What do you do if someone always "forgets" to return your things?

@zzyw87 (1259)
Philippines
April 28, 2009 12:39am CST
What do you do if someone always borrows something from you and conveniently forgets to return it to you after a few months? I have several friends who are exactly like that. They always borrow stuff from me, like my books and clothes, but they never return the things they borrowed. For example, my friend borrowed a novel from me this January and haven't returned it yet. I asked for it last month. She said she will return it already but until now, she haven't returned it yet. She also made excuses like she have not finished reading the book yet. I hate people like that.
3 people like this
22 responses
@Canellita (12051)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I suppose it would depend on what it was they forgot to return. I don't really have friends that borrow things from me. When it comes to important things that are not easy to replace I am not comfortable lending them. Small things don't matter as much.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
You are so lucky you don't have these kinds of friends. Sometimes I lend them important stuff of mine like my precious novels because I cannot seem to say no if they ask to borrow. I guess that is one weakness of mine..
@Canellita (12051)
• United States
6 Nov 09
If you know that these friends borrow things that are important to you and don't give them back and you continue to lend things to them you are sending a message that it is ok for them to keep your things.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
16 Nov 09
I know. That is why I stopped lending my stuff to these friends of mine who have this kind of bad habit. I learned my lesson.
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
I can relate to your dilemma. I was once like that. In college, I have this friend who borrow my favorite jacket and never return it. It was really annoying at first, It came to a point that our friendship was put into test.I begun to distrust her. Since then, I promise myself not lend someone that has sentimental value. So that just it case it is not return properly, It won't really cause me so much stress. As for your case, it is a decision that you have to make. Should you continue asking for that book which is very stressful or just let it go which is painful. Its really your decision.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
Thanks for the advice. Appreciate your sharing. Yes, I am never gonna let her borrow any of my stuff that is important to me anymore.
• China
29 Apr 09
I suggest that you can remind your friend tactfully.For example,you want to see that book recently and so on.If she do not want to give it back as usual,you can tell her that you want to get your won book bace,you have the right to do so.If she don't ,she is not a ture friend .It shoule be in good faith between friends.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
I very much agree with you. Thanks.
@williamjisir (22885)
• China
19 May 09
Hello zzyw. I think that the best way is to have him or her write a note when something is borrowed from you in case it is forgotten. I have some students who came to me to borrow some money. I have them write a note with their names on it and write down the date when they will return to me. It works. But if they forget, I will remind them of it.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
1 Jun 09
Wow, that is a nice and unique idea. I will try it. :) I hope it works with my friends.
@oyenkai (4396)
• Philippines
4 May 09
What I do is that when I'm sure we'll be seeing each other - like if we planned to meet with other friends, I remind her that I want my stuff back when we meet. I remind her the day before - then again the night before and I tell her "put it in your bag so you won't forget, then text me when you have done so" (of course I do this politely so she won't get mad at me :P). Then the next morning, before she goes to work/school, I remind her again. In that way, she wouldn't have any excuse that she forgot or that I didn't remind her. It works every time :D Thanks for the response on my discussion!
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
4 May 09
You're welcome :) Thanks for the effective advice.
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
Oh, that is totally annoying! I get so peeved with people who borrow and forget to return! Whenever I borrow something, I make sure to return it, because I know that for as long as the thing is with me, I always feel that I possess something that doesn't belong to me. It bugs me all the time. So as soon as I'm done with it, I return it immediately. Being this way, I do expect others to do the same with me. I feel that people who do not return borrowed things don't have respect for the belongings of others. They don't deserve to be trusted with anything! So the moment someone does such a thing to me, I definitely keep that in mind, and when they borrow again, well I might not lend them again... or if ever I do lend them, I would pester them about it until the thing is returned to me!
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
As for me, I definitely would not lend my things to them anymore even if that means I will have to invent excuses.
@Ruby722 (797)
• China
29 Apr 09
You said right , But fortunately i didn't have this type friend.I can imagine it is a very uncomfortable tings,You know he/she is your friend. When they asked for you ,you didn't have reason say no.Even you know he/she won't return them back.Seveal days ago I've read a book,it's said never lent you friends money.it means lend money will hurt friends relationship.I think so
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
Lucky for you :) Yes, in the past I lent my friends money. Now I don't anymore. It is too risky.
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
well, what i did is i will get that thing of mine whatever may happend bec. i always take care of my things specially to the important things and i don't want someone getting my things they should give back after they borrowing.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
1 Jun 09
Yes. I definitely will get back what my friend borrowed from me because I cannot bear to lose something I love.
