Why are parents today are so over-protective?

By K.S.
@02karen (173)
United States
April 13, 2009 2:45pm CST
Okay I understand where I live. In which I live in Texas but my parents should give me a bit more freedom plus I'm engaged in which they do trust but they always think something bad is going happen to me or being with him all day its too much. Ugh...sure hate my parents for that...are all parents like this??? If you are, sorry about your children sure know what they are going through...
4 people like this
22 responses
• United States
14 Apr 09
You know, I've never had any complaints about being "too protective". My older children now live with their father who is very strict, and I've not had any complaints. In fact, they rather like the fact that they have set rules, etc. Not that they didn't have them with me, but that they still have them with him. I have two little ones from my current marriage and I can tell you I'm very protective of them. They were both miracle babies, and that makes them even more watched over because of that. Being over protective or watching out for our children is one way we show our love for our children. If we didn't love our children we'd let them do anything. I think we've all had your perspective though at one point or another, and then it changes once we have children. The same will occur to you. Right now you'll complain about how your parents worry too much, do this too much, etc. Then, one day, you'll have children and all that will change. You'll be doing the same thing your parents are doing now, and smile thinking "Wow, I am the same". It's a sweet thing too because you suddenly understand your parents, and realize how much they love you. Don't take them for granted, don't be too hard on them, because soon they will move on in their journey and you'll be without them here on earth. Namaste-Anora
3 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
9 May 09
Anora_Eldorath - See it all depends the way you treat your child. Over protective means many different ways...and you want to live a lot. Many times teenagers or young adults dont say anything to our parents. We instead keep it within ourself. See...you think we might tell you everything..when we dont. Yes, I know what love is but at least let us be. I'm 21 yrs. old all Im going is go to my fiance's house his parents are super cool and which were just going to hang out and eat you know im at home with them its not like something wrong its going to happen or times I want to go out with my fiance to certain places...i'm protected by him.:) Like I said, it all depends the way you start off treating your children. My mom and I we will never have communication within each other.
• United States
10 May 09
I don't think that "over-protective" has any other meaning then the one it has attached to it. My children and I have an open communication, and the two from my current marriage are also learning this at an early age. Communication is something that is never too late to develop, and we must work on it. It may take time developing the communication with your mom, but it is worth it. The area that I was addressing is that you were coming across as if you resented your parents for caring about you. I'm not sure what you mean by them being "over-protective" based upon your response. It seems to me that everyone involved is doing what they want. I personally think you need to give your parent's perspective some thought. Again, this may not occur until you have children and understand what it is like to be a mother. Namaste-Anora
@02karen (173)
• United States
11 May 09
Anora_Eldorath - I respect your response but see it would be easier if you would see us one day how I am and my mom for you to know what exactly what I mean which I know you wont be saying much no more. Many of my family members are against my mom in which she needs to give me more time with my fiance. I've been with over for 2yrs. and were about to complete 4 months in this month. Dont you think its enough to give us more time when I only get to hang out with him on sundays and mondays because he is usually working. Well I do see 3x out of the week because of college but its still not enough for both of us. What do you think?
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
14 Apr 09
Some parents are so over protective that they wouldn't let their kids get engaged before graduating school. Some parents wouldn't let their kids get jobs and have phone time or cell phones or even computers. You should be thankful that you have some freedoms other kids have it worse off then you.
3 people like this
• United States
14 Apr 09
To me being protective and being over protective are two different things. Being over protective can have negative effects on the child as he or she grow into themselves. Sometime you have to let your children bump there heads a little so they can learn problem solving skills and how to handle themselves when you not around.
1 person likes this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Amberina - That is totally messed up were you in a private school or something. My parents dont want me to work just yet neither my fiance. I rarely use my cell phone the one that my parents bought me. Well that's true but if we can find our ways in using them doesnt stop any of us.:)
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Maniti05 - I sure like your response very interesting. Well we sure need to live a little on our own.
@syankee525 (6293)
• United States
14 Apr 09
well my daughter used to ask me the samething, now she's 24 when she goes out and dont come home she calls to let me know. she told me once. dad it used to bug me so bad, but now i see it as you just really care and love me.. be glad they care about you.. because you become a parnet you will do the samething, yeah it's a pain but they love you. so many other parnets just dont no more
3 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Syankee - I respect that sir what your saying here. Im 21 yrs. old engaged at the moment. Let me put you an example, let's say your daughter is engaged and you know the young man's parents they are cool. Good parents which you like and you all get along, you've spoken w/the guy even before when they were just starting to date or as friends. He's love with her and takes good care of her would you let be together all day until 1 or 2 in the morning or at least 11 pm only on sundays and mondays especially that they dont have college the next day. You know what I mean...but she still calls you and tells you that she is doing fine but she is at his house safe just watching cool movies. What do you think? Okay well that's my situation what's going on...
