Anybody here....Do you think my in-laws are weird?

@daliaj (5674)
India
April 29, 2009 2:44am CST
I am a typical Inidan who had never been out of the country. I was in love with an American and married him three months ago with my parents blessings. My parents in-law came down from America to attend the wedding. It was christmas time and they presented me a bracelet decorated with stones (emrald, sapphire,and ruby). My problem is; it is a gold plated bracelet with sterling silver on it. My husband strongly says that the stones are real stones. It is hard for me to belive that real stones are in a gold plated bracelet. I think it is weird to present a fake necklace as the first gift to a daugher-in-law (parents in-law are rich). I have lots of gold and I don't care what they present..but I think it is weird (according to Indian culture)? What do you say? No Indians will do that.(In Indian, silver is less than one dollar per gram). Any Americans here? Do you think it is ok to present a new daugher-in-law a fake bracelet?
4 people like this
12 responses
• Germany
29 Apr 09
How can you be sure that the stones are fake? Have you made a test in order to know whether it's real? If you have not, i think you should not make any judgment yet. My mother-in-law loves to give me and baby the stones as presents too. I am always happy to receive them as i know she hopes the stone will help me and the baby. I have never thought the money value of the stones and i do not care about it is real or not. It is not a matter for me. The most important thing is she concerns about us. I love the presents that she gave us, they are so beautiful. If your husband said it is real, why don't you just believe him instead of having doubt on parents-in-law? I would just accept whatever they gave with blessing. Oh ya, congratulations to you! Happy marriage! Take care and happy mylotting.
2 people like this
@daliaj (5674)
• India
29 Apr 09
I am sorry. You have a point. I should not think about the value of money they have given, but about the love they have shown to me by presenting it. My question is 'Is it normal to present a gold plated sterling sliver braclet as the first gift to a new daughter in law?'
1 person likes this
@daliaj (5674)
• India
29 Apr 09
Also, I don't understand that real stones are included in a gold palated bracelet. I am seeing into the cultural differences of this issue. No in-laws will present it as their first gift to daughter in law in India.
1 person likes this
@CHORES (229)
• China
29 Apr 09
Why do you think your bracelet is fake? I'm not an American' but i think you shouldn't suspect your FAMILY.Even if it is a fake one ,it still repersents their love and blessings.
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@daliaj (5674)
• India
29 Apr 09
Yes, I appreciate the love and blessings. In India, gold plated ornaments are used for a few times, then the color will go dim and will be thrown aways.
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@daliaj (5674)
• India
29 Apr 09
So, I wonder how is it possible for real stones to be in such a braclet. What do you say? Is it normal in your country that a mother in law presents a gold plated braclet as the first gift to a daughter in law?
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@CHORES (229)
• China
29 Apr 09
Well ,in my countyr it used to be popular to send gold to daughter-in-law.But nowadays,they just choose what they like.I'm not married anyway(shy) I think it's just a culture diference between you and your in-laws. If you really want to know, try americans again. To tell you the truth, I can't understand your in-laws either. P.S. I 'm a chinese
1 person likes this
• India
29 Apr 09
Think of your marriage and not your bracelet/necklace (whatever). Your husband strongly says the stones are real…this means you have taken up the issue with him and maybe he says this in defence of his parents as he understands that you are hurt and maybe insulted too (as per our Indian customs). This might later create a rift between you both. I understand your predicament though…yes we Indians would never gift a gold plated object as a wedding gift to our nearest people…so maybe you are feeling let down and tolerating a lot of barbs from your own family’s side. Its natural and I understand but you will have to stand by your in-laws on this coz as much as I know, gold holds little value in the western world. While we would take nothing short of 22carats on purity, most western gold gift items are 18c or even 14c so there’s very little gold in it. The stones can be real, can be factory-made too, it makes little difference. The gesture is what matters and the fact that they made the long trip to be in for the wedding should matter more. Its two different cultures altogether and you would do better not to compare.
