Do you agree that woman should stay home and bacome a homemaker FOR LIFE?

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Afghanistan
May 3, 2009 9:42am CST
My mom has been working for us for almost 2 decades. She told me that I should prepare myself for sooner I'll be building my own family. That I too should work for my family. In some point I guess she's right. Then, a guy that I've been with for months told me that when we get married, I should stay home, cook for my family and take care of my kids. Being raised with a nanny, I do not agree. We can always hire a nanny or a helper for it. I'm not saying that all my chores should be shouldered by a helper but look at the brighter side. I am not studying to stay home right? Do you agree that we should stay home to make a cup of coffee for out husbands? Do we have to be a homemaker or hire a helper?
6 people like this
34 responses
• United States
3 May 09
I always thought the traditional role of a woman staying home to cook and clean and take care of the children was a bunch of BS...then I gave birth to my baby a couple of months ago. It sounds so stupid when everyone tells you how much things will change when you have kids, but I found out they are so right. Now my husband and I are working on a way for me to stay home to take care of our child. For the past month I have sit and cried everyday thinking about leaving her to go back to work and how someone else will most likely be there to see her firsts and not me. I couldn't bare the thought of someone else getting her smiles and laughs and rocking her to sleep and such. Some women do not feel the need to be with their kids 24/7 like I guess I do, but I will say things will definitely change when you start your family. Now the housework does suck, but I look at it as I would be doing it even if I was working, so why not stay home and get to enjoy watching my child grow up? If you're fortunate enough to be able to afford a nanny and housekeeper and such and want to be career oriented, I see nothing wrong with that as long as this is something you and your husband agree on and you ALWAYS make time to spend one on one with your children. As for listening to mom's advice, she did raise you, but she is not you. I think most mothers tend to forget that. What she did and what she thinks isn't right for you because you are your own individual person.
• Afghanistan
4 May 09
You are absolutely right! I have plans of getting married and having children though but the fact that I am an individual person that's another story. have seen a lot of women who works for her family most of them are breadwinners. I love the thought of watching over my kids (in the future) but I guess things will be placed in their right tracks when the right time comes.
@Glow1971 (354)
• Spain
3 May 09
Having a family is a wonderful thing. However if this questions is about you, my opinion is for you to finish school and pursue your dreams. You've only been with your boyfriend for a couple of months. you don't really know him yet. Finish School, make new friends, travel, have fun! At 21, I believe these are the things you need to be thinking about, not a family and kids...Secure your future and not depend on any guy to support you.
2 people like this
• Afghanistan
3 May 09
It's a general question. At 21 my sister got married. She finished her studies. Worked. And had a beautiful kid. No regrets. I am not saying that I'll be following her footsteps. I know I am young for this and I dont have any plans for now to settle. The "MAIN" question was, Do you agree that "WE" should stay home and become a homemaker.? Thank you very much.=]
2 people like this
• United States
3 May 09
You shouldn't be a homemaker and stay home all the time and you shouldn't hire help to do it for yourself because then you are wasting money to hire someone like that. You could be spending that money on a vacation or something good for your entire family. I think staying home and having a helper would make someone fat and they wouldn't be doing anything to help around the house at all. When you come home just lcean a room a day and do a load of laundry and you would really be on top of things by the weekend when you don't work and have to worry about things and you could spend that time with your family. If you don't like to clean like dusting and stuff like that you could hire someone for cheap that comes in a cleans the house for you, but you would be in charge of picking things up and doing the laundry. IO think everyone that is parent should work to bring n money to pay for the kids stuff and bills because every little bit of money helps.
• Afghanistan
3 May 09
You have a big point but I am not into that stuffs. I will surely hire a helper if ever. I can't work and at the end of my work do chores. No and not in this lifetime. I think your opinion is great but in my case, I can't really do a lot of things. I can cook, I can wash clothes but that's the end of it. That's all I know for now and I have no plans yet to try more chores. My mom hired 3 helpers from different regions to keep our house clean, cook our foods, and wash for our clothes. I don't see anything wrong about that, as long as we have money right?
