Things are not as they always appear to be. - the mom look
By meandmy3
@meandmy3 (2227)
United States
April 20, 2009 7:32am CST
We have all seen it the mom on aisle five with the child who is either laying in the floor in full tantrum or sitting in the grocery cart in full tantrum. How many times have you passed that mom and give her the "mom look" you know the one of disapproval.
what if you see a child doing something that just seems out of place, laying under a row of chairs at a doctors office, licking something that just does not seem normal and again you give the "mom look"
Have you ever considered in this situation that there might be something going on that you do not know about, what if the child on aisle five just asked for a choclate candy bar and mom said no way no how, she stood her ground and little miss tantrum is not wanting to take no for an answer, what is mom to do. I say let her pitch that fit, mom should continue her shopping, but how do you stop the fit, how do you prevent this from happening.
There are many things you can do to avoid the tantrum in the first place. Prior to going in a store with my children I have a talk with them, yes with five year olds. I tell them If you are good while we are in the store, you can each pick out one piece of candy from the check out line, but you can not do it till we get to the check out line. If mom has to count (1 2 3 magic) while we are in the store no candy for anyone. Guess what i avoid the tantrums, for the most part, there are times that it the tantrum comes anyway and yes I get the Look. It is my right as a parent to parent my children as I see fit and well if they are having a fit because I will not give them a new toy or that bag of chips then it is my deceision so what if they pitch a fit in the middle of Target. What do I do in this case. Well I do like any good mom would do and ignore it. I have left a child on the floor before and walked to the end of the aisle. Guess what they noticed it was not working and got up and came to where I was.
Now for the child that is hiding under the row of chairs, yes that has been my child, he has sensory issues and hiding under a chair is his way of dealing with too much input and dealing with the things that stress him, so before you judge that mom, ask yourself is the child really hurting anything, if the answer is no then let it be.
Remember that just because a child is pitching a fit or doing something that seems very out of the ordinary does not mean that mom or dad is not doing a good job, chances are the child is pitching that fit because mom and dad will not give in to the child. And in my opinion that is being a better parent than the one that gives the child all he wants and needs.
3 people like this
12 responses
@lologirl2021 (5542)
• United States
20 Apr 09
These type of kids need Nanny 911 because there so bad. I hate those little kids that act like that too because if those were my kids acting up we would of went outside and had a talk about respecting others around you and not acting like that ever and not even at home is good. To me the parents haven't done a good job with their child with the discipline since they area acting so bad. Maybe they shouldn't bring them out in public if they are going to be so bad and get someone to watch them while she does her errands so she can do it faster and get back home with no worries of having the kids she cant control out with her.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I think you did not understand the idea of my post, the kids are having a fit because the mom is doing her job, not because she is not, Instead of judging these moms and thinking why not just leave your kids at home, you need to try to understand the situation. Do I want my children to have a fit in the store, no but I am realistic and know that it happens, does it happen every time I go to the store No way, in fact it happens maybe one out of 20 times. So do I leave them at home every time I go out, no that is not fair to me or them. Why should a parent have to pay someone $10.00 an hour so they can go to the store.
how do you discipline a child that is having a tantrum, seeing how you have all the answers. Please us parents would love to know.
the child is having the tantrum because he or she is being disciplined or not getting what he or she thinks they need.
1 person likes this
@Raven7317 (691)
• United States
20 Apr 09
Lolo, I agree with Meandmy3 - tantrums happen, no matter how good a parent you are. Crying fits and trantrums are a way for young children to express themselves and their emotions. You have to teach a child the proper way to express and the only way to do that is let them have the tantrum, but show them that it won't get them what they want. When they ask politely, THAT'S when you accknowledge their expression.
I've left my son on the floor of Walmart before because he was throwing a tantrum. It lasted all of about a minute because he realized that that was not the proper way to get my attention. I do talk to my son and tell him beforehand that we are (or are NOT) here to buy toys/candy and he understands.
I'll be damned if I will EVER let a CHILD run my life as a wife or as a woman. I have things to do and as I'm a SAHM, he WILL come with me and he WILL behave and we WILL get along just fabulously! Besides, leaving in the middle of an errand because of a temper tantrum only shows the child that he has control over you, thereby encouraging him to continue the behaviour.
@marguicha (215178)
• Chile
20 Apr 09
When I read these stories or see them in TV, I´m glad I don´t live in the US or belong to the younger generation. My two children knew how to obey. And I did not feel guilty if I had to give them a spank on the butt. They were not hurt, but they knew there were limits and traspassing meant harrasing MY liberty. I think children need to learn aomething even animals know: territoriality. I have seen babies manipulate their parents and then grow up to be little monsters. It doesn´t have to be that way. And children know more than you think: they know when there´s love behind a punishment and when there´s lack of love behind a smile.
I do the same with my grandchildren and they all know that a "no" is a "no". No matter what their age. Even my eldest daughter (18) knows that I will not accept certain things while I´m in charge. And she has 2 grandmothers but I´m HER GRANNY
Have a nice day
Have a nice day1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
21 Apr 09
I'm taking child development and child psychology classes right now and yelling and spanking aren't healthy. Ignoring tantrums on the other hand, is. Its effective because it doesn't esculate the behaviour with attention or yelling.
@Countrymom (371)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I too always promise something along the lines of "if you are good we will get you something when we leave" or you can watch your video when we get home etc. I rarely have a problem. If I do have a problem I give the child one warning and state that if the behaviour continues we will have to leave with no groceries and the child will have to explain to daddy and brothers why we don't get dinner tonight. It works every time. We only had to explain once (and I did not starve anyone...my older son watched her while I went back to the store but she did have to tell daddy and her brothers).