1 person likes this
• India
29 Apr 09
yes, it is normal in India to be laughed at if your mom-in-law presents you with a fake gold bracelet. I can understand your discomfort but I would advise you not to linger on this, esp. with your husband. Different countries have different ways of expressing themselves and as I said gold has little value in the west while here in India, gold is sometimes the only wealth a woman has.
2 people like this
@daliaj (5674)
• India
29 Apr 09
Thanks for your valuable message. Yes, there are a lot of differences between India and America. Each very poor Indian women will have atleast a gold chain in which her Tali (Mangal sootra) is hanging. Gold is an important part of India life and gold and silver are cheap here compared to America.
1 person likes this
@daliaj (5674)
• India
29 Apr 09
Thank you so much for being in my side and understanding what my feeling is. I love my parents in-law so much and I don't care about the value of the bracelet. The only problem is I felt so bad to say that my mother-in-law has presented me a gold plated bracelt and all my colleagues and friends laughted at me. If I would have said it has real stones, they would have thought bad about my husband's parents. Do you agree that it is normal to happen? I didn't even tell that it is not gold to my parents. I don't care about the money value of it. I understand the love and care of my parents in-law and I love them so much. I am wondering about the cultural difference.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Apr 09
I think its weird because they are rich... and even more so if you are going to give a person a gift of jewelery then it should be real that should be in any culture LOL... wow, it could be a mistake
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 09
Yes I am from America and what she did would have made an american girl mad just like you. like you said she could have given you a dress or something else why give you a fake chain...
@daliaj (5674)
• India
30 Apr 09
Yes, that is my point. I don't care about the value of the gift and I only care about their love. The point is I am wondering about the cultural difference. It is not a normal thing to happen in India and no Indian mother in law will do that. If she doesn't have the money or doesn't want to spend too much money for gift, she will rather go for bags or saree (any other dress) rather than a gold plated ornament. Are you from America or any other western country? I wonder because you have a different view.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
29 Apr 09
I think that the gift doesn't really matter and that while it may be fake, it's not really that fact that should matter. They gave you a gift, something that they thought you may like, or something they liked, etc. Here in America, no matter the status monetarily wise, sometimes even the most rich person will buy thriftly.
1 person likes this
29 Apr 09
Cant you only see the emotion, feeling, intention behind the gift, rather than what it is made up of? Who cares for gold or silver or riches, when you find true love and a groom's family who will love you? I am sure if we ask pointed questions about the value of a bracelet, most ppl will give lie about it, because they want to 'save face'. Moreover, being Americans, how are they to know what the sentimental value is for Indians about real versus fake? They are giving out of love, so accept it with gold. If I were in your place, I'd gladly accept cos I'd be glad I found love. Everything else pales in comparison. Like you said, you already have gold. Enjoy!
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
30 Apr 09
maybe they did not realize it was gold plated - besides gold is terribly expensive right now. I love silver. I prefer silver to gold, the monetary amount does not matter. I do think it is an odd present, in that I do not think many would give a piece of jewelry unless perhaps it was an heirloom of the families and in that case it is a wonderful gesture of welcoming you to their fold. Your inlaws gave you a wonderful gift - namely, their son, whom you decided to love and accept in sickness and health, richness and poverty. Give the new inlaws a break and think only the best of everyone. I hope you have a long and successful marriage - which will not be so likely if you make it a habit to talk about the inlaws in less than positive ways. Honor your husband by honoring his folks.
@daliaj (5674)
• India
30 Apr 09
Thank you so much for the good advice. Sometimes we come across some little issues like this because of the cultural difference between me and my husband (India-America). My inlaws always love me so much and they send me sweet e-mails. I love them too and I appreciate their gift whatever be the value of it. I never talked to my husband regarding this issue because I know that hurting my inlaws will hurt my husband. I felt bad when my friends made fun of me hearing that my inlaws presented me a gold palated braclet. That is a normal thing to happen in India.
