What to do with a long term boyfriend....

@nrn2003 (669)
United States
April 22, 2009 9:56pm CST
So I have been with my boyfriend about eight years. we were high school sweethearts and still love one another now...He ist he only guy i have ever been with and the only guy i want to be with. I did alot of drinking partying in high school and his parents were very strict and wouldn't let him really do much then. well when we went to college the lives kinda switched and he started drinking and partying (which is expected) and I stopped to focus on school...well we are both now almost 25 and he still parties alot and wont stop, and he has started lying about it...I know that when we have had little breaks he has been with other girls, but I cannot seem to let myself do that...what doi do? do yout hink he will comeout of it? he says he doesn't want to lose me, but how do I know he isn't cheating??
1 person likes this
6 responses
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
6 Aug 09
I'd say guys need some extra time to change for the better. Observe him from afar, and if he change for his love for you, then it's worth it..
@nrn2003 (669)
• United States
6 Aug 09
I do agree that guys need some extra time. He just bought his own house. which sorta sucked because I thought we would do that together. I have been wanting to get my own place for awhile now, and he doesn't want me to now because he thinks that iw ould be a waste of money if I did and then we got married soon. But I dont know for sure that that is going to happen so I am going to go forward with buying my own place. :)
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
8 Aug 09
That's a good start.. I hope you will be able to get a place for your own soon.
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
8 Jul 09
Only you can answer that.. Here are some signs. You can look out for his body language, eye contacts like whether he looks at you when talking or trying to avoid. Try asking something today and the next few days or a week later the same set of questions to see if he says the same thing or not. These are just examples. More often before, I used my instinct to think whether I've been lied or not and usually, I was right and I did not like knowing that.. However, you are right. Not all guys and ladies are like that. I hope that you can look at the situation from afar, observe and decide what to do.. Take care..
@nrn2003 (669)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Thank you so much for your valuable input! i hope that you find something that works out for you greatly in your life. You are very wise and will be able to use that to your advantage in your relationships. Sometimes I wish I was more easy going and didn't really care. But life goes on and I am who I am for a reason. Things have changed alot since I posted this post, and they seem to be going better. I hope. So I will keep looking up and hoping for good things in my future as well. Take care.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
11 Jul 09
It's alright my friend..just take things one day at a time and I'm sure you will succeed in personal and other areas. Thanks for your compliment, I really appreciate it. I try my best to stay calm in life and I think it's all owed to patience and experiencing each joy and pain that life presents. I know that this life is fragile, people come and go, opinions change and there is no such thing as eternity. We will all go someday and hopefully along the lines of our lifeline, we'll be able to gain strong friendships, great bonds with family and relatives and having a positive outlook on life on the whole. Hopefully, yeah.. You have a great day ahead of you and take care..
• United States
12 May 09
I spent 10 years with a man that would never change for me. He also had his addictions that were way more important than I was. He also cheated. I struggled and struggled with being unhappy and finally got the courage to leave him. I was scared, but relieved that I would not have to live that way any longer. I did not let him know where I went but he found me through mutual friends. He begged me to come back home, but I would not. I begged him to change and he would not. So I told him I needed a change and a fresh start. I look back now and know I am happier than I have ever been. I live with a man who loves and respects me, we have a daugher together and I have no regrets.
@nrn2003 (669)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I am very happy that you got a fresh start and got things going better in your life. Some men wont change. I guess it is just a case of if they love you enough to sacrifice. Good luck ith your new life and your child and new man :)
• Afghanistan
25 Apr 09
I had been there.. Eventually, he cheated. (I'm not saying that your man is cheating) but if the lying starts then that should be a great issue. You should approach him and ask him what's wrong and why is he building bricks around him. Don't get upset but there is no such thing as a perfect guy (who doesn't cheat) every guy does.. if not womanizing there must be some reasons. That's for you to find out!
@nrn2003 (669)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Thank you for your response. it makes a little sense to me but at the same time it doesn't I dont believe that EVERY guy cheats. Im not saying that mine is not, but I dont think that EVERY guy does. that is very stereotypical and I dont like that to dot hat. i want to be able to give a guy the benefit of the doubt. Thats one thing that I am afraid of...if I do break up with him and go for someone else, i will have some trust issues and I dont want to have that just because I think that EVERY guy cheats so he must be cheating too..know what I mean. Thanks for you response though. I respect your time to respond
@laglen (19779)
• United States
23 Apr 09
That would make me leary as well. Maybe he is not ready to settle down. Maybe time away, let him grow up. Men usually are a bit behind us in maturing.
@nrn2003 (669)
• United States
23 Apr 09
Thank you for your response. That is what my family has been telling me as well. I mean I know he loves me and I truly know he does. I mean all his friends are single so thats probably part of it as well. Im not giving him excuses, but it maeks sense. He is a good decent guy and definitely not as bad as some. we talk about getting married frequently. I think we are both a little scared to take that step. But I have taken a step back and not been so attached. so we will see where it goes from here.
@fwangaa (3058)
• China
23 Apr 09
yes, the same with my sister. i am very worried about their life. and her hunband always go to out for other girls if they quarred. i don't want to that. her hunsband has another children for his girlfriend. and he told it to my sister. all of my familly are very mad for this, and they are don't want to talk to each other. i don't know why this things happened to my sister. at the begin.my sister very love him ,so they marriage but only know each other no more than two month, a quick marriage , no stable marriage.