I give the poor mother in this situation my sympathy look and smile and reassure them that it happens to me on occasion too!
@Jae2619 (1483)
• United States
21 Apr 09
These Mothers that give me the "mom look" when my kids are having a fit are the ones that think their kids do no wrong. I always feel bad for the parents who kids are having that mega melt down in the stores because I've been there done that. We, as parents, all know how hard it is to tell a child no, but it has to be done. Kids will be kids, they will have fits, and yes, at the most uncalled times but we deal with things the best way we know how. Usually the ones that give the looks to the ones that are overlooking the fit and standing ground are the ones who give in so their child doesn't have a fit. We all have different parenting tactics and mine may not be the same as yours and vice versa. I as a parent and a person respect that fact and will accept it and move on. The ones I can't stand is when the child is acting up, running up and down the isle because the parents won't put their foot down, that's when I have issues and give the you gotta be kidding me look.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I could not agree with you more. I would much rather see a child sitting in the shopping cart crying, have a fit because mom is not letting him or her run up and down the isles causing havic. The parents that allow children to do that are the ones I give the "mom look" to as well.
I have said something before when my jm was having a fit, and someone gave me the look and huffed off. I smiled at the lady and said. Oh I am sorry but do you think you could handle this situation better. Please try...
@Jenniferp (210)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I love 123 Magic and use this method. It takes a lot of practice and patience, but it can work. My 8 year old has aspergers and the 123 method does not always work as well with him. I know many parents like me that get these dirty looks when they're out because of their kids and the quirks. It is very upsetting to be judged so harshly when a person only sees half of the situation as it is. My son who is not ASD is much easier to take care of when we are out and can obey better by far than my 8 year old. Another things that other cannot see is that my special needs son has the behavior of a 5 year old, so again, hurts to be judged when others don't know your story.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
21 Apr 09
I'd like to check out this method in preparation for when my two year old gets older and run into tantrum territory. Thank you - hey do you have a link?
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
20 Apr 09
i have 6 children.i hate taking the 5 year old with me as he always kicks off in the shop.he has been excluded from school 4 times for being nasty to the teachers and being uncontrolable.its now been said that he has suspect adhd by the school.no ones children are perfect is the way i see it.i never give in to my children just to shut them up either.
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
15 May 09
So many people don't understand or take the time to understand. Sometimes it's not that the children are brats, or that the mother may not know how to parent.
I think we need to look at the big picture...
They say that 80% of the kids you see screaming in a store could very well have some kind of sensory/Autism disorder.
That child might be screaming do to sensory or so & so.
So my theroy is.... "don't judge unless you know what your talking about."
Next time you see a child screaming, don't judge. You don't know their story.
Good topic by the way...
@irishidid (8688)
• United States
21 Apr 09
My son never threw a tantrum so to speak, although he did throw his shoe when he was little and broke a small window in the front door. Shocked him so much that ended the shoe throwing. He did wonder underneath the chairs and the pews in church. He was quiet and didn't cause any trouble so I never got the "mom look". That's nothing wrong with letting a kid be a kid, tantrums and all. They are a natural part of growing up.
@tpinto (66)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I think every kid will throw a tantrum at some point in their life at a store. My son has done a few but not to many. I usually have a talk with him before we enter a store about diplaying good behavior and if he does I will buy him a surprise. That usually works. If he does stary to throw a fit, I count to three which is what I use to get his attention. MOst of the time that will make him stop because he knows he will get into big trouble if I get to three. If it doesn't stop, I will walk to the end of the aile which gets him to stop pretty fast because he gets scared that I'm goint to leave without him. IF I see another mom and a kid having a fit, I just smile at them and say haung in there. They generally appreciate the fact that I didn't give them the mean stare.
@lilsoozieqwa (67)
• United States
21 Apr 09
the mom look ....i remember that look..wait i see my mom 3days aweek and i still get that look ...im the fourth of nine kids..my mom always told us if we misbeaved that she'd just leave us there...their were too many of us to throw tantrums hehe..
but i still know the look...and when i had my son i told him becareful of grandma shes got eye in the back of her head...he went and looked..he told gramma that where was she hiding those eyes in the back of her head...i guess i was lucky my son was very easy going..i dont like the young moms who you can tell have no patience they drag that kid by the arm down the lane...then you got the ones who dont care they just talk ugly to there kids...
@enhopey (37)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I think you are right, most moms should not get involved in other moms problems with thier children. I have not yet known a child who is perfect and never throws a tantrum. My kids, I have 2 girls, and they know that if I say no then I mean no. They also know that if they want to throw a fit in the store then they will be in trouble just as soon as we get to the car. The counting trick, it really does work, I use it every day. There have been a few times where I have gave more than a look at a child. Once at the park, I was watching my girls play. There was this one girl, who was maybe 2 or 3, going down the slide, when suddenly another girl, maybe 8 or 9, ran up the slide. The older girl actually had the nerve to tell the younger girl to watch what she was doing. Knowing that the little girl was not going ot say anything and that the younger girls parent was not there at that moment, I spoke up for that younger girl, just as I would have done if it were my child. I looked at the older girl and told her "No you need to watch what you are doing! That girl was going down the slide and you ran up it. You aren't supposed to run up the slide when someone is sliding down it!" Needless to say, the older girl went to play some where I wasn't. And the younger girl kept going down that slide. That was defiantely a moment where you want to do more than just give that mom look.
@Blondieblue (67)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I'm not a parent myself, so I really sympathize with one; if I see them acting like that in a store
