give me three reasons to stay and three reasons to go.

yes it is she is in her 20 and my sons are 6 years old with a father that does not always treat them well.if they were to get hurt while i was gone this would really be a bad thing.and as far as cheap i would love to take them along with me but it will cost about 3000.00 dollars that i can not aford.my main concern is geting acall that my boys were neglected while i am gone. so yes it is that hard. and just to let you know i am the best mother you would ever meet buddy so be real careful of what side of me you walk on.thanks for the response.

Seriously... from Virginia to California I can find roundtrip tickets for about $300 a piece. It doesn't ahve to cost $3000 unless you want nonstop. Plus you shouldn't have to stay in a hotel if you're visiting your daughter. There has to be some relative that you can leave your sons with for a weekend or whatever. It doesn't just have to be the father and I sure to god hope that you are not still with the man if he is going to neglect his sons. There is so many options out there you just have to love your daughter enough to care. And if you can't find that reason to actually go and be there - then yes you are being a deadbeat mom. There is no two ways about it and you are just as bad as your boys' father that neglects them. You are neglecting your daughter by refusing to go just once. Its not like she is asking much out of you. My uncle lives out in California and he makes it HIS PRIORITY to come visit my grandparents at least 4-5 times a year because he feels that they deserve it. And they make sure they try to fly out there at least once a summer. So don't start stuff about there being no way - you are just looking for excuses.

You cannot get mad at an opinion that you asked for. If you didn't want to hear the negative views of what you are doing I wouldn't suggest posting stuff like this in a public forum. Therefore that mistake is yours and instead of getting all mad and upset think about how you look in the public's eye and the views that they are going to be getting from you being so torn from visiting a daughter because a 6 year old can't be alone for a weekend without you. (lol!) And yes I know what a deadbeat parent it. It is a parent that is not included in their child's life no matter what the reason might be. And you don't want to be a part of your daughter's life because you feel as if 6 year olds can't stand to be away from their mother for just one weekend. And guess what I've been 6 before and you can do it. There are so many kids that are away from their parents for a month at their time so you really need to stop sheltering them. And its not jealously on my part for your daughter. Why would I feel any of that? I'm not involved in the situation - but I do feel that you have this mindset that your boys are more important and they aren't. You need to treat all your children - no matter what their ages are - with the same respect, time, and commitment - and you aren't. And by putting your boys through neglect you are actually putting them in more harm than a divorce would bring. Would you rather them be separated from their father or would you rather them be ridiculed by them for the rest of their lives?

oh i see. then she should not be hurt if you tell her you have to save enough money to be able to bring the boys and have a place to stay. i wonder why she will not have you all stay with her? she should also give a little in this relationship. she has children of her own so should be adult enough to understand a lot of this.

hi bunnybon7 she came to minnesota in feb on business and i did drive there which was 5 hours away with my three sons in a ice storm. she had 4 hours she could spend with us. we paid for a motel all night and the travel there and back. her company paid her way here. i dont think she has the money to come here and i think the idea of me going there is to visit the three grand children i have never seen.she can not aford to bring them here and i can not aford to bring mine there.i ask if she thought she would ever move closer and she did not think so because of her job.that was the first time i had seen her sense she was a year old . she looked exacley like me espeacially her eyes and she is avery strong women like me.the only thing i noticed was that she had a chin ring and some tatoos which is some thing i have preached to my boys to never get. just a lot of life style diffrences. she said that is the way it is in calif.

yea i have always wounder why she has not offered for us to stay there. but i do not want to invite my self. i told her she was welcomrd to come here when she was on business. but she said they were not alowed to leave the area which was understanable. but still i thought i would offer .there has also been a few step mothers in volved and now her dad has moved out with anew woman and she has not goting along with the step moms. i dont want to be thrown in these womens face to get back at them. i do not know them maybe they are perfecley nice ladys. do you understand what i am saying when i dont know what i am walking into?

thanks angelbelle- i am her mother i know that is diffrent isint it? usually it is the father that has not seen there child but not in this case.maybe some people that were raised with out there parents can come up with some good answers. but also some input from parents that have children that they have not been away from .

ahehe, im sorry i thought you're a father. Well, maybe you can tell your daughter that you can visit her when your triplets are older enough to be left home. Dont you have someone to look after for them? There's a lot of ways when you want to do something but there's a lot of reason when you dont want to do the thing.

i wish there was some one i could trust with them but no all of my family lives in mississippi and i live in south dakota. and i dont think my husband will be able to get along with my boys for that long. he treats one really good and the other two not as good. but some times he does not get along with the other one.so i dont think i could leave them here with out me.

thanks suzzy i am really worried about my boys i know of any one close to me to help with them. all of my family is in mississippi and i am in south dakota. this is what is really holding me back. it woukd cost me almost 3000.00 dollars to fly all of us.

thanks for the advice . i will think on it. i know i will not leave my boys and that does not mean i am shealtering them it just means i am protecting them.the cost of flying is so high it is crazy. i think if i try to save for a few months i might be able to swing it. but thats another thing my daughter has had a few step mothers and if she does not hear what she wants to hear she gets upset. and i am not handleing that well. i do make sure the boys have astable life and they are not allowed to talk back to people or throw fits if they do not get there way. i ahave to be careful what i bring them in to.just because she is my daughter does not mean i do not need to be careful.we do not know one another well. regardless of what any one thinks.

Hello my friend deedeehall Ji, So nice of you for taking positive steps. Your thoght to consider is a great gate-way for your better relationship as well as for coming future generations in your family. May god bless you and have a great time.

this is for anotherxidenity. first of all i do not live in virgina i live in south dakota and she lives in calif.second of all there is no one and whan i say no one i mean no one i can leave my kids with. i have triplets that are six years old and i have checked in to how much it would cost to fly them. second of all my daughter has not offered for us to stay there. i did mention we would not have transportation when we fly there. she just said i could rent a car. i am looking out for my little guys i am not flying them to a strange town and them end up on the street some wher with nothing. i do not know my daughter that well so i do not know how things will be.so untill you have been in my shoes then you give me a break.i was a teenager when i had my daughter and i am in my 40s now. because i am not perfect like you i made a mistake at a young age. i am now 40 and wiser and do not want to make the same mistakes. i guess i dont understand what is up with the anger you are displaying about this subject.are you even a mother?if not o guess i do not consider you worthey of jugeing me.

thanks to the rest of you for all of your suportive words . i will think on this long and hard.i just not want to end up in calif with three small children on the street that will just be a very stupid choice.

i dont think she can aford it either. not for all of them to come along . when you think ,about it air fair is really high.i just dont know what to do.