• United States
27 May 09
to me i would be cool with that, alway remember parents will always worry but someone beyong the call of duty. but to me if you were my daughter i would be alright with that
1 person likes this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Syankee525 - Thank you, very much!! That is why many people are against my mom for what she is doing because sometimes we tell her do you prefer me being with someone else that is worse and most probably you will give me more time with him. We dont understand my mom no more but thank you, very much for your response.
• United States
13 Apr 09
I am one of those parents your speaking about. I read the newspaper and watch tv. I am so glad my daughter does not mind my love for her. She and I were watching tv one day and we both cried about what a family was going through. She told me herself she loves me for loving her so much. Your mother/father needs so respect and that would be that. If something were to happenm to them. You would have all the freedom you wanted. But,would you really be ready for that much of it?
3 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Giftsandbags.com - Look I understand and respect what you do with your daughter. See...its not just having freedom we all can get hurt even that were protect by our own parents anything can happen to any of us but we cant be shutting ourselves forever just because they show on the news. Im not asking a lot of freedom all Im asking for them to give more time with my fiance. He works most of the time of course I get to talk to him certain hours but it was about time for my mom let me be with him all day sunday and monday like she used too. The only problem what affects her is that she takes tons of pills for her asthma which probably already damaged her brain. See...she got asthma two weeks after I was born I used too blame myself a lot for it but I was just a baby I didnt cause it. If you know that you are protect by your own fiance and that he does take good care of me more than my father for crying out loud they should let me be w/my fiance all day. Whenever I'm not with him I'm just at home bored...its like what the hell they want me there for doing nothing when they complain most of the time why im not going out. I'm like hello...well you people dont want to go out at these certain hours so I dont understand them no more. I'm fed up with it!!
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
BusyB4 - As parents I respect that we all want our children to be safe. No, I'm not a mom just yet will be soon...but the things that my parents have done to me no I wouldnt do it. Yes, I will protect them in every way but not over do it. What I mean by that is that Im with my fiance safe...my mom calls me what are you doing. I'm trying to have a good moment w/my fiance when she calls to go to the mall to try some clothes in which she's wasting my time. She's just doing it to check up on me. Too many news brainwashes you all parents. Jesus Christ any neighborhood can happen to anyone...yes I keep in contact w/my fiance even that Im w/my parents. We cant keep 15 locks in our door because we are scared what can happen our there. We have to live a little and if we die...well sometimes it just happen for a reason. Were all scared but we cant show that fear to even to our enemies. Im sorry what happened to that girl and that young man. Im glad your daughter was safe home. Luckily her friend was there to help her but parents shouldnt be thinking negative.
@carrine (2748)
• Philippines
13 Apr 09
its not that over-protective, we do just love u so much as our son/daughter, we dont want u to get harm, we dont want u to ruin ur life, all we want is ur good life ahead of u, thats the role being a mother or a parents
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Carrine - I respect that but you cant lock us up and let us be ourselves. Are you going to hold us by the hand every time no...we need to learn our mistakes and experience new things and let us be on our own especially when we know and you know that we are responsible. Im 21 years old which getting married soon. Stop being over-protective to the extreme.
@carrine (2748)
• Philippines
27 May 09
well go, thats your choice, but if i were your parents. ill say something you that you cannot forget me for the rest of your life. life is matter of choice. and if you think you are right, then go for it. just think of any consequences of what have you done. godbless
1 person likes this
@rishikon (31)
• India
13 Apr 09
What to say, parents are like that only, you should accept this facts, they are protective because they love you, but everything over is never good. So, if you are really bothered by their over protective nature then you should discuss you situation with them and hopefully they will understand. Every thing can be resolve by good discussion. So, good luck.
3 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Rishikon - Thank you, and I've tried that all my life but the problem is my mom and I we dont have communication. My mom is the boss in the house not my dad. Second, I try to have a conversation with my mom and she explodes sometimes and get's pissed for no reason. I'm barely asking, "How was your day today?" Which later I find out someone got her in a pissed mood at work and she brings it against me. "Its like what the hell did I do to you?" Nothing hasnt got resolved things has gotten worse now that my sister got pregnant which my mom is the grandma. She barely pays attention to my little brother and I like she get's pissed for everything nowadays. My fiance, his family, my family from both of the sides most of them hate my mom the way she is. I bet you have communication with your children if your a parent.