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
3 May 09
You should do what YOU want to do and not what someone else tells you to do. If you're happy working outside the home, then by all means, do it! Before you marry this guy, you need to have this talk with him to see if you both agree and if you don't, then he's not the one you want to marry.
1 person likes this
• Afghanistan
4 May 09
I like the way you said that. I EVEN LOVE THE WAY YOU "SHOULD" lol..whenever we talk about that we just both laugh because we're both not ready and I really do not agree of staying home doing things that I am not educated for. I will not earn my diploma to wash his clothes, or mop his floor. I am no janitor..=]
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
4 May 09
In all honesty, I'm a stay at home wife but that doesn't mean I'm a janitor either but I do clean and clean a lot. My husband is retired so he helps me but he's no janitor either. Don't worry, no pun was taken from your words at all because I do understand what you mean. What's the point of going to school and getting a degree if you're not going to use it, right? lol Good luck to you!
1 person likes this
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
4 May 09
I think that with all the options available today that we have choices to do what is right for us and our own families. What works for me may not work for you. I know that not everyone is cut out to be a sahm just like not everyone is cut out to be a working mom. In stead of making it a battle of working mom vs sahm why not support each other and help eachother where we can. That is what I do, I have a neighbor that works, I pick her daughter up once a week to take to gymnastics. I do it so her daughter can participate in the sport and well My DD loves her so much. She calls me some days when she is stopping at the grocery store on the way home to see if I need something. we support each other and neither one of us ever says to the other they are wrong in what they are doing.
• United States
4 May 09
I think it all depends on what you would like to do and what you think is right for your situation! When my son was born I just knew for me I had to be a stay at home mom! I will do this till he goes to school then I will go from there! We live in a world that we can do what we want when it comes to our lives. When our mother and grandmother depending on our age LoL they did not have choices like we!
@Appu333 (18)
• India
3 May 09
NO. Because accornding to new generation woman should not stay under four walls. Woman can do anything after house hold work. Woman have equal rights to do anything as man because woman are half part of human being.
1 person likes this
• Afghanistan
4 May 09
Yes indeed. But being a headstrong wont make your life easier. I too do not agree of being a homemaker forever but who knows. The wind might turn the strokes one way around.=]
@Yori88 (1468)
• Philippines
4 May 09
I guess at some point in our life we will be experiencing becoming a mother and a wife. I lost my job when I was six months pregnant and my husband told me to wait until I gave birth before reapplying. So I followed what he told me and stayed at home. We do not have anybody except me and my sister at home. My sister is always at work or school so most of the time I am alone. I tried to enjoy being at home and to my surprise I enjoyed a long rest. After giving birth I was still at home being a mom and a wife because we had a hard time looking for a baby sitter. Now I have been unemployed for nine months and I told my husband that I badly miss working. He agreed with what I want besides we already have a baby sitter and we need to pay her every month. She does every household chores and she takes care of my baby who is now seven months old. I have no regrets being at home for that long because I was able to take care of my baby personally and teach him in everyday of his life. He loves and enjoys me reading books to him, playing with his little toys and teaching him his body parts and others. I have a very cute and healthy baby and I know he will be a very smart kid. Those are the fruit of my sacrifice for being at home. Since we have a growing expenses at home, my husband decided to allow me to work. I know he will miss me personally preparing the things he need and taking care of him but then I know I could still do those things to him even if I have work. I do not believe that we women could not do some things at the same time. I believe in the power of multi-tasking and time management and I know I can be a mom, a wife and a career woman at the same time. I do not believe that once you are a mom, you have no right to work and no choice to be a career woman. I know that the degree I earned is not a waste because I can still use it in the position I am applying for. So I wish to have a better family once I get back to work. I know and I believe that will happen of course when I and my husband are helping each other. Cooperation is a must if we want to have a good future and a good family.
