How long would you be willing to wait for your husband/wife??
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
United States
April 17, 2009 7:49am CST
If you and your husband got into a big know down blow out and you both needed time to yourselves. so you went to another state just for alittle break and he stayed in the town in wich you were married and lived...4 months go by and your husband still says he is not ready for you to come home. you come home everything seems to be going good and then he buys a plane ticket for you to go back home..and says he stil needs more time and he needs a therapist and yadda yadda. though you were just gone for 4 months and he did NOTHING to help himself in thoes ways...So you have no choice but to go back were u were for the 4 months....My question is,How long would you be willing to wait around and put your life on hold for your husband or for your wife??.....
7 people like this
21 responses
@zoey7879 (3092)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I've been waiting 7. I've dated other people in the meantime, as he has. He's still trying to figure out what he wants, and it's hard as can be, but in our case, we're closer and get along better so far this way. It brings me down more than I care to admit, but I'm willing to hold out a bit longer if it's going to assure in the end that there will be two happy people instead of one happy and one miserable one.
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
17 Apr 09
If it's really that hard on your friend being away from him and he knows this, then why don't they try marriage councelling or something? That way they can both be involved!
2 people like this
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
17 Apr 09
She has already waited 4 mths and her husband is saying that he needs more time .... He is making honest effort to sit and talk with her about what is going on but he still says that he is the one that needs to fix the problems with himswelf before they can be husband and wife and would like the time to honestly be able to fix what he needs with himself to make the marriage better / be a better person but he realizes that being away is hard for her and cannot give a definete time on when they will be able to be together as husband and wife .
2 people like this
@ddhawkins63 (682)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I am beginning to wonder if this is a new trend. I know someone going through the same thing. My best advice, without trying to be mean but so that you can see that it's not making sense, is to move on. If he really had any intentions of working it out, he would have already said, I want you to come back and let's work on our problems. You should probably realize that and begin to move on with your life. Someone that is willing to put you on hold for that long isn't worth the wait in my personal opinion. It just makes no sense....
3 people like this
@shebeck (114)
• Jamaica
18 Apr 09
I agreed, if he wanted to let things work, he would be saying that. He wants to move on and do not want to tell her, he wants to keep her hanging on as if there is hope when he knows that he definately wants to move on. I believe she should take it as a hint and do the same. It seems though, that she really loves him and want to work it out. They should seek professional help or she can boldly ask him if he wish to continue or not.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
should we even be counting as to how much time we should be waiting for our other half? i believe if love is still there and only a bit of time of separation is needed, then let's have that kind of separation but it is also knowing that we would still be together after a few weeks, etc.
3 people like this
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Yea,a few weeks went out the window like 5 months ago LMAO... they have been seperated for 4 months and she came back to make it work but he wants her to go back and give him MORE time...ontop of the 4 months she has already given him..
2 people like this
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
Four months being far away from your husband or wife
is far too much, too long should I say. If there's a problem
it must be taken care of as soon as possible. Distance might
prolong things and will only get worse. If I love my wife that
much then I will wait for her no matter what.
@deejean06 (1952)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Hi Mikeswife...I think that without therapy or counseling where the both of us are in attendance, it's useless. So unless that is a condition of the time apart, that's all it is - time apart. I don't think that the spouse is serious if there isn't some form of reconciliation happening.
@med889 (5941)
•
17 Apr 09
I will talk to him at once about everything including my feelings and what I want to do with my life. If he listens its good but if he does not then I will think that there is a problem with himself because It is not always easy to take the first step. He should understand that both of us is in the same dilemma and Im brave enough to come forward and find a solution so he should respect that. Hey I will tell you something that Me and my partner used to do. Actually after each and every discussion we never sleep before solving the problem. It may be late at night and I wake him up to talk about that or he calls me back to solve the problem so I think many people should do like this.
3 people like this
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I agree with you I would talk to him about everything that is going on including his feelings and my feelings. If he listens awesome and I would suggest therapy as well, but as a first step, not four months down the road. I would say I would do anything needed to fix the problem and he should too.
1 person likes this
@carmella (496)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Now that's a toughy. I would wait forever for my husband under the right conditions, but under the conditions you describe, I'm not so sure I wouldn't be questioning who is taking my place!
Now you must remember though, this is coming from a woman who has a very sweet marriage of almost 15 years, has spent nearly every waking moment with my hubby for the past 9 years, (literally, we are both disabled, so we are always together helping each other), but for me, if my hubby wanted to be away from me for as little as 4 days, I would know it was over, because we have one of those unique, one in a million marriages, where we are literally up each others butt, as many like to say, 24/7 - 365! The cool thing though, we both LOVE it, so it's all good
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
20 Apr 09
thats awesome. Everyone wants and is looking for that kinda love. but not everyone is lucky enough to find it...