@snow_one (202)
• United States
13 Apr 09
well look at all the things that could happen now a days. they want the best if they acually care. i know my parents let me do whatever i wanted, but they still asked the stupid questions which i hated. o well that is their job, i mean they are our parents and we are their responsibility until we are of legal age, and still then they have some what control on us. but not as much.
3 people like this
• Philippines
14 Apr 09
I know how you feel because I was also raised in a very overprotective environment. They've been like that since I was a kid and I must admit it's annoying. They set rules for me, wouldn't allow me to late night parties, sleepover with friends, and anything you could think of for sure that they wouldn't allow. I even envied my friends' parents who are not strict like them. Sometimes I wondered if they experienced my current age. But, you know what? Even though they're very overprotective, we have to understand them. I know it's annoying when being treated that way but we have to remind ourselves that it's their nature on why they are like that. What you have to do is try to be a good daughter to them. Don't tell them to change their overprotective attitude because it doesn't work, believe me. If you want to change them, start it with yourself first. That's always been a rule. Do things whatever you think is right and don't mind personally whatever they say. I'm not saying this in a negative manner. Always voice out your opinion on how they treated you and if they listen then that's good but don't expect them to change overnight and if they don't, at least you've tried. Also, try not to disappoint them and if you did, explain it. Don't take all things (esp. your hatred and their overprotectiveness) personally.
3 people like this
@raddudu (60)
• Romania
14 Apr 09
Yes all parents are like that. I think they are over-protective because they don't want you to overcome the problems they had or they're just afraid you might get injured. What I know for sure is that you will find out why they're so over-protective when you'll have a kid. When you will have a baby, you will know because you will be over-protective also. I think God made us this way. It isn't a thing that the parents do on purpose, is in our nature.
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
30 Apr 09
Raddudu - Im always with my fiance besides being with my parents. Okay a baby and a child...I pass that they need to be over protective but hello...im 21 not a baby no more. Im not those type of girls that get drunk, go clubbing and stupid things like that. I see your very religious like my parents.
• Romania
30 Apr 09
Yes, I am a quite religious person ,I think that if I have something to believe in , life goes smother and believing in something helps overcoming the difficulties that are in my way. And , now I understand why you are so bothered by this over-protection of your parents. It is quite surprisingly that your parents are still over-protective even now when you are 21. Maybe when you get married and they will know that there is someone else that will protect you. I don't know.....
1 person likes this
@02karen (173)
• United States
9 May 09
Yeah...well the problem is they are over-protective because my mom was raised like that. She's trying to do the same thing to me..it worked on my older and only sister and she's getting more pissed because im not like them.
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
14 Apr 09
I'm not sure how old you are...your profile says 21 but your speech here sounds more like 15-17 year old. Regardless though, your parents are protective b/c your their child. They love you and want you to be safe not to mention they want you to make good choices in life. When your older and have children of your own, you'll find out. Be happy that your parents care about you, some kids would give anything to have a parent that loves them that much. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
9 May 09
Twoey68 - hey...!! IM 21 yrs. old. Yeah i know what your trying to say but they shouldn't be too much over protective they wont always be there. C'mon we grow each day...you think they will be living forever. I dont think so. We live and we die so pretty much they have to let us a bit more freedom.
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
13 May 09
Maybe they are thinking that if they protect you enough now and raise you right that when they are gone, you'll be able to take care of yourself. Try to look at it from their point of view, if you had a daughter wouldn't you do everything you could to protect her and make sure she was safe? It's true that we all grow and change every day but we also have to make alot of choices and sometimes it's hard to make good ones while we're growing up. I know it isn't easy b/c I'm an only girl and my Mom has always been really protective of my as well...but I also know that it would literally break her heart if anything ever happened to me. I also know how lucky I am to have a mom that cares about me and wants me to be safe. BTW, I didn't mean anything terrible by your age just that you sounded alot like I did when I was a teenager... [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
• United States
14 Apr 09
My parents are really over protective. They wouldn't even let me go to a friend's house without knowing all their info first. It's frustrating. I'm almost 18!
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Goldencici97 - Well im 21yrs. old. Have you lied a lot to your parents or something you did wrong a long time ago. Yeah I guess parents dont trust us at all.