• India
4 May 09
The best would be of course if women had work-at-home opportunities. I grew up seeing my mom going to office daily and that was my goal too…to become a working woman and earn my own money instead of depending on my husband. However, with a child of my own, I now feel staying at home would have been beneficial in many ways, specially for the kids. Yet, all that effort that our parents make in educating us should not go to waste too and in this age of economic recession, there’s no job guarantee for hubby either so financially speaking, yes, women should work and earn too.
1 person likes this
@wahmivy (778)
• Philippines
4 May 09
It's really up to you, whether you're male or female, to choose the path you'll tread. I always thought I'd continue working even when I had children, but when I had my child, my views shifted and I decided to be a stay-at-home mother (I have an MA in Spanish and was teaching in an international school). I do try to work from home when I can, but that's not my priority anymore. I also grew up surrounded by helpers and am still getting used to doing household chores, but being a SAHM sans helpers has become the lifestyle I prefer and I have no regrets. I'm not saying I'll always go without help. Right now it's still easy to do that, but I have only one child thus far. However, since your own idea of how you'll live your married life differs from that of your boyfriend, I think it's best for you to evaluate what your priorities are. Maybe a major change is in store ;-) Nobody should force you to be or do what is against your wishes.
@wgh423 (65)
• China
4 May 09
cooking for the whole family, taking care the kids,waiting for hubby to go home, totally be a housewife,i think this's the life of our mum generation.for our generation,i think almost all the female work and even get high positions in the company after they married.they are so independent.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 May 09
I don't like the idea of spending years of going to school and graduate college just to be a homemaker. What's the point of finishing my studies just to be a homemaker? What a waste of time, energy and money. When I get married, I don't want to be a full-time housewife. I'll get a job and help earn money for the family especially now with the global economic crisis, I think I should help my husband to look for money so that we will have food to eat and we can send our kids to school. I'll just get a helper to do the house chores. Even if I have a job, I won't take my kids for granted. I'll make sure that I get to spend some quality time with my kids.
1 person likes this
@mnk202 (339)
• United States
4 May 09
Hello, I have to say in my opinion I honestly think you should and need to do what fullfills your life and what makes you happy. I don't think anyone should make that choice for you. We all have the right to be happy and fullfill our lives to the best of our abilities. If you would be happier working then go to work you dont need to hire anyone for help to raise your children all you have to do is arrange your schedules to fit your lifestyle. If it makes you happier to stay at home and take care of everything from there and that fullfills your wants and needs then you hsould do that but no one should tell you what your going to do or what you should do.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 09
I completely disagree with the notion that women should be home makers. If you want to then more power to you, but it's not my personal desire.
@salonga (27843)
• Philippines
4 May 09
I think a woman could work if she wants to. If she has the capability then she should be allowed to create her own career and excel in it.It is good that both of the couple is working so they could help in finances. It also gives the wife the chance to be productive. However if circumstances like pregnancy and the need of the children would require her to stay at home then that should be given priority.It is better if it is the wife who actually takes care of the children and not a nanny. Anyway even inside the home she could still be productive. Being a mother is the greatest role one could ever had. Nurturing a child is actually the best ministry.
1 person likes this
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
4 May 09
I believe that when a couple decides to have children that it is the mothers place to be at home with them. I just do not understand why people want to have children, and then pawn them off on some one else to raise. That is why so many today do not have a seance of what a family is all about. If you do not want the responsibility of taking care of your own children then don't have them.
• Afghanistan
4 May 09
Again, there are thing that are not learned in on orientation. As for me, I, too, want to be the one to take care of my (soon to be) kids but in a other hand I dont want to waste my education just to stay home and wash the dishes and all that. Being a mom is different from being a helper of the house. Right?
