do you tell your friend if her man is cheating??

April 26, 2009 2:47pm CST
my partner and i have some very good friends who are also a couple and we spend alot of our free time together. however i have recently found out that my partners friend is cheating on my friend and i am torn of what to do about it. i want to tell my friend but i know that by doing so would spoil the friendship we all have together, would split them up and would also cause tension between me and my partner - what should i do?
3 people like this
16 responses
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
if i were you and if that friend is close to me then definitely, i will let her know the truth. if you can make a way where you can make your friend see it in her own eyes the better. better to let her know now than later.
• United States
27 Apr 09
all these mylotters making it any easier? lol i've been in this situation with family (emotions invovled ) also with a few friends of mine in this situation i feel its better to sit back and wait for the opertune time to let him know whats going on. If he /or she gets iffy about his or her partner its better to let them know. If he/or she is deeply inlove wait for a fallout or just let it ride. It all depends on the stipulations of the cheating + their personalites. ME personally if that persons your best friend it would be a better idea to talk with them about it. To be honest you should call him now if hes your BEST FRIEND.
27 Apr 09
yeah they are all really helpful thanks! wouldnt say shes my best friend but we are quite close its just the whole group situation and whatever i do will make it difficult for everyone but the messages are helping!!
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
27 Apr 09
There is no good way out of this as it is clear you see that. The very best thing you can do is to go to your partner and tell him to talk to his friend. If your partner is not aware of this he needs to be. If after talking to him you find that he doesn't want to get involved then it is time to talk with your friend. There is only one way this can end. She either finds it out now or later and later will cause her a lot more pain. Of course you may very well loose the friendship but how can you continue to pretend that all is well when you know it is not. This one thing will grow to the point you will not be able to be with them anymore because you can't stand what he is doing. No easy way out so it is best to consider what you would want your friend to do if the situation were reversed. There is no greater deception that this. To think your partner is being faithful and love them for it only to find they are not is very hurtful. After 30 years of marriage I found out my wife had many affairs back when we were younger. It was devastating and I never trusted her again. Don't let something like that happen to your friend.
27 Apr 09
thanks you for your response and i am sorryt o hear about your situation. your advice was very good and i hope you find happiness
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Apr 09
Thank you Jane. I have indeed found happiness. I used my story as an example only. It is clear to me that when something bad happens to you it need not be an end but only the beginning of something better. I am married again to a wonderful woman so I am very happy indeed. My point is that life is too short and there are too many people out there that can make us happy to ever just except something we know is not right. I truly wish both you and your friend well.
• United States
26 Apr 09
That's a sticky situation...you never know how you're friend would react. First, I think it depends on how close the two of you really are..are you just 'hanging out' friends are true close friends? Next, I think you should make sure that you're not assuming or speculating, are you absolutely positive the partner is cheating? I think depending on the answers to those two questions, you will know what to do..Good Luck, this is never easy
26 Apr 09
we are all pretty close. i know he definatly is cheating as my partner has asked him about it and he confirmed it. i have asked my partner to have a word but the friend doesnt really listen??
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
chances are, the reation would be negative from you friend especially when your friend really love his/her lover.... It is sometimes easy to speculate or antipate but most of the time, it will go beyond those expectations.... Delivery of the factual information would require a special means in order to lessen if not eliminate undesirable reaction from a friend...Avoid hidden motive!
27 Apr 09
If he is really your friend you should tell him the truth and even if it breaks up your relationship between you and your partner and your friend and his partner, by telling the truth to your friend in the long run your friendship will be stronger.
@hoghoney (3749)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Well I am one heck of a friend and yes I would tell her that her man is cheating..I have been through that twice with two ex's cheating on me and it really is not the coolest thing in the world to deal with. I think if you are thinking about cheating on your partner then just break off the relationship and then go about your business. Once a cheater always a cheater.
@berrys (864)
• Singapore
27 Apr 09
for me I'd say stay out of it. even though i love my friends and all but its better they find out on their own then to have a friend tell them. its none of your business don't butt in on it. until it becomes to an extend where the cheater has no remorse then i will tell my friend because one can never be too sure about a situation like this and if you wrongfully accuse someone some serious consequences could happen. try to think it over before you say anything alright? god bless and good luck. cheers love.
@frtwome (239)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Tell your friend, the cheating will continue. Your friend will just hurt a lot more if this person continues to cheat and lie. It's better to be honest to a friend, otherwise you are caught up in the middle of all the mess too. Your friend may one day find out that you new anyway, and cause a lot of friction in your friendship at that time.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
Thinking of it right now confessing what you know about your partners friend to your friend is hard. He/She would think your lying or would think that you are just jealous of their relationship and that you just want to make them miserable or break up. For me I don't want to lie to my friend because trust makes our friendship strong. Yes he/she will get mad at me at first but she will soon realize that when he/she finds out the truth and he/she will eventually thank me for telling the truth and I did that because I'm his/her true and loyal friend and not because I want him/her to be miserable.
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
id talk to the one who's cheating secretly... i will not tell my friend. or i'll talk to my husband and ill tell him to talk to the guy. this has happened to me before, they are both my friends (guy/lady) but i was closer to the guy so i wrote a letter about it. we were still friends after it, but their relationship ended after a year i think. i think it is best to let the one who is cheating, knows that you all know about what's going on.
@Bluefar (21)
• China
27 Apr 09
If you want to tell your friend truth, I suggest that you needn't tell him directly. You can plot a chance for your friend and let her to find out the truth by herself.
@mapuang (612)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
well if thats happen to me i will tell her that her partner is cheating. but i will tell her in a nice way that she will not angry with me so our friendship will not ruin.
• Indonesia
27 Apr 09
if i become you i will tell if my friend is cheating, because it for good of my friend, i want he don't cheating, and for my friend cheating i will tell him if him are don't do that
• India
27 Apr 09
Go tell your friend if he is a real friend of yours.You got to have the confidence in yourself and be ready for the consequences.
• United States
26 Apr 09
NO! It's not your place to tell your friend of this. Tell the cheater you know what is going on and you don't like it. Give that person the chance o come clean on his/her own time. I have live through this very same thing. I lost my best friend over her cheating on her husband with a mutual friend.
• United States
26 Apr 09
You should give some time to your friend. unnecessary hurry will spoil your relation with your friend. Or you can take your partner in consideration & ask him to suggest some good things to his friend. If he is a good friend, he will definately do it for his friend. If nothing is working out, then you should tell your friend. though its heartbreaking, you've to give her/him support. give some evidence to prove it which will help you not to spoil your relation with your friend & hence your partner too. True friendship is hard to find.
@chigawaga (593)
• Canada
26 Apr 09
yes i would.i dont believe in cheaters and if i had a freind whos bf was cheating i would probubly tell him he has to tell her before i do and give him that oppurtunity to come clean,and if he doesnt i will say something.cheating is wrong and im sure u would want your friend to tell u if your man was cheating