Have you had a new start?

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I have. If you have come from an abusive past, jail time, death, etc, then you know what I mean. If you have ever drastically changed your life and made a new beginning for yourself, I'd love to hear about it. Have you better'd yourself or fallen into the same old pattern? Has your past caught up with you and tried to hurt you? Did you finally find forgiveness? Here is my short story. I was born in Germany and at age 3 1/2 moved to Canada with my father and pregnant mother. My sister was born here. All of my life, I have had it rough. Sickness, abuse, more abuse. The older I got, the more I learned about the harsh reality that we call life. I became very depressed even though I never knew until I was older. I was bullied by older kids and my peers and even sometimes by teachers and other parents. I never had friends and those I did manage to become friends with would ditch me all of the time. I was assaulted by friends of the family and complete strangers. As I grew up and began to date, things were ok, until I met my first two kids father. He was physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, psychologically and financially abusive. I ran away a few times, but me being naive and really not knowing any better (I was 18) I always came back. After the birth of my son, the abuse continued. I became pregnant shortly thereafter and within four months, he stabbed me twice in the side. I died and came back. My pregnancy continued and I had the biggest healthiest baby. She was 9 lbs 7 oz. Later, I would find several mates with whom we did not see eye to eye, none abused me though. Then I met my second two kids father. He never hit me, but he would hang on to the money and would always allow his older kids to bully me. He would also make my life miserable with threats and tear me down whenever he could. After 5 years of this, high diabetes (in the 30-60 range hich most diabetics go into comas) and unknown bipolar, I finally had enough. I snapped. I pulled a knife from the drawer and I threatened to kill him. I only wanted to scare him, not hurt him. He still wouldn't shut up, so I threw the knife into the kitchen and stomed out of the house feeling defeated. He called the police on me, I was arrested and sent to a holding cell. I was granted bail and released, then while at the CAS office was re-arrested. My abuser had threatened my bailers and they revoked bail. Luckily, my sister got me a great female lawyer and the judge understood the diabetes as he was diabetic himself. So, instead of 20-30 years, I got 1 year probation and I had to leave the city and have no contact with the abuser. Unfortunately I lost all of my kids. The two oldest went to foster homes and the two youngest were placed for adoption. I see my two oldest when I can which is good. I also met and married my husband and began to work at Canada Post. I work also as a network marketer, mystery shopper and have my own business. Things worked out and I am happy. I still have a ways to go before I get my storefront, house or car, but I am happily working on it. I did have my past come after me, but I just shrugged it off. That was my past, who I was...not who I am now. :))