Child support

United States
April 19, 2009 9:19pm CST
This post may sound a little selfish,but I have to get it off my chest. Heres the situation...I think my husband should pay less child support to his ex. I know that sounds terrible, but I have my reasons. He makes 120,000/year with bonuses. He pays 28% of all income to his ex, PLUS he pays for 1/2 of daycare. After child support and taxes we don't have much left. If I thought all of that was going to his two boys that would be ok, but her and her new husband go on vacations all the time, in fact they are going to Mexico this weekend. She has a cleaning lady, a boob job and wears all designer clothing. She makes good money too, but I don't think all the support money is going to the boys. It never bothered me before because I love my husband, not his money, but we have a new baby and thinking that his ex is living the good life off of child support while we struggle drives me insane! We live in IL and they have very strict child support laws, Ugghh...I feel terrible that this bothers me so much, but it does!
1 person likes this
11 responses
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
20 Apr 09
i may not be liked for what i am about to say, but i am going to say it anyways. grow up. if there is a problem about the child support or anything else your husband pays toward his boys that is between him and his ex-wife. you do not know their financial situation. you do not know for a fact that she is spending the child support money on herself. you are making assumptions and quite honestly you sound jealous of the ex-wife's lifestyle. so what if they go on trips or wear designer clothes. that is none of your concern. how they spend their money is their business not yours. as long as the boys are taken care of, provided for and happy, what business of yours is it how the money is being spent? the child support issue is something that is between your husband and his ex-wife. if you are truly concerned that you dont have enough money to survive, you need to be talking to your husband about it. you said that you are a stay at home mom in a response to someone else and that after everythign is said and done you live on about $55K a year. good for you. other people should be so lucky. instead of worrying about what you don't have and being jealous of someone else's lifestyle, why don't you try looking at what you do have and being happy with what God has blessed you with. you have a husband who loves you and your children. you have a man who takes his responsibility to his children from a previous marriage seriously and PAYS his child support. you have a man who also pays for other things outside of his child support. you have a good man. you need to let this petty jealousy go. if you don't it will take over your life. if you push too hard about the child support with your husband when it is really that you are jealous of the lifestyle, you will cause a rift in your relationship. your husband pays the money willingly because he loves his children. do not try to make him feel guilty about giving them the money, no matter what you believe about how it is being used. he might take it as you are trying to make him choose between his boys and his new family. that is what isn't fair.
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
21 Apr 09
swise81, i am not trying to pick a fight. i merely stated my opinion on the matter. you are entitled to believe what you want to believe.
• United States
20 Apr 09
Hmm, so your husband is still left with $86,400 gross per year plus bonus? Wow, that must be so difficult to live off of. I'm sorry, but you do not have my sympathy on this one. My husband makes very little per year and both of us pay child support. He pays on his child, and I pay for my four. I'm a stay at home mom currently with two children of our own. Children cost money hun, and be glad your spouse makes enough to pay child support and still provide you a pretty decent life. If I told you what we made each month net after child support, you'd probably wonder how we survive, but we do somehow. And we're both in college. I'm currently working on my master thesis. Perhaps you should downsize your life, stop being envious, and realize just how blessed you are. Namaste-Anora
• United States
20 Apr 09
After taxes and other deductions we are left with about $55,000 per year. IL is one of the highest taxed states in the US. I lost my job 1/2 way through my pregnancy. My 4 year old has MRSA, I had to miss a lot of work when she had outbreaks, and DR's appointments. I had not been w the company for a year so I could not take a leave of absense. So I stay at home, which I know that I am very lucky to do, she has only had one outbreak since se has been out of daycare. We are not living the good life, we live in a 2 bedroom townhome and we have a total of 4 kids. I have a daughter from a previous marriage, plus our new little girl and his boys. He bought this place b4 he met me, and it is impossible to sell at this time. We buy all of our clothes and the kids clothes at garage sales and goodwill. I am fine doing that, it saves a lot of money. We live w/in our means. We save money for the kids future, we don't blow it so we can have the best things on the block. Yes, I am a bit envious, I would love to have all designer clothes, to get my nails done weekly and to have an immaculate home like her.She even has a cleaning lady. I know that I am blessed, before I met my husband I was living with my parents and struggling as a single mom.I know how difficult it is. I have had to get food stamps and public aid. I thank God everyday for what I have. I am not a pampered second wife. It just drives me crazy that the money is not going to the boys, it is going to her. That is just not fair.
• United States
21 Apr 09
It sounds to me like you are "envious". The story you relate also has a certain tone to it, and connotation that I won't say on here but it puts you in a very bad light. Perhaps this is the time to sit back, count your blessings, and re-think your life. You can get another job if you really want one, though I do realize certain professions are on hiring freezes right now. Work on your jealousy and you may find you start enjoying your life better, because you still bring in more net then we do, by a lot. So I don't feel sorry for you. The other woman is working, probably because she realizes that 2800 a month in child support for two boys will not pay the bills, feed them, and clothe them. Your husband was a father to those boys before he got with you and had another baby. I'm not sure about the circumstances, but he left those boys when they were quite young, and got with you. He owes them first, you second. Namaste-Anora
• United States
20 Apr 09
Since you have a new baby in your household your husband probably needs to go back to court to have his child support reduced. The judge will take the new child into consideration for another mouth to feed. There is nothing you can do without going to court.