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
28 Apr 09
it is simple... i will keep on asking and asking until the person return my stuffs to me and never lend him/her my stuffs ever anymore... i don't like people who do something like that... it is considered as stealing to me and i won't tolerate it... if i have to speak in harsh words to get my stuffs back, then i will... even to the point that it will embarrassed the person... that's why i hardly lend my stuffs to anybody to prevent this kind of thing from happening... take care and have a nice day...
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
Thank you for your sharing and advice. Really appreciate it and I share the same sentiments as you.
28 Apr 09
I understand how it feels, especially when we ourselves are so particular about returning others' items promptly. Of late, when someone wants to borrow a book from me, I usually buy another copy of the same book and gift it to them, instead of giving my copy and sweating over its return. Somehow that makes me feel good and it gives them joy too. End of matter :))
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
But it is a bit costly if I buy another copy of the same book :) I will just tell her to buy that same book if she really wanted it and not get mine haha
@cjmaltby (34)
28 Apr 09
go and visit your friend, just as your leaving don't ask if they have finished reading the book, ask for the book, be honest would they let you keep there book if they wanted it back, be straight with them, i am sure they would appreciate the honesty, you want to read that you chose to buy, do you enjoy giving your hard earned away?.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
You are right and I plan on getting my book back next weekend because I will be meeting up with her.
@wickee (47)
• Finland
28 Apr 09
The only way is to lend only things that are not too valuable. You always take the risk that you will never get the thing back. After you have got few things back, you can trust the person and lend more valuable things. But I see it as a crime if the person borrows and never returns (or doesn't return in time). I see nothing bad in calling a police just for a book you haven't got back if you have planned a return date, of course.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
Yes, I am never lending things that are important to me to that friend of mine anymore. I don't trust her with my things anymore.
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
darn i hate those kind of people!!!! i've had many so called friends like that, borrows stuff from me and dont return it... it would take months efore i get it back, i got it back because i ask it from them, went to their place and personally ask for it and waited that they give it back right then and there. i dont like borrowing things, that's why i tend to dislike people who always borrow things. and then there are those who borrow my things and break it and will never pay for it... so darn annoying. i try not to break my things and those people that borrows dont use it with care, because its not theirs... makes me boil. the next time that same person borrows from you, then dont let them, and say... the last time you borrowed something from me, you failed to return it, so why would i let you borrow again?
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
Exactly. We share the same sentiments. And I think I will do just what you suggested. Thanks :)
28 Apr 09
sometimes you dont get your stuff back
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
I know. It really sucks. So annoying.
@alladcs (19)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
I usually freak-out when my things isn't returned or is forgotten to be returned. Especially when I need it and it isn't at reach. I can't sleep when I know some of my things are lost.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
It is the same with me. I get restless at night if I know my things are not with me.
@masonj (47)
• United States
28 Apr 09
You stated that you have several "friends" that borrow your stuff and don't return that stuff. If these people are truly friends, then there should be no problem explaining to them how you feel about it. Tell them that you don't mind letting them borrow from you as a friend as long as they can be a good friend by returning your belongings. This might also build a stronger friendship. Trust is a key ingredient in friendships.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
Thank you for the advice :)What you said is really true.
• India
28 Apr 09
if my friends forget to give my things, i forget about things and after did not give anythings in our life.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
1 Jun 09
I don't forget about these things they borrowed though. Thanks for sharing your opinion.
@maybebaby (1230)
• Canada
28 Apr 09
When I don't get things back in what I assume is a timely fashion I will mention it to them, like ask if they're done with it or not. I usually say that I need it back for either myself or someone else to use and that seems to work pretty well. Of course if it becomes a habit with a certain person not returning my stuff then I won't lend to them anymore. I make up an excuse not to give it to them, like someone else has it or I'm using it or something. I don't want to hurt their feelings but I also don't want to loose my things.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
Thank you. I am actually gonna try what you said :)
@srganesh (6344)
• India
28 Apr 09
Insist them to give it back,if you think the thing is more important to you.You shall even step into their house and take it back yourselves.Some people are like that,if they have borrowed something,then they consider it theirs and ignore to return it.It is because they take things for granted.So,don't ever lend anything to anybody.Cheers!
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
Yes, I learned my lesson the hard way :)
• China
28 Apr 09
If the stuff is not important thing for me,i will send it to my friend.If it is very important to me,i would choose to let my friend give it back.Either friends don't want to give it back or she has forgotten,i wiil remind her euphemistically.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
The book is really important to me because it is part of my collection. To add, that book was really hard to find. I am sure she has not forgotten. So I think she just did not want to give it back..
• United States
28 Apr 09
I would like pesture them about it. Tell them you won't loan them your stuff any longer.
@zzyw87 (1259)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
I am slightly pestering my friend now to return the book already because it has been too long in her care. :)