Why are girls so insensitive??

April 14, 2009 5:56am CST
So my story goes like this. I love this girl and I love her just too much but she doesn't values my love. We got into relation in Dec '06. After our relation started, she always used to hang out with her sis and her sis' bf. But whenever I asked her to go out with me, she refused promptly. I requested her but she never agreed to hang out with me. I never said anything about it. Then the situation was getting worse. On christmas eve of '07 she was with her sis and her sis' bf and cousins whole day. She promised me she'd call but she didn't. She went with them at 11 AM on 24th Dec in the morning and came back at 1am in the morning of Dec 25. She even went for a vacation for a week with them but still never agreed to hang out with me. I didn't like dying hair. I like it black. I told her not to dye her hair but she didn't obeyed me. She dyed, not once but twice. I asked her somethings her not to do, but she never obeyed me. I didn't want her to go to some places but she went disobeying me. She is just too stubborn. Last year she had a special function at school (just like a prom night). I said her not to go but she didn't obey me and she went. I just wanted to know if she could sacrifice it for me. Commitment and sacrifice is needed in a relation from both sides. She never compromises or sacrifices anything for me. Given a choice between me and other things, she never chooses me. It makes me feel like I am of no value in her life and all other things in her life are more important than me. She has taken me for granted. She knows I won't leave her coz I just love her too much. As for me, I always obeyed her. Whatever she wanted me to leave, I left. Whatever she wanted me to do, I did. I never complained. I wanted her to sacrifice things for me too (coz that would show she truly loved me). After all this, I still continued the relation. Now the real problem starts. She started getting jealous of my family. Although I always went against my family for her, fought with them just to be with her, did everything I could for her, never obeyed anything my family said to me, did nothing what my family wanted my to do just for the sake for her; she thinks that I love my family more than her. No matter how much I do for her, she thinks my family is more important to me. Now, I've a really important function due to which I have to goto out of the country. If I don't attend the function, I will make everyone angry and everyone will be unhappy just because of me. My parents wont leave me and they would definitely take me along with them. And my gf doesn't wants me to go. I said I'll be back in a week but she doesn't want me to go. Now, if I go, my gf will get angry and if I don't everyone in my family will get angry. I am into stuck-in-the-middle situation. She always puts me into this kind of situation. Whatever my family wants me to do, she always wants me to do the opposite and puts me into stuck-in-the-middle situation, but I always obeyed her and disobeyed my family. But this time its not possible, I just can't convince my parents to leave me here. I forgot to mention, I've cut my hands many times due to her coz she has hurt me so much. I don't know what to do. I just can't live with her nor can I leave her. PS: Both of us are 18.
7 responses
@mira91 (986)
• Singapore
15 Apr 09
First off, i absolutely HATE that you're cutting youself because of this because the number one rule in a relationship...(For me that is) NEVER RESORT TO SELF PITY. You want to know why you cut yourself, it's really because of this, you want her to notice it that she was actually the root to the cuttings. Aside from the cuttings, YOUR GIRL IS REALLY SPOILED...She had been pampered by you wayy too much. Because she knows that you are madly in love with her and that you would do just about anything for her and because of that she had chosen to take advantage of you... and YOU my boy, have got to set some ground rules here...I know you love her but this isn't a healthy relationship and i think you already know it for yourself. You need to talk to her, you need to say ALL OF THIS and i mean ALL of this to her and tell her that things cannot go on like this if we aren't in this together...Because so far from your relationship, YOU are the one that had been giving and YOU are the one that had been sacrificing and that is just not the way to go about this. Love is about giving and taking, it takes 2 hands to clap in a relationship and if she can't even do that, then i'm sorry, she isn't the right one for you. Just go on that trip and if she even threaten to break up so be it....I think you deserve someone better, someone who would return the same kind of love and concern that you shower her with. Personally, i'm sorry to say this, but the relationship was already a mistake since it started. I hope you will find the answer that you seek and solve this quickly. Everything was said with concern. Pardon me if i have offended you. With love, mira.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
Tell him Mira! This guy is just too needy. He doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants a mother. He is letting this girl string him along. She doesn't really care about his feelings. He is smothering this girl, and she is obviously free-sprited. He needs to 'man up' and find somebody who i just as attached as he is. Lol. Stop cutting yourself man! That's just not cool.