• United States
20 Apr 09
Also you may want to think to....they could raise his child support too. Cost of living???? It depends on how long the divorce has been final?
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I may not be liked for this response but it is how I feel, you knew when you married him that he had children from a previous relationship, it is his responsibility to help raise those children, you have a child you know how expensive it is to raise one. yes he should pay 1/2 the child care and the other necessary child support. She works, great for her, her new husband works, good for him, they use their extra money for trips etc things they need for them, the money for the kids is there for the childrens expenses. do you know that it cost me 240.00 to sign my boys up for baseball, that does not include baseball bats, etc, if I were divorced my ex would not be responsible for that, that comes out of child support money. In addition medical care, does your husband pay insurance if not again child support, extra activities, boy scouts, school supplies, school clothes, doctors appointments, I am sorry but children are expensive and your husband has a responsibility to those kids to help pay for their support. you knew this when you married him. And yes even if he has a new wife and child he is still responsible for the other two children and they should not suffer because he had more children. in fact if all things were equal he should pay 50% of all of their cost.
• United States
20 Apr 09
He pays for insurance, boyscouts, karate, daycare, clothes and all of the costs for school. He really pays for everything on top of the child support. As I said she works, she makes decent money, but not enough for her lifestyle.Her new husband just got his hours cut, so I know things were a little tight for them for awhile. My husband just got his bonus about a month ago, they get 28% of that as well. Now they are going to mexico this weekend, the boys are staying with us.It just irritates me that she is spending the child support money on herself. I know that kids are expensive, I have a 4 year old from a previous relaionship. Her child support money goes to her, not to my wardrobe and a boob job.The extra money should go to a college fund, not to her.
@jugsjugs (13038)
20 Apr 09
the thing that bothers me is that some men pay alot of money who cant afford it and yet the fathers pay next to nothing yet they can afford it.the whole system is so wrong and when you ring up about payments they give you a person who dont have a clue to how to deal with your enquiry.i live in the uk and its the same here.i think everyone feels the same as you.
@jessi0887 (2794)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I know how you feel. My sister married a man who already has three kids. He has to pay child support. She just had a new baby and gets mad because most of his income goes to her. The thing is she is the party type and his lawyer made it where she has to proof that money is being spent on the kids.
@jstmarfz (1498)
• United States
20 Apr 09
Hello! I felt your burden. My husband does pay child support also with his two teenagers. I also don't know if I have the right to feel anger with his ex wife, but I think I do. I felt sorry for my husband because his ex wife saying words that the money he pays for the kids isn't enough and telling him her new bf [which my hubby's former best friend] was the one standing as a "good" father to the kids. It was a huge slap to my husband's face which made him really upset and mad. To think, the ex wife belongs to a high class family. And every time the kids are with us we heard nothing but a complain about their mom and her boyfriend. Now that his eldest is graduating high school and turned 18 already, his ex wife is going to petition to the DCHS for him to continue the child support, which really s*ck!! The kids are in their right age to find their own job. But because they were race spoiled, all they do was running around and never bother to find any job.
@dropofrain (1168)
• India
20 Apr 09
I think it is really great that their mother is making good money. I think that he should save in the name of his children and give them as and when required. He should not make it a habbit of giving it everytime. I think if you convince him for this, you guys can save a lot of money. Try your luck!!!
• India
20 Apr 09
If you are in realtionship with any divorcee person then this type of things is very common at all. Overall both parents need to be careful towards his child. Money must be distribted equally.
• United States
20 Apr 09
my son is now 25yrs old..i didnt work due to health issues we lived on state aid..and food stamps..i got 497.00 aid,109.foodstamps,his father only paid 34.00a month childsupport..if i had your problem then..i would feel rich..do you even know what thats like..not to sound mean..out of that 497.00 i had to buy diapers wipes,rent,electric,phone..if its taking so much away then downsize..and instead of buying name brand go to the second brand...my hubby now gets from the VA.1744.00 a month..hes got total medical..and i dont cause hes not 100% diabled..now we live off foodbanks and car wrecks ..we been rearended 5 times in 12yrs of marriage...my health issues haved changed..i have fibromyalgia and social security says im not disabled..please...ive lived my life on a shoestring budget..and a penny purse...you just cant let the evil run your life...make them audit them..childsupport will do that...then you'll know where the money really goes...they are supposed to kept recipts..
@lilybug (21145)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I live in Missouri now, but I used to live in Illinois. I like how Missouri does child support now. They take the earnings of BOTH parents into consideration. They figure up what it costs to raise a kid per month. Then they decide what % of the total combined income each parent makes. Each parent is responsible for that % of raising the kid.