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
4 May 09
Being a homemaker, and a mother has been the most rewarding thing that their is for me. This is only My OPINION..I think that when someone decides to have children, they should also take the responsibility to take care of them. I am so happy that i stayed at home with my children, i never missed one thing in any of their growing up years.. I heard their first words, when they took their first steps they were toward me. When they fell and got their first boo boo i was the one that kissed it and made it feel better, not the nanny......When they had a question i was the one that was their to answer it. they did not have to wait for me to get home from work. It was my guidance that made them into the people that they are today. I never missed a play, or a ball game because i was too tired from working all day. I was their for my children they never had to wait for me to get home a career is only a JOB.....But being a homemaker and mother brings a life time of joy, and happiness Each person has to make up their own minds as to how they wish to live their lives, and i can say that i have not one regret that i chose my family over a career.
• Philippines
4 May 09
I don't always agree with those people saying women should be at home doing her job as a housewife,household chores,takes care of her kids, and make a cup of coffee for their husbands?gosssshhh!A big NO!NO!.Like you I was also raised by a nanny,she comes with me at school during my nursery years,plays with me at home when mom's still working.But then, it's probably not a wrong thing. I don't mean promoting nannies here but rather I would say nannies are a big help only. We should leave in this World realistically. We study so that when we're done,we'll get a good job,earn a living,do business,contribute a good life for the family and so on. My mom never fails to put her responsibility to takes care of me even though she's a bit busy. Me and mom bonds during her free hours probably at night and weekends and I must say it's a very great thing!Overall,women are not limited on being on the house only. In our generation, women are slowly making its path so why not? Be a woman you want to be,contribute for the goodness of your family but of course, don't forget the factor of being a good parent to your children and a loving wife to your husband.*ciao*
• Philippines
4 May 09
hahaha.sorry for the spelling of leave there!It's supposed to be live!teeheee :D,Only human and never be a perfect one.:P
• Philippines
4 May 09
hahaha.sorry for the spelling of "leave" there.It's supposed to be "live".:P,only human who's prone to mistakes.*ciao*
• India
6 May 09
hi,to do domestic work is not a at all a bad thing in my view,but to be merely a chapati maker is not satisfactory for any woman i think.if i talk about myself i don't hate domestic work,but i don't want to be a typical homemaker,i see myself as a working girl with corporate world even after my marriage.It gives me a sence of accomplishment,asence of self independence.I think i didnot study for just being a homemaker,i want to use my education in achieving a professional respect also.
• Afghanistan
6 May 09
what domestic work are you talking about anyway?
• United States
4 May 09
You should do what YOU want to do. If your husband makes enough money for you to stay home, then stay home if you want. Even if he does earn enough money and you still want to work, then work. There is no "right" answer. I caught a lot of flack for going back to work as soon as I could after my DD was born. I wanted to work. I like working. I don't like staying at home days on end doing nothing except watching TV and napping. It drove me insane.
• Afghanistan
4 May 09
that's great! well, if he does make a lot of money there's no way I'm staying home. lol I'll sleep at the mall..lol That's an enlightening answer..=]
1 person likes this
• India
4 May 09
Hi, I definitely don't agree with this. I don't want women to stay in home and become a homemaker. My mom and dad work together at home and pretty easily they keep up the family. Cheers, forcashksd
• Afghanistan
4 May 09
Yes definitely in track! My mom and dad work together too. But in the eyes of many people only my mom works for us. My dad became her driver and people just kept on babbling about that. My dad became insecure and his only defense mechanism was to womanize. He was caught for the nth time. Sometimes he likes to date someone who's younger than he is, woman at his age, and so on and so forth. But still, my mom strives hard to give us what we need including my affiliation fees. Today, my dad realized everything he had done. He is now the Officer in Charge in some branches. To cut the long story short, my mom was a homemaker before and became the breadwinner after.LOL
@mapuang (612)
• Philippines
7 May 09
i dont like the idea of this. my man also told me this that if we get married i will take care of kids, do chores like this like that.... but i dont like the idea i said i will work but of course i will always look for the kids and do household chores. i put my family first before my work.