the only person we can change is ourselves and isn't that the truth. Your thoughts please.
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3 people like this
9 responses
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
6 Apr 09
I know what you mean in the sense that if we keep having the same experiences with different people then that means that there is something in us that needs to change and not the other person. My problem is figuring out what it is in me that needs to change. I am always doing and reading things to better myself, and I know that one day I will get there, but it will take time.
The two things that I am constantly coming back to is fear and anger. Those things are problems that seem to hang on. I am always willing to work on my issues, but when I try to work on them by myself, it does not work. If I knew all the answers, I would not be having the problem in the first place. So I am trusting God to help me with the questions that I can not answer.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
8 Apr 09
Hi Rozie, Thank you for such a sincere response. I believe that fear and anger are two very big problems for most people, so you are not alone. Fear of something seems to be inherent in all of us, and the one who has learned to overcome anger is truly blessed. You recognize these traits in yourself and are you are trying to do something about it and I commend you for it, never give up. Blessings.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
8 Apr 09
Pose-
I think for many of us it is these life lessons that appear because we still have the lesson to be learned. Some is also from the unwillingness to change ourselves. And some is out of fear that perhaps we could not find better. I know my first teaching post was like this. I felt trapped, as if what I was being told was correct and that I would never find another job. Once I broke that cycle I soon found I did have other jobs, and they were uplifting. It goes along with the old saying "caught in a rut".
In terms of spiritual development, I think it's because people are very much afraid of challenging their comfort zones. I have found, in the spiritual circle I keep, that this is one of the most difficult transformations for people. They start to see what they had been told (grown up with, etc) begin to crumble and with that comes the pain of loss. Some ride through it and grow immensely, others stop too soon and walk around blaming others for their loss instead of witnessing what was a growth.
I think if we keep journals of our growth, we may very well be able to see these patterns, and make changes if we want to. And that is the key, a person must want to change or change the pattern.
Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
8 Apr 09
Hi nora, Thanks, you have really added to this discussion. I agree that there is often the fear of something new, so we carry on with what we have. I agree too that people are afraid of leaving their comfort zone but many times we prefer to blame others than take responsibility for our own actions. Sometimes we feel that we may offend others in our family so we keep quiet, this is especially true in spiritual matters. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
7 Apr 09
Sometimes, we can't change the circumstances or our apparent luck -- but you're right, we're still in control of ourselves, and in the end...maybe that's all we need. And that should lead us to happiness, I think....to realize the real value in life, what matters, instead of focusing on what is and on if only's.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Yes, it starts with our belief system ,and we attract what
we think that we deserve. This why is important to
understand that we should feel good about ourselves ,and
is okay to open our hearts to personal growth. Nothing good
happens unless we are willing to make it happen.
1 person likes this
@becdmd (704)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
It's true that we face same kinds of experiences over and over again but also dealing with different situations and with different kinds of people, I can relate it at my work, I've encountered the same experience where I can't stay longer, but also I can say that they don't have in common...I've learned from all of them, that's why I'm learning to change my thinking or mindset, learning not to commit the same mistakes again. Having these bad experiences sometimes causes trauma but still I'm putting my hope on to God and pray that the next journey will not happen again, where I would start a new environment and enjoy my work at the same time.
1 person likes this
@mira91 (985)
• Singapore
6 Apr 09
Yea, there are times where the experience and the nature of how things were, were somehow simillar to a few past experiences even though the people involved were different, you can't help feeling like it's Dejavu. And especially when it's a bad experience, you'll learn to not make the same mistakes again.
I like what you have posted here, i find it really meaningful. It'd be better if you could post it in paragraphs though ^_^
Tc.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
6 Apr 09
Hi mira91, Thank you for responding and I guess I should start using paragraphs for longer discussions, I appreciate you mentioning that. Sometimes we keep making the same mistakes over and over again until we realize that we need to take a closer look at ourselves and why we are attracting. Blessings.
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Well, sometimes it does seem like the problems happening all of the time for you do keep on repeating themselves without no real hope in sight. But you need to remember that we are all in charge of what happens in our life, and sometimes maybe it is just we need to learn to change and fix the situation to where things will improve as well. Even if it takes time and seems like you're just wasting your time, it will be worth it in the end.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Great thoughts Pose! My problem was that I kept getting into abusive and destructive relationships. And they kept getting worse and more dangerous. Finally, I got some councelling and I lucked out and had a very good councellor. He kind of pushed me to look within....and trust me...that is not always an easy task. Rather than figure out why these guys abused me, I had to figure out why I was attracted to them to begin with and more important why did I put up with what a "normal" woman would have run from long before the actual physical abuse set in. My esteem was in the negatives at that point and this really helped me a lot. You really have to be willing and open to looking into yourself for answers and many people are not even able to do that. I was told that I was an "easy patient" and that was because of my upbringing. My mom was pretty harsh ...bordered on abusive...mostly verbal. My dad was awesome. It was dysfunctional but not that bad. Some kids grow up in horrendous homes and it is almost impossible to turn their way of relating and viewing the world around. I have grown to not expect anything from any relation. no expectations...no disappointments.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
6 Apr 09
Hi sid, Thank you for coming here and for that great response. You were fortunate to find a good councillor who you could relate to. It is never easy to go within and find the answers there, most people have a big problem with taking the responsibility rather than blaming everything on another. Blessings.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I call these lessons and many times more than one lesson is involved in a situation.
Both good and bad bring the lessons and unless we are open to it and grow from
each lesson we will experience it over and over, through this life and the next. I really don't like the bad experiences and give all me attention toward learning what needs to be learned as fast as possible so that I don't have to repeat. The lesson of being in the present is one of the most valuable I have learned and allows me to
make the best of all things. Most of the grief we cause ourselves is by living in the past or the future and not taking pleasure in the present. Blessings
