Mother like secret enemy

Lithuania
May 4, 2009 5:39am CST
Mother who wants to see you happy would never hurt you telling you're not good enough at doing this or that, would never criticize your male friends so they really start behave in bad way.When I started my internet business, she told me:"Nonsense,you can't earn in way like this.That's not a job".She's always so damn negative about everything I start or dream about. Yesterday she really hurt me telling how she loved her first husband and how happy she was with him.He's still alive, but my father isn't and now she wants me to understand she married my father because he was a "good man", not because she loved him.I think I'm doing too much to please her, but I get nothing in return and feel like I never had a true loving family at all.She had a son who died in a car accident and till this day she keeps talking about what a wonderful boy he was,that he could be an actor,that he was talented, exceptional.I never was her "little princess".She never told me I'm pretty, lovely like most mothers do.I believe it's HER who makes me feel so unsure of myself.Even in my relationships with men.
4 people like this
12 responses
• India
4 May 09
hi, Iam sorry that you feel that you have a mother who doesnt care you much. Its generally a common thing that the importance if people is not known when they are near and there is a saying that relationships get better when there is a physical distance between them. See dont think of all your moms comments and critics. Because they are not there she is saying their positives and that will be the same thing with you. when you are away she will definitely think of you just be away from her for a few days and check. IF you really feel that she is the samee all through forget everything as nothing will be permanent in your life and concentrate on your future and be happy.
1 person likes this
• Lithuania
5 May 09
You're right.It's not forever.Even if it seems endless.
1 person likes this
• India
5 May 09
don't get down when you fell it is endless. its just a feeling and is evitable. be cool and be happy.
@hanah87 (1835)
• Malaysia
4 May 09
I also have mother like you.She is good mother but i dont like when she say bad thing about my effort to make money.....it upset me and down my soul.
1 person likes this
• Lithuania
5 May 09
You see.She manipulates.Don't make my mistake - don't feel guilty when you do what you want to do.It doesn't matter if you fail sometimes.We can learn things we don't know.We don't have to be perfect.
1 person likes this
• India
4 May 09
Hey freind it is really sad to readthis , i dont know how coulda mom do like that ,but what could be done dear .May be she must be upset as your father and her son is no more .
1 person likes this
• Belize
4 May 09
When I was about 14, I got into some trouble, nothing with law or anything, but, my moms neighbor rushed home told my mom, my mom, 'beat me, threw me on the ground and told me how she never loved me.' Well, you can imagine, I'm 14, what am I to think? Anyhoo, as I grew up, that has always stuck in my head, always! To the point that whenever she says, 'I love you' I don't know if to believe it because I still remember that moment when she told me she didn't love me. In some ways she's like yours with the 'negative' as well. I can't remember a time when she ever positively supported me when it comes to career choice etc. I'm not a negative person, I always see the glass as half full, I always look at the brighter side. She use to make me second guess myself to the point where I started hiding things I did from her. Then she'll be all disappointed I didn't confide in her when she found out.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
4 May 09
My husband was taken away from his natural parents when he was three years old. He went through various foster homes until he was adopted by a family who was hoping that his presence would fix a doomed marriage. His adopted mother had a daughter from a previous marriage. Like in your situation, the daughter could do no wrong and my husband growing up could do no right. I really think the adoptive father went along with the adoption to please his wife, and the wife harbored a resentment that he wasn't a natural child. He grew up to be insecure, and afraid to put the effort into his goals. He was always treated like a failure and eventually became on. My advice to you is to separate yourself from your controlling and negative mother. If you have to see her, be pleasant and nonpersonal. She can't control and influence your life negatively if you exclude her from it. Your mom may lose some one to browbeat bacause of her own failures, but you gain yourself and a better self image. Take an extended vacation from her and relationship. Be selfish, have fun, take chances...and learn to have pride in the wonderful person that you are. Down the road, you'll be able to enter into a relationship (if you choose that route) on equal footing with a partnet that you respect and who respects you in return.
• Lithuania
4 May 09
A great support from your part.People like you make my days brighter.How come you live so far away from me?Thank you so much.
2 people like this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
5 May 09
I only live this far away because you haven't moved yet... I've watch my husband fight the demons given to him by his 'parents' for 5 years, and know how hard it is. You mother may have made wrong choices for herself and that's why she isn't happy. But there's no reason to pass that burden to you, or to disparage your dad's memory. Let me know when you need a reminder of how terrific you are...I'm here for you!
• United States
14 Jun 09
It is not a secret , it is right in front of you. she doesn't have the love for she should have. It is time to distance yourself from her and get some help and support somewhere else.Do you have any close friends or other relatives? if so , make them you new support group. Good Luck. Take Care.
@Loverbear (4928)
• United States
5 May 09
My Mom was that way when I was growing up. My boy friends weren't good enough quality, I was too fat, I was stupid, and I was ugly in comparison to my female peers. I also was criticized for being knock kneed (I found out that it is a symptom of arthritis.) and that my butt stuck out (I have a spinal deformity). I grew up hating myself and didn't want anyone close to me and couldn't accept a compliment. It took years of analysis to get me past the damage. I moved in with my Mom when I was 27 and it was totally different. She realized, after undergoing the same type criticism from my Dad, that it wasn't fun or loving. We had a wonderful friendship for the last 17 years of her life. Don't let your Mom get to you. Turn to your friends at myLot and listen to what they say. Realize that she has her own mental problems and she isn't realizing what she is doing to you. Keep looking at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are pretty, intelligent, talented and a great business person. I believe you are, so it must be true! Start doing things to please yourself. Pleasing your Mom is going to be a gross exercise in futility. Back off and let her wonder "why" you backed off. Then you have the opening to let her know what is wrong.
@reckon21 (3484)
• Philippines
5 May 09
Your mother is different and I'm sorry that your mother behaved towards you that way. She loves you in her own way. Although not the way you wanted it to be. Someday,she will be able to realize what a wonderful person you are.
• China
5 May 09
Maybe you are right.I think mother is likely both friend and enemy.Many times she is my friend,while other times she is enemy.It is strange,but happy,warm. :0
• United States
5 May 09
I am sorry for the way you feel. I will also say, I know the feeling of not "being the princess" by your mother. Sad to say but I did not grow up according to the way of my mothers beliefs, and I decided a long time ago that this is MY life, not hers. Live your life to make you happy. Not her. If she isn't supportive of you, she'll see her mistakes when you succeed at things.
@AudraF (25)
• United States
4 May 09
My mother is brutality honest. She's not happy with me wanting to be a musician, because I'm going to be really really poor. Like, food stamp poor. But, remember, just because she didn't love your dad doesn't mean that she is rejecting you. I had to get over that, when my mom would criticize my dad alot. Although he's a part of you, try not to take it personally. But, know, thats what mothers are for. They tell you the truth, and nothing but the truth, so help them god. My mom never tells me i'm not good enough though....she calls me lazy, but not good enough....hang in their!!
@j4ck_86 (102)
• Indonesia
4 May 09
Hi, I do feel sorry when read your story in this discussion. Sometimes, parents are just too worry about their children. They still possess what so-called motherly protection. But, sometimes we have to understand that old people are somewhat feel lonely. That is the phase of life when they evaluate what they have been being through their life. Reading your story, it seems like your mother is lonely and need your care and attention but find no way to tell you. Perhaps, she just too afraid to hurt your feeling. What I can suggest is discuss or share some things with her or maybe you can try to tell her that you need some compliment sometimes. You know, we don't something until the other tell us. SO, keep trying. Apart from what your feeling is right now, she is your mom.