Opps... don't do what I did

My kids are grown now, so they are telling ME what not to do! LOL But when I was raising them, the thing I tried to impress on them the most, was to never go to bed angry. To always solve their disputes and hurt feelings before another day dawned. I figured it would keep their hearts healthy in more ways than one! LOL And the rest was just normal 'mommy does and don't' stuff. My kids and I were/are very close and we trusted and respected each other, so in spite of being raised by a single mom with few resources my boys turned out to be compassionate loving adults because they learned early the value of inner peace.

I try to each my kids that those activities are so much more fulfilling if you wait for someone really special in your life and NEVER feel pressured to do something they aren't ready for but I think the thing I don;t want them to do most that I did is to end up in an abusive relationship! They both know that if someone doesn't treat you with love or respect then you get outta there as quick as you can, if they put you down or raise there hands you vanish and if they try to make all your decisions for you and isolate you from your friends or family then you shout out loud for help and get rid. I cannot totally regret being in an abusive marriage or I would never have my son but I don't want either of my kids or anyone else get stuck in a similar situation! Hugs xxxx

I've always been 100% honest with my kids. I never came across to them as being one that just knew all the answers etc. They knew my faults as well as why I chose to change up my life etc. Out of 4 kids, of course, i had one that decided to take right after me & then some. When I'd discipline her for something, she'd say...well you did it...how can you get after me for it?" I'd say, " well, when I did it, I had parents that got after me. Like you...I had to learn the hard way. Now I'm the parent...your teacher." She's 22 now and starting to "get it". The other 3 are doing so much better than I did at their ages. If you are honest and straight up with your kids...odds are they may actually listen and learn from you. just my theory.

There are a lot of things that I did that I would wish I hadn't. And yes I have tried to give my kids the benefit of my experience. However, children don't usually follow the advice given by their parents but are intent on trying things for themselves. I have found the best way to train children in the way you want them to go is by example. For instance, if you don't want your child to smoke, don't smoke. But sometimes even that doesn't work so I really don't have an answer.

Hello my friend TLChimes Ji, We both (including my hubby), never thought on this lines. We think, if we start on this line, at times, it might bounce back, as children always do what they are told not todo that. So I have always avoided. However, my elder son attained his parenthood at the age of 29 yrs, second one at the age of 30 yrs, and our daughter at the age of 32 yrs. This all happened, when we never spoke any words on such lines. However, what I told my children as below, [b]" REMEMBER, I WAS EDUCATED BY MY FATHER, MORE THAN HIM, I EDUCATED MORE THAN ME, AND NOW IT IS CHALLANGE THROWN TO YOU ALL, TO EDUCATE MY GRAND CHILDREN MORE THAN YOU ALL"[/b] This is further, we did not have that many resources, mainely less funds, less awraeness. May god bless you and have a great time.

there is no right or wrong thing to say, I was probably too open with my girls and didn't know how to do things right with them. I tried too hard to do things the opposite of my parents and it backfired in this as well as everything else. I've come to believe in retrospect that just being honest is the best policy,hope they get the message, and be ready to pick up the pieces or make the hard decisions if necessary, If you've been honest , they will " know their mother taught them better than that," ha ha.

Also let your kids know that you don't regret having them just that you wished you could've had them at a later date. And that you love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. Otherwise, they're going to think that you didn't want them and that they made your life hell. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't but still, you don't want them to know that they did, IF they did. Like my mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, she didn't want to be but she was and she was so mad but once she had me, she was happy to have me and all her feelings began to change. I can understand that because she lost 3 babies and had two miscarriages before she had me. She had my two brothers before me then she had me. Another thing, there is a way of teaching your children what it's like taking care of a baby full time for a day or two but I don't know where you'd get the fake baby to do it with. Maybe social services can help but it's a GREAT way to teach kids the importance of protection and even double protection! lol Check into that idea and I bet it works!! It has helped many others who wanted kids at such a young age and it could help yours as well! It's certainly worth a try! Good luck!!

Hi TLChimes, Well that is not something that I have to worry about as I have not got any children but all too soo children grows up and do these of things when they are far too young and parents can't be with them 24/7 but advise them the best they can. Tamara

Well I was a pretty good kid but I may still be capable of committing a lot of mistakes that myfuture children might end up doing in their time. But in particular, I wouldn't want them to be hiding things from me especially when it comes to crushes, or love, and changes they notice during puberty. I was a very secretive child and didn't tell my mom a lot about the difficulties I went through as I entered adolescence for fear that it might upset her. Of course I realized how shallow those fears were. I'd want my kids to develop skills at an early age so they won't grow up insecure. Like me, I was very sheltered therefore I am a lousy athlete, I can't drive, etc. I want them to be self-reliant and independent at a reasonable extent. Those are my life's hung-ups and at least I want them not to have that. One way or another they will have their own hung-ups too so I guess there's really no telling what they will become. I can only hope, try my best to be a good parent and pray.

I don't want my kids to do all the wrong things that I did, like getting pregnant at 15...but I'm not going to be like my mom, I'm going to be a cool mom, because my mom wanted me to stay home all the time and wouldn't let me go anywhere, and I felt the need to sneak out and go places. So I think that if I talk to my kids and let them be free, they are going to do the right thing.

Hi This is actually a good way to educate the child. Its always good to imply Preventation which is better than Cure. At the same time, nowadays childrens are advanced and they know without the parents saying it. If the parents are strict, the child might be fear and do things behind their back. Its good to be flexible with kids but not too flexible. Regards Thanusha

I want my kids to finish school,land a good job and try not to get married before they finish school.That's what I always tell them and I point out that the same situation happened to me and their dad.I let them see that if you don't finish school it will be very hard to find a good job and you will have no money to support the family you are planning to have.Yeah,protection should also be instilled in their minds.

I hope and pray that my daughter doesnt do is sneak around behind my back. I did that to my mom and I got in some serious problems and situations that I shouldn't have gotten into and I thought I was going to lose my life and the person who I needed to call, my mom, I couldnt because I was sneaking.