What would you do?
May 6, 2009 2:29am CST
My younger half sister just moved in with me and my son. She has a family of her own, a husband, a 2 year old daughter and she is 4 months pregnant. She was living with her mother in-law and they were evicted because she has a bad temper. For a lot of reasons I must say. My sister is a sweet girl. However, she scolded my son yesterday and detained him at the dinner table forcing him to eat everything that is on his plate. I am hurt, call it a mothers protective instinct. I asked my house maid to take care of my son's food and not to let my sister do this things for my son since I am at work the whole day. When she learned I was hurt with her gesture, she sent me a text message explaining her side with a not so respectful tone and telling me she will be out of the house in no time. She told me she knew this would happen and she regretted her decision for moving in with us. I want to get the same respect that I am giving to her child and her husband. I have always been there to support her when things go wrong. She had a not so good record when it comes to treating my son way back when she wasn't a mother yet. She asked for my forgiveness before for hurting my feelings as a mother stating that she now understands how a mother feels. I called her at home to talk things out because I do not like cold war in such a small house. She refused to take the call. What should I do?
3 people like this
6 May 09
As harsh as this may sound, I say let her live up to her "will be out of the house in no time" comment UNLESS she makes a full committment to live by your rules and then sticks to those rules. It's your house and your Son and she is a guest. Her refusal to take your call is a strong indication of how she is and how things will continue to be as well, so this in itself makes me feel that there's no point even giving her a chance to fall into line because she just won't. I know she's family, but is the stress of all of this worth it? Is it worth upsetting and confusing your Son too? The bottom line Sheena is that the emphasis needs to be on HER adapting to YOUR environment, not the other way around.
• United States
6 May 09
I agree with you completely, James. Sheena has done so much for her sister - taking her in and trying to keep things friendly. It really isnt fair to try to help someone and then have them cause problems in your own house. Sheena,especially since you sister said she would be leaving in 'no time', I would hold her to that. I would give her a deadline, by which time she must be out of your house. Put it in writing and keep a copy for yourself. That way if she causes problems, you have something to show what you have done. No one wants to cause problems with siblings. Sometimes, though, people need a swift kick in the butt in order to get themselves in line! Good luck. I hope you can get your life back to normal quickly.
1 person likes this
6 May 09
Sorry to hear your story, and hope you take care of yourself. We will find a way to solve this case, just need time. Maybe we can try to find another person; it would be best if that person is you two's friend. And then let her/him to do the job. So that your sister can know your thought and that would give a chance for you communicating with her. Communication is really important for human beings. The misunderstand comes from less communication. See, you can consider to take a try with my suggestion. Hope you well. ^-^
14 May 09
I think your sister is so bitter with her situation. I am not sure what are her insecurities. I think you better observe what makes her upset. She can be envy of your current status right now. She might felt that you are a lot better than her. She might even felt that she regretted choosing her husband. There are a lot of instances/factors that led her to be like this. It is so hard to tell but I guess you must read between the lines. As a sister, you also want to help her but as a mother, you have to protect your child from her abusive treatment. This is really a very hard situation. Just remain an open communication line with your son. Give instruction to your helper/housemaid to always look after your child. And let us hope that your sister will leave the house immediately. lol.
8 May 09
Did you approve of your sister's family moving in with you? If it was your decision to let them stay with you it might be good to lay down house rules: What she can and can not, like desciplining your child. On the other hand maybe she had good intention on her desciplining your son. What was the outcome of the "punishment?" Were you around when it happened? It would be very wrong for her to descipline your son when you are there, specially so since I assume their relationship is not established yet. Doing that conveys the message to you that you are not doing your motherly duties.If however your son really did something worth punishing and you were not around it might be okay. Can you be objective about it? I would not be the one humbling myself to reconcile with her. I'd make it a point that she knows her boundaries. If she can't respect the one who provides a roof over their heads let them fend for themselves.
• United States
7 May 09
Tell her to leave. She sounds like she is trying to take over your house. He is your son, not hers. Its your house not hers. You are doing her a big favor and she is repaying you by trying to make you feel guilty . Give her a reasonable amount of time and tell her she must be out by then. Even though she is your sister you are not responsible for her. She has a husband. Be polite but do not let her bully you. Make sure she does not do any thing to your son. If she puts her hands on him then you have to tell her to leave the next day. I'm sorry but she sounds like a control freak who wants to run your family. What does your husband have to say about this? Please remember your son and husband come first. Whats wrong with her husband Does he work? Why can't they get their own place?
7 May 09
Hi Sheena, I would just let her be as she knowsw she was in the wrong, let her calm down and she will get back to you to say she is sorry, you cannot do much now, sometimes you just have to let it be as yo were good enough to let her stay at your place, it is up to her husband to look after her and its not your responsbilty, I would do that same thing if any tries to force my son to eat everything from the plate, it was not up to her, sometimes people likes to treat other people childs harshley when its not in their place to do so and they don't like it to be told so. Hugs. Tamara
6 May 09
Try to give her some more time. If she still continues to have the same attitude then tell her in a respectful manner that my family life is getting disturbed because of her staying there and ask her to find a place for herself. I believe that all the relationships are above the mother-child relationship. And in your caseyou are listening to her unnecessorily.
6 May 09
It's tough because she is your sister but she did the wrong thing scolding your son especially as a guest in your home. I would give her time to calm down and I would make one more attempt to talk to her to explain why what she did upset you. If you can't resolve the issue or she still refuses to speak to you it may be best to leave her for now. I realize it hurts not to be in touch with your sister but she can't disrespect your wishes in your house and then refuse to discuss it! Good luck sheena!
6 May 09
Hi there! Trying to make the first move would be enough. In fact, I think you shouldn't make any move at all in trying to patch things up with her. You were not the one who made the mistake. Besides, it seems that your sister doesn't respect you as being the elder one and she's showing ungratefulness the fact that you have taken her family in your house. Even if she's your sister she must know where she stands inside your house. You have a good heart cause you tried to call her to make amends. It is also not good to have cold wars between families but it is not your fault. You shouldn't be the one to feel uncomfortable cause you own the house. Just keep on respecting her and treat her the way a good sister would. She will soon realize her mistake. Hope that helps. Ciao!