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
19 Apr 09
They say true love waits but since I've never been in a situation like that, it is very hard to say something...
Maybe, I will observe him, what made him wants to live without me and if ever, he enjoy that more, then after waiting for almost a year and he will always want me to be away, I guess I need to talk to him seriously what and why he wants that type of life!
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
17 Apr 09
Honestly this is a tough one as every person is different and everyone requires a different time limit. BUT the only problem I see is that why didn't he work on himself before? Why did he waste 4 months? That would make me wonder how serious he really is! That's just me though. A friend of mine had her husband leave because he needed to work on himself, figure things out, blah blah blah and on Wednesday it had been 1 whole year so she said forget it and got a divorce granted. Here in Canada you must be seperated for 1 year before a divorce is granted!
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Time apart like you described does not sound like time apart to hopefully work things out. The time apart should be actively spent working together and doing whatever it takes to figure out and work out what is wrong in the relationship. Living 4 hours apart...how can you be working together?
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
18 Apr 09
i couldnt imagine being away from my hubby that long (willingly) without it being over.. if he hadnt tried to fix anything while the time passed i would think he didnt want to really fix anything.. but i have never been in that place so i guess i dont really know
1 person likes this
@xuanlingfang (258)
• China
18 Apr 09
Well, if I have the time, I will wait for her as long as she need. We usually go out to buy clothes during the weekend. She may need to try some clothes on. Since the decision is difficult to make sometimes. She may need a lot of time. At this time, I will sit there and wait. Or I may look at the other clothes just for fun.
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Okay Ummm did you even read the convo?? because to me is sounds as if you only read the title..Go back and read and then come back and respond again.. thanks
@bruceabb2008 (65)
• China
18 Apr 09
4 months is too long for a wife apart from her husband. They need to talk their feelings seriously. I was wondering if her husband wants to solve the problem or want to prolong their conflict. I think after the talk your friend need to move forward if he still needs more time.
1 person likes this
@MsAmazin (15)
• United States
18 Apr 09
well, first I wouldn't go to another stated to give us space. I would go out for a few hours but not move out to an entirely different state. things do not get solved liked that. Doing that is more then likely to cause more of a problem between the two then solve or help work at them. And to leave for 4 months, who does that in a marriage. Surely if one leaves and stays away that long, the marriage wasn't working from the start and needed help, if one can just up and leave and stay away that long and it's not work related, only due to a conflict. but to get to your question,I'm not sure I would wait around after the first intital 4 months of absence. See they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but too much absence, makes you wonder or wander.
1 person likes this
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
17 Apr 09
You can only wait for as long as you allow your heart to wait. Though hard you will come to realize when its been long enough. This would be your call. Me personally Have found it easy to move on after something like this has happened. Which seem to help alot. I am not sure if it is you or not going through this I wish them the best
luck. " Never Deprive Anyone OF Hope, It May Be all They Have"
1 person likes this
@sandymay48 (2030)
• Canada
17 Apr 09
Hi MikesWifey..First of all I would wonder what he was up to that he was that far away and still not ready for her.
Secondly, if you want to be together but are having problems, being apart is not the way to solve them. Its just a break and not working toward fixing anything. THe 2 need to be together to work things out properly. And it takes the both of them to make it work, not just one of the other. I would not put my life on hold if that happened to me. He would have to be here with me trying to work it out, or dont bother at all.
1 person likes this
@vheilugto (149)
• Philippines
1 May 09
as long as i get married, i am willing to wait no matter what, but if she doesnt love me anymore, why should i wait for nothing. rirght?
@cjforeverknight (427)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I would confront him & point blank ask him is there someone else???? For if there is someone else then you can cry for a while & then move on with your life. I am so sorry for he can not even talk. But I would still confront him & tell him you have a right to some answers. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@humairaabed (82)
• India
20 Apr 09
Simple....
1) will have a open, clear discussion with him widout name callings and widout yelling and shouting.
2) depending on how things work out will give him an ultimatum to get his act together.
3) if he doesnt pay heed to u even then (or till the ultimatum's up) isn't the msg he is trying to send pretty clear?!?!??
its Tally Ho!!! then....
@cruise212 (13)
• China
17 Apr 09
If you find your relationship has been end,and there is no hope to recovery it,I think you'd better choose to part.It's good for both of you.
1 person likes this
