Do u lose focus at work because of a death?

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It happens to me about 70% of the time. My best killed himself in July last year I didn't find out til september, I knew him since I was a little kid. Then my mom died in february this year. I had my greif days off from work and what not before but its like still not enough. I sometimes lose focus at work, I don't get into accidents or anything, its not that serious, its just little things and I have co workers who look at me sometimes like I'm weird or whatever. They might be talking to me about something and I don't seem really into it cuz I'm often thinking about my best friend and how his soul is trapped on earth cuz he took his own life. I can't replace him. I love him so much. I am so hurt about it I can't describe it. If I could I would take 6 months off from work but I know they won't do that, maybe if I worked for the govt. Talking to a therapist probably wouldn't help cuz I don't want medications plus I don't have any friggin insurance until next year when my fiance and I marry. I just wanna punch my co workers in the face sometimes when they look at me like I'm retarded or my head is often in the clouds, maybe their loved ones should die. Does this happen to anyone who's lost someone who is so close?