I am getting married.

Italy
April 16, 2009 11:33pm CST
Friends Finally i am getting married but my case is quite complicated. I have never seen the girl in real life only a picture. I am not interested in marriage right now but i really really love soo much my father and i can do anything for him. He choose a girls and he wants me to marry that girl. there is a huge difference between me and that girl, i clearly know that i am going to face a lot of trouble to get adjust with her but i am doing all this for my father. He wants to re-unite with his family and this marriage will bring family close again. So what do you ppllz think i am doing rite or wrong?
7 people like this
42 responses
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
17 Apr 09
I am from a country where arranged amrriages are quite common and I won't say it is bad .I am a middleaged person and so I belong to another generation.In our generation too we still see some arranged marriages but we also know that the boy and girl see each other, communicate with each other in order to take the decision.EVen in my days, my husband did have a chat with me , though in mnay cases people did not.You are a youngster and so you will have to weigh the pros and cons--just adjustment problems is a simple thing--all couples have it. But, you must assess whether you are in totally different spheres/intellectually/financially/emotionally--so many other aspects.Is she equally qualified?Is she from a similar background and upbringing?Is she a distant cousin or so?0-- then if you would do anything for your father, your father can easily understand your point of view--it is to be your life--so, you can ask him all these questions.Ask him also to facilitate your communication with her before committing yourself.You can straightaway talk to the girl and get a clue as to how she is and whether you are going to have terrible adjustment problems or not--how old are you? Have you interacted with girls a lot? THen your instinct would tell you whether you are going to get along or not in the long term. Hope I have been of some help.
@srganesh (6345)
• India
17 Apr 09
Well,do you like that girl,seeing her photo?What is the huge difference you are talking about?Educational qualification,wealth,beauty....what is that?Anyhow,if you see the girl pleasing,then you can love her too.Love has no barriers.Do you feel any spark seeing that photo?Then that will do. If you really feel,you can't cope up with her,gain confidence to speak it up with your father.A lovable father should understand his son's feelings.Speak it out boy!Cheers!
• United States
17 Apr 09
Where are you from? Are you in a country were marriages are arranged? Because where I am from we marry who we want. I would say if you are not ready for marriage and don't think that you and this girl are going to get along and be happy then you should not getting married. I know that you want to do this for your father and maybe your lifestyle is way different from mine but I think your father should think of you and realize that you are not ready and shouldn't make you live a unhappy life and marriage just for him. Is there not any other way that he can reunite with family other than your marrying a total stranger?
1 person likes this
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Why is it that only marriage would bring the family close again? I'm sorry, but only his family can bring themselves close to your father again. I would never marry someone that I did not love, especially just to please someone else.
@starplus (16)
• Indonesia
18 Apr 09
agree cause..love can build and development..no true love cause love are unity of emphaty, like,respectfull,needed,pride etc
• Italy
25 Apr 09
Thanks for reply. I like your words
• India
17 Apr 09
Firstly Congrats and then coming to the discussion i feel that you are a type of person ready to sacrifice anything for your loved one's.As you are ready to get married to see your father happy, you will also sacrifice a lot to keep your wife happy.So don't worry and be happy .More over every body first feels that they are not interested in marriage right now and when they get married they feel they should have met their wife much earlier in life and spent more happy moments. So first enjoy your wedding and stop worrying
• Italy
25 Apr 09
Yeah i will keep my wife also happy. I cant see anyone with sad face, i dont know its my plus point or minus point but i am like this. Thanks for reply
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Well, I hope that you and your new bride are happy together. Is there a big difference between your age and her age? How will marrying her bring your family close together? I myself think that you have as much chance to be happy with your new bride as with any girl. Sit down with your new wife and talk about things. Bith of you read the Bible together and try to be good Christians. My thought is that you should go ahead and marry the girl and have a lot of children.
• Italy
25 Apr 09
There is not a big age difference, we both are about same age. She is a distance relative cousin so this new relation will re-unite the both families. Mostly ppllz here saying that i will fail but i dont think soo. I like your thoughts and advices. Whatever situation will be i will never let this marriage down. I hope you will understand that in this social contract both partners have good and bad qualities so we have to bear our partners bad habits also while enjoying good habits. No one in this world is 100% perfect ideal. These are just movie dialogues i dont believe such life based on imaginations. In last i want to tell you that i am a Muslim i have studied bible but only for my information regarding Christianity. I like your advice i will sit with her but we are going to study Quran as it is our religious faith. I hope you dont mind this simple change. Live long and happily thanks for reply
• India
21 Feb 10
Well, you must be married by now. So, let me start over by congratulating you, and hoping that your married life is going good. And now, a reply to your question is that, absolutely yes. You have to take steps and decisions for whom you love. And when you know, that you have to eventually get married one day, there is no sooner or later. You have to just think a lot that are you marrying to a right, socially good girl or not. But, don't force yourself too much that you marry a wrong girl, otherwise you will spoil two lives.