@nielcdg (709)
• Philippines
30 Apr 09
One thing some Americans don't know the difference and Jewelers wont tell them ofcourse. And I think its the thought that counts so don't let your culture's own quirky views cloud a very important sentiment :) Then again I know that gold and jewels are important to the Indian culture, so much so that if you don't have any you can't marry that easily when your a woman "Dowry" so don't be so judgmental of them. Its just their effort of trying to meet you half way or the whole way rather its might just be they don't know better :) You can gather more nest eggs in the future...so don't be demanding about gifts, remember its for free... :)
@nielcdg (709)
• Philippines
7 May 09
There are several different things you need to look at, Americans don't really look at the design most of the time or what type of precious metal they are dealing with. Its usually the price tag they consider as the important value of the item they bought. If they bought it for a high price they are assuming that it must be something valuable...No its not customary for Parents in law to give gifts of plated precious metals especially silver....Its customary for them to give out Kitchen Utensil...be thankful it wasn't that LOL
@daliaj (5674)
• India
30 Apr 09
Lol. Yes, it is free... Thanks for your valuable response. Yes, gold is very important part of Indian marriage. An Indian mother in law won't gift a gold plated bracelet to her daughter in law, rather she choose not to gift anything or gift something less valuable things like bags or clothes. I appreciate the love and caring of my parents in law. My question is 'Is it normal in America for a mother in law to present a gold plated sterling sliver ornament as the first gift to a new daughter in law?' It seems nobody is answering to the point.
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
30 Apr 09
You have not really established if the gift of jewelery from your parents-in-law was genuine or fake. Whatever it is, my suggestion to you is not to focus on this and make that a central issue in your marriage, because that can create a conflict for you with your hubby or your in-laws. Think instead of the positives. Firstly, despite the racial and cultural differences, they have accepted you as a daughter-in-law in granting their son's hand-in-marriage to you. They honored your marriage by flying all the way from US for the ceremony in your country and brought a gift along that is specially for you. That already says a lot about how they view this marriage and the importance they attach to it. So now, you have been married several months already...consider how your in-laws treating you. Are they nice and accommodating to you, and treat you like their daughter? If you have a husband who loves you dearly and in-laws who accept and treat you well, you are already blessed by this marriage, and that is what should matter more to you than anything else. You will wish for these relationships to last a lifetime, so that your married life will be blissful and rewarding. If you focus on these, then that gift (whether real or fake) that you have received at your wedding several months ago will become insignificant, because that gift was just symbolic in acting out the tradition of the marriage.
@daliaj (5674)
• India
30 Apr 09
Thanks for your valuable advice. I have not checked the genuinity of the gems in the braclet. I have been married for three months and my inlaws behaved very nice to me always.
• United States
29 Apr 09
I would say that this is likely to be a culture issue. I must say that my in-laws haven't ever given me a gift and I have been married almost four years. I would be grateful for any gift given. There could also be a lot of different issues here. It should be noted that here in American sterling silver that is plated with gold is very common. It doesn't mean the gems aren't real, but at the same time, they might not be. It could have been something that they liked and that is why they choose it. Value can come from a lot of things and isn't just a dollar sign.
• United States
30 Apr 09
I would say it probably is fairly common. Many don't get any gifts as a daughter-in-law...others get household things like towels and kitchen spoons as wedding gifts for their new life together. Jewelry isn't a very common gift...so I wouldn't be surprised if giving gold plated is common in America.
@daliaj (5674)
• India
30 Apr 09
I do appreciate the love and caring of my parents in law. My question is 'Is it normal in America for a mother in law to present a gold plated sterling sliver ornament as the first gift to a new daughter in law?' It is not a normal thing in India.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
30 Apr 09
I am sorry to say,you are over reacting.A gift is a gift.That's all.Why do you confuse it with traditions and culture.You are living in a modern society and such values are getting revised to our needs.So,accept the gift to your full heart.Cheers!
@mnk202 (338)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Hello, I would honestly say no matter what the gift is whether it is real or fake as long as your in laws are warm and welcoming and accepting of you and your husband then that would be all that matters. There are many people out there that have to deal with the fact that there in laws could care less about them and dont accept them and that honestly to me would be harder to deal with other then a gift that may or not make sense.