16 Apr 09
@mira91 Thanks for the reply and your concern and no you didn't offend me. You are absolutely right when you said she has been pampered way too much by me. Actually, I actually wanted some attention from her and some care from her and I thought if I'd cut myself, atleast I would get some love and care from her for some time. And yeah, I forgot to mention that she is a real pessimist. Like if I tell her "that is wrong and you shouldn't do it and it would hamper our relation", her reply is always like "yeah, everything in me is wrong, everything I do is wrong. You don't like anything in me". I've tried many times to talk to her calmly about this but she would just take the criticism negatively and act like I mentioned above. I just love her and with love, you get hurt. I hope she will realize, before things get out of control, that she's doing wrong and she'll improve herself. @LikeAdams0921 I am not needy, I just want some love and care back which I give her. I don't think you'd love a guy who would never think of you and ignore you like hell.
16 Apr 09
@ mira91 Do you suppose I should make her read this discussion? If I talk to her to clarify things, she wouldn't understand. Maybe making her read people's opinions would make her realize that she is wrong somewhere. What do you think?
@sunita64 (6470)
• India
14 Apr 09
First of all from your narration it seems you are trying to control her life, what do you want a real love or a servant who obeys you. If you truly love her then it is time you change yourself and start respecting other persons individuality, you are dealing with a human being.Besides it seems both of you are not very comfortable with each others relatives too.So think properly is the relationship worth hanging to?
1 person likes this
14 Apr 09
I am not trying to control her life. Its the other way round. She is trying to control mine. She imposes more prohibitions upon me than I do. And even if I restrict her to do something, she doesn't listen to me. But I do listen to her, when she doesn't want me to do something. Relationship is about expectation. You expect something from your partner. I expect her to listen to me, at least once.
14 Apr 09
eh, hello, she is not a dog! why should she obey you? I love my boyfriend very much but I dont expect him to "obey" me. If I want to dye my hair then I will. A relationship is about mutual respect, not one person trying to control the other. If someone tried to control you, would you want to spend time with them? I wouldnt. I think that this relationship is bad for both of you, the sooner you end it the better. You are only 18, too young to be stuck in an unhappy relationship
14 Apr 09
She is infact, trying to control me by not letting me go where I should and where I must. And by the way, love is about expectations. You expect things from your love. I expect somethings from her. I expect her to respect my feelings. I know she is not a dog. Well I think, you just read the first part of the story. I had some other problem for which I needed solution. Only the first reply was satisfactory. That guy seems to understand me and my situation as he's been there himself.
16 Apr 09
I don't think u know what love is at all. If she loved u then she would b encouraging u to go with ur family and if u loved her then u wouldn't try to control her hair colour. I am in a happy, loving relationship so I don't need someone to tell me what love is. In my opinion, ur only happy with the first guys opinion cos he agrees with u, this is another sign of immaturity from u. If u come on here to ask for opinions, u will get ones u agree with and ones u dont. Go on ur holiday, enjoy yourself and if she's not happy then find someone else.
17 Apr 09
Thanks for your reply again. I think I got what you mean, this time. Thanks
@nzalheart (2339)
• India
17 Apr 09
Hello Mittal!!! Very sad to hear about your story. Many things happen at the age of 18 and mostly the emotions are so so strong regarding to love at this age. No doubt, that you like her, I know how you feel. When I went on reading your story, I thought that she had been clearly ignoring you, but again when I read that you were requested not to leave the country by your gf, I felt confused with this girl... But one thing that is happening for sure is that, the small small things are hurting you very much and I have to say that happens. That happens in love...I think you are too busy in thinking whether she loves you really or not. And every moment you get disappointed with her activities. But you can't really accept that she doesn't love you.... By the way, when are you returning? One thing I request you is to ask her if she really loves you and look straight into her eyes with the loving eye. I hope you will get the answer.... Ok! don't take the small things too deeply and hurt yourself. Instead try to stay cool. Neglect anything that starts to bother you or hurt you... Be happy, don't worry a lot. Believe me, I have crossed some situation like you, broke up too. Yes so so so so sad and hurted like you at that time.... But very very very cool now.....Time heals every thing.... Happy mylotting...