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
20 May 09
Hey there rocky. Whenever I think about the issues of marriage, I keep thinking of the term in the long run. This is something that is considered a life-time commitment and if you think that you have the potential to love the girl that your dad wants you to marry, then perhaps it is worth a shot. But if you really don't find in your heart to love her, you should tell your dad the truth and just move on. If he loves you, he will understand. And if you love your dad, you will do what's best for both you and your dad in the long run. True that a marriage could bring 2 families together, but will it be worthwhile in the long run? Or at the expense of your own happiness? Think about it carefully and the decision is yours to make, my friend. Take care.
@minnie15 (145)
• United States
19 May 09
I know you love your father, but he has lived his life the way he wanted. Why should you have to sacrafice for the issues he has with his family. If he loves his family, he will reconcile with them. He should not put all the responsibility on you. That is like putting the blame on someone else for his wrong choices. I am not sure what your culture is, but you should be able to make your own decision. She may not want to get married either. People should be able to marry for love, not for family. It would be different if you loved her. Do what is in your heart...what you want. Don't base your decisions on anyone else. It is you who you have to make happy.
@qianmozi (25)
• China
19 May 09
for me,it's really tough to live with a stranger as husband and wife.howerver,you can try to learn her before you two get married.i mean ,maybe you'll find she has the same hobbies as you have,she is just the right one for you ,something like that.if it proves that you two are not suitable,i suggest you don't risk your whole life happiness.just talk to your father frankly,i think he'd understand.
@gxyywhyzy (450)
• China
18 Apr 09
Many of things we can't decide ourselves,escept for the marriage.we should decide our own happiness.
@CMTS_87 (1340)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
Sorry but I'll never do that. I just don't believe on arranged marriage. Happy MyLotting!
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
18 Apr 09
I have bad news for you. What your father is doing is very selfish. He is making you do this not because he thinks this girl is perfect for you but because it is a way to bring the family back together. I will not pretend to understand how that works but in effect what he is doing is placing you in a life that could be bad for you for his own selfish reasons. I have to assume this also is your custom. I will not pretend to understand this custom so I can not speak to it. I do know what it is like to be married and, at best, it is difficult. No matter how much you love each other there will always be problems. The love makes it possible to work through them. So there will be no love here and that alone starts the marriage off in a bad way. Of course you may learn to love each other in time and them all will be well but if it does not happen you will in effect be living with a stranger when it should be the happiest time of your life. I can not tell you not to do it. Only you know it that is possible. But you really should talk to your father and tell him how you feel. At the very least you need to do that. I do wish you well.
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
Your being unfair to yourself and to that girl. You will not be happy so why do you want that girl to be unhappy also. There are other ways to make your dad happy and to show to him how much you love. Sacrificing your own happiness is not the solution to the problem. What if after your wedding, they dont want to reunite with your dad, so your sacrifice goes to nothing.
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
hi, are you sure that you will marry this girl? i mean even without knowing her personally? i mean do you frequently talk and do you have the chance to know each other well. i bet your entering into a situation that needs in depth analysis. getting marriage is not an easy thing to do as the saying says it is not like a spoon of rice that once you put in your mouth and you dont like you will just throw it up. i guess the best thing that you should do is to talk to your father and tell him that you have doubts about the marriage. if you can negotiate with him and ask him enough time for you and for the girl to know each other well then that would be good. with regards to re-uniting the family you may told him that it can be done even without going into arranged marriage. i will pray that the Lord God will guide you in your decision. be blessed.
@lsjack (44)
• China
18 Apr 09
my dear, please accept my opinion, if u really don't love, please aviod her, u must know, marriage means u should stay with a person for many years , can bear that?
@marciascott (25553)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Congratdulations!! I hoe you are very happy! make sure that this is what you want.
@agv0419 (3027)
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
I think it is arranged marriage. It is hard to have that kind of marriage. Where are you from? I think it is a difficult situation you are in. Although you have to obey your father but I think it is not right to marry someone who you don't love and you don't see her in person. Sometimes this marriage would not be successful and end up in divorce. To please your father I think it is not right to give up your freedom and your love.
• India
17 Apr 09
Hello! I am very pleased to known that you are going to marry! Wish you best of luck and I expect you will be very very happy in your conjugal life. You are going to marry a girl whom you have not seen, that means yours is going to be an arranged marriage. I will say, love marriage is not always happy marriage. I know many people who have got married on love. But those marriage have not lasted long. I believe and hope that you be happy in with that girl. I am also very much happy that you have so much love for your father.