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Your almost 18...right? I see you all as babies even whenn your 18 many dont mature at that age yet.
@faisai (1138)
• Hong Kong
27 May 09
I think that they are so protective because they have gone thorough so many problems before that they rather you not go over the same problem again. The fact is that while some mistakes or problems are better not gone through again. There are just times where children have to try taking responsibilities even though they are heading in a wrong direction. Only by making mistakes that they will learn more. Parents just sometimes forget how they have come though all those troubles to make them the way the are now. It is sometimes sad for me to see that parents are getting too protective on their children making them like so fragile that when they are suddenly put into the society, they fail to face the pressure and is not capable of dealing with all the troubles arise day after day.
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Faisai - Well they treat me like they were treated and her own mother tells her what to do its like if she cant think of something what to tell us. See my mom doesnt seem she was ready to have children of her own...she raised us good at some years then she changed a lot. She wasnt ready and she's not a good mom at this point. Yes, well its better that we make mistakes now and learn from them so when were out in the world were ready for it. Im 21 yrs and responsible. Thank you, very much for your response plus like the last two sentences.:)
@parthu28 (498)
• India
1 May 09
i agree with you dear.these days parents are being a bit too overprotective........ like you my sis is engaged,but my parents seem to think that something wrong may happen and all.i hope they try and think a bit positively...... its going to better for all...
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
9 May 09
Parthu28 - They have to let go of the past...the present of the news and think a bit more positive. Thank you, very much for your response. I understand what your sister is actually going through.
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
1 May 09
Parents are worried stiff about criminality even on your children. They just don't feel safe in today's world. One has to be careful whom to trust as there were cases of child abuses by priests, grandparents, uncles , cousins, family friends etc. So being vigilant is something needed in today's world.
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
9 May 09
Ronaldinu - Yeah...I know but we cant be hiding... We still have to experience the world and stuff. I am protected from my fiance and they know that. They have to let us be on our own like when we are our own in school..and etc. Our parents are not always going to be 24/7 for us when are they going to realize that.
• United States
14 Apr 09
Your parent's are being over protective because they love you and don't want anything to happen to you! There are so many crazy things happening today it's scary being a parent. I'm a parent of a 8 yr old and i'm very overprotective. I dont trust anyone with my son, I just feel like he's my life and & it's my job to protect him the best way I can. you cant possibly no that feeling unless your a parent. But embrace your parents even tough they might be alittle strict or over protective it's only because they love you!
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
30 Apr 09
NadiaAllstar - Im 21 yrs. old; engaged and my fiance trust me he's more a fighter than my dad. He is strong and he takes good care of me. Well your child its still a kid but parents have to let us make our mistakes and give us our space. You wont be there 24/7 when we get married or always be there...we want other time with other people than being with our parents. Yeah dont mind they love me...but still
@prinzcy (5058)
• Malaysia
14 Apr 09
In our parents' eyes, we will always look like a baby. You can't blame them for being overprotective They always want to protect you and doing all the best they can. That's why we as their children won't understand why they won't give us so much freedom and never seem to let go. You're engaged now, soon to be married and soon to be a parent too. Once you become a parent, you'll understand really well why. For the time being, just try to cope with it.
2 people like this
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Prinzcy - Well we can look but not always going to be little babies. We become babies and we have to grow. Yeah well parents it wont kill you just to give us a bit more freedom right?
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
14 Apr 09
There are a lot of aaccidents that are happening outside. I really understand those parents for being so protective of their children.
@02karen (173)
• United States
27 May 09
Larish - Yes, I respect that but not too the extreme.
@rocketsky (1013)
• China
14 Apr 09
no parents hope to see their kids suffer from life and most of them want to llove their kids as best as they can . we should change our way of loving ,real love is to teach them them how to be independent :)
2 people like this
@sammyspam (374)
• Australia
14 Apr 09
With everything going on in the world I can understand why parents can be over-protective. There are murders, rapes, kidnappings and other horrible incidents involving kids. I had parents like this and it is really hard, the best thing is to slowly ease them into it. Prove to them you are responsible and can look after yourself.
2 people like this
@mira91 (986)
• Singapore
14 Apr 09
Haha, i guess it's natural for them to be that way...My parents are over protective too...They always think if i don't do as they say, something bad is gonna happen, But in your case, you're engaged! I think they should try to cut you some slack...Maybe bcz you're engaged and all, it'll be their last chance to be over protective of you...lol. ^_^
2 people like this