17 Apr 09
Ahh.. thats a really sensible reply. I am returning in just a week. I know she loves me but she is just so immature and stubborn. I wouldn't choose to go to India either but I don't have any other choice and she just doesn't want to understand that. She doesn't want me to stay with my family. She is very insecured. Yeah, I will try to take things easily and not take it on heart. Thanks for your consoling reply.
@nzalheart (2339)
• India
20 Apr 09
Good luck!
• Cambodia
14 Apr 09
Well, friend, I just got all about your story. It's so sad. I used to have such a relationship with my girlfriend. She never give what I wanted her to do. For example, giving up her hanging out with the other boys. So for your problems, I think that you should go with your family. You know your family loves you very much and try to help you every second. I think you don't know about your family when you love someone. Of course, I have many experiences about this. I always angry with my family when they care about me. "If she really love you, she will do everything for you". According to your story, it was so many times that she refused not to do whatever you wanted her to do for the sake of your love. Now it's just a small request that you want from her to let you go with your family for a couple of week to go to another country."If she really loves you, she can wait for you". Remember, "Love is waiting". Anyway, for my solution, you should try to persuade her to let you go with your family. It's so sad that you cut your hands so many times because of her. As you,yourself, know that" Being with her can hurt you so much, but if you stay away from her, it can hurt you even more." Am I right? So everything will happen one day, and you cannot control it at all. For my advice, you should go my friend. Please love yourself, care about yourself and family, and she will love you. Regards....
14 Apr 09
Thanksyou for such a positive reply. I was hoping people would say "dump her, "leave her" etc. Your reply was really sensible. Yeah, I agree, I'll get more hurt if I stay away from her. And yeah, I can't control what is happening. By the way, are you still in relation with your girlfriend? If yes, is she better now? I guess some girls are very kiddish and their minds just mature when time comes.
14 Apr 09
Thanksyou for such a positive reply. I was hoping people would say "dump her, "leave her" etc. Your reply was really sensible. Yeah, I agree, I'll get more hurt if I stay away from her. And yeah, I can't control what is happening. By the way, are you still in relation with your girlfriend? If yes, is she better now? I guess some girls are very kiddish and their minds just mature when time comes.
• Philippines
15 Apr 09
I say that your gf is somewhat selfish in some ways. I mean,you made a lot of sacrifices and she gets mad if you don't do what she wants. In the first place, she doesn't even do what you want sometimes. That isn't fair. You are trying to secure her so that she won't get hurt but instead, she just goes away and do what she wants. I suggest you should try talking about this. This is for sure to know what's your side and hers as well. Tell her what you did just to have her, you even went to the point not following your parents already. Isn't that kinda bit overdoing something that isn't right. And now she complains. That isn't fair anymore. Talk these things and clarify, to know what is what. And as for the decision, I rather go with the family trip. If I were in your shoes, I will go with my parents. Well, the reason for that is just to tell the girl a payback, revenge is not good, but for her to realize she also did the same thing. The good thing about that she knows and bad part for you is that when this kind of things happen, she doesn't tell you.
16 Apr 09
Thanks for replying and understanding my situation. I tried talking to her to clarify things but she is just too stubborn to understand my situation. She wouldn't just accept the reality. For her, whatever I did for her (including going against my family) isn't a big deal. Yeah, I've decided to go with my parents due to the fact that I don't have any other choice and if I had, I'd have stayed here for my gf.. damn, I still want to do everything for her. I hope everything gets better with time. Thanks for your concern (it was really needed, I needed someone to support me). I really appreciate it.
@ShellyB (5243)
• United States
14 Apr 09
I believe you should go with your family. It could be a wonderful trip for you and maybe for once your girl will know how it feels when her wishes are not carried out. I wish you the best of lucks.
15 Apr 09
Thankyou for your reply for understanding my situation. Thanks a lot.